Turning around he saw me looking at him.
“What the fuck are you looking at? Don’t tell me you’re one of those queer boys.”
I glared at him standing there with his dick in his hand and screamed, “You fucking ASSHOLE!"
Then I turned and ran up to my bedroom, forgetting what I wanted from the kitchen in the first place. My anger was growing like a volcano, ready to erupt. My thoughts circled back to the only idea that made sense, I had to kill the son-of-a-bitch.
The next day at the old abandoned house, I told Rich about my plan to kill Leo.
“Are you kidding?" Rich said in complete shock.
Grabbing the bottle of whiskey Rich was holding, I took a giant pull.
“You’re kidding, right?” he said again.
“No, I’m not,” I answered. "He’s an asshole! He’s smacking my brother and sister around and fucking my mom in the living room right in our faces. My mom doesn’t even give a shit, she just lets it happen! He’s going to end up killing one of us one day, and it's most likely going to be me.”
“Holy shit! He is fucking your mother right in front of you? That's fucked up, man!”
“Yes it is. I need your help to take him out so he doesn’t kill one of us.”
“What? I’m not helping you kill someone!” Rich cried.
“You won’t do anything that will get you in trouble,” I slurred. “I won’t let you get in trouble. You’re my best friend. I just need some help executing my plan.”
Rich studied me hard. When I didn't back down, he knew I was serious.
“What do you have in mind?”
"Come with me and I’ll show you."
The first part of the plan was to find the right weapon. So, Rich and I got on the transit and headed to the Walmart on the southwest side of Bloomington. When we got there we checked out the shotguns in the Sporting Goods Department.
"I am going deer hunting and I am looking for just the right shotgun, what do you recommend?" I asked the clerk.
"You look awful young to be buying a shotgun," the clerk replied.
"We're just looking. My friend here is going hunting with his dad and is thinking about asking him to buy him one," I quickly replied.
"Well, I would recommend this one right here." The clerk pulled an all-black shotgun off the rack behind him and started explaining all of its features.
This was exactly what I needed. We put it on hold under Rich’s name until we could find an adult to buy it for him. This part of the plan turned out to be easier than I thought.
I asked Rich to get his uncle Tim to buy him the shotgun. I explained that I was the only one with a motive, if the cops found it after the murder it wouldn’t be traceable back to me because it would be in Tim’s name. And it wouldn’t be a problem for him because he didn’t even know Leo. I explained to him that he could give me the shotgun a couple of days before the murder then immediately report it stolen to the police. This way it was on record that the shotgun was stolen. It made the whole deal sound okay to Rich, so he agreed to do his part.
Asking Rich’s uncle to buy the shotgun wasn’t hard at all. Tim was an avid hunter and all for it. In fact, he told Rich it was about time he learned how to hunt. Tim even paid for the shotgun out of his own pocket!
Several days later, I came home from school and snuck into my mother’s bedroom before anyone else got home. I unlocked the window so I could later enter the bedroom from the outside.
The evening went along as usual. Leo slugged down a few beers; around midnight, he and my mother went to bed. I could hear the sound of the TV float upstairs to the attic as I started to nod off to sleep.
At exactly two in the morning, my watch alarm beeped. I tiptoed over to my bedroom window. Slowly, and very quietly I opened it and stepped out onto the asphalt-shingled roof over the front porch. Like cat, I found the lattice and climbed down to the banister. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I took off running through the backyard to graveyard just beyond our house.
It was so cold I could see my breath in the air when I exhaled. I had to jog pretty far, but I eventually found Old Man Kregen’s tombstone. This is where I told Rich to hide the shotgun. Looking around, I could see many of the names on the graves were Kregen. One grave was new. I envisioned one just like it for Leo. The shotgun was right where we had planned.
Grabbing the instrument of death, or as Jim called it, “The Devil’s Right Hand”, I started back toward the house. A part of me was feeling uncertain if this was the right thing to do. If I got caught I would spend my life in jail. Was Leo’s life worth it?
When I finally got to my mother’s bedroom window I squatted down, waiting for the right moment. My heart was racing and my legs were shaking. I wasn't ready to kill someone. The act of planning it out felt so good, but right then and there I was scared.
I don't know if it was divine intervention or what but my little sister saved me by opening the door to my mother’s bedroom at just the right moment. I could see her silhouette swimming in the light behind her. She was crying, telling my mother about a horrible nightmare she’d just had. My mother picked her up and put her in the bed.
My body went limp with relief. There was no way I could go through with my plan now. I sat against the house watching my breath as I exhaled into the bitter cold. Although I was relieved, I felt like a coward.
I put the shotgun back under the pile of sticks and leaves behind the tombstone in the graveyard. then I went back to the house, climbed up the lattice, and through my window. Although I was back in bed, my eyes never closed.
