by Charles Dean
Lee started to work his magic. He used the same technique as when he made the statue for Masha the day before and ‘sculpted’ the ink onto the paper. The whole process only took a few seconds since so little ink was used and no real transformation was occurring, and he couldn’t help but feel a little elation as he opened his eyes to check on his work.
“This is it!” Lee exclaimed. “This is exactly what I needed!” He had transformed the blank page into a short, two-sentence letter using the same fancy font as the menu from the restaurant. The letters were so immaculate and perfect that it looked as if Lee had printed the page, not written it using his crafting skill. “I gotta say, Augustus, you’re a genius sometimes.”
The bear had silently crossed the room in the few seconds Lee had closed his eyes, and he was now hovering behind Lee, staring intently at the page. “I’ll take credit where I can, but I think this case is just a little insane. How is printing off a menu item onto a blank page going to get you out of prison? I also don’t think I’ve ever done this before. Pretty smart move there, kid.” Augustus slammed Lee’s back with one of the massive paws, knocking him forward and causing the opened pen to spill a little ink on his shirt. “Also, you might want to clean that up.”
“Don’t even act like you weren’t trying to point me in this direction,” Lee chuckled. He knew better by now. As much as he disliked the annoying self-proclaimed deity, Augustus didn’t waste words of advice on him often. Lee had dutifully gone to work every single day during the entire month he had been home after his initial visit to the game, and Augustus hadn’t bothered to mention cheating at cards or getting money any other way in that entire time.
“No idea what you’re talking about,” the bear answered, feigning ignorance. “I was just going to say that you could use the new sculpting talent to make a golem for this world. I know you didn’t get a chance to read the ability update, but you should be able to make at least one more.”
Lee shook his head. “Uh huh. Sure. If I made a creature here, could you bring it back to the other world? Would that go against my usual bacon transfer quota?”
“Nah, the golems are connected to you. It’ll be fine,” Augustus answered. “You might want to consider something more than just mice. Maybe a tiny T. rex?”
Lee put down the page and went to change into work clothes. “I think I’ll stick with the rats,” he called as he left the room. “But I do need to get to work. Thanks for the tip.”
“It doesn’t matter to me if you do it or not, but why haven’t you just told Wolfe the truth?” Augustus asked. Even though he was roughly the same height as Lee in his bear shape, it was incredibly intimidating to be face to face with such a fierce-looking, predatory creature. “Why are you ruining one of your only true friendships by making secrets for no reason?”
“So, there isn’t a penalty if I just tell him that I’m actually on my way to becoming a god? That the system in a game world I’ve been transported to is stuck in my head? And that I can now understand all languages?”
“No harm whatsoever. There just isn’t an upside either. You can’t go about earning faith in this world for the competition, so it’s all on you how you want to play the game here. You do get that, don’t ya? That world . . . that is your real world now. This reality is just the relaxing game you play during your breaks.” Augustus placed a paw on Lee’s shoulder, and it was so heavy that Lee might have actually been pressured downward by the weight if he hadn’t been enhanced by his leveling. “You’re thinking about things backward. This . . .” Augustus motioned with his other paw at the apartment around Lee. “This is the dream world. This is the inconsequential realm of freedom. Here is where you’re king. Here is where you can be an unchallenged devil or the holiest saint. This is your relaxation. This is your downtime. This is the fleeting world you go to so you can avoid an existential crisis as stress from your real job--that of a Herald--starts to weigh you down and break you. If you don’t learn that now, you’re going to lose more than just Wolfe as your friend, and you’re not going to get what you need from this trip.”
Lee balked at Augustus’s claim. “I don’t buy that for a minute,” he insisted. “This world is still my world. It’s still the one I was born and grew up in. This isn’t some game, and these people’s lives matter just as much as mine.”
