by Lucy Eden
I recognized that smile. I’d seen it a lot over the years. It was just the kind of smile I sought out on days when I felt like this. An hour later, Red would be at my place. I would lose myself between her thighs and do the one thing I knew how to do that was simple, uncomplicated and chased away the loneliness. In the morning, she’d be gone before I had time to fuck it up. But today I looked at this gorgeous woman offering me exactly what I usually needed to make myself feel better, and I felt nothing.
“Thanks for this, but I’m not in mood to drink today.” I ordered a water from the bartender.
“Well, what are you in the mood for?” She took a step closer. Her warm brown eyes searched mine hungrily.
“Crossword puzzles,” I said, not looking at her.
“Crossword puzzles? I don’t know that position, but I used to be a gymnast and I’m still pretty flexible. It sounds fun. Maybe you could teach me.” She stepped even closer. Her breast grazed my arm and it made me recoil.
“I’m sorry. You are… so beautiful and normally, I would be all over this. I’m just not… Did you say gymnast?”
She nodded, grinning at me. I tried being a good guy for two whole days and look where it got me. Kimberly was gone, and I’d be facing the rest of the week alone. I gazed down at Red’s rosy lips as she licked them nervously, waiting for me to reply. Why was I hesitating? I knew why.
Shit.
I took a deep breath and blew it out. “I have to go.”
I gulped down the water, left a twenty on the bar and asked the bartender to get the lady whatever she was drinking.
Out on the beach, I sent Francis a text message, letting him know where I was and asking if he could come get me. His response told me he was forty minutes away. I looked at my watch. Kimberly would be gone by the time I got back to the apartment. That made me sad, but maybe it was for the best. I didn’t think I was strong enough to watch her leave. The tide washed over my still bare feet as I scrolled through my phone and watched the ships go by.
The apartment was empty when I returned, but it was haunted by Kimberly’s perfume or lotion or whatever it was that made her smell so damn good. Using Epsom salts I ordered from the concierge, I soaked my sore muscles in the giant master bath, before climbing into my pajamas and passing out instantly.
Later that night, something woke me up. I opened my eyes and checked my watch. It was 3:24 am, and I wondered if Kimberly was also awake, wherever she was. I didn’t know what room she was in and I didn’t even have her phone number. There was a noise coming from the apartment. It wasn’t a loud crash like the night before. It was faint, and I was sure I’d imagined it until I heard it again.
I grabbed the hammer and headed towards the kitchen. Hope swelled in my chest—maybe she forgot something—but I was ready to be disappointed.
I wasn’t. She was standing in the kitchen holding a steaming mug. This time she was wearing sleep shorts and a tank top with her hair tied in her scarf.
“Hi.” She gave me a small smile. “I’m sorry if I woke you. I was trying to be quiet.”
“You’re still here?”
“Well, after you left, I called Donna and clarified our ‘relationship status.’” She sketched air quotes with the hand that wasn't holding her tea. “She was pretty understanding and thought you were very chivalrous.” She rolled her eyes. “We started talking and she told me there were still families displaced by the storm and…” She paused and looked at me before continuing, “I offered my room. It’s only two more nights and I didn’t think you would mind.”
I shook my head. I didn’t mind at all. It took every bit of restraint I had not to run the back of my fingers up and down the column of her neck or wrap my arms around her waist. It had been almost three days since I'd felt her lips on mine, and my restraint was starting to crack.
“Thank you, but if I’m going to stay here, just know that this changes nothing, and can we assume that if you hear a noise in the middle of the night, it’s me? Please, stop charging into the kitchen brandishing a hammer.”
“Okay, brainiac, no more brandishing.” I chuckled, tossing the hammer on the island. “What are you doing tonight? Another crossword?”
“No, I’m feeling like a movie tonight.” She took a sip from the mug and ran her tongue along her bottom lip catching an errant drop of tea and all of my attention. “Okay, well, goodnight.” She turned towards her bedroom.