When Rich went to the cemetery at five in the morning, he found the shotgun right where I had told him I would leave it. Rich’s part of the plan was to get rid of the evidence.
After discarding several other ideas he came up with an ingenious plan. If he broke down the shotgun in to pieces, hiding parts in different areas of the lake. No one would ever figure it out even if they found one part. So piece-by-piece, barrel, trigger, butt, chamber, bolt, sling and site, he divided the pieces into three different plastic bags.
At six thirty sharp, Rich hefted his backpack onto his shoulders and left for school. He wanted to drop the parts into the lake before anyone’s prying eyes would be awake to see him.
Rich threw the pieces of the first bag into the main part of lake. Then he walked to the opposite side and with sweaty hands despite the cold, he undid the top of the second bag, scanned the lake for walkers, and threw the pieces into the water. He then took the last bag to a dense stand of cattails in a sort of swampy area and threw the rest of the pieces into the mud. Each piece sunk like the lake was eating them for breakfast.
After that, Rich ran to school, breathing more easily when he joined a group of kids all trying to avoid the tardy bell.
I was already in class, sitting at my desk yawning, when Rich walked in. He approached me with a look that said, “Tell me what happened right now, or I will punch you in the face.”
“I couldn’t do it,” I whispered.
“What!?" Rich replied with a stunned look on his face that quickly melted into a look of relief. After a few seconds he continued, “Are you kidding me?”
“No, my sister walked into the room just as I was opening the window. I couldn’t go through with it with her in the room.”
“Well, guess what?”
“What?” I said as I looked at Rich and suddenly realized that he had gotten rid of the evidence.
"Yeah, my uncle is going to go ape shit when I tell him I lost it."
“SHIT!” I shouted, which turned all eyes on me.
“SHHHHHHH! What did you expect?” Rich fired back. “I thought you went through with it.”
I was secretly happy the plan fell through but I felt bad for putting Rich in this position with his uncle....
Weeks went by and Leo remained the asshole that he was. It was event getting worse. I was starting to regret my decision to not kill him.
The only pleasure I h
ad was my secret, knowing that Leo had no idea how close he came to dying. I visualized killing him over and over again. Even though I knew I could never do it, it helped me get through the day.
I was now spending a lot of time at the old abandoned house. I was even spending the night there. I would drink myself to sleep.
I remember waking up at the abandoned house one morning to the faint sound of crying. I stumbled around the house until I found where it was coming from. It was a cat. I found it curled up in a ball in one of the broken-down closets. It didn’t look like it felt very well. Not sick, just not well. It was a billicat like Tom which made me smile.
Sitting down next to my new friend, I started petting it. I noticed she had a tight, swollen belly.
“Are you pregnant, girl? You look like you are ready to give birth soon,” I murmured. "Don't worry girl, I will take care of you."
I had to leave soon because it was getting very late and I wanted to sleep in my own bed for a change. Maybe I could sneak into the house, grab something to eat, and go to bed without anyone knowing I was home, I thought.
Two days later when I returned to the abandoned house, mama cat had given birth. I was the first to meet the fuzzy little furballs that lay beside her. In fact, I was the only one that even knew these little critters existed. The abandoned house had become my second home. I spent more time there than any of my friends.
This next part of the story is something that I am very ashamed of. A few weeks after the kittens were born I got drunk and something invaded my brain. I cannot fully explain why I did what I did, but it’s something I relive in my dreams to this day.
DREAM:
There is a stray cat in my house. I throw it out but It keeps coming back. When I close the door it just appears back in the house. I become angry and strangle it. It won't stop so I try and kill it. It won't die. It just keeps coming at me until I wake.
I bet I have had this dream a hundred times over the years.
At the abandoned house I was playing with one of the kittens when the image of Leo entered my head. He was forcing my mother to have sex with him. The images rushed at me like cars colliding. The sounds of moans, groans, and crying rang loud in my ears. I wanted to kill him.
That’s when I realized I was gripping the kitten’s neck with my left hand and slapping it with my right. It was frantically trying to get away, but I held it tight. I slapped it again and again, each blow making me feel better. It released something inside me I knew was wrong, but it felt good. I had control! The slapping soon turned into punches.
"You motherfucker, I will fucking kill you!" I screamed.
I wanted the kitten to feel my pain. I wanted it to suffer just like I did. Putting both my hands around its neck I started choking the life out of the kitten. It tried to climb my arm with its back paws, leaving deep scratches. It thrashed to get free. The more it fought the harder I squeezed. I could see the fear in its eyes. It was so scared it shit itself. Only then did I come to my senses.
Controlling the monster that was struggling to get out, I started shaking. I put the kitten down.
