by Syd Parker
Lex took one last look in the mirror. She fished around in her bag for her Red Sox ball cap. She pulled her ponytail through the hole in the back and pulled the brim low over her forehead. She cupped her hands around the brim and pushed it back into shape. Curiosity got the better of her, and she set out to find her new roommate.
She wandered out the front door and down a narrow well—worn path to an aged barn. The doors were propped open, and she peaked inside. Rows of once filled stalls sat quietly, a vestige to a bygone era. The scent of hay penetrated her senses, and her nose crinkled with a threatening sneeze. She pinched her nose and swallowed it back down. She reminded herself to take an allergy pill daily while she was here.
She cocked her head and heard a soft, muted voice coming from the back of the barn. She saw long brown hair peeking out from under a worn cowboy hat. Lex’s eyes raked over Aspen’s body in a familiarly protective way. They stopped at her deliciously round bottom. Lex subconsciously licked her lips.
Aspen’s hips swayed with every brush of her hand. She was brushing the honey—colored mane of one of the three horses left in the nearly empty barn. She was humming an unrecognizable tune, and Lex snickered.
Aspen hadn’t heard her come in, and the sound scared her. She wheeled around and immediately shot Lex a reproaching look. “You scared the shit out of me.”
Lex’s gaze met her steely blue ones, and she exhaled loudly, completely caught off guard by Aspen’s breathtaking beauty. If anything, she had gotten more beautiful with age. Lex had hoped that she would show up old and fat and so far from adorable that any leftover emotions she had would fly out the window. One glance and Lex knew she might as well try to stop the sun from shining. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Aspen’s face softened, and she smiled shyly. “Hi, Lex.” Her heart raced in her chest. They had talked on the phone several times prior to arriving, but nothing could have prepared her for the rush of excitement at seeing her again.
Lex trembled. She had always loved when Aspen said her name. It rolled off her tongue like smooth honey, golden and just as sweet and filled her with love. “Hello, A.”
Aspen blinked at Lex’s nickname for her. There were some things a person didn’t forget. She felt heat creep into her cheeks, and she pushed it down again. “Did you just get here?”
“A bit ago.” Lex returned her smile. She hooked her thumb over her shoulder and gestured towards the house. “I hope you don’t mind. I went ahead and got settled in my room. I wanted the one facing east so I moved your stuff into the other bedroom.”
Aspen looked at her in disbelief. “You’re joking, right?”
“Nah, it was pretty easy. You didn’t come with much. I just piled it on the bed.”
Aspen was about to scold her when she saw the old mischievous twinkle in Lex’s eyes. She couldn’t forget that. All she had to do was look at Lex, and she knew she was up to no good. “Well, I can honestly say I didn’t miss your twisted sense of humor.”
“Some things never change, A.” Lex took a step closer and propped her elbows on the stall door. “So who is the gorgeous blonde?”
Aspen’s face broke into a smile. “This is Lacey.” She ran her palm over the horse’s back, feeling the muscles ripple beneath her hand. She lifted the other hand and pointed with her brush to the other occupied stalls. “That’s Tarra and that’s Reba. They are the only ones that Aunt Ginny held onto when she retired.”
“She’s beautiful.”
“I agree.” Aspen nodded towards the wall. There were still several saddles and tackle lining one side. “You can ride if you want. Aunt Ginny’s is giving us free reign of the place in exchange for horse duty while we are here.”
“This is really nice of her. I truly appreciate it.” Lex’s brow furrowed. “You know I don’t mind paying for the room.”
“No need.” Aspen smiled mischievously, “It’s worth more to her not to have to clean the stalls for a while.”
Lex threw her head back and laughed, giving Aspen a chance to steal an unnoticed glance. Her Greek coloring and high arching cheekbones had always been two of Aspen’s favorite things about her. The years were generous to Lex as well. Everything about her was sculpted perfectly, her casual attire doing little to hide her toned figure. From her olive coloring to her beautiful body, she was a Mediterranean Goddess as far as Aspen was concerned. Well, as far as she was concerned when they were still together. Now, Lex was like one of her favorite paintings. She could look, but she couldn’t touch.
