by J. D. Tyler
“If he’d told any of us—”
“Well, he didn’t, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it now. Yes, he screwed up, but he did it out of love for you, with the best of intentions. You heard him—he truly wanted to believe that she loved you and he didn’t want anything to get in the way of your happiness. Be honest. What would you have said to him if he’d bad-mouthed her back then?”
“I would’ve…” His protest trailed off, lost most of its heat. “I would’ve been pissed, and told him that he was full of crap. But we still might’ve caught on to her, if he’d just started the ball rolling.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Taking a chance, she grasped his shoulder, like she would a fellow officer. In friendship and gentle admonishment. “Jax, you just told a good man, a friend who’s had your back for years, that he should be dead. And he believed you.”
The words hung between them, awful with their weight.
“You did what?”
Both of them looked to Kira, who stood a few feet away staring at her mate as though she didn’t know him at all. She marched up to them, pinning him with a glare that made the tough wolf take a step back.
“Jax, who are you guys talking about?”
“Aric,” he said, his defensive tone suffering a quick demise at her incredulous expression. “I overheard him telling Rowan that Beryl is his stepsister! He kept that from me, from all of us. Don’t you understand what that means?”
“Yes. It means your friend makes mistakes like everyone else,” she snapped. “Don’t you understand how bad he must’ve felt all these months, how he probably has been beating himself up already? And then you came along and kicked him when he was down.”
The silence ticked away and Jax hung his head, pinching his nose. “God. What have I done?”
Kira took her mate’s hand. “Go after him. He’s not going to listen to anyone but you now.”
“I’ll make it right,” he promised hoarsely. The man wrapped his woman tightly in his arms, kissed her hard on the lips, and then headed off.
Rowan watched him go. “I didn’t think this day could get worse, but that’ll teach me to assume.”
To her surprise, Kira gave her a quick hug. “They’ll get things settled and it’ll be okay. This isn’t the first time those two have gone for each other’s throats and it won’t be the last.”
“I’m not sure that’s a comfort.”
“Alpha wolves. What can you do?”
Rowan was sure she had no clue.
Aric’s legs burned. His lungs were on fire, but he didn’t stop. For a while, he wasn’t conscious of where he was going, but in the back of his mind he must’ve known. The trees eventually thinned and he found himself racing toward a place where the earth met the sky. Nothing more than a sheer drop. At the last second, he skidded to a halt and stared over the edge of the deep ravine, breath sawing in and out, sides heaving.
What I understand is that you should be dead. It should be you.
His past had finally caught up with a vengeance. Life or death. Was there a choice, really?
It could all be over so quickly. Even a shifter wouldn’t survive a hundred-foot drop onto the rough terrain below. Wouldn’t that be kinder than dying by slow degrees, longing for a mate he couldn’t claim?
Exhausted, he lowered himself onto his belly and crawled to the lip, resting his muzzle on his paws. Rocks and dirt skittered over, into the abyss. The sun had disappeared behind the horizon, leaving the bottom of the ravine shadowed in blues and grays, cloaked from sight. All was still, the earth holding its breath. Waiting.
One leap. Inches separating him from the end of guilt. Of pain.
For months, he’d blamed Jax for his own kidnapping, for saving Kira and changing fate. But the inescapable truth was that Aric had gotten exactly what he deserved. No, he’d deserved much worse. He should’ve suffered Micah’s fate and much more.
It should be you.
Standing on four shaking legs, he told himself he could do this. His wolf resisted with a growl, his survival instinct strong. He tensed, muscles bunching—
And was struck hard in the side, shoved, sent rolling from danger. He bolted to his feet and found a huge white wolf positioned squarely between him and his goal. Nick. The wolf’s teeth weren’t bared, but his body was like stone, his purpose clear—Aric was not getting past him. Or past the others that suddenly trotted up, surrounding them in a semicircle.
Aric shifted to human form, crouched on his knees, arms wrapped around his middle, and sucked in a deep breath. Maybe that way he could hold in the guts that were being ripped from his torso. “Back the fuck off, Nicky.”
His commander shifted, and so did Aric’s friends—if that’s still what they were.
“Can’t do that, and you know it,” Nick said in his don’t-screw-with-me voice. However stern he sounded, worry still bled into his tone.
“You don’t interfere with free will, remember?” Aric snapped.
Concern turned to anger as he took a step closer. “I’m making a goddamned exception. Do you honestly believe you’re the only one suffering? That you won’t leave a giant hole in this team if you do something so stupid?”
That gave him pause. “I—”
“There’s a consequence for every action, Aric. These guys are your brothers, and they’d die for you. Do you care so little for them that you’d place their futures in danger because you took the easy way out?”
A chill settled in his chest, despite the rising fever that made him feel like he was about to self-combust. “I never thought about it like that.”
“Which is why I’m telling you. Taking your own life will have far-reaching and devastating effects on every single man here, not to mention on others who aren’t present. You can’t do this. I won’t let you.” The finality in his voice was both a relief and a burden.
“I’m responsible for what happened to the team,” he said hoarsely. “You heard Jax—I should be dead. He was right. It’s what I deserve.”
“No.” A new voice broke in. “I was wrong.”
