by A. E. Wasp
“Oh my god,” Benny whispered. “This is a kid’s movie?” He blinked the tears out of his eyes. After spending a good four hours over the course of three movies with these characters, it was a little traumatizing to see them experiencing their own mortality. Benny had been there, he could relate.
“Have you ever seen a movie called Up?” Mikey asked, reaching for the popcorn bowl. Hard kernels rattled around the almost empty bowl as he picked through it for the few remaining fluffy pieces.
“No.”
“Remind me to show it to you one day.” He held out the popcorn to Benny. Benny shook his head and slid the bowl back on the coffee table. The table was crowded with cans of ginger ale and sleeves of saltines, a pizza box holding nothing but crusts, half-filled sippy cups, and limp wet washrags.
At least Jasmine had stopped throwing up. She lay in a limp, sweaty bundle on the couch, with her head in Mikey’s lap and her warm bare feet pressed against Benny’s legs. She looked so small between them, she seemed so much tinier when her larger than life personality wasn’t visible. He could wrap his forefinger and thumb around her wrists. She looked precious and fragile.
Much to Benny’s relief, the toys escaped death, and the movie ended on a happy if poignant, note.
“I’m going to try and put her to bed,” Mikey said, sliding out from underneath Jasmine. “I think she’ll stay asleep for a little while now. Would you mind getting her some fresh water and grabbing her blanket for me?”
“Of course not.”
Jasmine barely reacted as Mikey picked her up and tucked her over his shoulder. Benny picked the largest of the sippy cups and took it into the kitchen, as Mikey carried Jasmine upstairs.
As he unscrewed the top of the cup, he wondered if he should wash it first. Was it contaminated? Germy? Just in case, he gave a quick rinse with the dish soap. Sniffing it to make sure he’d gotten all the soap out, he filled it back up with cold water.
He lets his eyes wander around the kitchen as he screwed the lid back on. There on the fridge, side by side, were the menus he and Jasmine had colored at Vincent’s. The black paper heart he’d given Mikey at the museum was taped below them.
His heart, not fully recovered from the movie and the helplessness of his first experience with a sick kid, thumped hard in his chest and tears prickled at the back of his eyelids.
Walking up the stairs felt like an invasion of Mikey’s private space. The carpet was soft under his feet as he tiptoed down the hall towards the open door.
“Hey,” he whispered to Mikey, holding out the cup and the blanket.
Mikey waved him in.
Even in the dim light, Jasmine’s room looked like a pink explosion. The walls were pink, and stickers of hearts and kittens and flowers covered the white furniture. A pink fuzzy bean bag chair sat slumped in front of the small bookcase.
The rocking chair in the corner had thick padding on the back and seats, and Benny could picture Mikey sitting in, Jasmine on his lap as they read a book together.
“Is she sleeping?” Benny asked as Mikey took the blanket from him and laid it over her.
“Almost. She wanted to say goodnight to you.”
Benny covered his mouth, eyes wide, and looked at Mikey. His soft smile was as much for Mikey as for Jasmine.
Benny bent over the small bed and kissed Jasmine on the cheek. “Good night, sweetie.”
“Sweetie is the doggie. Not a doggie,” she mumbled, eyes closed. She clutched a stuffed pink elephant to her chest.
“No, you’re not.” He couldn’t stop himself from running a hand gently over her hair. “Now go to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning.”
“Night, baby.” Mikey bent down and kissed her cheek. On his way out he made sure the baby monitor was on and shut the door halfway behind them as they left.
They walked quietly down the stairs.
“Do you think she will be better tomorrow?” Benny asked, following Mikey into the living room.
Mikey started gathering trash from the coffee table. Benny grabbed the pizza box. “Yeah, I think so. It’s probably just one of those 24-hour things. Thanks for keeping us company, you really didn’t have to.
“Well, you know I did have to move some things around on my social calendar, but I managed to squeeze you in.” He held the empty pizza box and looked around the kitchen for a place to put it. Mikey took it from him, then dumped the crusts in the garbage. He folded up the box, and shoved it in a recycle bin behind the garbage can Benny had missed.