“I still haven’t seen New Jack City,” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
She turned slowly and faced me. The corners of her mouth twitched with an almost smile. “Fine. I’ll watch New Jack City with you. Then I’m going to bed.”
“Your laptop or mine.”
“I’m assuming yours is bigger?” She smiled.
“You know it, Princess.”
“Remember, this changes nothing.”
“I know.”
eleven
Kimberly
“Good morning, Princess.” Adam’s deep, velvety voice vibrated against my cheek.
“I fell asleep on you again.”
“Yes, you did.” His arms tightened around my waist.
“How far did I make it?”
“You passed out during the wedding scene, and the fact that you could fall asleep during that scares me a little bit.”
I laughed and pushed against his chest, sitting up. He took my wrists and lowered me back down, then gently ran his fingertips up and down my back.
“Adam…”
“I know, this changes nothing, but I’m gonna hold you like this for a little longer.”
“What if you held me like this until Friday afternoon?”
Adam sat up and I pushed myself back onto my heels.
“What if we stopped resisting this attraction we have for each other and just gave in to it… temporarily?”
Adam stared at me with one of his famous expressions that was a mix of confusion, curiosity and maybe a little excitement. I knew part of him was very excited. It was the part that was pressing into my stomach a moment ago.
His big hands bracketed my waist, but he didn’t respond.
“I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, especially yesterday after you left—why don’t we have each other’s phone numbers, by the way— and I was so mad at you.” My mind briefly drifted to the day before:
I was sitting on my bed stewing about our argument when I heard the door close. I was right, of course, he had no right to just declare our relationship like that without consulting me. Did I just say our relationship? We didn’t have a relationship, but we had something, didn’t we? I couldn’t deny that anymore. I couldn’t figure out exactly what made me so mad about what he did. Was it the idea of being someone’s girlfriend again, which didn’t go well the first time? Was I really worried about the highly unlikely probability of our jobs finding out? I was right about being confused, though. I seemed to have some urge to be near him that logic couldn’t explain.
So, why did I yell at him and why was I leaving? If I could call Dr. Marquez, she might say I was just reacting to being caught off guard. I couldn’t call my mom for advice after our earlier conversation.
I tried calling Cole but he didn’t answer. I know he works ten to twelve hour days, so I sent him a series of texts. I was in the middle of packing when my phone finally pinged with his response. He’d sent me a gif of James Harden of the Houston Rockets rolling his eyes at a reporter with a short message:
Fruity pebbles: take five deeps breaths,
get OUT of your head
& just talk to him
Then I realized that I didn’t have Adam’s phone number. We’d basically spent every second together since we’d met, so I’d have no reason to call him. Then it really hit me. I was mad at him but I still missed him. Yes, he did the wrong thing, but he did it for all the right reasons. When I moved into my new room, I wouldn’t see Adam again until the presentation, and I didn’t like the way that made me feel. That’s when I called Donna
.
Adam’s hands tightened on my hips, bringing me back to the present. I took his face in my hands and turned his head until our eyes met.
“But I missed you so much.” I kept waiting for my inner voice to pop up and tell me what a terrible idea this was, but it seemed like I was really on my own.
“I missed you, too,” Adam said. “I didn’t get a chance to say it yesterday, but you were right. I was jealous. I should have kept my composure, but it’s hard to do when it comes to you. I’m not sorry about what I said. I know you don’t need me to defend you, but I always will, and macho bullshit is just part of the package.”
I tried to ignore my heart skipping a beat when Adam said the word always.
He gave me a sad smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “So what happens when we get back to New York? Do we just go back to living eight blocks away from each other and pretend to be strangers?”
“No. Maybe? I don’t know. I mean, honestly, I haven’t thought that far ahead. This wasn’t a very well thought out plan, but I know that when we get back to New York, all of the reasons why we shouldn’t be together will still be waiting for us. It’s not just because of work. I’m not…I just couldn’t handle anything more right now.”
