I know she has no intention of arranging this. It is all part of her cat and mouse. I can imagine how she will play it.
If only you had been here before. You might have found Lizzy and me in a very happy situation. Maybe one day …
In any case, Harriet has achieved her desired effect. Denny comes back with a thirty-pound bottle of burgundy and the Duke is only too happy to fill both our glasses.
‘That is so much better,’ says Harriet, draining her glass. ‘It is so difficult to think when I am thirsty.’
She flutters her eyelashes and turns the bottle so as many people as possible will see the expensive motif etched on the glass.
A group of young lords is passing by and I notice every one of them turn their head, taking in the luxurious package, which is Harriet.
She beams at them and sips prettily.
I am looking over to Edward again now, wondering when he will come and rescue me. If Harriet drinks much more wine, she might do anything.
To my surprise, I see Fitzroy look towards us. He and Edward talk for a moment. Then Fitzroy begins walking out of the rotunda, heading in my direction.
I take a nervous sip of wine as he approaches.
Harriet follows my gaze and watches with interest.
‘He comes for you?’ she whispers.
‘He is a friend of Edward’s,’ I reply, ignoring her insinuation.
Why does Edward not collect you himself?
I try to reason with myself not to be offended. I am well paid to be Edward’s companion after all. There is no need for him to personally attend me as though I were a society lady. But something about the situation feels wrong. After what just passed between us in the garden I expected…
You are being a fool Lizzy. Be grateful for what you have.
Fitzroy approaches and Harriet takes in his expensive clothing and greets him with a wide smile. He returns it with a snakelike leer of his own.
‘Harriet,’ Fitzroy makes her a low bow. ‘Lord Hays requested I give you his card.’
The words hit me like a lightning bolt.
Edward gives Harriet his card?
I feel it like an actual physical pain.
How could he?
Harriet takes it in her little white fingers and I feel something harden inside me.
‘Does he?’ Harriet says in a delighted voice. ‘How very charming.’ She shoots me a victorious glance. ‘I had thought he was all eyes for Lizzy.’
‘Oh no,’ I say, my voice leaden. ‘There is nothing of that kind between Lord Hays and I.’
Fitzroy is taking this all in, revelling in my humiliation. No doubt he will return this information to Caroline.
‘I must call on Lord Hays,’ says Harriet, rolling the words around with pleasure. ‘After you have parted company of course Lizzy.’
I cannot look at her. The thoughts in my mind are whirling like fire. I know I have no right to expect Edward’s loyalty. In the gardens I made it clear to him I did not want a lover’s intimacy. So why do I feel so hurt?
Fitzroy’s attention is back on me now. I do my best to compose my features.
‘Edward asked that I bring you to the rotunda,’ he says, his eyes skirting over me curiously.
‘Does he?’ I say, handing back my glass to Denny. ‘Then I shall come. I loved seeing you,’ I say to Harriet. ‘We should meet again.’
My false smile is almost faultless, though doubtless Harriet sees it flicker.
We hug. ‘Take care, Lizzy,’ she whispers, kinder now.
I nod into her shoulder.
‘And you, Harriet,’ I say sincerely. I am not angry with her. Men are a game to Harriet, nothing more. It is Edward who has shown himself heartless.
Her eyes rest on me for a moment. Full of warning. She gives a little shake of her head I know what she is telling me.
Do not fall in love.
Then we are back to our masquerades. Hers as seductress, mine as a lady.
Chapter 36
Fitzroy walks me unhurriedly across the grass, towards the rotunda. I am wracked with humiliation. I still cannot believe that Edward would court Harriet so openly.
‘I am glad of the chance to speak with you privately,’ Fitzroy is saying.
‘Oh.’ I cannot think of how else to reply. This does not feel like the kind of remark a man would make to a lady. But I do not know enough to be sure.
‘Caroline and I had wondered about you,’ he says. ‘You were quite the mystery to us.’
I make no reply, but keep my gaze on the rotunda. It seems far away.
