The next text surprised me.
I know you feel discouraged, but I’m going to help you out with that. Call me at lunch tomorrow and we’ll discuss it.
How could he help me out? Confused, I sent him a brief text back saying that I would call.
The idea of facing my coworkers made me feel sick to my stomach. But I couldn’t risk taking a day off so soon after I’d been hired. I had no choice but to march back into my office the next day as if nothing had happened.
I needed some advice, but it was late in the evening and I wasn’t sure if anyone was available to talk. I decided to send a group text to my friends about what had happened so I could get it over with in one shot.
A few minutes after I sent it out, my phone began to ring. It was Hanna.
“Hi, sweetie.” I sprawled back across the bed.
“Noella, where does that jerk live? I’m going to drive over there and—”
“No, you’re not.” I laughed. “It’s fine. Really. It’s better that I find out now, right?”
“I guess, but I can’t believe this happened to you.”
My phone buzzed with another call coming in. I saw that it was Zoe.
“I’m going to add Zoe to our call.”
I accepted the call, and as soon as it connected, Zoe’s voice filled my ear.
“I will hunt him down and make sure that he regrets ever being born!”
“Alright, that’s enough.” I shook my head. “Look, he was a bit of a jerk, but it’s not like he was wrong.”
“Of course he was wrong!” Hanna insisted.
“Absolutely he was. Noella, you don’t really believe what he said, do you?”
I could sense Zoe’s concern in her voice.
“Look, I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time. And no, I didn’t want to move as fast as he was. Today’s dating world is a lot different. I guess men expect more than what I’m ready to give.”
“No, no, no!” Zoe sighed. “That one man—that jerk of a human being—expected more. But not all men are like that. Don’t let him convince you that they are. Trent was the one that slowed me down, because he wanted what we shared to have meaning.”
“And Jake never pressured me. It took forever for me to be comfortable with my own body—to be that intimate with him. But he was patient every step of the way. He never made me feel like I was doing anything wrong by needing time. That’s how real men are, Noella. Please don’t let one man ruin the idea of dating again.”
I recalled the struggle Hanna had with her body when Jake wanted things to become more intimate. She was right. He’d never treated her poorly because of it.
“He hasn’t exactly ruined it, but I’m thinking about waiting a little longer before I try again. Honestly, the worst part is how off my instincts were. I really thought he was a good guy.”
My cheeks grew hot. As the oldest of my group of friends, it made me feel foolish to think that I’d been so easily conned.
Chapter 14
My heart ached as I thought of the moments that Glenn had showed me who he really was. I should have known from the moment that he tried to move things too fast. He wasn’t interested in who I was or what our future could be like. He’d only been interested in what he could get from me.
“Your instincts aren’t off, you’re just a kind person, and all of this is a little new to you.” Zoe growled. “I’d still like to hunt that guy down, though. Are you sure I can’t?”
“Yes, please don’t. I’m embarrassed enough.”
“But you have no reason to be embarrassed!” Hanna sighed. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Noella.”
“Thanks, ladies, I know you’re right, but I think I just need to call it a night and hope tomorrow is better.”
“Do you want me to come over?” Hanna still sounded worried.
“No, I’ll be fine. You two have put my head back on straight.”
“Well, I have some news that might brighten your night,” said Hanna. “Samantha wants to come to visit. Max and Abby are going on a daddy-daughter camping weekend, so she decided to have a pop-up book-signing for her fan club. Not this weekend, but next. I know she’d love for all of us to be there. Do you think we can make it happen?”
“Absolutely.” I smiled. “That’s just what I need—some time with my girls. Are you up for it, Zoe?”
“Are you kidding, I can’t wait! I wonder if we could get Blu to visit too?”
“I don’t know, with all her wedding plans she might be too busy, but it would be nice.” I headed for the kitchen to start on the dishes.
“I’ll talk to her. Now that she works with AJ at the bar she has more flexibility with her schedule. I’m sure she could use a break from all that craziness; I know I did! Noella, I love you. Don’t let this get you down, alright?”
“Alright.” I smiled. “Thanks—both of you. I feel so much better now.”
We said our goodbyes, then I hung up the phone.
As the soapy water filled up in the dishpan, I closed my eyes. I did feel better in some ways. But in one particular way, I did not. I was forty years old, with two kids and not much to offer. What if Glenn was my last chance to have any kind of connection?
As I sloshed my hands through the water, I felt something slam into my side. I laughed as I looked down at the eager smile of my six-year-old. Tyler hugged me so tight that it hurt, but it was the best kind of hurt ever. I hugged him back, then picked him up in my arms.
“What was that for, kiddo?”
“I love you, Mom.” He kissed my cheek. “Always.”
My heart melted as I looked into his eyes. There he was, my beautiful boy that I’d been so grateful to have after two years of trying. I realized then—as I carried him into his room to read him a story—that no—all men were not like Glenn and I couldn’t let myself believe that they were.