“Fair enough.” His lips twitched. “Kimberly Simmons without a well thought out plan? Should I alert the media? I’m sure this is the first time this has happened.”
I narrowed my eyes at him and tried to get up. He laughed and pulled me into him, tickling me.
“So where does that leave us?”
“In this apartment, alone until Friday afternoon.” I raised my eyebrows and wrapped my arms around his neck. He smiled at me, pulling me closer and interlacing his fingers on my lower back.
“That doesn’t leave us much time.” He grinned and pulled me even closer.
“Am I going to regret this?”
“God, I hope not.”
Our lips were so close our noses were almost touching.
“Hold on.” I pressed away from him. “I’ve been in Barbados for four days and haven’t been to the beach once. I’m also hungry.”
“Fine,” He pushed himself off the couch smiling, “I’m gonna order breakfast, but when you come out of that room, you better not be mad at me. I couldn’t take that shit two days in a row.”
“Is there anything else I should know about Tuesday?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I might have almost punched a guy…” He gave me an adorable sheepish grin.
Donna told me yesterday, which explained her nauseating chivalry comment. I certainly didn’t need Adam riding to my rescue all the time, but the idea of him stopping someone from disrespecting me gave me a warm fluttering feeling.
“What am I going to do with you, Mr. Price?”
“Anything you want for the next two days, Princess.”
“I’m going to brush my teeth. I suggest you do the same.”
After a hot shower, I brushed my hair and put it in a long French braid. It was still in pretty good shape, though I’d probably be using the flat iron and curling iron before the meeting tomorrow.
Sorry, Auntie.
Sitting on my bed in my bikini, I realized that I hadn’t done my morning routine in two days. I hadn’t meditated or done yoga for two days. I took my vitamins, though. I hadn’t gone completely insane. Aside from yesterday, I hadn’t been overly stressed or anxious.
Being with Adam made me calm. He made me feel safe. Most of all, he made me feel normal, or the way I always imagined normal was supposed to feel. But it would only be a matter of time before he would see the real me and decide he couldn’t handle it. Not dating him for work was a valid excuse, but I was also just saving us—me—from heartbreak later on. I would enjoy these last days of paradise with the man of my dreams, pretending to have something that couldn’t last.
When I returned to the living room, Adam was leaning against the island ordering breakfast. He hung up the phone and turned to face me.
“Holy shit,” he whispered.
He stared at me like a hungry cartoon wolf. I half expected his eyes to come shooting out of his sockets and his tongue to drop out of his mouth and roll across the floor. In all fairness, I might have been doing the same thing. He was wearing swim trunks that fit him like a glove while being short enough to showcase his muscular thighs and nothing else. I made a mental note to hide all of his shirts until it was time to check out.
He started to walk towards me, biting his lip and grinning. I bit my lip in anticipation and my heart started to race. My bottom found the wall when I took a few steps back, and I leaned against it. Adam placed his hands on either side of me, caging me in with his giant arms, and grinned down at me.
“Have I ever told you how good you look in yellow?” He leaned down and slowly peppered my neck with kisses.
“It’s my favorite color,” I replied breathlessly, as my fingertips trailed up and down his sculpted chest and abs.
“I’m pretty sure it’s my favorite color, too.” His hands skimmed over my waist, smoothed over the fabric of my bikini bottoms and cupped my ass.
“What about the beach?” I whispered.
“Fuck the beach,” he whispered and closed his mouth over mine. More than two days passed since Adam and I last kissed. It felt like an eternity and in two days I may never kiss him again. I needed to make every moment count. My arms wrapped themselves around his neck and I leaped into his arms, tightening my legs around his waist. He growled in response and pressed me into the wall.