Great. Just what he needed, Jax getting in his face again. Aric eyed the man warily as he approached, noted the shame etched on his face.
“What prompted the change of heart? Don’t want me offing myself on your conscience?”
Jax winced. “After I calmed down, I knew I didn’t mean what I said to you. And you were right about Beryl—I’ve got my own load of guilt for trusting her, and I can’t lay that on you. I’m sorry as hell for transferring the blame, and I hope you can forgive me.”
He stared at his friend for a long moment. “It’s not a question of forgiving you. It’s whether I can get square with my part in that whole fucking mess.”
“Still…” Jax swallowed hard. “I need to hear it.”
“I forgive you, man.” God, he had to tell them the rest. “But it’s not going to make any difference in the long run.”
“Why? What do you mean? You’re not still planning to—”
“No. I’ll let nature take its course, but I won’t hurry the inevitable.” Everyone looked puzzled. Except Nick. Steeling himself, he explained. “I’ve found my mate, but I can’t claim her.”
A moment of stunned silence followed that announcement, and then they all started talking at once, peppering him with questions. Most prevalent were, “Who is she?” and “Why the hell not?”
He held up a hand. “You all might as well know. It’s Rowan.”
“Holy crap!” Ryon exclaimed.
He headed off more nosy inquiries. “I can’t claim her because she’s leaving for L.A. again as soon as Micah’s better. She loves her job as a cop and I won’t take her away from her life. She doesn’t want a mate and even if she did, she deserves a better one than me and the dangers that come with living in my world.”
“That’s such bullshit,” Jax said angrily. “It’s worked out for Kira and me just fine. Have you even told Rowan what’s going on?”
“No, a
nd all of you are going to promise you won’t breathe a word. I mean it. This isn’t your problem.”
“Yes, it is,” Zan insisted. “Bro, you’ll die if you don’t claim your mate, and we can’t afford to lose you—on the team or as our friend.”
Aric looked away, into the gathering darkness. “Maybe not, but it doesn’t matter. Promise me.”
One by one, they did, though reluctantly. Everyone but Nick, who just returned Aric’s glare with a hard one of his own.
“I won’t say anything unless I feel I have to.”
“Fine.” Aric sighed. He supposed that was the best he was going to get.
What a joke. His team had intervened, but he was going to die anyway. He’d let down anyone who’d ever loved him. He didn’t deserve to be happy, to have a beautiful mate. He’d only end up hurting her, too.
The sun set completely as they shifted and started the long walk back to the compound. Even among his Pack, he felt alone in the dark.
Aching for what might’ve been, if only he’d been a better man.
Eleven
Rowan hovered at the window to the rec room, alternating between pacing and peering into the waning evening. As in any workplace, word had gotten around about the fight in no time.
Sariel and a couple of others had found Rowan keeping vigil and had been concerned about what happened. She’d simply told them that the boys had a disagreement and went for a run to work out their frustrations. A vague response, but she figured the team’s dirty laundry was their business to air, or not.
“They haven’t returned?”
She looked around to see the gorgeous Fae walk in again, his brow furrowed. “Not yet.”
“I think this ‘disagreement’ was more serious than you said, since you’ve paced there for over two hours.”
“You could say that. But it’s not my story to tell.”
“I understand. I only wanted to check and see if you needed a friend.”
“Thanks.” She smiled at him. “A person can never have too many of those.”
“Oh, I don’t know. A handful of really good, loyal ones has always been enough for me.” His voice was wistful, his expression distant for a moment.
“Did you leave behind someone special in your world?” she asked gently. His golden eyes were so sad, she could’ve cried for him. She didn’t cry easily.
“My five brothers, and my best friend. They were all on a diplomatic visit to the Vampire Coalition or the Seelie court would never have succeeded in casting me from the realm. Politics, you know?”
“I’m so sorry,” she said sincerely. “Your brothers and your friend, they knew that your father is this Unseelie bastard?”
“Yes. They loved me anyway,” he said quietly, “as did my late stepfather. Now my oldest brother is king, and none of them ever would’ve told my secret. I don’t know how the court found out.”
“Maybe Malik told them, or arranged for someone else to do it?”
“Why would he do that? Raping my mother was, and still is, a crime punishable by death.”
“Well, it got you kicked out, didn’t it? And now you’re without the protection of your kind.”
“Which is exactly what he must’ve wanted.” He shook his head, causing the fall of sapphire hair to wave like silk. His wings rustled in agitation. “I’ve been stupid. I couldn’t understand how the court learned Malik sired me, but it never occurred to me that he might have been behind it.”
“You haven’t seen him since you’ve been… on earth?” It was still hard to say shit like that.
His smile was faint. “The Seelie court as well as the Vampire Coalition exist on earth, just on different planes. But to answer your question, yes. Malik was waiting for me almost the instant I landed in the middle of a busy street in Ireland, on the wrong side of the veil.”
She blinked, trying to picture that. “Wings and all?”
“Unfortunately. My appearance caused quite a panic, which alerted Malik to my location. I fled, and barely managed to stay one step ahead of him, hiding in several different places. During all of this, the Alpha Pack team was alerted to my presence and came to apprehend me.”