My view of men would have an impact on my sons as they grew into men, and I wouldn’t let that view be anything other than positive. But that didn’t mean I should jump right back into the dating pool. A few months off to regroup might be the best idea. Because to me—as I read my son his favorite story—spending my time with my boys was the best way I could think of to spend an evening. I couldn’t just take my mom hat off when I went out on a date. I was always going to be Mom and they were always going to need me to be the best mom I could be.
Brady bounded into the room and crawled into bed with us. The three of us spent the rest of our night laughing, arguing, and making plans for the weekend. Maybe that was the only thing I needed to be focused on. Maybe expecting more was asking for too much when I already had so much I was thankful for.
That night, as I fell asleep, I considered the possibility of being single for the rest of my life. It was something I tried not to think about too often. At forty, it seemed reasonable and had its perks.
I didn’t have to share the remote; once the boys started their own lives I wouldn’t have to cook for anyone; I could sleep when I wanted to, stay up late when I wanted to. What could be so bad about that?
But when my mind wandered to all the things I wouldn’t have, my heart ached.
I wouldn’t have a shoulder to rest my head on or a hand to intertwine with mine. I wouldn’t have the chance to fall asleep listening to the sound of someone’s heartbeat or feeling the tickle of the shadow of a beard. I wouldn’t feel strong arms around me, shielding me from whatever hurt I might face. I wouldn’t have eyes to look into each morning and a smile to wake up to.
But none of those things could be provided by just anyone. I didn’t want to wake up to a stranger or share my best memories with someone I wasn’t that fond of.
I wanted love. I wanted what I thought I would have when I first got married—what I’d convinced myself was nothing more than a fairy tale.
If it wasn’t real, then why did I want it so much?
Chapter 15
When I woke up the next morning, I took a shower, doing my best to wash away my
bad attitude. I wasn’t going to dwell on what I couldn’t have. Maybe one day I would have it, but for now, I wanted to stay in my bubble. I didn’t have time to be sad or embarrassed. I had my sons to think about and a whole group of friends—my little tribe of supporters—to keep my focus on.
Hanna was going through her first pregnancy, Blu was getting married—there was a lot to keep track of—and the thought of having a girls’ weekend with Samantha and everyone together made my heart soar.
No, I wasn’t going to be down—not even for a second.
I stopped by Dawn’s bakery on the way to work and picked up two boxes of doughnuts for my coworkers. Hopefully some sweets would help them to forget the sour of the day before.
As I stepped inside, I prepared myself for the worst—stares, laughter, maybe even some teasing notes left on my desk.
Instead, when I walked in, everyone appeared to be occupied. I set the doughnuts on the table in the center of the main room, then walked toward my office. I noticed a few people look up, but no one went for the doughnuts.
Of course they didn’t. I was an outsider and they were all probably gluten-free or sugar-free or doughnut-free. I should have thought about that.
I stepped into my office and was startled by the sight of a vase filled to the brim with brightly colored flowers. Where had they come from? I glanced back through the door of my office and found most everyone gathered nearby.
“We just wanted you to have something to brighten your day. Thanks for the doughnuts.” Kenny smiled. Then he spread his arms for a hug. “May I?”
I laughed and nodded as he hugged me. It didn’t seem so strange to me anymore.
Relieved by the kindness of my coworkers—and more than surprised by it—I settled behind my desk. The truth was, I had a lot of good things going on in my life. Maybe throwing dating into the mix was just asking for trouble.
Once I got going, it was easy to get caught up in my work. Now that I understood how to use the new system, I could see how much more efficient it was. My mood was greatly improved by the time lunch rolled around.
It wasn’t until my computer began ringing that I remembered that I’d promised to talk to Wes at lunch. I wasn’t sure if I should answer. I didn’t want to rehash what had happened the day before.
After a moment, I clicked to connect. I trusted Wes not to torment me and if I told him that I didn’t want to talk about it, I knew he’d respect that.
“Hi there, Noella.” He smiled at me. “How are you doing today?”
“Pretty good, actually.” I held up the flowers for him to see.
“Who are those from?” He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me Glenn, because no amount of apologizing—”
“Calm down.” I laughed. “They’re from my coworkers who witnessed that horrible scene. So maybe some good came out of it. Also, I’ve decided I’m going to back off dating for a while. I think I jumped in at the wrong time.”
“Wait, you can’t do that.”
“Why not? I mean, I think I let my friend Nicole talk me into this. She’s so happy with the guy she met—and married—from Forty and Free that I think I just got caught up in her excitement. She’s a really good friend, but we’re not in the same place in our lives right now.”
“I don’t think that’s true. She might have given you a push, but I know you, Noella, and you wouldn’t let anyone talk you into doing anything you didn’t want to do. You know it’s okay and healthy to want a relationship, right?”
“What is this, Dear Abby now?” I laughed. “Since when are you a relationship guru?”
“I read some things.” He grinned. “I did some research.”
“Oh really?” I looked at him. “Why?”
“Because I decided to help you.”
“Help me what?”
