Kale merely grunted as Jason cuddled up behind him.
Thirty-Seven
Kale helped Jason get ready the next day as usual, except there was nothing usual about it. Today would change their lives forever. This was the last time Kale would help Jason get ready as an unattached man. When he came back through those doors, he would be engaged.
“Will you stop it already? You’ll never get out of here if you don’t just let me do my job.” Kale batted Jason’s hands away from the buttons on his waistcoat. After three tries, Jason hadn’t been able to get his shaking hands to do the job.
Jason let out a nervous laugh. “You’re right. Sorry. I just don’t know what to do with myself.”
Kale finished buttoning the vest and looked into his eyes. The uncertainty he saw staring back at him told him there was more to that statement than the obvious. “I’ve told you already. I told you a hundred times. This was my idea, and I’m fine with it. Just don’t botch the proposal. I don’t want to have to find you yet another girl. This one was hard enough to come by.”
Jason’s face and shoulders relaxed. Kale knew this wasn’t easy for him. In truth, it wasn’t easy for Kale either, but he couldn’t let it show. If Jason saw one chink in Kale’s armor, he would call the whole thing off. They would get through this time of transition. Kale knew it would be awkward, but it was only change, and once it was past, things would be better for Jason. If Kale could get these two married, he would prove to himself that he could contribute something to Jason’s life and that he wasn’t just holding him back. If only he could get Jason out the door.
“You really think she’ll say yes?” The uncertainty was still there, but not the stress.
“I know she’ll say yes, Master. What else is she going to say? You two are nauseatingly perfect for each other. You think she’ll give you up to go decorate the arm of one of the thousands of pricks in this city? Renee’s smart; she’ll make the right choice.” Kale straightened Jason’s tie, which had gotten crooked during the activity with the vest. “Not to mention the fact that she’s in love with you and you love her back.” Finished with the tie, he looked at Jason again and choked back a gasp at the look of love in Jason’s face.
“I don’t deserve you, you know. I can’t help feeling that this is the worst kind of betrayal. The fact that you’re willing to let yourself be hurt just so that I can be happy makes me feel even worse for doing this. How can I answer that level of devotion with this kind of disloyalty?”
And here Kale thought he was doing such a good job of hiding his pain, but Jason saw right through him. He always did. That wouldn’t stop Kale from trying, though. “Pshaw, what pain? You think I want to stay in this boardinghouse when I could be living it up in one of her father’s homes? I’ve got to be the luckiest slave in the world, convincing my master to marry so I can have a nicer place. You obviously don’t know much about being a slave if you think this is painful. So you start fucking her, what do I care? It’s not like you haven’t fucked other people before, and the gods know I’ve fucked my fair share.”
Jason’s eyes narrowed, and he grabbed Kale’s wrist where he had been straightening Jason’s collar. “What?”
Kale sighed as if he was dealing with a spoiled child. “Not since we started doing it. But nice to know where you stand on the matter.”
Jason released Kale’s wrist, and he began fastening Jason’s cufflinks. “You know how I feel about such things. I’ll perform my familial duty with Renee, but you’ll still be in my bed.”
“Please, save some of the romantic talk for the proposal.”
“I just want you to know that you’re first in my heart.”
Kale finished with the cufflinks and then looked Jason in the eye, all humor gone from his face. “I do know it.”
“Good.”
The two men stood in silence for a moment. Life was about to change forever, Kale knew it, and he knew Jason did, too. With their eyes locked, Kale saw what Jason seemed desperate to let him know: some things would never change. It was an easy message to recognize; it was the same one Kale hoped Jason could see in his face. In a split second, the wind was knocked out of him as Jason leaned in swiftly and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss that was hard, fast, and rough, showing Kale that these were not just empty words he had spoken tonight.
Jason broke the kiss, but kept his hand on Kale’s neck, forcing them to stay touching forehead to forehead as they caught their breath.
“You better get going,” Kale whispered.
Jason let go and straightened up. Kale keenly felt his absence, but Jason met his eyes one last time before he turned and walked to the door. After opening it, he looked back at Kale, his hand still on the doorknob. “Wish me luck.” Jason smiled, but Kale could see how important it was to him to leave on a happy note and with Kale's blessing.
“You don’t need it, but if you think it will help, good luck.”
Jason’s smile widened, and he closed the door behind him.
Thirty-Eight
“Renee, there’s something I want to ask you.” Jason turned toward her and took both of her hands in his. Looking into her eyes, he noticed an expectant look on her face. Her mouth had the beginnings of a smile on it, as if she were scared to hope for too much. “I’ve really enjoyed the last few months with you. I never thought I’d find a woman who would make me feel this way. I had given up on ever finding someone, and then you came along, perfect for me in every way. That’s why I’d be honored, Renee Arlington, if you would agree to marry me.” Jason held his breath and only released it when he saw that the hints of Renee’s smile had given way to a full sized grin that looked like it would break her face.
“Yes, of course I will.”
Jason swept her up in his arms and held her to him. The relief he felt surprised him; he hadn’t realized how worried he was. Now that she had said yes, he saw that his life was going to drastically improve. The best part was he knew he would be able to take care of Kale. With a respectable marriage and the sizable fortune that came with it, he would never have to worry about being able to keep Kale.
