by A. E. Wasp
Angel shrugged, spreading her hands.
“Oh, come on, Angelica. You can’t seriously think I’m going to marry Troy and live happily ever after.”
“Why not?”
Dmitri paced. “Because that stuff - it just doesn’t happen. Let’s be real.”
She looked down at the table. “I want it to,” she muttered.
“What?”
“I want it to. I want it to happen to me.”
Dmitri was silent for a long time. “So do I.”
“And you don’t think it could be Troy.”
Dmitri closed his eyes. “No. Yes. I don’t know. We just met. I think he could be. Sometimes. And that’s what’s so scary.”
Angel set the knife down and leaned back against the counter. “Yeah, I get that.”
“I want him to be here all the time. I want to see him all the time. I’ve turned into this clingy monster. And he needs help, Angel. Real help. The kind I can’t give him. His nightmares, they, they’re scary. He’s not even out to his family. What if he never comes out? I won’t live in a closet for anyone.”
“I hear that it helps if you talk to your boyfriend about this kind of stuff.”
“I know. But it’s so much. It’s so heavy. Why can’t things just be easy?”
Angel shakes her head. “Things never are. But you like him. A lot. And he likes you a lot. You idiots need to talk.”
“I know. But…”
“But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?” Angel asked.
Dmitri nodded, glad he hadn’t had to say it out loud.
“There’s only one way to find out,” she pointed out. “Ask him.”
Dmitri sighed and picked up one of the wrapped sandwiches. “I know. Can I come on your hike with you?”
Angel grabbed the sandwich away from him. “No. It’s a date. No third wheels permitted.”
Dmitri raised his eyebrows. “This is like date number what? Seven?”
“Who’s counting?”
“You are. So, when are you going to bring her around so I can meet her?”
“I was hoping tomorrow?”
Dmitri gasped, putting his to his heart. “To Sunday dinner? A real meet the family?”
Angel nodded, looking at the floor.
Dmitri grabbed her in a huge hug, lifting her off the ground. “Of course! I’d be thrilled. Mom’s going to be thrilled! You really like her, don’t you? I’m so sorry I have been a shitty friend and haven’t asked you about her.”
“I forgive you only because you are in a new relationship, too. Has that ever happened to us before?”
“Both of us being in a relationship at the same time?” Dmitri gave it some thought. He could barely remember anything he’d be willing to call a relationship. Angel’s track record wasn’t any better. “No. I can’t think of any time. Could we be, gasp, growing up?”
Angel peeled open one of the candy bars and broke off a piece, handing it to Dmitri. “God, I hope not. I gotta go.” She packed the food into her backpack.
“Call me later with all the juicy details?”
“You got it.”
“Do you want to sleep over?”
Angel clucked her tongue against her teeth. “I’m kind of holding out for a better offer. No offense.”
He laid a hand on her shoulder. “None taken. Go and hike and get laid in peace, my friend.”
“From your mouth to God’s ear.” She stood up on tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “Later.”
“Later, babe.”
Dmitri poured himself a fresh cup of coffee and headed back to the living room. Settling himself on the couch, he fired up his laptop and opened the browser. He had some research to do.
chapter twenty-five
They moved around the kitchen like they’d been doing it forever. Setting the table and bringing in chairs without knocking into each other. Dmitri had kissed him when he came in, with a smile that seemed genuine.
It seemed they weren’t talking about it.
Dmitri dragged his hand across Troy’s lower back as he passed by with a stack of dishes. His t-shirt felt like steel wool where Dmitri’s fingers pressed it into his skin. Troy twisted away on reflex.
“Did I hurt you?” Dmitri stopped and tried to lift Troy’s shirt.
Troy yanked it out of his grasp. “No. I’m fine. It’s fine. Just didn’t expect it.”
“Sorry.”
Troy tilted his head up to kiss Dmitri quickly on the lips. “Nothing to be sorry about. I like it when you touch me.”
“Good.” Dmitri’s hand slipped around Troy’s waist, and he pulled Troy in closer, kissing him deeper.