“I like your art gallery,” Benny said pointing to the refrigerator door. “I feel honored to have space here.”
“You should be. Only very special people get to be on the refrigerator.”
Benny took a step closer to Mikey, reaching out to grab him around the waist. “Am I special?”
“Oh you’re special all right,” Mikey said with a smile letting himself be pulled in.
“Jasmine likes me.”
“So does her dad.”
Benny closed the distance between him and Michael, kissing him hard.
Hand still on his hips, Mikey walked them backward turning them as he did so Benny’s back hit the edge of the cabinet. Mikey braced a hand on the countertop on either side of Benny’s body and pressed himself against Benny. “If we don’t find a way to get naked together very soon I think I might explode,” he said.
Benny groaned and slid his hands down the back of Mikey sweatpants. “Oh, God, I know.”
Mikey grabbed the back of Benny’s head and pulled him in for a long deep kiss. He licked his way into Benny’s mouth, biting and exploring every inch of it with his tongue.
Benny’s hands roamed all over Mikey’s skin, sliding up underneath his T-shirt to the tops of his shoulders and back down over the swell of his perfect ass.
Even the pinch of the edge of the counter into his back did nothing to diminish Benny’s rising desire. “When can we? When does Vanessa get back?”
“Tomorrow I think.” Mikey pulled away long enough to rip his T-shirt off over his head. His hair fell back down against his skin with a soft thwap.
Benny ran his hands across the bumps and ridges of Mikey’s abs and up the hard swell of his pecs. He thumbed the soft swell of his nipples. Mikey’s shudder was so gorgeous that he did it again. “When do you find time to work out? You look fucking amazing.”
Mikey grabbed Benny’s hips and pulled them tightly together. His cock was already half hard and getting bigger. “I got a weight bench in the basement.” He swiveled his hips, dragging his erection across Benny’s. “Do you really want to talk exercise routines right now?”
“No. I really don’t,” Benny said, tilting his head up for another kiss.
There was a scraping sound and a soft swish as the front door pushed open. A cool breeze blew down the hallway, and Benny looked over Mikey’s shoulder just in time to see Vanessa framed in the opened door. From there, she had a clear view down the hallway to the kitchen.
“Oh my God. I am so sorry.” Vanessa froze with her hand on the doorknob.
Mikey whipped around, grabbing his T-shirt off the counter and clutching it to his chest. Benny huddled behind him trying to put off the inevitable.
Mikey threw a panicked glance over his shoulder. “Vanessa. I didn’t know you’re coming over.” He pulled his shirt back on as he walked towards her.
Benny saw her crane her neck to peer around her brother. As recognition dawned, her eyes widened in a way that would have been hilarious any other time.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” She stomped down the hallway, shoving Mikey aside with one hand, and stopped right in front of Benny.
Benny gave her his most charming smile, the one that had never worked on her. “Hey, V. Long time no see.”
“Benito Quintaña. Where the fuck did you come from?”
“California.”
She crossed her arms lowered her eyebrows. “Somebody want to tell me what’s going on here?”
“Not really,” Mikey said, coming to stand next to Benny.
Benny put his arm around Mikey’s waist. “Well, Vanessa. Sometimes when people like each other very much, and one of them happens to be smoking hot, then they kiss or hug or –”
Vanessa punched him hard on the arm. “Don’t get smart with me.”
Mikey put himself between Benny and Vanessa. “Nessa, if you stop hitting people, I’ll explain. And keep it down. Jasmine is sick, and we just got her to sleep.”
She punched Mikey right on the chest. “I was gone for two weeks. Two weeks. You have a lot of explaining to do. And I’m going to need a drink or three for this.”
Benny pushed off from the counter, shoved his hands in his pockets. “And that’s my cue to go. I’ll let you two catch up.”
“Sit.” Vanessa pointed to the chair at the kitchen table.
Benny sat.