“Jason?”
Jason looked down at her. He hadn’t realized that he had been staring off behind her as he thought about the changes this entailed. Renee’s eyes narrowed. “You were thinking about him, weren’t you?”
Jason shook his head in a puzzled fashion. “Who?”
“You know who. Kale.”
“I was only thinking of how happy he’s going to be. He knew you’d say yes; he told me I was a fool for being nervous.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.
“It’s not right, the relationship the two of you have.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about. Don’t play dumb with me, Jason.”
“I’m not, I really don’t know. We have sex, but you know there’s hardly a man in Perdana who doesn’t sleep with his slaves.”
“It’s not that you sleep with him. That’s fine. I’m not naïve, I know what men do. What’s not natural, though, is that you’re in love with him. A slave.”
Jason stepped back from her. “Why does it matter to you how I feel about him? He’s a loyal slave, and I’ll take him to my bed as much as I please. I promise you, though, that I will never take a mistress. You’ll never need to worry about that from me. And I think you’re forgetting that I love you, Renee.”
“More than you love him?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“A simple one. If I’m to marry you, I need to know that I’m the most important person in your life. I don’t care what you do in your bed, that’s your own affair. I’m not expecting things to be perfect, but I love you, Jason, and I need to know that you love me in the same way. I need to know that I’m above all others and not just a convenient bride. As long as Kale is with you, I’ll never know that.”
Jason’s mouth twisted. “What are you saying, Renee?”
“I’m saying that I can only accept your proposal if you agree to sell Kale. You can replace him of course, but I won’t be made a fool of in my own home. I won’t marry a man who’s in love with someone else. I don’t expect fidelity, but I demand respect, and that means putting me first.”
Jason’s world tilted, and he put his hand on his head as if that could right it. Shaking his head, he turned back to her. “I’ve known him longer than I’ve known you. His loyalty alone demands mine in return. I won’t sell him. There’s no reason to. You’re just being a selfish girl.”
“I like Kale, Jason. I really do. I’d be fine if you wanted to keep him as long as he wasn’t your personal slave anymore and you no longer bedded him.”
“No.” The answer was a reflex. That was not an option.
“Exactly. That wouldn’t work because you’re in love with him. I know he’s been a good slave to you, but I can’t live in a house with you and him knowing that you’re in love with him. It’s not fair to me.”
“Fair? To you?” Jason’s face began to get flushed, and his voice grew louder and faster. “But it’s fair to sell a slave simply for being too good at his work? Because I have feelings for him? How is that fair? What did Kale do to deserve that?”
“Nothing, I know it. I hate myself for demanding this of you, but I deserve to know that my husband loves me above all others. You made me realize that I deserve that, Jason. You spoiled me. Before you, I didn’t know that I could have it all. Now that I do know it’s possible, I’m not willing to settle. If we married and Kale stayed, it wouldn’t be fair to me, and I’d come to resent you, and that wouldn’t be fair to you. Kale would know he was the cause of it, he’s not an idiot, and that would not be fair to him. If you sell him, though, it’s also not fair to him. Clearly you would be unhappy without him and resent me. Unfair for both of us again.” Renee stepped up to Jason and touched his face, trying to turn his eyes to her, but he refused to look at her. He jerked away from her touch, and his entire body shook. “Perhaps getting married isn’t the best idea. I don’t see how it could make any of us happy. I wish it could be different, Jason.”
For a moment Renee just stared at him as if willing him to look at her, but Jason stubbornly refused to meet her gaze. Finally, she stepped back, turned, and walked away. Jason watched her leave. Once she was out of sight, he strode to a nearby bench and sat down on it, slamming his fist onto the wood. All he could see was red. How dare she behave that way? She’d have been damn lucky to marry him. We’ll see how she likes it when she marries a man who parades his mistresses around town and leaves her at home with a gaggle of children.
Jason kept slamming his fist onto the seat, letting the pain leech away his anger. When it became too much, he stood up and paced, trying to let off steam. It wasn’t long before the anger was gone, and in its wake came a wave of grief. Jason doubled over and landed on his knees in front of the bench. He rested his head on his arms and began to sob. He had failed. This was his one chance to make a better life for himself and Kale, and he had screwed it up by loving Kale too much. What would happen to them now? How could he keep Kale with him once his inheritance dried up? His father would withdraw his offer of reconciliation. Why could no one just accept him as he was? Was it so hard to see why he was loyal to Kale?
After an hour of wallowing in his own grief, he realized he had to go home. It wasn’t fair to Kale to put off the inevitable any longer. How would he break the news to him? Kale had been so sure that his master would succeed. How could Jason go home and tell him that he had botched it? It had been nice to have this time to wallow in his own self-pity. Once he got home, he knew Kale would try to make him feel better, and that just made him feel even more wretched. He knew he didn’t deserve Kale’s comfort when he couldn’t manage to do anything right by him.
