by Aiden Bates
Alex looked at his mother. "You don't condone that." He almost spoke in Russian. He remembered Ayla's phobia just in time.
Mama looked down and away. "I certainly don't agree with the way he went about it. And I'm proud of all three of you." She sat up straighter on the couch and folded her hands in her lap. "I had no idea he'd speak that way. But yes, I do think you should get married, all of you. We're not going to be around forever. You have each other, and that's good, but you need some other kind of support. You need someone who will love and support you, and who will be there for you. I need to know you have that in your lives."
Ayla rose and went to her mother. She sat beside her and took her hand. "Mama, I appreciate that you want us to be safe and happy. I do. It's just that not everyone's cut out for that kind of life. Not everyone is able to be with someone in that way. It wouldn't make them happy, it would just make them miserable."
Ivy perched on the arm of the couch and put an arm around her mother's shoulder. "I hate to disappoint you, Mama, but I think it's going to be a while before I find someone. I'm sure as hell not letting him pick someone for me."
"No." Mama chuckled, lips twisting wryly. "No, I don't see anyone he knows working out for you." She looked toward Alex. "I don't recommend calling any of the omegas on that list, either, but…"
"But you still want me to find an omega I can marry." Alex looked away.
"Derek seems like a nice enough man. He might even be a saint, I don't know. Would you want to bring him around your father? Would you be willing to bring him into the family knowing that your father was going to behave like he was, but worse?"
Alex bit his tongue. "I'm pretty sure Derek isn't thinking along those lines, Mama. It's a fling for him, too. He's still pretty young, only twenty-five. If he changes his mind, then it's something to worry about. But for now, it's just a fling. We make each other feel good and that's enough."
Mama narrowed her eyes. "Do you honestly believe that?"
"Of course," he lied. "It's the truth."
Alex and his sisters left not long after. Ayla pigeonholed him before he could get into his car. "Seriously, Alex? I thought better of you than that. I figured you could at least stick up for your boyfriend."
Alex put his hands on Ayla's shoulders. "Ayla, do you really think Dad was at home to logic in there? He hates Derek because Derek stands up to him. Arguing for Derek isn't going to get me anywhere. I'm just nodding and smiling, and doing what I was going to do anyway."
"Which was marrying Derek?" Ayla raised an eyebrow.
"We've known each other for a couple of months, Ayla. But I can admit that I like him more than a 'fling.'" He grinned. "It's okay. Derek's not interested in marriage either."
"Hm." Ayla narrowed her eyes and walked away. Alex could only sit back and wonder what he'd done wrong.
Chapter Twelve
Derek and Carmela left the studio at their usual late hour. Carmela's comfort level with the studio had grown enough that she no longer clung to Derek's side. Instead, she walked beside him with a normal amount of space, mixing Spanish and English in equal parts as they spoke. "That caller to the station needed help," she said, in a flat tone. "I mean it. She needed help."
Derek sighed. "Yeah. She probably did. She's lonely. She's a regular. I mean it's incredibly offensive of her to call up someone she knows is gay and promise to turn me straight, but she's also like ninety-six."
"Really?" Carmela's eyes widened.
"I looked it up. Ninety-six. She lives in a nursing home downtown. It's gross and creepy, but I get the feeling I'm the only person she talks to. As in, all day. So I don't want to cut off that one social outlet, even if it does make me want to take a shower afterward." Derek shuddered.
Then he put a hand out, stopping Carmela in her tracks. His car, his beloved Honda, had been trashed. He'd parked it right under one of the big lights and no one could mistake it. The thing was completely trashed. The windshield and the back window had been covered with black spray paint. The rest of the windows were gone in an explosion of broken glass. Derek thought they'd been shot out, thanks to the bullet holes that now decorated the hood and the body.
He snapped a quick photo with his phone, just in case. Then he put an arm around Carmela. "Back to the building," he said. "Walk, don't run."
"Can we walk really fast?" Her voice only trembled a little bit.
"Oh hell yes."
Once they were safe indoors, and away from any windows, Derek called Detective Langbroek. State police showed up ten minutes later, and the car was surprisingly still there. Derek couldn't make himself go outside and look. He let them put it on a flatbed for evidence without a second thought. This was his car, his one source of transportation. How was he supposed to earn a living now?
Carmela kept a hand on Derek's back as Langbroek supervised evidence collection. "It's going to be okay," she murmured to him. "We're going to get through this."
Derek smiled up at her. She'd come a long way in a few weeks. She hadn't quite found her footing yet, but she'd get there. She was an incredible young woman. "We will," he promised. "We've gotten through everything else, right?"
"So far." She sat down in a nearby chair. "Do you think I should see my parents? Ayla gave me a note they wrote me."
"Have you read it?" Derek did his best to keep his face neutral.
Carmela nodded. "They say they're in Syracuse, but they'll wait for me to be ready. They know it's going to be hard, because of everything I went through." She scratched her cheek. "They don't sound like Ayla's dad at all."
