by K E Osborn
"Baby, I don't expect anything in return. You're still very weak."
"Yes, I'm still weak, but I can't have all the fun, now can I?"
He takes my hands in his, kissing my knuckles.
"If you get tired, promise me you'll stop. I don't expect you to have enough stamina to do this."
He worries too much. I let his hands go and move my hands down to his abdomen. He leans back farther against my chest and relaxes at my touch. I move my hands from his abdomen down to his erection. He inhales when I touch him, and I know he's going to enjoy this. I start to move my hand slowly up and down his length. I move my mouth to his neck, running little kisses up and down as I pull him, slowly at first then quickening the pace. He leans back hard into me and moans. I think he likes this speed. I maintain my speed on him while continuing to kiss his neck.
"Oh, Jeni! Yes, just like that."
I suck on his neck and move a little quicker with my hand. He moans louder, and his body tenses with pleasure. His breathing hitches. He grabs the side of the bathtub with both hands as his head falls back on my shoulder. His face clenches in that delicious way. I move quicker again, and he explodes into the bathtub moaning my name.
"Je ... ni!"
Gradually his body relaxes. I smile at my accomplishment, and I kiss him on the cheek. He pulls the plug and empties the bath. He turns the taps on and refills it with clean water. We move back to our original positions, with me leaning against him, we both relax in the tub until we are completely wrinkled.
***
Today, we are going to the Tiergarten Schönbrunn, better known as the zoo. We have our breakfast, I put on my warm accessories, and we head out for a day amongst the animals.
"Apparently, it's the oldest zoo in the world." I read out loud from the brochure I am holding. We walk around the zoo and see giant pandas, lemurs, armadillos, Siberian tigers, and other amazing animals. The layout is similar to a bicycle wheel, and there's an octagonal pavilion where we sit and have lunch. I start to get a little weary from all the walking. We rest at the pavilion for an hour or so and then head to the gift shop. A couple walks past with their newborn baby and stops to look at the stuffed toys next to us.
I look at Aiden and instantly feel sick as I look down at the baby. He takes my hand and steers me away from them.
"I'm sorry. I know it hurts, baby. I'm hurting too." He cradles my head to his chest, a tear forms in my eye. I was having such a good time, and then the world reminds me why I'm here—to mourn the loss of our baby. I start to cry, so he takes my hand, and we walk out of the gift shop and straight to Jörg, who is waiting by the limousine. We sit in the back of the car, and I move straight into his lap. He holds me tightly, and I cry all the way back to the hotel. Will this pain ever go away?
***
The next few days, we stay in the hotel. We kiss and love each other as much as we can. Our final night in Vienna arrives, and I feel like going out.
"I want to take you to the Vienna State Opera House."
"Can we go out for dinner, make a night of it?" I ask.
"Anything you want." He helps me into my long black lace dress. "You look gorgeous. I'm a lucky man."
After dinner we arrive at the Vienna State Opera House. It's simply stunning. The features of the building are an architectural feast. We walk into the opera house. Taking my hand, he leads me to a box seat, where a waiter brings us champagne and little appetizers throughout the performance. He's gone all out for me again. I feel loved and appreciated.
"Jeni, if you find you're tired and you want to go, let me know."
I snuggle into him as the opera begins, with soft gentle violins playing for the prelude. I watch the entire performance in awe while the romantic story unfolds to bright lights and stirring, beautiful music. Tears form in my eyes when the last act finishes with the heroine dying, slowly. I never thought opera would be my thing, but I love it. The curtain falls, and the audience applauds.
We wait for the crowd to dwindle before we make our way back to Jörg. We head to the hotel. It starts to snow as we get out of the car. I stand on the sidewalk, looking up at the night's sky as the snow falls on my face. This is exactly what I needed to help me relax. He stands behind me and holds me tightly.
"I love the snow."
He turns me around. "I love you."
"Aiden."
"Mmm?"
"I'm sorry I lost our baby."
