She’d be smiling, too, if she got to work on cars like that. She sat in the Toyota, revving it for a bit, enjoying the blast of cool air from the air conditioner before shutting it off. God, she felt guilty for feeling that way. Hated the resentment she had building toward her sister and Alex when they had no way of knowing how she felt. More than likely they assumed she was happy with what she was doing. But it hurt that they’d taken it for granted. That they hadn’t considered her for the work, or even given her the option. Climbing out of the car, she swiped her forearm across her brow. It was a stinking hot day. The garage was stuffy, its tin walls sucking in the midsummer heat like a sponge. She walked into the office, welcoming the blast of cooler air, and took a seat behind the desk. It was their part-timer’s day off, which meant it was another day she had to split hers between the garage and office duties.
Grabbing her phone from her back pocket, she checked for any missed calls or messages. Of course there were none. She would have felt it vibrate against her butt if there had been.
Dammit, Cole.
Okay, it hadn’t even been a full day since she’d seen him, and she was probably worrying over nothing—still, she’d thought after their night together, their morning…
She slumped back in her seat. What was going on in his head?
I’m not going to fight it anymore.
The words bounced around her brain. His words. But what did they really mean? I’m not going to fight it anymore, and we’ll fuck like rabbits in secret till I’m bored of you? Or I’m not going to fight it anymore, because you mean more to me than a way to get my rocks off?
“Jesus.” She wriggled the mouse, waking up the computer. The guy was a closed book. She thought she knew what he meant when he’d rasped those words to her this morning. Now she wasn’t so sure.
A couple of weeks ago, all she’d wanted was freedom to live her own life. To have some fun.
What she’d ended up with was a messed-up, casual but intense relationship that, for her, was anything but casual. And to top it off, the man she loved, the man who had rejected her numerous times, who confused the hell out of her, was now living with her. What she didn’t know was if it was just temporary.
Or was it something else, something more?
Until he opened up, let her in, there would always be this thing, a distance between them. Yes, he’d told her he’d lost his partner in the crash, that when he’d died he’d left behind a wife and son. She also knew it had affected him deeply. How could it not? There was more to the story, though, she just knew it. But every time she brought up what happened that day, he changed the subject.
She understood not wanting to talk about a subject that caused pain, she did. But whatever troubled him was causing just as much harm as the physical injuries he’d sustained from that terrible accident.
She knew from her brother that Cole had turned down a desk job with the NYPD before moving back to Miami. She also knew through Alex that he was seeing a counselor.
Before she could second-guess what she was doing, she typed his name into the search engine and pressed enter.
What am I doing? If he wanted to tell her about that day, he would—when he was ready. She was about to exit out of the screen when a headline popped up. Officer dead after high-speed chase.
She couldn’t stop herself and clicked the link. The news article opened, and she read it from start to finish.
Cole had been driving when his patrol car crashed during a high-speed chase. His partner of five years, Adam Connors, had died almost instantly. Information he had already told her. Frustration pumped through her. What aren’t you telling me, Cole?
Did he blame himself for his partner’s death? She was no counselor, but something like that, it had the ability to tear you apart. She did an image search and came across several pictures from the funeral. The woman she’d seen with him at his office, Kate, his ex-partner’s wife, stood with her son clinging to her, the rawness of her grief distorting her lovely face. There were also pictures from the wreck, the mangled police car. Jesus.
She clicked the window shut and released a shuddery breath. It didn’t feel right looking at the images, public record or not. It felt like she’d invaded a private moment.
And though she’d seen his scars, it brought home just how close Cole had come to losing his life as well. The thought sent panic racing through her, twisting and curling in her belly.
It had been a horrific accident. But it was an accident. Anyone could see that. The affection and concern on Kate’s face when Piper had seen them at the office together made it clear she didn’t hold him responsible.
Before she could change her mind, she searched Kate Connors’s phone number and keyed it into her phone. A woman’s voice echoed down the line a few seconds later.
“Is this Mrs. Connors?”
“Yes.”
“This is Piper West. We, ah…I saw you with Cole at his office the other day?”
...
Piper was putting in some extra hours, making adjustments on the Chevy’s V8 when the side door to the workshop opened and Cole walked in.
The double-wide roller doors were already down for the night, and seeing him standing there, after what she’d done—calling Kate, speaking to her about him—the walls suddenly felt like they were closing in.
She straightened from the engine, wiped her hands, and closed the hood. “Hey.”
A small smile lifted the corners of his lips. “I just realized I haven’t seen you like this in a long time.” He came toward her, gaze moving over her body as he walked. “I’ve seen you here, of course. I’ve seen the end result after a day working on cars, the grease on your skin, your clothes.” His pale blue eyes darkened, and his voice got deeper. “I like it. You look good bent over an engine like that.” He moved closer. “It’s a serious turn-on.”
She grinned up at him, couldn’t help it. That light was shining from within, a lightness she recognized. Seeing that part of him again, a part she thought might be lost forever, made her heart skip a beat.
