by Jennie Lucas
“I just can’t believe it,” I whispered. My hand tightened on the phone. “You’re calling out of nowhere to offer me my dream job?”
“Dream job?” He laughed “Oh man. If a shoestring web series is your dream, you need bigger dreams.” He added apologetically, “It’s not glamorous, either. The character is pregnant. You’d need to wear padding....”
I put my hand against the wall to brace myself. “Are you kidding?” Pregnant? Was it fate telling me to go? I said almost tearfully, “Why are you doing this?”
“Well, I owe you, Diana,” he said quietly. “After all I put you through, it seemed the least I could do. Plus,” he added, “I’d rather work with you than some no-name nobody. Will you come?”
I thought again of Edward upstairs, waiting for me, and my heart twisted. “I’m not sure....”
“I understand,” he said dryly. “Edward doesn’t seem like the California type.” He paused. “It’s up to you. But if you can get here within two days, the role is yours.”
When I hung up the phone, the house was silent and dark. Mrs. Corrigan had gone to bed long ago, before we even got home from the party. It was the first time I’d been downstairs like this, with Edward up in our bedroom. Usually I was the one to sleep alone.
California. The memory of home came back to me. Sunshine. The ocean. The scent of roses in my mother’s garden. I could have my dream job there, with my friends and family around me, raising my baby....
Except this wasn’t just my baby. It was our baby. And no matter how scared I was, I had to tell Edward about it. I had to at least give him the chance to be part of our lives. And tell him I loved him. Right now.
But as I slowly went up the stairs, my heart was in my throat.
A baby. I gripped the slender oak handrail as I climbed, each shaking step echoing across the dark house. A sweet, precious baby. Would he be a little boy with Edward’s eyes? An adorable little girl with his smile?
Then I remembered my promise.
This is all I can give you, he’d said. No marriage. No children. All I can offer is—this. Do you agree?
An ache lifted to my throat. I was kidding myself if I thought Edward would be happy about this. He didn’t want my love. He didn’t want my child. He wanted convenient sex, and to leave if it got complicated.
I covered my mouth with my hand. Please let him be happy about my news. Give me the chance to show him how to love again....
My legs shook as I walked down the dark hallway. I stopped at our bedroom door.
“You’ve kept me waiting.” Edward’s voice was accusing from the shadows. “Come to bed, Diana.”
Come to bed. I swallowed. Clenching my trembling hands at my sides, I went forward.
As my eyes adjusted to the dim light of the bedroom, I saw the large shape of him, lying on the bed. His long legs were crossed, his arms folded beneath his head as he stared up at the ceiling. He was still fully clothed in his tuxedo, with only his tie loosened.
“How is Jason?” he said coldly, still staring up at the ceiling.
I stopped. The two men were not exactly close friends. More like rivals, really, though I had no idea what they might be rivals about. I said haltingly, “He’s all right.”
“I bet.” With a low laugh, Edward sat up on the bed. He turned to face me. The hard lines of his body and face were in shadow, but I saw the glitter of his eyes. “So he made a big mistake, did he?”
“He felt bad about cheating on me,” my voice stumbled awkwardly, “so he called me to offer me a role. It’s nothing big, just a web series. But I can have the role without having to audition, as long as I’m there in two days.”
“How perfect. For both of you.” He rose to his feet, slowly, like a giant rising in front of me. “Do you want me to help you pack?”
My lips parted at the coldness of his tone. “I don’t want to leave you—”
“It’s exactly what you want,” he said acidly. “Go back to California, with all your industry connections. Jason Black is dying to have you back, so much he’s obligingly dug up an acting job for you. Everything you want has fallen into your lap. There’s nothing left to do but give you a goodbye kiss.”
Every woman Edward had trusted had abandoned him, lied to him. But I would not. “I don’t want to go. Because—”
He lifted a dark eyebrow and said mockingly, “Because?”