Thirty-Nine
Kale wished he could say that he was completely calm about this whole thing. He wished he could just sit and read or draw and wait for Jason to come home, but he wasn’t that calm. He cared too damn much, and it bothered him. It rubbed him the wrong way, just like it always did when he realized he was coming to care for someone else more than he cared for himself. He had spent the first hour or so after Jason left nervously cleaning their room. After a while though, he saw that he was just going to drive himself crazy, so he went downstairs to see if any of the slaves were free for a card game.
Down in the basement, Charlie was the only one around.
“You up for a game?”
Charlie looked up from where he was playing solitaire, and Kale could tell from his expression that he must look desperate.
“Sure.”
Kale’s mind wasn’t on the cards, and he played badly. Charlie had to notice the nervous tapping of Kale’s foot, but he didn’t comment. Instead he filled the silence with mindless prattle. Charlie was good like that, always available to talk, but never pushing for information. Kale didn’t know what he would say to him anyway, if he asked. There was no reason to feel this unsettled about his master proposing. The only reason a slave would have reason to feel nervous was if their place wasn’t secure, and if there was anything Kale was sure of, it was his place in his master’s life. After losing for an hour, he put down his cards.
“I think I’m done for the night, Charlie.”
“Yeah. You want to go outside?”
“No, thanks.”
“Want to fuck?”
Yeah, he wanted to fuck all right, only the man he wanted to fuck was off proposing. More than anything right now, he wanted to throw Jason down and claim him, as if he had any right to do so. Kale smirked. Jealousy was not an attractive quality. But dammit, he had worked hard to get his life to be as easy as possible, and now things were venturing into the unknown. Life was good, and he didn’t want it disrupted.
“Not right now. I think I’ll just go upstairs and wait.” Charlie nodded at him, and Kale went to the door. Just as he was about to walk through it, Charlie spoke up.
“Hey, whatever it is you’re nervous about, don’t be. He’s crazy about you; he’d never hurt you.”
Looking back at him, Kale smiled. “Thanks, Charlie.” Charlie looked satisfied, and Kale left.
Back in Jason’s room, Kale didn’t know what to do with himself. There was no way to tell how long Jason would be out. For all Kale knew, he wouldn’t even come back tonight. After doing some unnecessary cleaning and tidying, he grabbed his sketchpad and a charcoal pencil and lay down on the bed. As he started to draw, he considered how comfortable his life had become that he could even do this. Tonight, things were going to change, but they were only going to get better. Instead of being nervous, he should be excited. Maybe he was, maybe that was what the swarm of butterflies in his stomach meant. He lived in a nice house, slept on a nice bed, and got to indulge in his own pastimes. Looking at his life from a distance, he might not have even been able to tell that he was a slave. It felt good—and a little dangerous. For the first time in his life, he really had something to lose, and it scared him.
It wasn’t much later when Kale heard footsteps climbing the stairs. The butterflies, which had managed to settle while he drew, were kicked into action again. His hand began to shake as he continued to draw, not really looking at the page, but willing his eyes not to watch the door.
The door opened, and Kale looked up; the butterflies instantly flew from his stomach to his heart and landed. Jason’s slumped shoulders and wrinkled clothes did not match the image of a newly engaged man. When he looked up to his master’s face, puffy red eyes looked back at him begging for reassurance. Kale quickly threw his sketchpad down and went to Jason. “What?”
The word seemed to break through Jason’s fragile façade, and his face shattered like glass. Tears fell from eyes that had already cried too much, and Jason collapsed onto Kale. “I failed.” His voice broke, and sobs began to rack his shoulders.
“Shh. Come on.” Kale led him to the bed and helped him gently onto it. When he pulled awa
y and looked at Jason, a pain flared in his chest. “What happened?”
“She said no.”
“What?” Even though he knew that’s what it had to be, he still couldn’t control the level of his voice.
Jason winced. “Well, she actually said yes at first.”
Kale got on the bed next to Jason and pulled him into his arms. “All right, so then what happened?”
“I honestly don’t know. One minute she looks like the happiest woman in the world, and the next she’s telling me that she can’t marry me unless I sell you.” Kale went as still and cold as stone. “Of course, I told her that was out of the question. I tried to reason with her, but there was no changing her mind. She said she had to know that she was the most important person in my life, and I couldn’t give her that, so she left. It didn’t take very long; I’ve spent most of the evening at the park wondering how this all happened.”
“You turned her down for me?” Kale asked with a note of awe in his voice.
The question seemed to pull Jason out of his dreary thoughts, and he lifted his head from Kale’s chest and looked him in the face. “Of course, what else could I do?”
The genuine look of puzzlement on his face warmed Kale even more than the words did. To Jason, things really were that simple. A hopeless romantic through and through, his logic seemed to step back wherever his feelings were concerned. A part of Kale wanted to explain to him how stupid he was being. Here was a woman who could offer him everything, and he was giving her up for a slave. Somehow, though, he knew that’s not what Jason needed right now; right now he needed comfort.
“You really are amazing, and she’s a damned idiot for turning you away.” Jason laid his head back down on Kale’s chest, and Kale stroked his hair.
“I really thought she was the one for me to marry. I let myself start to picture it. I was such a fool. First Eric and now her. When will I learn?”
[Measure of Devotion 01.0] Measure of Devotion Page 20