"Jeni," he says sternly, "it was an accident. There was nothing anyone could've done to change what happened. I don't blame you. I never could." He kisses me atop my head. I think I know who's really to blame for killing our baby.
He leads me inside, his hand on the small of my back. We spend the night as lovingly as we can and slowly fade to sleep.
We hurriedly eat breakfast before heading to the airport. Jörg takes our suitcases and places them into the limousine.
"Wait here."
I look at him with one eyebrow raised as he heads into the gift shop. He comes out with two helium-filled balloons, one is pink and one is blue.
"What do we need balloons for?"
He takes my hand and walks with me to the park across the street. I look at him curiously. He stops, turns to me and hands me the pink balloon. I take it from him. He swallows a lump in his throat and frowns.
"It's time to say goodbye, baby."
An overwhelming panic sets in as I grip onto Aiden's shirt tightly.
"Our tiny baby. Not even knowing you before we lost you is hard to take. No one can understand how we feel. It hurts like hell to lose something so small and something so precious. You were taken from us too soon. We will miss you everyday, and we'll never forget you, little one. Rest in peace."
My heart is so heavy it feels like it dropped out of my chest. My eyes flood with tears while he speaks. He's holding me so tightly. I cry into his chest and he lifts my head up to meet his eyes.
"When we let the balloons go, we're sending them to heaven to our baby. It's to let our baby know that we love and care for him or her and that he or she will always be in our hearts. Once we let the balloons go, our sorrow goes with it."
My bottom lip quivers, and my body is shaking. I step back from Aiden and look at him with tears flooding my face and notice his eyes welling up.
"Rest in peace, sweet one." He lets his blue balloon go; a tear falls down his cheek as the balloon flies up into the air.
I feel an overwhelming sense of grief. I start to sob uncontrollably holding the pink balloon string to my chest. He steps closer and holds me in his arms.
"You have to let it go."
My legs give way, and I start to collapse. Aiden holds onto me tightly, cradling me to him as I cry in his arms for our baby.
"I can't," I whisper.
"You have to, or we can never move on. Our baby is in heaven, and you need to believe that he or she is happy and is watching us every day waiting for us to continue with our lives. Our baby would want us to be happy."
"Our baby would want us to be happy?" I reiterate.
"Yes. You need to say goodbye." He holds me, his arms tightly around my stomach from behind. I exhale abruptly and feel sick as I start to talk.
"I only knew of you for a short time, and then you were taken from us. I'm sorry you ended up in heaven, and I know I'll think of you every day. Mommy loves you, little one. Rest in peace." I let the balloon go with a sob. I watch it through tear-soaked eyes as it drifts off into the overcast, dreary sky. I breathe a sigh of relief because I feel lighter somehow.
"I'm so proud of you."
We stand there holding each other for what seems like an eternity, but in reality, it's only a few minutes. We make our way back to the car and drive to the airport. He never lets go of me.
Chapter 10
We both decided yesterday, when we got back from Vienna, that we would go to work today. It'll serve as a distraction for us both. Aiden spent a lot of time with me, but now he needs to concentrate and focus on his work
again.
I get dressed slowly. I'm feeling very nervous about going back to work, back to Alistair and where our baby was taken from us. Aiden watches me closely; I'm extra quiet this morning.
I make my way to the kitchen where he's making breakfast. My nerves get the better of me, and I rush to the bathroom and vomit. I cough and splutter into the bowl as Aiden comes in behind me.
"Jeni, are you alright?" he asks squatting beside me and holding my hair. I take some toilet paper and wipe my mouth.
"I'm okay."
"You're not going into work like this today."
"We have to go. I have to push through it and get back into a normal routine. If I don't, I'll fall apart."
I stand up and wash my face. He exhales and accepts my decision.
***
When we arrive at work, Brielle runs to my side and hugs me tightly. I feel numb while she talks. I don't even really listen to her. It's as though I can hear her, but it's not registering. She talks to Aiden, who is holding on to my hand tightly. They finish talking, and Bree walks back to her desk. He starts to walk, and I follow him to my desk. I sit down and turn on the computer.