"Everyone reacts differently to that kind of loss, Carmela." He rested his head in his hands and tried to push all thoughts of his car away from his mind. "And Dr. Brennan had twenty years to change his personality. Your dad only had nine months."
Carmela nodded. "Okay. I guess that makes sense. I guess I can give it a try—maybe meet up at a restaurant, like we did with Ayla's family. Will you be there?"
Derek beamed at her. "If you want me to be."
Langbroek burst into the room. "Okay. The car is cleared away. Here's the thing, Derek. These guys took their time with this job. There were gunshots. How is it that no one heard or saw a thing?"
Derek looked up. "It's a radio station, Detective. I was in the booth, with Carmela. The booth is soundproofed. We can't have any outside noise coming through on the broadcast, you know? As for why no one saw anything else, I guess your guess is as good as mine. We've got a security guard, and a camera."
"I'll want to talk to him." She pursed her lips. "But I think maybe not today. Go home, get some rest. We can talk more tomorrow, say around noon?"
"Noon is good." He sagged with relief and pulled out his phone. "Here's the part where I ask for a huge favor and hope my brother doesn't turn off his phone."
As luck had it, Amadi hadn't turned off his phone for the night yet. He was ready and willing to come down to the station and give Derek and Carmela a ride back to their condo.
He didn't say much when they got into the car, just patted Derek on the shoulder in heartfelt sympathy. The ride didn't take long, and Amadi came up into the house with them. Derek knew if Greer wanted to take them out, he wouldn't hold back just because Amadi was there. Having someone else with him still made him feel safer.
Carmela headed off to bed. "I'm beat, and I want to hide for a little while."
"I don't blame you. I kind of want to hide too." He threw himself down onto the couch and covered his eyes with his arm. "Sorry for getting you out of bed and all," he said to Amadi, as Carmela scurried down the hall.
"No problem. You've done the same for me more than once." Amadi grinned at him and sat down beside him. "It gives us a chance to talk, you know?"
Derek nodded. He wasn't exactly in the mood to talk right now, but he wasn't about to kick Amadi out. "What's going on? Are you and Rashida tying the knot?"
"Apparently legal marriage is patriarchal and getting married would be condoning patriarchy. She
is willing to have a commitment ceremony by the Jerry Rescue monument." Amadi spread his hands wide, and his eyes went soft. "What can I say? I love her. I'd give her my name, but if this is what she wants then this is what she'll have."
Derek hugged his foster brother. "Man, that's great. Seriously. I could not be happier for you. Have you guys set a date?"
"We're thinking maybe May. She's going to be touring down South soon, and she doesn't want to be out there in the cold snow and muck. Anyway, that's not why I stayed tonight."
Derek cringed. "I couldn't be that lucky, I guess. What's going on?"
Amadi rubbed at his jaw. "How come you called me tonight, Derek? Don't get me wrong. I was more than happy to come. We're brothers. That's what we do. But I mean you and Doctor Awesome next door have been fooling around for a little while now, and that's enough of a relationship for you to call him and ask him to come get you."
Derek bowed his head. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should have called him first."
Amadi let out a little grunt of frustration. "That's not why I brought it up. I brought it up because there's a reason you called me instead of him, and I want you to acknowledge it."
Derek ran his tongue over his dry lips. "Do we have to do this right now?"
"I think we do. I think we do, Derek, because there is so much going on in your life right now you don't have time to mess around with things that aren't going to help you or be there for you in the long term. People that don't make you feel good."
Derek grasped at straws. "If you want to know exactly how good he makes me feel I guess we can set up a video camera."
Amadi held his hand up. "No. Hell no. And don't try to distract me here, okay? Has that fancy-ass doctor so much as taken you out for dinner?"
Derek looked away. "We went out the time we went with Ayla to meet her parents."
Amadi crossed his arms over his chest. "Dude. He wouldn't even be seen walking into the restaurant with you."
"Okay, but we were still out having lunch together."
"That's not the same. And I'm finding it a little disturbing that you think it is." Amadi put a hand on Derek's shoulder. "Derek, there's a word for that. And you know it."
Derek stood up and paced across his living room. He kept his voice down so it didn't bother Carmela, or Alex for that matter. "Okay, so what? Someone has to fill that role in the world, right? I'm not doing it for money. I'm doing it because that's what I can get, and honestly that's okay. It's probably about what I can handle."
"Derek, you can handle a man pointing a gun at you in a tiny little DJ booth at the Fair. You can absolutely handle a real relationship with someone you care about." Amadi stood up and stepped in front of Derek. "Imagine what it would be like to have someone as happy to see you as I am to see Rashida."
"I can't." Derek stood still and looked at the wall, just a little above and beyond Amadi's shoulder.
"Jesus Christ, Derek." Amadi wrapped him in his arms. "Come on, man. Try."
"No. No, I'm not that guy. I'm never going to be that guy. My own parents didn't give a crap half the time. Why would anyone else? And sure, someone might come along and talk a good game. Dad talked a good game to Mom, too. Till he spattered her brains all over the floor, and me." He stepped away. "Besides, the whole try thing requires more than one person. I don't have anything to offer anyone."