My spine straightened, and I forced myself to say it, simply, clearly, with every syllable full of equal parts anguish and hope. “Because I’m in love with you, Edward.”
The effect was immediate.
Dropping his hands, he staggered back. His eyes looked wild in the shadowy light. He took a step toward me. Then stopped.
“I want to stay,” I whispered, almost begging. “Please give me a reason to stay. Tell me I have a chance with you.”
I heard his intake of breath. “Diana...” He caught himself. His jaw grew tight. “No.”
“You don’t want me,” I said miserably.
“Of course I want you,” he said fiercely. Then he looked away. “I just know how this will end.” With a low curse, he yanked off his loosened tuxedo tie. “I should have broken this off weeks ago. Before we left Cornwall. But I couldn’t.” He looked at me, and I thought I saw a sheen of bewilderment in his eyes, even grief. “And this is the result. Pain for us both.”
“Don’t you have any feelings for me at all?” I choked out.
He stepped back. The short distance between us suddenly became wide. “I care about you.” I saw the smudges of shadows beneath his eyes. He took a breath. “In fact I’m afraid, if I let myself, I could fall in love with you, Diana.”
Joy leapt in my heart. “Edward—”
“But I won’t let it happen,” he said flatly. “I won’t let myself love you.”
The cut was so sudden and savage that my breath choked off and a sound came from my lips like a whimper.
His eyes glittered. “Love is a suckers’ game, Diana. I’ve told you that all along. The only way to win is not to play. I’ve learned it the hard way.”
But beneath his rough voice, I thought I heard something else. Vulnerability. He was holding himself together by brute force.
“Please don’t do this,” I said tearfully. “Don’t.”
Edward looked down at me almost wistfully. “We both know you haven’t been happy in London. It was just a matter of time.”
I couldn’t argue with that, no matter how much I wished I could. As I stood beside the enormous bed where he’d given me such pleasure in the darkness, every night for the past two months, I felt Edward’s emotional and physical withdrawal, as plainly as if someone had pulled a coat off my body. I hadn’t even realized it had been wrapped around my shoulders until it was suddenly gone and I felt the chill blast of winter.
Reaching into the closet, he pulled out my old suitcase. Tossing it on our bed, he calmly started dumping my clothes into it. As I watched him, aghast, he finished packing in just three minutes. “If I’ve missed anything, I’ll have it sent to you in California.”
“You’re tossing me out.”
His eyes held no expression. “I’m saying goodbye.”
But I still hadn’t told him my secret—our precious, precious secret, due in September. “Wait. We still have to talk.” I took a deep breath and tried desperately, “There’s something more I have to tell you—”
“We’ve talked,” Edward said. “And now we’re done.” Going to the window, he opened the blinds and looked out at the elegant street, dark and quiet with all the expensive townhouses tucked in for the night, sleeping cheek by jowl in the moonlight. Pulling his phone from his pocket, Edward called his driver. Hanging up, he glanced back at me as if I were a stranger.
“Nathan will be here in five minutes to take you
to the airport. My jet is at your disposal, and will take you back to where your dream career and dream man await.” His lips twisted. “Thank you for your assistance with my recovery.” Edward held out his hand. “I will be glad to recommend you to anyone who needs a physiotherapist in the future.”
Bewildered, I took his hand. He shook it once, briskly, as if we’d only just been introduced. He started to pull away. Desperately, I tightened my hand. “Come with me to California.”
His lips curved. “And what would I do there?”
“Whatever you want!”
He shook his head. “St. Cyr Global is headquartered in London. The company is my responsibility. I was born to it....”
“And you hate it,” I said tearfully. “Every single minute.”
He looked down at me, and an expression of pain crossed his eyes. “It was fun while it lasted, Diana,” he said quietly. “But there is no reason for us to ever see each other again.”
“No reason? Are you crazy? I just told you I loved you!”
His expression hardened. “Do you expect me to change my whole life for the sake of a few cheap words?”