I was mortified by what I had done. The look of terror in the kitten’s eyes scribbled a haunting picture on my brain that would torment me for the rest of my life. I couldn’t believe what I had done. Worse, I couldn't believe what I had become.
I was Sy.
Depressed, ashamed, and sobbing, I took another swig of whiskey. I looked out the broken window in the front of the abandoned house. The glass was so old parts of it were sagging from its own weight. The objects seen through it were obscured. The gravel driveway in front, lined with overgrown mulberry bushes, looked blurry. The houses just beyond them were oblong and wavy. The whole thing reminded me of the House of Mirrors at the county fair. Over the past few months I had stood at the window admiring the surrounding homes. Looking across the street, I could see the flickering lights from the television sets in their living rooms. I imagined a mother and father snuggling together with their kids on the couch. I pretended I was with them. These innocent daydreams turned into a new life for me. I wasn't sleeping at night; instead I was watching a life I could dream about.
I couldn't help but think how lonely the abandoned house must have felt. Sitting there all day watching the homes around it filled with families while it sat abandoned with no one to love it but a broken down teenager.
I felt a drop of sadness slowly roll down my cheek, leaving a cold trail of helplessness. Stumbling across the room, I finished off the bottle of whiskey, then struggled home to try and sleep it off.
To my surprise, Grandma Daisy was in the living room when I got home. She had been waiting on me for several hours. When I saw the shock on her face it stunned me.
“Oh my God, what has happened to you, Jack?” She asked.
She hadn’t seen me in months. I am sure she smelled the booze on my breath. I knew I looked like crap. Even Rich told me I looked sick a few weeks back. I had lost so much weight, I was frail and weak.
“Jack, you are so pale and you have dark rings under your eyes. What has happened to you?” she asked again with concern.
“What are you doing here, Grandma?”
“Your grandfather called me. He found out you haven’t been going to school.”
Taking a long look at me, she said, “I went through this with your grandfather for many years, and then with your mother. I’m not going to lose you like I lost them. You are too good for this! I’m going to take you home with me and take care of you. You need help, Jack."
The way she said these words in her soft-spoken voice left me no other option but to go home with her. I didn’t want to fight it. I was tired, hungry, and I was ready to go back to sanity.
Cindy
Chapter twenty-two
"Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in."
~Shannon L. Alder
Cindy Napier’s Diary
May 28th 1995
After the car incident with my father, things were very awkward for me. I don't know if he had any memory of what he did or not. He never spoke of it and I sure wasn’t going to say anything.
Up until the end of my junior year my father was never around. When he was I did my best to stay clear of him. On rare occasions he would stumble up to me and whisper in my ear like he did when I was a child. Like then, I could smell the booze on his breath. When he looked at me it was extremely uncomfortable. I couldn't get the memory of what he did out of my head. I wanted nothing to do with the one person I once loved so much.
When he picked up on my feelings he started drinking even more. One night he stumbled into my room, drunk and crying. He asked me why I was being so cold to him. I don't think he had a clue about what happened that night in the car. He must have blacked out. He was so sincere, it broke my heart. I love him so much and I want to forgive him. So I did.
Brooke
Chapter twenty-Three
“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we're settling for.”
~ Mandy Hale
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:09 am:
Nick called me the other night drunk. He begged me to come over to his house.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/28/2014 at 12:10 am:
Did you?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:11 am:
No, but a part of me wanted to.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/28/2014 at 12:12 am:
That's not good, Brooke. It sounds like he just wants to have sex with you.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:13 am:
What's wrong with that?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/28/2014 at 12:15 am:
He just going to use you. Don't let yourself be taken advantage of. You don't want to be that kind of girl.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:16 am:
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I know. I'm just lonely. I’m asking Jack to move out this weekend? Wish me luck!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/28/2014 at 12:17 am:
Good luck I guess. Are you sure you want to do that?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:18 am:
I'm done. I need to move on with my life.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/28/2014 at 12:19 am:
Okay, I’ll be praying for you.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/28/2014 at 12:20 am:
Thanks :-)
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at 8:07 am:
So, what happened?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:09 am:
I didn't go through with it :-( I chickened out and got drunk instead lol
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at 8:10 am:
This is a big decision so take your time. It’s important you make the right decision for you and your boys.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:11 am:
I did something bad.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at 8:12 am:
What did you do, Brooke?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:13 am:
I went over to Nick’s house last night…
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at 8:14 am:
And?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:15 am:
He was so sweet to me. We stayed up all night talking. He’s so sincere.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at 8:16 am:
Did you have sex with him?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:20 am:
Yes
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 8/30/2014 at 8:21 am:
You’re a married woman. That's not right.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 8/30/2014 at 8:23 am:
I'm lonely, Tyler :-(
Breaking Brooklyn Page 13