Troy kept his mouth closed and pulled away as Dmitri licked his lips, resting his head on Dmitri’s chest.
“You sure you’re okay?” Dmitri asked.
“Yeah. Sure. Just tired. Haven’t been sleeping well.” That was dangerously close to what they weren’t talking about, and Troy kept his head down.
“Yeah. About that.” Dmitri took a step back so he could look at Troy’s face, but he kept his fingers hooked in Troy’s belt loops so he couldn’t escape. “I’ve been doing some reading.”
“Comic books?” Troy couldn’t see this going anywhere good.
“Funny. No, on PTSD.”
Troy stopped himself from yanking out of Dmitri’s grip by force of will. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I thought we should at least do some research. See what’s -” He searched for a word. Troy could feel the word ‘normal’ hanging on the tip of Dmitri’s tongue. “What’s to be expected.” Dmitri took a step away from Troy.
“So what can we expect?”
Dmitri paced as he talked. “Well, like the nightmares. Apparently, they’re extremely common. Like, really common. A lot of the guys coming back have them.”
“It wasn’t just guys over there. I served with women, too. Amazing women.” Troy leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest as he watched Dmitri pace.
“Men, women, whatever. Many, many people have nightmares and, and other issues. And there are things that help.”
Troy turned to the fridge, frowning. “Got any beer?” He pulled the door open and stared into the fridge, not seeing anything.
Dmitri reached around him, his chest pressing against Troy’s back, and grabbed a Fat Tire.
Troy sighed and relaxed a fraction at the feel of Dmitri’s body. He sighed again, louder, as the first swallow of cold beer hit his throat.
“I made a Google doc.”
“Congratulations?” Troy held up a beer for Dmitri.
Dmitri shook his head. “For you to look at. For us, to maybe look at together one night. See what we can find out, maybe help you.”
“Fix me, you mean.”
“You’re not broken.” Dmitri folded his arms across his chest, but wouldn’t look Troy in the eyes. “It’s just PTSD.”
Troy snorted loudly. “So now you’re a human doctor, too? You won’t touch a whole, live dog with something you can treat, but you’re ready to diagnose me off of some internet research?” Hurt shined from Dmitri’s eyes, and Troy felt like crap. Damn it. He didn’t mean it to come out like that. Dmitri was just trying to help.
“I just thought if we had some information, somewhere to start from –” He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. “I don’t know anything about it. There’s so much to learn.”
Troy took a long drag of the beer. “Well, knock yourself out. I’m not a research project, though. And PTSD is something that happens to guys who get hurt. I didn’t get hurt. I’m fine.”
The back door creaked open as Angel walked in followed closely by her new girlfriend, Jay.
“Yeah. You seem fine. It’s perfectly normal to have screaming nightmares.” Dmitri took a step forward, looming over Troy.
Angel did an about-face and pushed Jay back outside. The door slammed shut behind them.
Troy rubbed a hand across his face, and Dmitri stepped back.
“I’
m sorry,” Dmitri said. “I’m just trying to help. And I don’t know what to do. This is all new to me.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
The crunch of gravel announced new visitors. Troy looked out the window. It wasn’t a vehicle he recognized. A white work van with some logo on the side. As he watched, Ron got out. He walked around the van and opened the side door. Sweetie walked slowly out the van, and Troy smiled despite everything.
“Ron’s here,” he said, stating the obvious. “Did you know he was coming?”
Dmitri shook his head and went outside. Grabbing a second beer from the fridge, Troy followed.
When they reached the van, Sweetie walked right over to Troy, wagging her tail, tongue hanging out in her usual doggy’s smile. He barely acknowledged her, watching Dmitri as he greeted Ron. Sweetie nudged him, knocking her shoulder against his leg. When he reached down to pet her, she sat on her haunches, her weight leaning reassuringly against his leg.
Who could ignore that? It would take a stronger man than Troy. He smiled, put his drink down. “Hey, Sweetie.” He sank down to kneel next to the old dog and gave her all his attention, feeling the tension in his shoulders lessen. He exhaled heavily as he ran his hand roughly through the ruff of fur at her neck. “Hey, Ron.” He nodded at the man. “How’s she doing?”