“Help you find the right person.” He held up a few papers. “Get ready Noella, because we’re about to play The Dating Game.”
“Huh?” My mind spun as I tried to catch up with what he was doing.
“Look, I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. But I don’t want you dating an oaf like Glenn. The problem is, you’re too nice.”
“I’m confused.” I sighed.
“I know. See, I’m not nice. Well, I’m also not dazzled by forty-year-old hunks and I can see through their profile lies. So I have picked out three potential candidates for your next date. They are Wes approved.”
He held up two of the pieces of paper and I realized that they were printouts of three profiles from Forty and Free.
“What? Why would you do that?” My mouth hung open.
“Don’t knock it until you try it, darling.” He winked. “This is Ned, he’s originally from Colorado, but now he’s a local boy. He likes to fish and his favorite movie is something I’ve never heard of, but thankfully not porn.”
“Maybe that’s why you’ve never heard of it?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Ouch.” He laughed. “Not fair. I watch other things. I mean, I don’t watch that at all. I mean, what’s the right answer here?”
I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Wes, this is really nice of you, but you don’t even know my requirements—”
“Sure I do. I looked at your profile too. And I added some more requirements of my own, because you weren’t being picky enough.”
Chapter 16
My face grew hot at the thought of Wes reading over my profile or looking at my pictures. I’d never really thought about things from the other side. As I picked apart the profiles of men I liked, there were men doing the same to mine. But this wasn’t just any man, it was Wes. Wes, who was almost ten years younger and too handsome to ever need a dating site.
“What are you, a hacker now?”
“I am whatever I need to be to make sure that you stay away from all future Glenns. Got it?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head.
“What? You don’t like Ned?” He put the picture on the piece of paper up to the camera so that it filled the screen. “Don’t worry, I also have Philip. Fancy name, right?” He held up the next piece of paper. “He’s into golf, which almost made me disqualify him but there’s this really sweet picture of him playing frisbee with his dog on the beach and I know how you told your boys you’d never get them a dog, so I figured hey, two birds with one stone, right?”
“Oh, Wes.” I groaned, but my chest filled with warmth. He’d gone to so much effort and it was probably the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me—but a little odd too.
“Okay, fine, no Philip.” He crumpled up the paper. “I mean, I really think I was more in love with the dog than him, so I guess it’s for the best. This is the winner.” He held up the final piece of paper. “His name is Hancock. I know, right? No, seriously, that’s his first name.” He pointed to the name on the piece of paper. “Maybe you can call him Hanc? Anyway, I almost eliminated him for the name alone, but then I thought, would Noella do that?” He shook his head. “Nope, she wouldn’t. She would give the guy a chance, because a name is just a name, right?”
“Right.” I grinned.
“So, this guy is newly single—no kids, no pets, and—well, kind of boring in my opinion. But you seem to like boring, so he might be perfect for you.”
“What do you mean I like boring?” I frowned. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“No? I saw your requirements, remember?”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a mature, stable person.” I shrugged.
“No, nothing wrong with it at all. Boring, but not wrong.”
“Ugh.” I laughed. “Just show me Hanc.”
“See, I knew you would get into this.” He wiggled the paper in front of the camera. “Noella, I enjoy reading, bike riding, and a good game of chess. Wait, don’t faint just yet, I also have a hobby. It’s whittling.”
“Seriously?” I laughed as he lowered the paper to reveal his face.
“No, not really. I just made that last part up. I was hoping
it would make him more interesting. Did it work?”
“He sounds great. Very interesting.”
“He does?” He looked at the paper, then back at me. “Alright, I’m sending him a message right now.”
“What?! No, don’t you dare! How did you even get into my account?”
“Oh yes, that’s another discussion we need to have. Using your son’s name and birthday as a password is pretty much like not having any password at all.”
“Wes!” I wanted to be angry, but I couldn’t stop laughing.
“There we go. You should hear from him soon.”
“Wes! You didn’t seriously do it, did you?” I stared hard at the monitor.
“Yes. Because if I didn’t you would have talked yourself out of it. You have to get back on that horse, Noella.”
“I think I should be the one to decide that, don’t you?” My amusement began to fade.
“Trust me, one date with Mr. Chess and you’re going to forget all about Glenn. I mean, Hancock? That’s already interesting, right?”
“Right.” I shook my head. “Wes, what did I ever do to deserve you?”
“Hm, something bad I’d guess. But here I am.” He pushed his face up to the camera. “You still love me, don’t you?”
“Yes, of course I do.” I grinned as I studied his face. “Does this mean I get to pick out your dates too?”
“You wouldn’t be jealous?” He grinned back at me.
“Maybe just a little. I guess I’d have to go to a bar with you, though. I’m sure you’re not on any dating sites.”
“No, but I’m not going to any bars either. I’m pretty sure the woman of my dreams is going to just sit down across from me one day.” He shrugged. “Or I’m just lazy, one of the two. Anyway, this isn’t about me, this is about you. Focus!”
Free to Risk (Noella’s Life Unleashed Book 1) Page 5