Lex’s eyes returned to Aspen, and she smiled. “Thank you again. I hope this isn’t too awkward for you. I know we…well, I didn’t leave things on the best of terms.”
Aspen smiled sadly. “Honestly, that’s ancient history, Lex. I’m sure things will be just fine. This is a favor to a friend. We don’t need to make it into more than what it is.” Even as she said the words, she heard her heart call her a liar. She almost rubbed the tip of her nose, expecting it to have grown several inches.
A look of something that almost resembled disappointment flashed in Lex’s eyes before she blinked it away. “Good. I’m glad. It would have been a long six months otherwise.”
Aspen pulled the brush off of her hand and looped it over a hook before opening the door and joining Lex outside Lacey’s stall. “You’re lucky today. I’ve already cleaned the stalls and fed the ladies. I wasn’t sure what time you would get here so I didn’t plan dinner. If you’re hungry, I can make us something.”
Lex put her hand on Aspen’s arm and jumped at the tingle. “You don’t have to cook for me, A. I can fend for myself.”
“Nonsense.” Aspen shook her head. She dusted her hands off on her jeans. “Come on. I’m cooking for myself anyway. It’s just as easy to cook for two. Pizza okay?”
“Homemade?” Lex’s mouth watered. She missed the taste of Aspen’s cooking among other things.
Aspen opened her mouth in feigned shock. “Do you even have to ask?”
“Silly me.” Lex fell in step beside Aspen and studied her profile quietly.
Aspen turned to find Lex’s eyes on her. “What?”
“Nothing.” Lex tugged on her ponytail. “Just a bit surreal to be standing next to you right now, much less living in the same house as you for the next six months.”
“Surreal is one way to say it.” Aspen chuckled softly. She led them up the front steps, stopped and took her boots off before continuing inside.
Lex hesitated for a moment before slipping her own shoes off and following her inside. She watched Aspen wash her hands, turn the oven on and start pulling food out of the fridge. She sat down at the island and hooked her toes over the stool. She loved watching Aspen in the kitchen. She had a way with food. Pairing items together that Lex wouldn’t dream of mixing and somehow making it into the best thing she had ever tasted.
“Can you reach the flour?”
Lex blinked and found Aspen regarding her with an amused expression. “Huh?”
“The flour.” Aspen pointed at the top shelf. “Can you reach it?”
Lex slid off her stool and came around stopping next to Aspen. The nearness made her jump. She met Aspen’s eyes, and her heart stilled. Damn it, Cassidy. I’m not going there to sleep with her. Lex stiffened, and her eyes shuttered closed. Six months. All she had to do was make it six months. One road trip to the next. Piece of cake, right. Right?
“Thank you.” Aspen set the flour canister on the island and grabbed a packet of quick rise yeast out of the freezer. “So what have you been up to? Besides planning a wedding?”
Lex blushed. “Just beat around the bush, why don’t you?” Aspen’s laugh was as sexy as Lex remembered. Oddly, rather than a pull of desire, she felt a settling warmth effuse her body. She remembered at once that she missed not only Aspen her lover but Aspen her friend. Perhaps, when they walked away from this, the latter could be salvaged. They were older and more mature now and maybe the old hurts had slowly been replaced by beautifu
l memories tucked away that she could bring back out on a rainy day. “Jeez, Lex, I know you just got here, and we haven’t spoken in five years, but fill me in on your plans with your girlfriend.”
“Touche.” Aspen smiled ruefully. She eyed the flour and dumped it into a mixing bowl, along with some sugar and salt. She lifted her eyes from the bowl. “Let me try that again. “Tell me about your life since…” Her voice drifted off, unable to bring herself to say the words.
Lex saw her discomfort and rescued her. “Nothing too exciting. We, I mean I moved to Providence a few years back.”
“It’s okay to talk about her, Lex.” Aspen turned away before Lex could see her eyes glisten. She used heating the water as an excuse and when she turned back to the island, her composure had returned. “It’s kind of hard to look past the obvious reason we are here. She’s a part of your life, soon to be a pretty big part of it. You have every right to talk about her.”