“Cheap?” My knees trembled from the emptiness I felt inside. It suddenly threatened to devour me, with the help of its friends, grief and despair. “I want to be with you forever. I love you, Edward,” I whispered. “We could build a home together, a future.” I lifted my tearful gaze to his. “We could have a child—”
My throat closed when I saw him flinch.
“Sorry. What I want,” he said quietly, “is a clean break.” He closed my suitcase with a snap.
“But there can’t be.” To my horror, my voice came out in a whimper. I wiped my eyes hard. “There will always be a connection between us now. Because you have to know that I...”
“For God’s sake, stop it!”
“But I...”
“Not another word! If you won’t go, I will.” I had a brief view of his pale, stricken face as he rushed past me. Then he was gone, disappearing through the door in a few strides of his long legs.
I stared after him in shock. I heard the echo of the front door slamming downstairs. I looked out the window, and numbly watched Edward disappear down the street, walking out of my life forever.
A sob came from the back of my throat. I leaned against the window, my hand outstretched across the cold glass. Edward hadn’t even given me the chance to tell him about the baby. Just telling him I loved him had made him run.
Just as I’d always known it would. Though I’d tried so hard not to know.
Through the blur of my tears, I saw a black sedan silently pull up to the curb in front of the house. Nathan, coming to take me to the airport.
I finally understood why Edward had ended our relationship. Why he’d been so determined not to love me.
It was so he’d never have to feel like this.
“Are you ready, madam?” I heard the driver’s voice at the door. “Shall I bring your suitcase down?”
My hand closed to a fist against the window. Turning slowly, I gave him a shake of my head. “I’ll do it myself.”
“Very good, madam.”
Squaring my shoulders, I wiped my eyes. I’d thought I could teach Edward something about love. Instead, he’d taught me.
Love is a suckers’ game. The only way to win is not to play.
With a deep breath, I picked up my suitcase. I’d never weep over Edward again, I vowed. All that mattered now was our baby. No.
My baby.
CHAPTER SIX
“OUT HERE AGAIN?”
Looking up, I smiled when I saw my stepfather in front of the pink bougainvillea of the garden.
“I had the morning off,” I replied. “Jason’s coming to pick me up in an hour.”
“Always so busy.” Howard gave a mock sigh. “I should have gotten you to work as a zombie when I had the chance.”
“Sorry.” My smile lifted to a grin. “You’ll have to ask my agent now.”
The web series had been as good a launch as Jason had thought it would be. In just four-and-a-half months, I’d started to have a real career. I wasn’t a movie star like Madison—not even close—but it turned out I had lots of friends who were anxious to see me succeed for no other reason than that they liked me. I had already expanded into commercials, doing character roles and bit parts on television shows. It was enjoyable at times, at other times mind-numbingly boring. If it wasn’t quite the ecstatic dream I’d thought it would be, it at least had given me something to do after I left my real dream behind in London.
Or to be more accurate, he’d left me.
“Must be hard to be so popular,” Howard grumbled. Then, as he looked around, a smile spread across his tanned, wrinkled face. “You’ve made the garden come to life again. It’s exactly how Hannah had it.”
“Thanks.” I leaned back on my haunches, brushing dirt off my gardening gloves as I surveyed the red and yellow roses. At nearly seven months’ pregnant, my belly was so large now that I had to brace myself so I didn’t lose balance and topple over.
For the past four-and-a-half months, since I returned to California, I’d lived in my childhood bedroom at Howard’s house, a white colonial in Beverly Hills. Whenever I wasn’t working, I spent time in my mother’s old garden behind the house. In April, I’d enjoyed feeling the sunlight on my face, and now it was late July, I relished the cool shade.
I was home, I told myself. I didn’t let myself think about Cornwall anymore, or how happy I’d been at Penryth Hall.
I looked up gratefully at my stepfather. “Thanks for letting me stay here so long. When I asked to visit, you had no idea I’d be moving in permanently,” I added, only half joking.