Augustus’s speech went from that of a coarse bear voice to a much more mellifluous snake voice as his shapeshifted. “There is no reason to lie to me, kid. I’m on your side. I’m not the snake in the grass trying to get you killed. I’m just telling you what you already know. This is your virtual heaven, so relax, enjoy it and don’t let this little gaming vacation take so long that you forget how to get your job done.” With that said, Augustus’s snake head lunged forward and grabbed Lee’s beer bottle in its mouth before slithering back over to the couch with the bottle stuck firmly between its fangs. The serpent coiled up on the seat and then adjusted the bottle so that it could down it in one go. “Also, I need another beer.”
Lee blinked. “Yeah, no. I think you can get your own this time. I’ve got things to do.”
“Hey! Don’t be like that!” Augustus whined.
But Lee just ignored him.
-----
The rest of the day was rather uneventful. Lee ended up spending his lunch break with Masha, Olga and their crowd and then went looking for a martial arts instructor who specialized in weapons after work. He was hoping to find someone who would be able to school him in some ancient and unknown technique that was vastly superior to all other styles but had somehow been lost and ignored for centuries like in the movies and books he had seen, but that fantasy evaded him. Instead, he found an instructor at a fencing school who specialized in saber duels and who, for a little extra, was willing to train him privately after the normal class.
The rest of the week passed the same way. Augustus occupied Lee’s couch in various animal forms, drinking beer and watching television. Lee spent Friday with Masha, some time playing chess with her father, and the evening talking on the porch again. It was nice, but when Saturday rolled around, Lee ended up having Wolfe over to his apartment in the morning.
“So, I ditch you for two movies, and you dip out for a whole week’s worth of MMOs?” Wolfe demanded as he pushed through the door, holding a twelve pack.
“Been pretty busy, starting up martial arts and sword fighting. You wanna join?” Lee asked.
“Wait . . . What? Why? Are we going LARPing or something? Or . . . Wait. This is for VR stuff coming out, isn’t it? Lee, you’re brilliant sometimes!” Wolfe seemed to jump from depressed to excited in less than ten seconds. “How the heck did I not think of that? It’ll be too late once they’re actually out. The price of sword fighting instructions will double or triple as people rush to pick up skills and get good at the new wave of virtual-reality-oriented fantasy games, but we’ll be prepared.”
“Well . . . you don’t need it. It’s totally useless. In fact, you probably won’t be able to pick up a single girl. Might even hurt your chances,” Lee said. “It’s like magic, but you don’t even get the benefit of a party trick to show for your efforts.”
“Oh,” Wolfe answered, the wind having been knocked out of his sails. “Then why are you learning it?”
Lee shrugged. “I don’t know. Same reason I play video games? I want to imagine that I’m better at killing stuff than I am? I wouldn’t have even told you about it since I thought, ‘Hey, Wolfe is only interested in games and girls,’ but you got kinda bent out of shape about the languages thing so . . . I figured I’d at least let you know what I’m up to.”
Wolfe sighed, popping a beer. “Ah. I mean, is there really nothing to gain? No purpose to it at all? If not, why are you doing it, man? I don’t get you.”
“Fun isn’t its own purpose?” Lee countered.
“It is. Sometimes things don’t need to be more than just that, but . . . can’t you pick something to have fun with that isn’t a sausage fest? May
be yoga instead of martial arts? Maybe you could do that dancing stuff girls like? I mean, I think hanging around you is enough in terms of my guy-time expenditures. Don’t want to really double down on it.”
Lee stole one of Wolfe’s beers and cracked it open. “Hey, you don’t have to join. I just figured I’d give you a heads up. I’m checking out a few places today, but if you don’t want to join, you don’t have to. I one-hundred percent understand. I’ve got a girl, though, so I’m not just doing this to pick one up. You can join or not--it's your choice--but I’m heading out in an hour.”
Wolfe looked down at the pack of beer and said, “Make it two so we can kill a few of these, and I’m in. The place is within walking distance, right?”
Lee laughed. “Yeah, it’s within walking distance. Also, I’m doing dinner out with Masha tonight. You should bring a girl and join us.”