Mikey pulled out three beers and put them on the table. He pulled one towards him and twisted off the cap, handing it to Vanessa. He opened one for himself and slid the third in front of Benny.
Benny reached for it, twirling the bottle between his palms.
“So what are you doing in Colorado, Nito?” Vanessa glared at him over the edge of her beer.
“I got a job at an art studio in town.”
“And how long have you been here?”
Benny looked at Mikey hoping for some rescue, but he could tell Mikey was just as curious as Vanessa was. She was asking the questions that he had been holding off asking.
“About eight months.” He was going to make her work for every answer.
She whirled on Mikey. “And you, how long has this,” she waved her hands between the two of them “been going on?”
“I just ran into Benny about two weeks ago. At Pride. Right before you left town,” he explained, as if her leaving was the reason he hadn’t told her about Benny.
Vanessa tapped her fingers against the tabletop and stared at Benny. “I’m so torn here.” She covered her mouth with her hand, resting her elbow on the table. Benny was shocked to see tears in her eyes. “I’m still mad at you for hurting my little brother. For running away and never calling us. But, really, God, it’s just so good to see you again. Alive.” She stood up and walked over to him opening her arms to him. Still seated, he reached for her, and she punched him again. “We didn’t even know if you were dead or alive, you asshole.”
Benny wrapped his arms around her hips and rested his head against her stomach, and to his utter surprise and mortification, burst into tears.
Vanessa held him, soothing him running a hand through his hair. “It’s okay, Nito. It’s okay.”
Benny felt like he’d been holding back the tears forever. Vanessa and Mikey were really the only family Benny had. He’d only spoken to his dad twice since that night eight years ago. All communication went through his mom, and he only spoke to her maybe three times in the last year: her birthday, his birthday, and Christmas.
Vanessa let him cry it out, caressing his head and whispering reassuring nonsense to calm him down. Finally, he pulled himself together and set back up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
Mikey reached across the table to grab his hand. “Are you okay?”
Benny laughed harshly. “That’s kind of a complicated question. Let me ask you, are you okay?”
“Sometimes.” Mikey gave him a small half-smile.
“Me too. I need a drink of water.” Mikey got up from the table and pulled a glass out of the cabinet. He felt Vanessa and Mikey’s eyes on him.
Benny let the water trickle slowly into his glass, buying some time to think. His heart pounded in his chest, and his stomach clenched so tightly, he wondered if he was getting Jasmine’s flu.
How had he ended up here, in this quiet, safe place? The dusk closed in around them, cocooning them in soft light. The baby monitor crackled quietly, hissing with Jasmine’s heavy breathing. The boy he loved had grown into a man he was afraid he was falling in love with, and the closest thing he’d ever had to a big sister had forgiven him for his terrible judgment. For god’s sake, his damn pictures were hanging on the damn refrigerator. It was everything he hadn’t known he wanted, everything he needed. And he was terrified. There was nowhere to go but down.
Benny shut the water off, then sat down heavily at the table. He closed his eyes and took a long swallow of the water. When he opened them again, he smiled brightly at Vanessa.
“So I have to ask, V. I get that seeing me was a shock, but you didn’t seem that surprised to see your brother making out with a guy.” He peered at Mikey out of the corner of his eyes, that familiar blush crawling across his cheekbones.
Vanessa snorted a laugh. “I’m just surprised it took this long.”
“Nessa!” Mikey gaped at his sister.
“I’ve known you were into guys since high school. Took you long enough to figure it out. When Benny cheated on you with Clark Hansen, it damn near broke your heart.”
“I still like girls,” Mikey insisted. “And anyway, we weren’t dating in high school.”
“No? You guys saw each other more than I saw my boyfriend. You spent pretty much every waking moment together. That’s a relationship, whether you want to admit it or not. He knew.” She pointed a finger from across the table at Benny. “Didn’t you?”
Benny shrugged. He wouldn’t have been able to put it into words back then, but he’d known in high school that what they had was more than friendship but sadly less than he’d needed, hence Clark Hansen.