“It just feels funny.” Lex pulled on her ponytail with both hands, cinching it tightly against her head. “Talking with my ex—wife about my soon to be wife. It’s all just so bizarre.”
Aspen nodded in agreement. “So, tell me about your job then. We can start off on neutral ground. Are you still working for your dad?” Lex’s family owned a flower shop in Boston. Aspen used to tease her that her dad was trying to start the Greek mafia, and the florist shop was a front. Lex was his accountant for years.
Lex watched while she added the water to the bowl and turned it on to knead the dough. She waited till the mixer stopped so she didn’t need to talk above the noise. “No, I quit that a few years back when I started traveling.”
“You got out of the mafia?” Aspen teased. “You know you can check out; you just can’t ever leave.”
“Nice, A.” Lex said sarcastically. “You know Pops isn’t in the mafia. He cries when one of his flowers dies. Killing people? Fuh—geda—bout—it!”
Aspen laughed out loud. Lex had always been one for accents, and there were times she would speak with an accent and get her laughing so hard she almost peed her pants. She wiped her eyes and handed Lex a pear. “Here, cut this.”
Lex grabbed the pear and found a knife after pulling out a couple of drawers. She searched several more for a cutting board. “You know where she keeps the cutting boards?”
Aspen nodded towards the sink. “Second drawer from the bottom.”
Lex grabbed one and settled back on her stool. “How do you want me to cut this?”
“Peeled. Slices about yay big.” Aspen held her thumb and forefinger about a quarter of an inch apart. “So how did you get away from Pops?”
“Lucky break.” Lex peeled the skin around the pear and dropped it in the trashcan at the end of the counter. “I was doing the sports blog as a hobby. Gave me a chance to unwind after spending hours crunching numbers. I blogged quite a bit on the Red Sox, among other things. It was for fun, mostly. Just a way to share opinions with other sports fans. One day I get a call from ESPN, and they want to know if I’ll write a traveling sports column for them. And the rest as they say is history.”
Aspen frowned slightly. “Bet wifey doesn’t like you being gone all the time.”
Lex smiled wryly. “Oddly enough, that’s one of the things that makes us work. We still get to have our lives and when I get home, she appreciates me more.”
“Oh? The old distance makes the heart grow fonder thing, huh?” Aspen reached into the fridge and pulled out a package of gruyere cheese and prosciutto. She handed the prosciutto to Lex. “I can only speak for myself. I wouldn’t like it if you were on the road that much.”
“Oh, you wouldn’t?” Lex cocked an eyebrow.
Aspen felt herself color. “I don’t mean you. I mean if I, well with another person, not you, of course.” She looked up to find Lex regarding her with an amused expression. “Oh, shut up. You always could get me tongue tied.”
Lex’s hands stilled. “Even now, Aspen?” She only called her Aspen when they were serious. Otherwise, it was always A. Her eyes studied Aspen’s and saw something in them she hadn’t seen in a long time. And that something sent shivers down her spine. She dropped her eyes, unable to hold Aspen’s steady gaze. “What about you, A? Still doing the art thing?”
The art thing, as Lex referred to it, wasn’t so much Aspen’s career, but her passion. What she created paid the bills, but it was more an outlet for her creativity and something to lose herself in when she couldn’t deal with something stressful. She had done some of her best work the first few years after Lex left. “Yes, Lex. I’m still doing the art thing. I have actually had a couple of shows in the city. My most popular was a series I called Angst.
Aspen didn’t have to attribute those pieces to her, but Lex could tell from the hurt that flashed in her eyes when she spoke about the collection that it came about as a direct response to her leaving. “I’m sorry for hurting you.”
“It’s okay.” Aspen said flatly. It was the closest she’d gotten to an apology. It wasn’t enough. She needed to know why. She wasn’t going to spend six months with Lex and not find out why she left. The past five years of her life had been miserable, and she needed to know why so she could move on. “Why?”
Lex tilted her head in confusion. “Why, what?”
Aspen’s hands stilled, the dough all but forgotten. “Why did you leave? Wasn’t I worth working through everything?”