There was no one else around. It was just the two of them. She stepped closer so her breasts brushed his chest. “You like it when I’m dirty?”
He dragged the pad of his thumb across her cheek. “Yeah, I like it.” He looked over her shoulder to the Chevy. “This the car you’ve been restoring?”
“Yep.”
“Looks good, baby.” He rested his hands on her hips and gave her a squeeze.
“Wait till you hear the engine.”
He grinned. “Can’t wait for you to take me on that ride you promised.”
The center of her chest warmed. “You and me both.”
She had every intention of owning up to what she’d done earlier, but before that happened, she wanted to please him. It may be cowardly and, okay, a little manipulative, but it couldn’t hurt to make him feel good before she turned around and pissed him off. Because he would be angry, she knew that much.
She also knew they could work through it, together.
First, though, she wanted a taste of him. Badly.
Lifting up on her tiptoes, she nuzzled his jaw, nipped, and kissed him. “Turn around,” she whispered, hands dropping to the fly of his pants. “Plant that fine ass on the hood of the Chevy.”
His hand went to her hair, and he fisted lightly. “What do you have in mind, sweet girl?”
Suddenly she was desperate to have him in her mouth. “I want to get down on my knees and suck your beautiful cock.” Dirty talk was not her forte. In fact, she was horrible at it. But this was different, this was Cole, and it wasn’t really dirty talk, she was just telling him what she wanted to do. Still, her face heated when he continued to stare down at her.
His throat worked. “That right?”
“Yes.” She licked her lips, not for show, or to be sexy, but because right then,
she’d never wanted anything more.
He leaned in, a smile lifting his lips, one she’d never seen before. But there was no other way to interpret it. He was looking at her like she was the most adorable, sexy thing he’d ever seen. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush against him, his whiskered cheek smoothing over hers, his lips touching her skin, and when he pulled back that smile was still there, but now mixed with enough heat to set the garage on fire. Warmth spread out from the center of her chest, and she struggled to breathe normally.
“I love this,” he said, kissing her cheek. “The way you blush so easily. It’s sweet and sexy. Turns me on, makes me so fucking hard.”
She didn’t know how to respond, was struggling to form a reply to his softly spoken words, when he released her and did as she’d asked, planting his ass against the hood of the car. He rested his palms on the shiny, black steel on either side of his heavy thighs and waited.
She moved between his legs and dropped her hands to his waist. “I’ve been thinking of getting my mouth on you all day,” she whispered, working on his belt.
He released a rough breath. “Shit, Piper.”
She popped the button and dragged down the zipper, freeing his cock. The thick head rested against his abs, engorged and glistening. She held his gaze as she wrapped her fingers around his thick shaft and slowly dropped to her knees in front of him. Leaning in, she slid her tongue across the tip, tasting him. His nostrils flared as he watched her, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard.
She started working him slowly with her hand. “I love the way you taste.”
He groaned. “Yeah?”
“Hm hmm.”
“Show me.” He cupped the side of her face and ran his thumb over her lower lip. “Show me how much you like it. Wrap those sweet lips around my cock and suck me.”
Seeing him so turned on sent her own already heated blood skyrocketing, but nothing was more important than pleasing him in that moment. This was all about him. She ran her tongue around the ridge, kissing and sucking the smooth skin. His hand went to the back of her head, and he pulled her hair tie free, wrapping the strands around his fist. He didn’t force her down on him, just held her firmly as she worked him with her lips and tongue.
She gave the head a hard suck and opened her lips over him, taking him to the back of her throat. The deep, raw sound he made lifted goose bumps across her skin.
“Jesus Christ.” His fingers tightened in her hair, but not painfully so. “That’s it, sweetheart, take it, take all of me.”
His hips bucked when she hollowed her cheeks and sucked harder, taking him deeper. She dragged her mouth up and down his length, loving the way his thighs trembled and his abs tightened the closer he got.
He gave her hair a light tug. “Gonna come, baby.”
She ignored the warning and upped the pace, sucking harder. He bucked and cursed, then came with a shout, saying her name repeatedly until he had nothing left to give. His grip on her hair loosened, and he began to caress the side of her face and jaw as she licked and sucked him clean.
When he started to soften, she rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around his neck. “So, how was that?”
The grin came back, and her stomach did a little flip. “Do you really need me to answer that question?” He rested his hands on her hips and tugged her forward so their bodies were flush. “Shit, Piper.” He cupped the back of her head and drew her closer, gently kissing her, taking his time, until her toes were curling in her work boots and her pulse was racing so fast she was gasping for breath by the time he released her.
He’d kissed her so thoroughly, with so much warmth, she wished she didn’t have to ruin the moment and tell him what she’d done that afternoon. “Cole?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“I need to tell you something.”
He frowned at her serious tone. “Okay, let’s go to the cottage first.”