Our tongues sought each other’s hungrily and danced as Adam dug his fingers into my bare thighs. This kiss, this full body embrace was somehow completely different from our first kiss. That night, I was driven by pure lust and curiosity. Now I was kissing the man who kept me company when my anxiety kept me awake, held me when I slept, and spent his day lugging boxes and arm wrestling children. He tied my damn scarf. Yesterday, I was sure this kiss wouldn’t even be possible, now I was devouring him like a starving woman.
I would forget all of the things keeping us apart and let myself get carried away by this beautiful man on this beautiful island. Adam walked to the balcony with my body wrapped around his. We were embraced by a blast of heat carried on the breeze along with scent of the sea mixed with Adam’s spicy and vanilla scent. He lowered me onto a lounge chair and immediately began planting kisses on my neck, then my collarbone. He tenderly stroked the skin between my breasts and slid a hand under one of the triangles of my bikini top. I gasped and let out a whimper as he rolled my erect nipple between his fingers.
“Kimberly.” He planted a kiss on the skin between my breasts, which I didn’t realize was so sensitive until I felt the tickling caress of Adam’s facial hair. “I want you, all of you.”
That was obvious. If Adam reached under my bikini bottoms, he’d know I wanted the same thing. I pressed my knees together at the thought.
“Before we do anything else, I need to know that this is what you want too. I need you to understand that I would never do anything hurt you and nothing happens between us unless you want it to. I need you to know that you can trust me.”
I nodded my head.
“No, Princess.” He shook his head.
His hand was still in my bikini top. He ran his thumb back and forth over my nipple causing little jolts of electricity to shoot straight between my thighs, causing all of the muscles to clench involuntarily.
“You need to say it. I will stay on this balcony worshipping your body as much as I can until the minute it’s time to go back to New York or just say the word and everything stops then we’ll go to the beach.”
I gave myself a moment to digest what Adam said to me. It seemed like he expected it because he sat on the lounge chair next to me and waited patiently for me to answer while resting the hand that wasn’t caressing my breast on my stomach. There was no pressure, no expectations. Did he really say worshipping my body?
“Fuck the beach.” I grinned at him, reached up a
nd pulled him towards me. Adam stopped inches from my lips wearing his own grin.
“Just the beach?”
I shook my head.
“You know the rules. I have to hear it.” Adam growled the words into my ear in between nibbling on my neck.
“I want you to—” I was interrupted by a loud knock on the door.
Adam groaned irritably and said, “Ignore it. They’ll leave.” He’d moved on to my chest. “Say it, Princess. Tell me what you want.” The knock came again.
“I want you to answer the door. It’s probably our breakfast.” I laughed.
Adam quickly trailed kisses down my body before finally planting a kiss between my legs over the fabric of my bikini bottoms. I gasped and my leg jerked.
“Stay there,” he commanded. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
He disappeared through the balcony doors and reappeared a second later. His eyes slowly traveled up my body blazing a trail from my toes, up my legs, over my tummy and breasts before we finally locked eyes.
“Damn,” he whispered before tucking his bottom lip in between his teeth, smiling and disappearing again.
I sighed and relaxed into the lounge chair waiting for Adam to return and burned with anticipation. For the first time in my life the prospect of having sex, not just fantasizing about it, excited me.
My brothers and I grew up attending elite private schools in Manhattan where my grandmother would, disdainfully, call RJ and I, the chips in the cookie—she still hasn’t forgiven me for choosing Wellesley over Spelman for undergrad.
Going to private all girls schools may have given me an academic advantage— I was fluent in four languages— but it did nothing to help me socially. There was plenty of access to boys, but you had to go to parties. To get invited to parties you had to have friends and since my closest friends were books about caged birds singing, bluest eyes, monsters from Maine and boy wizards, —not to mention my crippling anxiety and social awkwardness— I didn’t get a lot of experience with romance, unless you counted evenings spent with my mother’s book besties full of grumpy handsome dukes and brooding muscle-bound cowboys.