Lex sat in stunned silence. Over the years, she had spent many sleepless nights wondering the answer to that question and more. “I wish I had a good answer for you.”
“How about any answer? Let’s start with that.” Aspen’s jaw clenched, some of the anger she had kept buried starting to surface. “I’ll settle for anything right now. And not some similar version of seeing you walk out the door with no warning at all.”
Lex could hear the ire in her voice and her heart hurt for the pain she had caused her. She shrugged, unable to come up with anything that made her cowardice. “I was weak. I didn’t know how to handle the pain of us trying to conceive and not getting pregnant and then to lose the baby. I couldn’t face the hurt in your eyes, let alone feel like some of it was failure on my part.”
“So you ran away instead and left me to face it all alone?” Aspen desperately wanted to move forward, to let this part of her life go, but here, in a small room, standing face to face with the woman who had let her down, her defenses broke down. Now, all she wanted was to let her pain out, to lash out at the woman who had hurt her. She wanted Lex to feel some responsibility for the mess she left behind. “You’re a chicken shit, Lex. I hope you know that. We were married and you took everything away from us. Everything. Did you ever think that maybe knowing I couldn’t give us a baby made me feel like a huge disappointment? That I couldn’t give you what you wanted. But, I would have stayed. I would have talked to you. I never would have left. We needed each other to get through that, and you walked away. You took the one thing in our lives that was right, and you shit on it.”
Lex winced at the tear that was escaping from Aspen’s eye. Without thinking, she reached over the island and brushed it away with her knuckle. The second she touched Aspen’s skin, Lex froze. The reason they were here no longer mattered. The only thought that filled her mind was protecting this woman from pain. It wasn’t until Aspen pulled away, that she realized she was not hers to protect. Lex gave up that right years ago. “I’m so sorry, A. For all of it, for being a complete and total asshole, for walking out. You have every right to hate me.”
“I don’t hate you.” Aspen said quietly. “I hate what you did to us.” The pain of Lex's leaving cut as freshly today as it had five years ago. She felt the wound re—opening and wondered if she would have the strength to let herself face this all over again. The silence was deafening, and she felt the need to fill it with some unnecessary noise. She sprinkled flour on the island and set the ball of dough in the middle of the island. Her pain, so long buried, was right at the surface, and she felt as
though she might explode. Without thinking, she slammed her fist into the dough, sending a puff of flour into the air and effectively covering Lex in white powder. The move and the subsequent look of shock on Lex’s face made Aspen laugh out loud; her earlier tears brushed aside. It was a small gesture, but it took her mind off her pain and made her feel better. She waited for Lex to say something, but for once in her life, she thought better of it, and kept her mouth shut. A bemused smirk was the only sign that anything was amiss. Aspen snickered once more, before turning her attention back to the dough, kneading it several times before working it into a circle. She flattened it out with her fingers and then laid it over her knuckles and enlarged it until it was almost a foot in diameter.
Lex watched in amazement. “Not doing the toss it in the air thing, huh?”
“Not here.” Aspen crinkled her nose. A gesture she hated but Lex had always found adorable. “Aunt Ginny would have a cow if I messed up her brand-new kitchen.” She laid the crust back down and pulled the edges out gently. She looked up to find Lex gaze fastened on her face. “What? Do I have something on my nose?”
“Actually, yes.” Lex’s face broke into a smile. She reached over the island and brushed Aspen’s cheek with her thumb. It was a simple gesture, nothing sexual intended, even implied, and yet Lex felt heat effuse her body. She jerked her hand away with an embarrassed smile. “Just a little flour.”
“You turd!” Lex had taken her hand and smeared flour down her cheek. It was another small gesture that reminded her so much of their years together. Lex had always been the troublemaker of the two, the one who was constantly teasing and playing practical jokes. It was obvious; she hadn’t grown up any. Aspen tried to remain stern, but she smiled despite herself. She could only imagine what they both looked like covered in flour. With a laugh, she turned and grabbed a cheese grater out of the cabinet and handed it to Lex. “Once you finish grating that, I’ll get this thing together. I’m starving.” She said her peace, for now. They would probably talk about it again over the next few months, but for now; she was ready to move forward.