Amadi rolled his eyes. "Sure. You don't have anything to offer a snobbish doctor who comes from a stuck up family that requires a PhD at a minimum before they'll even talk to you. You have plenty to offer a normal guy like us."
Derek looked over to the wall between his condo and Alex'. "Okay. We don't have the kind of relationship you have, and that's probably not sitting real well with you right now, but come on, man. He's giving me what I need right now. I need that physical comfort. If nothing comes from it, I'll deal with it then but damn it, I can have a little bit of something good right now."
Amadi sighed. "I want to say yeah, you're right, you can. And you should, but Derek, here's the thing. It isn't good. I can see the way you look at him. You're the guy who stood up to a human trafficker. Did it more than once. You're the guy who saved nineteen girls from slavery. You're a goddamn hero, but he comes walking in here and all of a sudden you're all gushy and blushy. You're feeding him, you're cuddled up against him, you're letting him call the shots. That's not you, Derek. That's never been you."
Derek played with his tongue ring for a second. It was the best investment he'd ever made, not for the erotic effects but because he could use it to buy him time in difficult conversations. "Maybe it is now. Maybe I just need to be more accepting, more pliant. Maybe he'll decide I'm okay if he sees me not making a scene about it."
"No. No no no. Hell no." Amadi grabbed Derek's arms. "That's not happening. Do you know why it's not happening? Because he's the guy who wouldn't let his family see him driving you to the restaurant, even though you clearly couldn't drive yourself. You say your dad talked a good game? Alex is talking a good game here, without saying a word. You're filling in the script yourself, brother. You're doing it to yourself.
"You will never be 'good enough' for that man on the other side of that wall. He will never turn to his father and say, 'This is my partner, and we're getting married.'"
"He might." Derek ran his hands through his hair. "I mean pigs could fly, too, but he might."
Amadi shook his head. "If you know, then why are you still messing around with him? It's not going to go anywhere."
"Because it's good right now." Derek sat back down. "Maybe it's stupid, and maybe it's kind of pathetic. But I like sex. I like having physical contact with someone. Right now, I'm in physical pain, there's a lot of strain in my home life, and oh yeah, I've got a criminal enterprise trying their best to kill me. I need some kind of release. I need some kind of outlet. I need someplace to feel safe, and taken care of."
"You do." Amadi closed his eyes. "You do, Derek, and I want all of those things for you. But deep in your heart, you know they're not real when it comes to Alex Brennan."
Derek blinked back hot tears. "I know. But I can pretend."
"It's only going to hurt you. He is going to hurt you." Amadi pointed at the wall. "It's going to be like Shane all over again. You'll get a call on his wedding day, and he'll think it's okay."
Derek's chest burned. "I know. I know." He wiped at his eyes. "I don't see an alternative though. He's offering something I need right now."
"Does he even come over when you ask?"
"I don't ask."
"Dude. You're a piece of meat to him." Amadi clenched his hand into a fist. "I'm half tempted to go over there and wake his stuck-up ass up."
"Don't." Derek held up a hand. "He's got work in the morning. He's got to save lives and cut people open." Derek would hate himself forever if Alex screwed up a surgery because he'd lost sleep thanks to Derek's own neediness.
Amadi bowed his head. "Okay, man. But remember what I told you. That doctor? He's bad medicine."
Amadi left, and Derek stared at the wall for a while after he left.
He couldn't refute anything Amadi said. He knew Alex wasn't going to want to be with him. He knew he was pathetic for letting Alex refuse to be seen in public with him. He should be prouder than this. He should be stronger than this.
He could see his mother, slumped in the chair at home. She still had the tourniquet tied around her arm. It's okay, Derek. Daddy didn't mean it. He's just drunk.
He'd fought to avoid turning into his mother his whole life. When he stepped back and looked at his life right now, the only difference was the drugs.
***
Alex headed in to work on Friday morning, the same as he would any morning. October was a nice time of year, but leaf peepers brought their own problems and they sometimes made Alex want to close the whole of the Finger Lakes off to anyone from the outside until people could learn to hold their wine.
His first case was an accident, due to a DUI that had happened down near t
he wineries. Why the drunk driver had been drunk at nine o'clock in the morning, Alex didn't know. He knew the kids in the mini van the drunk plowed into would never be the same. The one he was working on had an open wound on her abdomen, with her tiny internal organs hanging out. Alex wasn't very enthusiastic about her prognosis. He'd do everything he could, but the poor little girl had lost an awful lot of blood.
When he was done with the girl, he had to work on the mother. The mother was young, only around twenty-five. Derek was twenty-five, although he didn't have any kids yet. He also hadn't had this type of head injury. Alex was going to play second fiddle to a neurosurgeon for this surgery, and he didn't mind one bit. The poor woman was going to need rehab, and lots of it, if she was going to be able to take care of her children again.