“But not Malik?” She frowned. “Why didn’t they grab him?”
“He’s much more skilled at cloaking for long periods of time than I am, and I was at a severe disadvantage. From what the team has learned, we now know he’s living among humans. I very much doubt his subordinates know exactly what Malik is, or how close they really are to dealing with the devil.”
“So he appears to be a normal guy,” she mused aloud.
“The Pack hasn’t had a distress call to apprehend a seven-foot-tall, ugly-as-a-Sluagh’s-ass Unseelie with batlike wings and two large horns protruding from the sides of his head, so I’m guessing yes. He appears normal.”
She snorted. “Smart-ass.”
“Thank you.” He appeared pleased. “I’m learning. Humor is sort of lost on the Seelie.”
“Serious bunch, huh?”
“You could say that.”
She paused. “Would you know Malik, even if he was cloaked, as you say?”
“The Fae can sense one another from long distances. If I were in a room with a bunch of humans, except one was a Fae in disguise, I could identify which one it was because of the magical field they can’t hide from other Fae. The Sorcerer, Kalen, might even be able to do this.”
“Would you be able to tell if the Fae is Malik in particular?”
“Yes, because I’m his blood. Same with my brothers.”
“Hmm.” She regarded her new friend thoughtfully. “Why does this guy have such a hard-on for you? I mean, it’s not like you’re the king or anything— Damn, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any offense.”
“None taken. You make a valid point, but I’m the bastard of a Seelie queen and an Unseelie king. Powerful blood, even though tainted, and our tie makes me the only Fae strong enough to kill him. Not that I would’ve tried without provocation, but that doesn’t matter to him.”
“Okay, that makes sense, then.” Christ, Sariel was in real trouble with that piece of pond scum for a daddy, who had scores of Sluagh at his beck and call. “Why hasn’t he come after you before? You’re grown, after all.”
“Grown.” The prince laughed, the smile doing dazzling things to his face. “I’m nine thousand years old, in human time measurement.”
“You—you’re lying,” she stammered. “Human time?”
“In my world, that’s nothing. I’m practically a baby.”
She eyed his gorgeous self from head to toe. “You’re definitely not an infant.”
“Figure of speech. But I’m relatively young in a realm where my kind are ageless. As for Malik, I don’t know why he’s making a move to kill me now when before he couldn’t be bothered. Perhaps he’ll care to explain before he butchers me.”
“He’s not going to do that, because the Pack won’t let that happen.”
“And speaking of which, they’ve returned.” He flicked a hand toward the window.
In the moonlight, the sight of several wolves and one panther emerging from the forest was eerily beautiful. They were pretty much dragging, though, heads and tails drooping. In the middle of the group was a familiar red wolf, and it seemed the others surrounded him almost protectively. Rowan itched to know what had gone down out there.
As the men neared the back door, they shifted one by one and Kalen immediately waved a hand, doing his thing to clothe their buff bodies. Pity.
“I have a feeling you’ll want to talk to Aric,” the prince said. “I’ll see you later.”
“Hey, we’ll talk more about your situation. I’m sure the guys will come up with a way to catch Malik, and solve a whole bunch of problems, including yours.”
He nodded. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
She watched him go with a little tug at her heart. She likely wouldn’t be around for any of the fireworks when the team finally did take out Malik and his oper
ation. Why did that bother her? When Micah was better, he’d keep her updated. So it wasn’t like she’d be losing all of them.
The Pack trooped inside and suddenly she wasn’t sure how to position herself, what to do with her hands. She didn’t want to appear as though she’d been waiting anxiously for Aric’s return, which was ridiculous because she’d never been the type to be overly concerned with what others thought. But then, the men and women she worked with at the station were mostly that—coworkers with whom she felt totally comfortable. Since meeting Aric and his team, she’d been anything but.
The second Aric’s green eyes met hers, she was thrown off balance. She didn’t like feeling out of control, as if something greater than the two of them was hard at work, drawing her like a magnet to a man who would make falling for him such a rough ride. She wasn’t the picket fence type. She had a rewarding job—well, most of the time—and her independence. This redheaded wolf came with too much baggage. He was a lot of trouble.
And she found herself crossing to him, intent on making sure he was all right. She stepped in front of him, gripping his arms, studying his face. The bruises and split lip from the beating Jax had given him were already healing, but there were circles under his eyes. Heat radiated from his skin. Was he hotter than before?
“What happened?”
“We kissed and made up. It’s all good.” He smirked, but the effort at offhandedness didn’t quite ring true. The rest of the Pack filed past them, looking as worn out as Aric.
“Can’t you ever be serious when you’re asked a direct question?”
“I don’t need a mother, sweetheart. Had one, fumbled the ball. Go figure.”
“What I’m feeling right now is anything but motherly—unless you count the number of times she probably wanted to strangle you! Talk to me, damn it.”
The mask slipped away and shattered at his feet. The raw anguish she’d witnessed in the face of Jax’s accusations returned full force. “I was gonna throw myself off a cliff, but they stopped me,” he said harshly. “And I wish like hell they hadn’t. Is that direct enough for you, officer?”