‘Caroline was sure you were about to steal Edward away,’ Fitzroy continues, not deterred by my silence. ‘But I reassured her, for I know Edward well.’
‘Perhaps you had hopes he might marry you,’ he continues sympathetically. ‘You poor girl. I wish I could have warned you.’
Unexpectedly, Fitzroy places a solicitous hand on my arm.
I turn to him in quick outrage. But he makes no move to retract his arm and I do not wish to make a scene by removing it.
Waves of betrayal are coursing through me.
Why did Edward give Harriet his card in the gardens? He could have easily waited for a time when I would not be openly humiliated.
‘I only hope,’ breathes Fitzroy, ‘that you have not allowed Edward to seduce you.’
Were it not for the pain in my heart, I should laugh at this. But all I feel is hurt.
‘Edward will marry my sister soon,’ continues Fitzroy. ‘Did he tell you so?’
I nod my head dumbly.
He waits as I make no reply. I am barely following what he says.
‘I cannot imagine Edward plans to see you again, once his business in London is concluded,’ Fitzroy observes.
I keep my eyes straight ahead, but the rotunda has blurred.
‘Edward is a bachelor,’ I say easily. ‘He may go where he wishes.’
I feel sick to my stomach.
We are at the rotunda steps now and Edward is visible near the front of the crowd. I feel a tight burst of rage at him as he turns to greet us. Forcing back an unexpected urge to cry, I set my practised smile.
Not for the first time, I am grateful for my training with Mrs Wilkes, which taught me to hide the deepest hurts. But I never thought I would use this particular skill with Edward. The pain of it is unexpectedly strong.
I allow Fitzroy to lead me through the crowd of people in total mortification. In these fine clothes, my whore’s bravado has vanished. I feel as bad as if I were a genuine lady whose honour had been violated.
A single thought is tunnelling through my mind.
Edward. Edward has betrayed me.
The idea pierces my heart. That he brought me here. He made me dress this way. And he made me a mockery among his friends.
For a moment, I hate Edward. Then I catch sight of his face, lit up with such genuine pleasure to see me, and my fury wavers.
He pushes through the crowd and holds me by either shoulder – as near as unmarried aristocrats dare to embrace in public. Then, as if unable to help himself, he kisses me quickly on the lips.
I stand rigidly, still caught in my anger. Edward pulls back, confused. His eyes hold a question.
‘Are you feeling quite well?’ he asks, full of concern.
‘No, I …’ I raise my hand to my head. ‘I think the sun … I seem to have a headache.’
Edward’s eyes move between me and Fitzroy. He is about to ask a question when Fitzroy speaks.
‘Elizabeth introduced me to Harriet as I hoped,’ he says. ‘A lovely girl and quite famed.’
‘Yes,’ says Edward, his eyes moving to Harriet’s flirtatious stance in the Vauxhall crowd. ‘We met.’
‘Elizabeth and I are becoming quite good friends, are we not?’ adds Fitzroy, with a smirk.
‘Yes,’ I say, forcing the word. ‘Good friends.’
‘Well, Edward,’ he says. ‘I have many people to talk with. The creditors are all for us. You will
own the ship. As soon as the Naval Office signs.’
Edward gives a tight smile, but his eyes flick back to my face in concern.
‘Then you and I will trade together,’ adds Fitzroy, reaching towards Edward and touching his arm. When Edward does not respond, he makes a rapid smile at both of us and then steps into the crowd.
As he disappears, Edward looks at me. I look away.
Chapter 37
I sit silently in the carriage as it rolls back to Edward’s townhouse. Despite all Mrs Wilkes’s teachings, I cannot summon the coquettish girl who men pay for company. And when we arrive, I get out without waiting to be handed and make straight for the parlour.
When I get there, I stride to my cheap linen dress, which is folded neatly behind the screen.
I stoop down, letting my hand run over the fabric, and tears tumble onto the blue material.
Things were so much simpler when I wore this dress. I should never have tried for higher.
Wiping away my tears, I rise to see Edward is at the door.
‘Elizabeth,’ he says softly, ‘what is the matter?’
