Not always. Not during her marriage. “Well, I’m back in Bayside, living at Aunt Val’s place while she travels the globe.”
“I do miss Bayside. What’s it like to be back there again?”
An image of Jasper flashed into her mind. “It’s kind of the same. But kind of different, too.”
They talked about the town and some of her mother’s old friends. Carissa tried to catch her up on everything. She also told her mom about her desire to be a caterer. But at her mom’s expressed pleasure, she started fidgeting. So she changed the subject. “What’s going on with you, Mom?”
“Nothing much on my end. Just working hard.”
After her parents left Bayside in shame, they’d moved to Portland, Maine. Her mother had held a series of positions; most recently she was working at a day care center. Her mother’s bubbly attitude and aptitude to deal with children made the job a perfect fit, in Carissa’s opinion.
“Where’s Dad?”
“He’s playing golf with a friend of his.”
Of course he was. Her mother was carrying the load and her dad was out playing eighteen holes. He’d probably also placed some friendly wager on the outcome, too. “Whose money is he using for his golf game?”
“Oh, Carissa. Stop worrying about us. You do that far too much. Your father and I, we’re fine.”
Fine? Fine? Carissa shook her head. How could her mother say that they were fine? Nothing about her father’s spending habits and her mother’s blind eye was fine.
Carissa took a deep breath. “Don’t you think that Dad should pull his weight? Wouldn’t it be good for him to get a job of his own and help support you?”
“Your father’s a good man.”
“But, but,” she stuttered. “He’s made so many mistakes.”
“So have I,” her mother replied simply. “I didn’t marry your father and stay with him all of these years because he was perfect.”
That comment had her freezing in place. “Why did you stay with him all this time?”
“Because I love him.”
Four small words. Carissa wanted to protest. She wanted more of an answer than that. After everything they’d been through as a couple, how could her mother love him?
“I know how it must seem to you, Carissa. Like your father constantly messed up business deals and jobs.”
Uh, yeah, pretty much.
“You don’t know the whole story,” her mother continued. “There were times your father did mess up of his own accord. But other times, there were circumstances that were out of our control. I know you don’t want to hear it, but sometimes your dad was the victim.”
“But, Mom—”
“Not always,” she was quick to finish. “Life isn’t always black and white.”
It didn’t make sense and she had a feeling it never would. Like always, she dug deep within herself to separate the pain and confusion her father evoked and the love she had for her mother.
Then her mom said something that took her by complete surprise. “I’m sorry about what happened to your college money, Carissa. I’m so very sorry you had to get all of those jobs and work as hard as you did.”
“I’m not.” She realized for the first time she actually meant that.
There had been days where she’d worked early in the morning, gone to classes and study groups, and then finished her day at a different job. It had been hard, but it had also taught her so much.
Another realization hit. Before college, she’d been a pampered and sheltered teenager. Because of what she’d learned during that time at Northwestern, she was able to build her company today.
Her mother continued. “If it had been up to me, you would have floated into college on a cloud and lived in a protective bubble for four years.” She let out a little laugh. “I suppose all parents want that for their children. I didn’t want you to want for anything.”
“It was better the way it was. Trust me, Mom.”
They spoke a little while longer before hanging up.
Then Carissa stood in the kitchen with half a glass of orange juice and the makings of a killer headache. She needed to take a shower and get ready for the fund-raiser. But she couldn’t seem to move her feet. Somehow, she felt relieved and renewed after the conversation with her mother. Everything came back to one statement her mother had made.
Because I love him. The phrase echoed throughout her mind over and over. No qualms. No conditions. Her mother loved her father and that was it.
Carissa dropped the glass she was holding, the shards of glass raining onto the countertop she’d just cleaned. But she was too amazed at the epiphany she’d just had to worry about some broken glass.
For all of these years, Carissa had been searching for perfection. That’s why she’d dated and subsequently married Preston. She’d wanted perfection and she’d gotten it. Only, life hadn’t been quite so perfect. Preston had the pedigree and the manners. He was smart and handsome. They lived in the picture-perfect condo with the gorgeous view of the Chicago skyline. Their parties were attended by the best people. They drove the right cars. They belonged to the right clubs. They played the part just right.
Only it had been very, very wrong.
Her perfect-on-paper husband had been a massive disappointment off the page.
Then, there was Jasper. She always seemed to return to him. Not just her body, but her thoughts, her feelings. Even in college, he never strayed far from her musings. During her marriage, she would find Jasper creeping in to remind her of a much happier time.
She’d walked out on him and the café deal because he’d scared her. She loved him so he, and he alone, had the ability to hurt her more than anyone else. More than her dad even. And still, she wanted to be with him. He drove her crazy and she longed for him. Why?
“Because I love him,” she said into the silence of the kitchen, echoing her mother’s earlier statement. “I love Jasper.”
She ran a hand through her hair. Ohmigod, I love Jasper. She started giggling uncontrollably as she wondered when it had happened. Maybe she’d never stopped loving him from back in high school. It didn’t really matter because despite everything, she was in love with him now. More importantly, she realized that loving someone meant loving all of them, imperfections and all. After all, she had a lot of imperfections and Jasper seemed to look past them.