“Listen.” He reached out to pat my shoulder. “Every single day I have you here, with a grandbaby on the way, is a blessing.” Howard looked wistfully at the roses. “You’ve started a new career, a new life,” he said gruffly. “Your mother would have been so happy about the baby. And so proud of you, Diana.”
I felt a lump rise to my throat. “Thanks, Howard.”
Funny to think now that I hadn’t always liked him. I hadn’t wanted anyone to replace my dad, and the two men were so different. My dad had been quiet and studious, caring and careful. Howard Lowe was brash and loud, and never afraid to yell—especially at actors—or start a fight.
But beneath his bluster, Howard had loved my mother more than life, and he’d taken me under his wing from the beginning, when I was a sad eleven-year-old, bookish and quiet compared to his own daughter Madison, the result of his earlier short marriage to an actress.
Swallowing, I looked from the pinks and reds and yellows of the roses, to the more exotic flowers beneath wide cypress, pine and palm trees. “You’ve been so kind to me. I feel bad, with Madison giving you the silent treatment for it....”
He made a dismissive gesture. “Who’s to say she is? She’s busy in Mongolia. And if she’s mad that I’m letting you stay here, she’ll have to get over it. We’re family.”
I shook my head. “She’ll never forgive me for ruining her relationship with Jason.”
“Hush. If it was so easy to ruin, it wasn’t much of a relationship.” He patted my arm. “I’m glad you’re here, Diana. Don’t rush into leaving. Especially with Jason Black. I don’t think much about a man who keeps changing his mind which sister he wants to marry.”
“Howard, you know Jason and I are just friends!”
“Sure, I know that. I’m just not sure he does.”
I sighed. After we’d wrapped the web series, Jason had taken me out often, whenever he had time off from the superhero movie he was filming in Century City. After the scandal of last year, the paparazzi had a field day with this latest development, and they’d followed us constantly, photographing us doing bori
ng things like drinking lattes at a café. Last week we’d been on the cover of multiple celebrity gossip magazines. Madison Lowe Love Triangle, one headline screamed. Madison’s Pregnant Stepsister Strikes Back with Baby Daddy Jason Black!
I’d writhed when I read it. So much for trying to avoid the paparazzi, and maintain a dignified silence.
“Just tell everyone it’s mine,” Jason had urged. “It will be, after we’re married.”
“We’re not getting married, Jason,” I’d said, rolling my eyes. “We’re friends. Just friends.”
But did he really accept that?
I sighed in irritation, remembering. “Love is a suckers’ game,” I grumbled to Howard.
I suddenly realized who I was quoting. I didn’t love Edward anymore. Instead, I’d become him.
“Okay, okay.” Howard held up his hands. “Whatever. I’m staying out of it. But look.” His expression turned ferocious, his gray eyebrows bushy and fierce. “I don’t know what the deal was with your baby’s father, or why you decided it would be a mistake to tell him about the pregnancy....”
“I don’t want to—”
“Yeah, I know you don’t like to talk about it. But take it from an old man. Life is short. It passes by in a blink. Even if the guy’s every kind of jerk, he at least deserves a shot at knowing his kid.”
I wished I’d never told Howard so much. Edward had made me love him as I’d never loved anyone. He’d filled me with his child. He’d made me so happy.
But he hadn’t wanted me. He hadn’t wanted any of it. Love. Children. Happiness.
Bluebirds soared above my mother’s garden, singing as they lifted higher into the cloudless blue sky. Something caught in my throat, and I looked away. “He told me he didn’t ever want a child. I was doing him a favor.”
“People can change. Sometimes for better than you can imagine. He deserved the chance.” He looked at me and said softly, “Your mom would have said the same.”
I gave a soft gasp. Bringing Mom into it was punching below the belt.
Not that I actually had a belt anymore. Unthinkingly, I put my hand over my swelling body. It was a good thing that long dresses were in style, because now I was in my third trimester, none of my regular clothes fit me anymore. Not even the stretchiest yoga pants.