‘Nothing is the matter,’ I retort, turning my face away. ‘A street girl such as I does not feel as a lady might. You should know that.’
Within a second he is at my side.
‘You are angry?’
I open and shut my mouth again. Affront washes over me in a dangerous tide of anger. How can he not know?
I begin unlacing the pink silk I wear.
‘You overestimate what your money buys,’ I say, turning away and working to take off the dress. A lump is rising in my throat.
‘Elizabeth,’ Edward begins.
‘Lizzy,’ I spit, ‘My name is Lizzy.’
‘You are angry about what happened in the gardens,’ he says, though he sounds confused rather than apologetic. His eyes swing up to mine. ‘I am sorry you were offended,’ he adds in a strangely formal tone. ‘I did not think the usual… protocols applied with you.’
‘You humiliated me,’ I accuse, ‘in front of Harriet, in front of Fitzroy.’ Remembering Fitzroy’s smugness fires up a new rage in me.
‘I did not think you would mind,’ says Edward bluntly. ‘Given your background.’
How dare he!
I turn away from him and continue working on my laces.
‘Elizabeth –‘ Edward stops as if realising something for the first time.
‘Why are you holding your old dress?’
‘I am returning to Piccadilly,’ I say, amazed he could think there might be another end to this conversation.
For a moment I think he will try and persuade me to stay. Then his face sets in resignation.
‘If you leave, then you may wear the dress you are in,’ he says finally.
My mouth is open in amazement.
‘You think I should wish to go back to Piccadilly in your dress?’
‘It is a great deal more valuable than the garment you came in,’ he says, sounding confused.
‘I do not want anything from you.’ My words come out as an angry hiss.
He raises his arm to stop my frantic unlacing.
‘Keep the dress,’ he says. ‘I have no use for it. Do not be so proud.’
I push his hand away.
‘My pride is all I have,’ I snap. ‘You may not take it from me. Not for all the silken dresses in England.’
‘Elizabeth. Lizzy.’ He sounds exasperated. ‘I do not understand why you are behaving this way.’
The top of the dress is open now and I cannot remove it without him seeing me in my shift.
‘Look away,’ I demand.
He makes to speak, and then stops and turns slowly around.
‘You do not have to go,’ he says, standing with his back to me.
I ignore him, heaving away the skirts and tugging loose the wide petticoats.
Then I pull up my old cheap linen dress. It feels strange to be that girl again.
I drag the laces tightly closed, forcing myself to stand more upright.
‘I will send your money to Piccadilly,’ says Edward, still facing away.
‘There is no need,’ I say. ‘I have not fulfilled my side of the bargain. I do not expect you to fulfil yours.’
I know my pride will hurt me in the long run. But right at this moment, it tempers my anguish with stubborn satisfaction.
For all the heaviness in my heart, I will walk out of here with my head held high.
You see, Lord Hays. No money can buy my free will.
This thought salves the deep pain in my heart.
As I move to walk past Edward, he turns, barring my way. There is something different in his face now. As though his earlier haughtiness were an act that has crumbled.
‘Please,’ he says. ‘Please stay.’
He moves his arm to my shoulder. I look down at it and up into his eyes. There is an earnestness there that confuses me.
He catches both my shoulders.
‘I am truly sorry,’ he says. ‘I should not have sent Fitzroy to collect you.’
What?
I blink at him.
‘You think that is why I am leaving?’ I manage, open-mouthed.
Edward looks confused. ‘It is not the reason? Why then?’
‘You gave Harriet your card!’ I accuse. ‘In front of everyone. Must you make it so clear I am nothing to you?’
In my anger I am mixing my words up. But I am so hurt I cannot help myself.
Edward is looking at me in disbelief. Then to my amazement he laughs.
I push his hands away from my shoulders angrily and make to push past him. He catches me easily and I struggle.
‘Wait. Elizabeth. Wait.’
Something in the force of his voice stops me.
‘I did not give Harriet my card,’ says Edward.
I stare at him. Does he think me a fool?