She may not understand her parents’ relationship. She definitely didn’t get how her mother could put up with her father’s lack of ambition and general laziness. But it wasn’t up to her. After that phone call, she understood that her mother loved her father anyway. In spite of everything life had thrown at them.
And she loved Jasper Dumont in the same careless, crazy, makes-no-sense kind of way. At one time, she’d thought that her ex-husband was the polar opposite of her father. But she’d been wrong. Jasper was the one who represented everything her father didn’t.
Now she had to figure out how to tell him and hope that she hadn’t pushed him away too much the other day.
* * *
Jasper walked through one of the side doors to his alma mater. It smelled of school—pencils, erasers, gym shoes. He glanced around the hallway. The lockers had been upgraded since his time here. But the large overhead light still flickered like it had when he’d been a student. Were they never going to fix it?
Jasper continued down the hallway. He knew it was still the same old Bayside High and yet it seemed smaller somehow. Maybe because this was no longer the center of his universe. That had been a different era where things like study hall, baseball practice and Carissa Blackwell were the most important things on his mind.
Well, maybe one of those things was still in the forefront of his mind.
He continued toward the gymnasium. The last thing he wanted to do today was show up for
this date auction. He hadn’t slept in two nights and felt like crap. But he’d promised Riley before Carissa had even returned to town, and he wouldn’t go back on that. Even though he really didn’t want to go out with anyone but Carissa. Was that ever going to happen again? Jasper still didn’t get what had gone down in his office. One minute they’d been discussing the café. The next, she’d been accusing him of controlling her life and walking away from him.
And once again, he felt like he hadn’t been good enough. Like all of his work and all of his planning wasn’t enough.
Worse was the fact that her words had the ability to make him feel the way he used to when he’d originally walked through these hallways. Fun Jasper Dumont who everyone likes but no one takes seriously.
Cam came around the corner from the opposite direction as Jasper reached the gym. Cam’s face fell instantly. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
Jasper shook his head. “Nothing. Just gearing up to be a piece of meat.”
Cam placed a firm hand on Jasper’s shoulder and steered him away from the gym’s door. “Cut the crap, Jasp. What happened?”
He shrugged first, but the next thing he knew he was spilling the entire story. “In conclusion, well, I don’t really know what the conclusion is or where we stand.” He let out a harsh laugh. “I wasn’t ambitious enough back in high school and I guess now I’m too ambitious.” He threw his hands up in the air. “Can’t win. But the bookstore and café is a great idea. Now I have to figure out how to proceed.” Without Carissa. Jasper looked down at his feet. If he hadn’t, he may have anticipated the slap upside the head from his brother. “Hey, what was that?”
“Did that knock any sense into you? Because there’s more where that came from. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
“I’m not...” He trailed off. He couldn’t finish the sentence because he was, in fact, feeling sorry for himself.
“Nothing to say?” Cam goaded.
“Fine, I’m being indulgent. But who cares. The woman I love didn’t accept what I offered her and walked out on me.”
Love? Yes, love. He still loved Carissa.
Cam’s face softened. “Oh, Jasp.”
Anger suddenly took over. “What? It’s not like you didn’t know.” For extra emphasis, he gave a good hard push squarely in his brother’s chest. “Tell me you didn’t know.”
Cam was shaking his head as he said, “Christ, Jasp, everyone knew. You love her and she loves you.”
“She doesn’t love—”
“Don’t even finish that sentence, bro. The only two people in Bayside who are unaware of their feelings are you and Carissa.”
Jasper wanted to lash out. Instead, he sank back against the lockers, exhausted. “Answer me this. If she loves me, then why did she react that way when I offered her such a great opportunity?”
Cam shook his head. “I love you, but you are incredibly stupid.”
“Hey,” Jasper protested. “I’m hurting here.”
“You’re hurting because you’re an idiot. And it sounds like Carissa is screwing you again.” Cam held up a restraining hand as Jasper straightened. “I’m sorry but I think she left you hanging high and dry just like she did back in high school.”
“It’s not like that, Cam. There are other things at play here. Issues with her parents. Her dad, in particular. And you don’t even know the reason why she broke up with me after graduation.”
“Do you?”
“Yes, we talked about it. It’s all tied to those issues.”
Cam rolled back on his heels and leveled Jasper with a firm stare.
“What?”
“Did you hear what you just said?”
Jasper replayed their conversation. He didn’t detect anything special.
Cam punched him in the arm. “She has issues. Issues that made her run from you once already.”
“I just told you that.”
“You really are dense. If she ran from you once due to her own personal demons, might that be the same reason she’s doing it again?”
“Well...huh.” He hadn’t thought of it that way.
“She’s not rejecting you, Jasp. She’s protecting herself.”
“But that’s what I was trying to do by setting up this café for her. By helping her get everything started.”