“You buy the first round, and you can count me in for that too,” Wolfe said. “I’ll pick up the second, and hopefully, you can do one of those magic tricks to get us a third for free.”
They visited six different places before finding a little off-the-beaten-path dojo that he liked. Even though the place called itself a dojo, it was more of a mixed martial arts training facility, and Wolfe seemed more enthusiastic about the grappling and jiu-jitsu side of the training once he realized his sparring partner was a girl and not a giant sweaty dude--something about the possibility of which he had complained to no end on the way over.
-----
Nearly three weeks went by without anything of note happening aside from the fact that each chess game with Masha’s father became more and more difficult. It was as if the old man were either steadily dusting off cobwebs and growing better, or he had been going very easy on Lee during the first few matches and was steadily removing the handicap. Lee was also somewhat sure that Masha’s father was getting ready to murder him the second Masha missed a curfew. It was weird dating a woman over twenty and having to make sure she was home at a certain time, but the dates were fun, and as much as Lee felt odd about having to bring her home before curfew, he actually did enjoy the chess games.
Lee started to want to stay in the comfortable life longer. He was mentally preparing to justify staying for years in order to master the fighting styles--in which he had only just reached the very bottom level of amateur--since they proved to be incredibly effective at letting others beat him despite his godlike stats and real combat experience when he awoke to discover that, instead of being in his comfy bed next to a phone filled with text messages from Masha, he was once more in the prison cell. The stench, the hard floor, the lack of any proper pillow--it was just as awful as he remembered.
What the hell, Augustus?! Lee wanted to scream. He was so frustrated and upset. Why the hell am I back here?!
“Yeah, about that. I’m gonna need you to come in on Saturday,” Augustus’s voice came through, very monotone and followed by a sip at the end. “It’s just, you know, we lost a few people, and I really need you to come play catch-up for us.”
Cut the bad boss impression. It’s too real at the moment. You said I could stay as long as I needed! That I could enjoy the other world as much as I wanted! So, what the hell am I doing back here? Lee screamed out his complaints in his mind, mentally yelling at Augustus as loud as his thoughts would allow.
“Sorry. I meant to leave you over there for a lot longer. I was honestly gonna let you stay as long as you wanted, but when you started talking to your mom about fencing during your weekly calls, and a weird video surfaced on BluTube about you using your powers in public--some funny little clip involving forks being turned into a turtle or something--well . . . I kinda had to act quick. Sorry about that, but if the other deity in your lineage found out what I was doing, pushing you back and forth like a ferry between the dimensions, it’d only be a matter of time before she raised hell, and the rest of them penalized me. You thought the penalty I got you at the start was bad? Believe me, they can do worse.”
What? What other deity? And what penalty? The two months?!
Lee got the gist of the situation right away. He wasn’t supposed to be in the other world, and Augustus was close to getting caught, so he had brought Lee back to save his own ass, but the two points made no sense. He understood how a BluTube video with magic could get him in trouble, but he had no idea how talking to his mother might spread things.
“Hey, stop being so mad. I left you there as long as I could. Do you think the other Heralds are being ported back to their homes? No. Just you. So, be happy, alright? And go grab yourself a beer. I used some of the Faith points you’ve earned me and filled your inventory with a ton of beer and bacon to make up for the fact that I had to send you back early before you could make more progress with that Masha girl--not that I think her dad will ever let her sleep over.”
Lee sighed. He wanted to be more upset, but he realized that, all things considered, Augustus wasn’t the bad guy here. He was trying to hook Lee up with trips home, which Lee apparently wasn’t even supposed to get at all. Augustus’s explanation was believable since Lee imagined the lying little shapeshifter constantly did stuff like this.
“Oh, yeah, and one other thing,” Augustus continued. “Since I knew you’d be bummed out about missing the date tonight, which will still happen when you get back to the other world, I thought I’d give you two presents. One should help you further your martial arts practices, and the other one should help remind you of the girl you’re missing. They’re both in your inventory, so go nuts.”