“Sure.”
He tucked himself back in and did up his pants, then took her hand and led her from the workshop, locking up before they left. When they walked into her house, he disarmed the alarm system and flicked on the lights.
Taking a seat on the couch, he tugged her down onto his lap. “I, ah, I need to talk to you, too.”
Had Kate already told him that she’d called? That she knew everything? “What about?”
He looked a little unsure, but the smile was still there. “You go first.” He gave her ass a squeeze. “And when we’re done, I’m going to bury my face between your thighs and stay there until you don’t know which way is up.”
She squirmed. Nope. He didn’t know. He wouldn’t be smiling and offering her mind-blowing orgasms if he did.
Oh dear God. She couldn’t keep what she’d done from him, no matter how much she wished otherwise. The guilt would eat her up, and it would be a whole lot worse if he found out from Kate the next time they spoke. She sucked in a shaky breath and twisted to face him. “Please don’t be angry at me.”
His smile dropped a little. “Why would I be angry at you?”
She winced.
“Piper?” His fingers resting on her hips flexed then loosened.
She clung to him tighter. “I shouldn’t have done it, but you wouldn’t open up to me, you wouldn’t tell me anything…so I…” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I…”
He stilled. “You what?”
“I…I called Kate Connors,” she blurted. His hands dropped away from her completely, and the warmth bled from his eyes. “She told me how you blame yourself for Adam’s death. How you think it’s—”
One minute she was on his lap, the next she was sitting at the other end of the couch and he was on his feet. “Don’t say his name,” he bit out. “Don’t you dare say his name. You have no fucking right.”
She flinched and pressed back into the cushions. “I want to help you. I want to—”
“Fix me?” he said in a cold voice.
She shook her head. “No. I care about you… I did it for you, for us.”
He stared at her, anger radiating from him, all warmth gone from his eyes now. “No you didn’t. You did it for you. You invaded my privacy, Kate’s privacy, because fixing everyone else’s problems makes you feel good about yourself.”
His gaze was arctic, slicing right through her. How could he believe that?
“Well, you can’t fix me. I don’t want to be fixed. If I move on…if I forget even for a second…” He stopped himself abruptly and shook his head.
She stood and took a step toward him. “What, Cole? What happens if you move on?”
There was a knock on the front door, then Deacon walked right on in. He looked at them both and frowned. “What’s going on?”
She shook her head. “Can you give us a minute, Deke?”
Her brother crossed his arms, gaze going to Cole. “What’s this all about? Why did you ask me to meet you here?”
Cole’s shoulders stiffened, jaw going tight—and she knew, knew why he’d called her brother and asked him to meet with them. Knew what he wanted to tell him.
“Cole?” He’d planned to tell Deke about their relationship. He was going to come clean. Show her that she meant something to him.
And she’d screwed everything up.
“Cole? Please, listen to me. We can work through this.”
He wouldn’t look at her, and ignoring her and Deacon, he walked out of the cottage without a backward glance. The door shook in its frame as he slammed it shut behind him.
Deacon looked down at her, his expression sympathetic. “I take it this is more than just a lovers’ tiff?”
She slumped back onto the couch. Deke knew. Of course he did. Deacon knew every damn thing.
A sob broke free, and she nodded. “I’ve ruined everything.”
He sat down beside her
and pulled her into his arms. “It’ll be okay.”
What he didn’t do was make any promises, because he knew as well as she did, Cole wasn’t coming back.
She’d lost him.
Chapter Twenty-One
Piper sat in her Chevy Nova, the interior almost pitch black with the cover still over it, and gripped the steering wheel with one hand like her life depended on it, until her fingers felt numb.
She wanted the darkness to swallow her whole, to make this feeling inside her stop. Wrapping her arms around herself, she groaned, biting down on her lip in an effort to hold in her sobs. Her body shook, like she was in shock, even though the heat in the car was stifling. She’d never experienced anything like this, not when her mother left, not even when her father had suddenly passed away. This pain was all-consuming, bigger than she knew how to deal with.
Oh God. She’d ruined everything, destroyed Cole’s trust. Pushed him away.
This couldn’t be it. They couldn’t be over. She loved him, so much—for so long. Why couldn’t he see that? Why wouldn’t he let her in? He was so damn broken, so lost in his own guilt and pain he’d rather walk away from her than face it.
And that hurt, so damn much. “Come out, Piper.” Deke’s voice was gentle but determined.
She shook her head as if her brother could see her and stared at the screen of her phone. Cole still wasn’t answering her calls or texts.
Her body started to shake harder as she hit the call button again. It went straight to voicemail. The sobs she’d been holding back burst from her lips, and she squeezed her eyes shut. She hit call again. Answer, please, answer.
His deep voice rang out, asking her to leave a message.
She sank back into the seat, heart aching. What the hell was she going to do? How was she going to get him to talk to her, to hear her out?
What if he cut her out of his life completely? What if he—
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