Ron pulled his cap off and shrugged. “Not much change. We’ve got an appointment tomorrow at the vet hospital. I was hoping we could crash on your couch here tonight. Save me a drive in the morning.” That last part was directed at Dmitri.
Dmitri looked troubled, his brows lowered over a frown. He stared at Sweetie and didn’t answer.
Troy and Ron exchanged glances. “It’s no big deal if we can’t,” Ron said.
“You can stay with me,” Troy offered.
“No. No, really,” Dmitri blurted out. “Please. You can stay here. It would be nice. We haven’t gotten to talk in a while. And it would be nice. To talk.”
Troy gave Ron a puzzled glance but then shrugged.
“That’s great, Tree. Thanks. We won’t be in the way.”
Dmitri reached down to pet Sweetie’s head. “You guys are never in the way.”
Dmitri’s parents pulled up just then. Angel and Jay came out of hiding to help Annie unload enough food for an army.
Dmitri’s sister Pippi was a younger, feminine version of him. The same blue eyes and curly blond hair, same tall, athletic build. Angel gave the girliest squeal Troy had ever heard from her when she spotted Pippi. They hugged like they hadn’t seen each other in forever. Angel introduced Jay around, and Pippi gave Angel a thumbs-up when Jay wasn’t looking.
Troy liked Jay. She seemed like a good match for Angel. They were about the same size and her purple spiked hair complimented Angel’s new cascade of different shades of blue. Troy had been informed the technique was called ombré. He liked it.
“I can’t believe how much you’ve done to the house,” Annie said, and she passed a bowl of potato salad to Dmitri.
“I hardly recognize the kitchen without the washing machine in the middle of it,” Angel said, taking the dish out of Dmitri’s hand as he was in mid-scoop. “Did you finally call a plumber?”
Dmitri nodded, “I got tired of walking downstairs to shower.”
“I’ll bet,” Angel murmured into her plate.
Dmitri kicked her under the table and tried to get the bowl back, but she held it out of his reach. Pippi reached across the table and took it out of Angel’s hands before the food spilled.
Annie couldn’t stop smiling. “I can’t remember the last time we ate in this room like this. It’s so nice. Isn’t it nice, Gil?”
Gil nodded as he stacked cold cuts onto rye bread. “It’s a good room for it. A good house for it.” He speared four pickle slices out of a jar. “I remember lots of dinners with you kids fighting just like that.”
“Too bad Vlad couldn’t make it.”
“Vlad?” Jay asked.
“Our brother,” Pippi answered. “He’s the baby. I’m the poor neglected middle child. The clown. The peacemaker.”
“Definitely the clown,” Dmitri agreed. “But with our looks, it was inevitable.”
“You look like twins,” Troy blurted.
Angel laughed and pointed at Dmitri. Dmitri rolled his eyes, heaving an exaggerated sigh. Troy raised his eyebrow in a question.
“People always think we’re twins. We’re fourteen months apart. And there was a year -”
“- years” Pippi interrupted.
“A few years when she was taller than I was and, ahem, more developed, and people thought I was the little brother.”
Pippi nodded in fake sympathy. “Poor Bean Tree didn’t hit puberty until what, eighteen?”
“I hate you.”
Pippi and Angel high-fived across the table.
“I hate you both.”
“You love them,” Annie said. “And anyway, Vlad said he’d be here for sure next time.”
“Vlad, really?” Troy heard Jay whisper to Angel.
“Frank said the same thing,” Pippi said. “My boyfriend,” she explained to Jay and Troy. “We’re both nurses; it’s hard to get time off together. Oh, that reminds me, Mom.” She turned to Annie. “He heard back from that traveling nurse program.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. It looks good; I think we’re going to do it.”
“Do what?” Jay asked.
Pippi helped herself to some of the meatloaf Dmitri had made earlier. “You sign up with this agency, and they get you jobs all over the country, different places, different kinds of health care. Some of the positions are even on reservations. How cool would that be?”
“Really cool,” Jay answered.