"If you want to leave at any time during the day, you let me know." He kisses my cheek and walks to his office.
I spend most of the day avoiding the kitchen; even looking at the doorway brings tears to my eyes. Eventually, though, my craving for coffee gives out, and I slowly walk toward the kitchen. Brielle says nothing as I stand in front of the doorway. With my eyes closed, I prepare myself. My breathing is shallow and quick and my heart races. Who knew going to make a coffee would be so heart wrenching? I swallow, mentally reliving falling on the table and hitting the floor. A single tear runs down my cheek. I feel arms wrap around my waist and open my eyes to see Aiden holding me from behind. He rests his head on my shoulder, and I exhale when I realize he's there comforting me.
"I love you," he whispers into my ear.
I inhale sharply as a small sob escapes me.
"You don't have to go in there if you don't want to. I can bring you coffee from now on. Think of it as a role reversal."
I clear my throat and turn to face him. I wrap my arms around his neck. "Thank you and I love you too. I need to try and move on. Anyway, if I keep avoiding the kitchen, how can I do my job, especially if Bree isn't here to help with meetings? No, I need to do this, but with your help," I stipulate.
"You're the bravest woman I've ever met." He kisses me softly.
He takes my hand and walks with me into the kitchen. The energy in there immediately fills me with sorrow. I swallow hard when I see the ladder leaning against the back wall. It looks like nothing disastrous has happened in here; everything looks the same. He looks down at my tear-soaked eyes.
"You're my world. Even though it feels like our world ended in here, we don't have to let it rule how we feel every day."
"I know. It's going to be hard reliving it every time I come in here though."
"Time will make it easier." He sniffs and wipes away my tears, fighting back his own. I exhale loudly, letting the emotions out. I walk with him toward the coffee machine and pull out two mugs from the dishwasher.
"We could always replace the bad memories with some new good ones?" He comes up from behind and kisses my neck seductively. I let out a small giggle. I turn and face him, throwing my arms around his neck as he holds me tightly around my waist, pulling me into him. I look up at him and he leans down, kissing me passionately while we wait for our coffee to brew.
***
It's time to leave work, to go to the mansion for dinner. Callie wants to talk with us about Aiden's birthday. I know he isn't interested in anything big. I'm thinking maybe heading to a restaurant or something. I don't feel like going, but I know I have to keep myself occupied. Brielle and I wait for Aiden and Alistair to come out to meet us. Eventually, he comes out, putting on his suit jacket and shutting his door. Alistair exits his office. We meet in the middle of the foyer and walk to the elevator. Aiden takes my hand in his as we walk into the elevator; Alistair looks down at our entwined hands and huffs.
"See you at home, Aiden."
We exit the elevator, and he completely ignores me as usual. Aiden shakes his head while we walk through the main foyer.
"Good evening, Mr. O'Connell," Josie calls out right on cue.
I roll my eyes. He waves to her and tightens his grip on my hand.
We head down the stairs to the parking garage where Mike and Bill are waiting for us.
"Good evening, Miss Taylor. How was your day?"
"Fine, thanks, Mike."
He opens the rear passenger door, and we slide in.
"And your day, sir?"
"Flat-out busy. We're heading to my parents tonight, Mike. They're conspiring something for my birthday."
"It's not conspiring if you know we're doing it." I giggle.
We make our way from work to the O'Connell mansion. When we arrive, Mike opens the door for us. We walk to the front door, ring the doorbell, and Callie answers.
"Hi, everyone." She calls out to Mike. "You don't need to sit in the car and wait. Please come in and have some dinner with us."
"Thank you, Mrs. O'Connell. I'd love to join you for dinner."
Callie walks over to me and embraces me tightly. "Oh, darling, you look pale and thin. Aiden, you need to take better care of her."
"I will, Mom."
Brielle and Bill walk in and take their seat on the sofa.