“And did you or did you not get your heart broken? I saw your face when you caught him making out with Clark Hansen. That was straight up jealousy and pain.”
“No wonder you hated me,” Benny said.
“You better not break my little brother’s heart again.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
Vanessa shook her empty beer bottle in Mikey’s direction, and he got up and grabbed three more from the fridge. When he slid one to Benny, he seemed surprised that the first one was still untouched.
Vanessa narrowed her eyes at Benny. “Not drinking tonight, Nito?”
“No. I guess I’m just not in the mood.” Benny refused to meet her eye.
“Really? Because I don’t know about you, but I really needed a drink. Do you want something else? Rum and Coke? I seem to remember those were your favorite in high school.”
“No, nothing. I’m good.” Fuck, why did she have to be so perceptive?
Mikey’s eyes got so wide as the realization hit him that Benny half expected to see a cartoon light bulb pop up over his head.
“You’re not drinking,” Mikey said. “Like, at all.”
Bingo. Took him long enough. “No, I’m not.”
Mikey waited for an explanation that didn’t seem to be coming.
“How long?” Vanessa asked.
“This time? Thirteen days. But before that, it had been two hundred and eighty-seven days.”
“You’re an alcoholic?” Mikey blurted out.
Benny sighed and stood up, pacing around the kitchen. “Yeah. Hi. My name is Benito Quintaña, and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Oh, well.” Mikey didn’t seem to know how what to say. “For how long?”
“Since the day I started drinking. So back in high school?”
Mikey turned in his chair to follow Benny’s progress across the floor. “But you had that beer at the club.”
“Now that was an extenuating circumstance. Hence, back down to thirteen days.” Benny wished he had something to do with his hands, he wished he was still smoking, so he had an excuse to go outside.
“Does the drinking have anything to do with leaving the Marines?” Vanessa asked.
Benny exhaled deeply. In a way, it felt good to finally be bringing some of this out into the open. He had been waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for Mikey to ask the obvious questions. But Mikey had seemed in no more of a hurry to relive the past years than Benny was. He still hadn’t
really ever talked about Julia, hadn’t talked about anything. “No. It didn’t start until after I got out. About two years. Two and a half.”
Vanessa nodded but didn’t press for more details.
“Well, good for you,” Mikey said. “Thank you for telling us, it couldn’t have been easy.”
Benny shrugged. “The double burden of a gay alcoholic. Constantly having to out yourself one way or another every day.”
Mikey gathered up the unopened beer bottles and put them back in the fridge. He gestured awkwardly to his half-finished one. “Do you want me to pour this out, is it a problem?”
“No. It’s fine. Doesn’t bother me.”
Vanessa walked over and leaned next to Benny. She reached out and wrapped her arm around his waist. She was only an inch or two shorter than him, and her head rested warmly against his. “I’m proud of you, too. Let us know how we can help okay?”
Benny felt the tears threatening again, and he really didn’t think he could handle much more this. He kissed Vanessa on the side of her head. “Thank you.”
“So what’s this about some club?” she asked. “You said you met at Pride? I need to hear that story.”
Benny pushed away from the counter. “And that is definitely my cue to leave.”
Circling cautiously around Vanessa, he stopped by the table and bent down to give Mikey a goodbye kiss.
Mikey grabbed his T-shirt and held on. “Don’t leave me alone now,” he stage whispered.
Benny peeled his fingers off. “Sorry. She’s your hermana. I’m gonna leave while I still can.”
“How are you going to get home?”
“I’ll bike. It’s a nice night, and I could use the exercise.”
Vanessa glared at him, frowning, eyebrows lowered. “What are you not telling me?”
Benny waved. “Bye Vanessa,” He didn’t quite run, but he walked quickly to the door, before opening and turning back.
“Just remember,” he said to Vanessa, “it was all Mikey’s fault. I was just sitting there drinking a virgin michelada. Virgin. He’s the one they came up to me and started this whole thing.”
He left, then turned around and stuck his head back in in the door. “Ask him about the gladiator costume.”