Lee was incredibly skeptical that Augustus would be this thoughtful, but when he saw the two ‘presents,’ he immediately understood. That bastard. He’s still messing with me, Lee thought, laughing a little at the joke though. The first item, the one Lee assumed was meant to help him with his ‘martial arts practice,’ was nothing more than a bottle of gin with the label ‘Drink in case of OWEEEEE’ written under the word ‘gin.’ The second item, the one to remind him of his girl, was a lingerie catalog.
One of these days, Augustus, Lee thought, hoping the drunk deity was listening. One of these days, I’m going to smack you for all of this nonsense.
“Hey! I did you a solid. Just open the lingerie catalog. You’ll understand,” Augustus urged encouragingly.
Lee looked around, making sure everyone else was still asleep, before rolling over to hide what he was doing and opened the catalog. There were plenty of beautiful women in skimpy underwear, but smack dab in the middle was a picture of Lee and Masha awkwardly holding hands. It was from the first night he walked her home. She was incredibly beautiful, and remembering that night made him chuckle.
“What you laughing at so early in the morning? Whole thing still seems funny to you?” Dave’s voice came from over at the other wall, startling Lee into putting away the picture.
Augustus, you know that’s a total invasion of privacy, taking pictures without our--and especially her--consent, Lee thought, but . . . Thanks.
“What? Is it top secret? You’re not a sleep-laugher, are you? That’s going to make this prison even worse than it already is, Mr. Chuckles.” Dave took Lee’s silence as an invitation to tease him. “Some of us like to sleep without listening to the new guy cackling to himself like a mad man in the morning.”
“I take it you didn't get any rest, did you, old man?” Lee just chuckled even more and even louder.
“Nah, I slept like a baby. Augustus is the best. That’s for sure. I haven’t rested with a full belly in forever.”
“You can second that,” another waking old man said, standing up and patting his belly.
“So how long do we have until they pull us into another set of fights?” Lee asked.
“No idea, but it’s usually half an hour after the sun cracks, so we got time. You mind asking Augustus if we can have a good breakfast first? I could use some food before we spend the whole day slaughtering those racist bastards and their monsters.”
Lee glanced over in the directi
on of the golems. He could always feel the two mice in his mind in this world, and their presence was something he had greatly missed while he was away. He couldn’t say with any certainty, since he had been fortunate enough so far to not actually lose a limb, but the absence felt to him like waking up and finding out his arm wasn’t there. He had grown used to using them as extra sets of eyes and ears, generally for coordinating movements and gathering items, and then the next moment they were both gone. If he hadn’t been bounced around on an impromptu hang out with Wolfe and Masha without time to process that feeling, it probably would have been a lot worse.
“Yeah, I think Augustus won’t have an issue helping us scrounge up some food for the faithful,” Lee answered. He sent the mice out to start gathering more foodstuffs and loaded the table up with plates of bacon and glasses of beer. He couldn’t help but chuckle about the fact that the annoying shapeshifter had actually been the one responsible for their meal, even if he had credited the egotistical, divine malefactor for nearly every meal he used his powers to produce.
After grabbing some of the bacon and taking a good swig or two of the beer, Lee went back to the corner and started working on a new sculpture. It was another mouse, just like the previous two, with wings, big ears, beady eyes and sharp claws. Where this golem differed, however, was that it was a little larger and designed to have a more capacious hollow space inside. It was also incredibly light, its entire body weighing less than an ounce and a half. He then took the nails that he had stored away and slowly added a layer of metal over the creature, covering it from tooth to tail in a shiny iron coat. Spirit Smithing Initiate Level 3 gave him 15% better mana efficiency when crafting, and adding the metal coating to the golem only took up about 14% of his total mana bar. Considering how little a few ounces of metal actually was, it felt like a bit of a rip off to him, and he couldn’t wait until he could finally start sculpting larger structures, weapons, devices and the like with metal.