"How was your first day back at work, you two?" Callie asks.
I look at him as he takes off his tie and places it in his pocket.
"Jeni's doing really well. She's a great asset to have around."
I shake my head, objecting.
"Oh, come now, Jeni, don't be modest. I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job."
Alistair huffs as he walks past and heads into his study.
Brielle says loudly so her father can hear, "No, honestly, you're catching on quickly. Ask Benjamin. It took him months to do what you've learned in such a short time."
I smirk at her blatant obviousness. "Thanks, Bree."
The doorbell rings, and Bill stands up to answer it.
"That should be Nana," Callie announces.
"Oh, Nana's coming tonight? Awesome," Brielle says. She jumps up off the sofa and runs to the front door. We laugh at Brielle, a twenty-four-year-old woman who still gets overly excited to see her Nana; it's very cute. Nana comes into the room and greets us while Callie walks to the kitchen.
"Darling, you look tired."
That's just a nice way of saying that I look like shit. Aiden takes my hand in his, entwining our fingers.
"I'm doing okay, Nana."
I tighten my fingers around his. She comes and sits on the sofa opposite us.
"You two make such a gorgeous couple, don't they, Mike?" Nana asks casually.
"Yes, ma'am, they certainly do."
Aiden relaxes back into the sofa. I make myself comfortable, snuggling into him as he puts his arm around me.
Callie walks in. "Dinner's ready," she announces. We get up and walk to the dining room. The table is set beautifully. Alistair walks in and sits at the head of the table, ready to carve the roast. He carves it in silence while we all sit awkwardly waiting for someone to say something.
"Alistair how was your day at work?" Callie breaks the silence.
We all look at Alistair to see how he answers.
"It would've been good if I had competent staff." He stares directly at me.
At least he's acknowledging that I'm here I guess. Aiden rolls his eyes.
"Don't roll your eyes at me, boy, you know as well as I do that she's useless."
"Alistair, please be civil for once in your life," Callie says quietly.
"I'll be civil when it pisses off."
"Father, really?" Aiden yells.
"Yes. The only reason I don't fire her is because you would leave. Am I right?"
"Yes, Father, y
ou're right! But you're dead wrong when you say she's useless. She's doing a fantastic job, and you know it. You're annoyed that she's doing so great, and you're taking it out on her."
"Brielle is the only one working her ass off out there; it doesn't even know how to hand out coffee. That's how useless it is?
"It! Why the hell are you calling her it?" he yells. "She's my partner, Father, and her name is Jeni. You would do well to remember it."
"What's the point of learning it, Aiden? She'll be gone soon anyway. You know she only wants you for your money, and that's it. Once she's had enough, she'll be gone. She would've used that baby to trap you."
My mouth drops open in shock. I can't believe he said that about me. My leg starts to agitate under the table as I feel myself getting upset.
"For God's sake, Father, she's right here. Don't talk about her like she's not."
"Alistair! You can't say things like that to her," Callie says loudly.
"Oh, shut up, woman! You would be on her side, wouldn't you?"
"How dare you talk to me like that, Alistair O'Connell? You've walked all over me for the past thirty-seven years, and I won't stand for it anymore. Do you hear me?"
"Thirty-seven years of my life I'll never get back, Callie."
Nana stands up. "Alistair Patrick O'Connell, I didn't raise you to be an asshole. Now apologize to Jeni and Callie."
"Mom, I respect you, but I won't apologize to either of them. Especially that." He points directly at me. "She will ruin your life, son. Jeni, as you want me to call her, is a tramp, a waste of space, and a complete moron. No one in their right mind would fall in love with her, so that must make you a moron as well. Get it through your head. If she was twice as smart as she is now, she would still be stupid." He looks directly at me. "You're a worthless dog. Go and lay by your bowl."
My mouth drops open and tears well in my eyes.
Aiden stands, his fists clenched, but I pull on his arm. He looks down at me, his face bright red with rage. I shake my head at him.