“Helping? Or controlling?” Cam laughed. “I know you, Jasp. You run in at full speed and try to help so much that you end up taking over. Maybe that’s not what she needs.”
It most certainly wasn’t. He was an idiot.
“Come to your senses yet?”
“Seems like it.”
“Then, go get your girl.” With that, he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down the hall to the gym, whistling while he left Jasper with a lot to think about.
When had Cam become so damn wise? Had to be Elle’s doing. Cam had never been in touch with his emotions—or anyone else’s, for that matter—before Elle came along.
He exhaled and ran a hand over his face. But the truth was that he did love Carissa. And he hoped Cam was right and she loved him, too. He hadn’t meant to force his idea on her. It really had come from a good place.
He started walking toward the gym but suddenly froze. Maybe it had been for himself a bit, too. Maybe he had come on strong. Maybe he should have listened to her more and not forced his opinions.
“Dumont, there you are.”
He turned to see Riley’s bubbly face bouncing toward him. “Did you just call me Dumont?”
She slapped him on the arm. “It’s the gym, I’m telling you. Makes me feel all masculine.”
He chuckled. “Nice scarf,” he commented. Riley was always dressed to the nines. Today she wore all black with a pop of color from a bright yellow scarf with lime-green polka dots tied around her neck.
“Thanks. I’m going for dramatic effect for my emcee outfit.”
“That means you didn’t decide to cancel this whole date auction then?”
Riley chucked him under his chin. “And disappoint all the women of Bayside? I expect you to bring in the most money.”
“That’s a lot of pressure.” He followed her into the gym and was immediately assaulted by the usual suspects. His mother and her friends were all dancing around him, offering advice for the auction and pledging their desire to bid on him, all while his brother and Elle stood hand in hand against the wall with identical grins as they watched him. He offered a finger of choice in his brother’s direction just before Riley led him onto the stage.
“Hey, Ri, have you, um, seen Carissa lately?” he whispered so none of the other bachelors would hear.
Her eyes instantly softened as she looked his way. “As a matter of fact, I have.”
He waited but Riley didn’t give in. “And?” he asked.
“And I think the two of you should talk. Like, really talk.”
“Apparently, that’s a popular idea,” he said drily. He searched the gym, hoping for a glance of Carissa. Even if he couldn’t see the rows of tables in the back of the gym filled to the brim with cookies, his nose would have alerted him. This was definitely the best this gym had ever smelled. It also meant that Carissa had to be around somewhere. “Is she here?”
Riley opened her mouth but before she could say anything, her name was called. She needed to go to the podium to begin the auction. “We’ll talk afterward,” she promised.
He nodded because what else could he do?
The auction began but Jasper spent most of it in a blur. He knew every single bachelor up on stage. Heck, he also knew almost every single person crammed into the gym to witness this spectacle. But he kept his eyes trained on the tables of cookies in the back of the gym. Surely Carissa would show up at some point.
Riley seemed to be doing a great job as emcee,
offering stats and hobbies of each of the bachelors. She had people placed around the gym to help her as arm after arm shot into the air, pledging money in exchange for a date with Bayside’s finest.
One of the men to bring in the most bids was Sawyer Wallace, editor of the Bayside Bugle. Interestingly, he was promised to Simone, who seemed ecstatic she’d won. As they marched off together, Jasper noticed a rare frown on Riley’s usually happy face.
But she pulled herself together quickly and announced the last bachelor of the day. Jasper didn’t even realize it was his name being called until he felt someone push him from behind and he stumbled onstage.
“Ah, here’s the man everyone’s been waiting for. Making quite the entrance, it’s Jasper Dumont.”
A round of applause, along with the obligatory catcalls, sounded. Jasper took his first mark, having been trained by Riley the other day. They had three different marks to hit while Riley read out their stats. He felt like an idiot standing there as people stared at him.
“Jasper Dumont is one of Bayside’s most eligible bachelors. Besides running Dumont Incorporated, Jasper enjoys coffee from The Brewside, graphic novels, baseball and long, romantic walks on the beach.”
Jasper turned and shot Riley an annoyed look. He most certainly had not said that about the beach walks. She snickered and continued reading her stats, only half of which were true.
When she finished, he took center stage to thunderous applause. He noticed his mother was standing front and center.
The bidding began at twenty dollars. It quickly rose to forty.
“Forty-five,” one of his mother’s friends offered.
“Fifty.” Jasper almost choked at his old high school English teacher’s bid.
“Fifty-five.” Lilah Dumont jumped up and down excitedly.
“You can’t bid on me, Mom,” Jasper said through clenched teeth. Everyone laughed.
Once the figure got up to one hundred dollars, a bidding war ensued. Both women were beautiful and a couple months ago, Jasper would have been glowing from the attention and the opportunity to go out with either one of them.
But at the moment, he couldn’t seem to find any excitement in the idea of sharing a meal with anyone but Carissa. His gaze drifted over to the cookie tables and once again he was disappointed to see they remained Carissa-less.
Bidding on the Bachelor Page 19