“And I think they have some kind of student loan repayment deal if you go to underserved rural areas. So that’s doubly awesome.”
“Oh, that’s just like the job you applied for, Dimmy,” Angel blurted out excitedly. She immediately covered her mouth with a hand, eyes wide, and turned to Dmitri.
“What job?” Annie and Troy asked simultaneously.
Dmitri took a long sip of his iced tea. “It’s nothing, really. Just some USDA job in California. It’s a long shot. At best. Probably won’t ever happen.”
“Ooh,” Pippi said enthusiastically. “You’ve always wanted to go there!”
Dmitri nodded. “And this position has that student loan repayment program, too.”
Gil’s chaired creaked under him as he moved, and Troy made a mental note to check the screws after dinner. “I’m sorry you guys have these loans hanging over your head. I wish we could have done more.”
“Oh, no. No, Dad. Don’t feel bad. It’s fine. We’re fine, right, Dmitri?”
“Totally.” Dmitri sunk further down in his chair and wouldn’t meet Troy or Angel’s eyes.
“Maybe you should sell the house after all,” Annie said, dropping her napkin on the table. Troy didn’t know her well, but he thought she looked and sounded sad at the thought.
“Still upside down in the mortgage, Mom. And it still needs work.”
Troy and Jay shared an awkward glance across the table.
“I bet Troy won’t have any student loans, right Troy?” Pippi’s voice sounded overly perky.
All eyes turned to Troy. “Um. No. I shouldn’t for my bachelor’s anyway.”
“Joining the army is a hell of a way to avoid student loans,” Jay said. “Here’s a gun. We’ll pay for your school when you get out if you don’t get killed. Looks like you’re one of the lucky ones, you weren’t hurt bad,” she said to Troy.
“Yeah, yeah. I guess I am.” He pushed his chair back. “May I be excused, ma’am?” he asked Annie, hands gripping the edge of the table.
Annie looked a little confused, eyes darting to Dmitri, but she smiled. “Of course, dear. And you are so polite. It’s delightful. Is everything okay?”
Troy smiled, it almost felt real. “I’m fine. Just full and I need to step out for a second.”
He could feel Dmitri’s eyes on him as he left.
“So, Annie, how’s the garden growing?” Angel asked, and the subject of conversation changed.
Chapter twenty-six
A cold beer in his hand, Troy sat on the sofa in the living room, head back, eyes closed and trying very hard not to think of anything. After a few minutes, he heard Dmitri’s footsteps.
“Are you okay?” Dmitri asked, standing in front of him.
“Yeah. I’m good.” Troy didn’t open his eyes.
“I’m sorry if it upset you.”
“Which part? The part about you applying for a job out of state or the part about how I was lucky not to be killed and got college as some sort of reward for it?” He looked at Dmitri.
Dmitri tried for a smile. “All of it? And the bad meatloaf?”
Troy pulled him down to sit next to him on the sofa. Troy put his arm around him and pulled him closer, eyes closed. He wanted to lose himself in Dmitri and sex. Maybe just take advantage of the local marijuana laws, have some beer and just screw until he couldn’t think. But that wasn’t going to happen.
“Are you really going to move to California?”
“I sent out that application before we even met. I haven’t heard anything from them. It’s a moot point.”
“But if they do offer it to you, would you go?”
Dmitri inhaled and held it before exhaling deeply. “I don’t know, Troy.” He looked right at Troy. “Things are different now, you know?”
Yeah, he knew.
Angel, Jay, and Pippi come into the living room chattering happily.
Jay stood awkwardly in front of Troy. “Troy?”
He looked at her steadily.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. What I was trying to say came out wrong. I think it’s awesome what you’ve done. And I’m glad you can go to school now.”
He shook his head and waved her concern away. “It’s fine. I knew what you meant.”
“We’re going down for a dip in the creek,” Pippi said. “You two want to come?”
“It will be fun! We haven’t done that in forever,” Angel said. Troy couldn’t help smiling back at her. She clasped her hands in front of her and looked at him with wide imploring eyes. “Please come? Have you even been in the river yet?”