‘I saw Fitzroy give it,’ I retort.
He shakes his head.
‘Elizabeth. Think. Fitzroy wants me to marry his sister. He plays games with you. I did not give Harriet my card.’
It takes me a full few seconds for this to sink in.
‘You did not?’ I manage. Some traitorous part of me is singing with relief.
‘No.’ Edward is fighting back a smile. ‘I have no wish to ever meet with Harriet again.’
The ice in my heart melts away. But some stubborn part of me is still angry at appearing such a fool.
‘You might have told me,’ I say haughtily. ‘To be careful of Fitzroy’s lies.’
‘I had no idea he could be so devious.’ Edward looks thoughtful. ‘I imagine Fitzroy was relying on your society manners not to confront me.’
‘He had no such luck,’ I retort hotly.
Edward laughs again and I bat at his chest in annoyance.
‘I am sorry,’ he says, regaining his composure. ‘I just… You were jealous? Of Harriet?’
‘No,’ I falter. ‘Not a bit.’
I can tell he doesn’t believe a word of it. Edward is appraising me now, as if seeing something new for the first time.
‘I did not realise,’ he says quietly. ‘I would never have sent Fitzroy to collect you. I should have come myself.’
‘Why did you send Fitzroy?’ I ask, suddenly curious. I had thought something was amiss.
Now it is Edward’s turn to look uncomfortable.
‘I … I did not like how you were with Harriet,’ he admits, his eyes cast down. ‘I saw her kiss you.’
My eyes widen.
‘You and I got so close,’ he says. ‘In Vauxhall. Then you pulled away from me. I did not know the reason. When I saw you with Harriet, I thought perhaps she was your lover.’
‘You thought Harriet … and I?’ I almost laugh aloud. ‘You think I prefer the company of women to men?’
Edward looks embarrassed.
‘That is Harriet’s way,’ I say. ‘It is just an act. For foolish men,’ I add, in a tone that suggests he is in this category.
<
br /> ‘Whores play at being lovers for sport,’ I add. ‘All us girls do. You must know that,’ I add, thinking he cannot be so naive.
‘I did know that,’ he admits. ‘But I thought I saw something different in how you looked at her.’
‘You were jealous?’ I say, hardly able to believe it.
He smiles slightly. ‘No more than you were.’
‘There is nothing between Harriet and me,’ I say shortly. ‘You were a fool to think it.’
‘I am truly sorry,’ Edward says. His voice is soft and this time I believe his apology. ‘I should have better protected you from Fitzroy’s machinations.’
I close my eyes, trying to pick a single thought out of all the confusion. His need for me to stay has brought another dimension to our liaison. What I can’t decide is why it frightens me.
I open my eyes again, settling them on his.
‘What does it mean, that you were jealous?’ I ask. My voice trembles, though I do not mean it to.
‘The same as it did for you,’ he replies, his eyes on mine.
I take a little shuddering breath.
Edward holds out the silken dress folded over his arm.
Slowly, my fingers close on it.
Chapter 38
The next morning, Edward has more business planned at the Royal Exchange. I had been expecting to stay in the house, awaiting his return. But instead he sends Sophie to dress me to accompany him.
I have persuaded Edward that I only need one servant to dress me, so now Sophie arrives alone to style me in companionable privacy.
With no other servants to listen in, I feel easy with her. And she in turn seems happier to reveal her true opinions to me.
‘His lordship is in a strange temper,’ she confesses, as the warm washcloth makes its last pass over my face. ‘One moment he is in high spirits and the next he is thoughtful.’
I absorb this information, wondering if perhaps I am something to do with it. Last night Edward stayed with me in the parlour. But we were in a sober kind of mood. As though something between us had shifted. When he took me in his arms, it felt more intense, somehow. As if part of our masquerade had become real.
‘I imagine he is awaiting the closing of his affairs,’ I reply, thinking of what I know. ‘He goes to the Exchange to sign the final contracts. For the thing will be done tomorrow.’
Masquerade: Can a street-girl become a lady? Page 18