“Wait,” she whispered, putting her hands on his shoulders and giving him a light shove. “I think I owe you a favor.”
After a brief hesitation, he lay back, resting his weight on his elbows.
April felt a thrill she’d never known before. He was letting her call the shots. It was unbearably exciting.
She sat up, pushing the robe off her shoulders. His gaze darkened as he stared at her exposed breasts, her stiff nipples. Continuing the show, she untied the sash at her waist, tossing the robe aside.
His eyes devoured her, lingering at the apex of her thighs. She noted the outline of his erection beneath his blue boxer shorts, the tension in his stomach muscles, and his flexing hands at his sides.
She cupped her breasts, pushing them together.
His throat worked while he watched her touch herself. He looked as if he wanted to pounce on her, but he didn’t. She admired his control.
Teasing him further, she smoothed her hand down her belly. Opening her thighs for him, she dipped one finger inside.
He let his head fall back against the pillow, groaning.
She brought the finger to her lips. “Shh.”
That must have been his breaking point, because he kicked off his jeans and boxer shorts, impatient.
Her mouth went slack as she stared at his jutting erection. It was very thick.
Holding her gaze, he wrapped her hand around him in a tight grip. She pumped him in her fist, marveling at the sight. When a bead of moisture appeared at the tip, she leaned forward, licking the salty drop. He inhaled sharply, cupping his hand behind her head. Although he didn’t push her, she knew what he wanted. Her dark hair spilled across his thighs as she closed her mouth around him. Hollowing her cheeks, she drew him deep, watching his face while she sucked and stroked him.
Receiving oral sex was unfamiliar territory for her. This, she knew. And with Noah, she actually enjoyed it.
She wanted to blow him away.
He didn’t let her.
Just when she was really getting into it, making throaty sounds of pleasure, he threaded his hand through her hair and pulled her head up.
Raul had never done that, either.
“I love your mouth,” he murmured, kissing it.
“Mmm. I like yours, too.”
He gave her bottom a light spank. “There’s a condom in my pocket.”
She crawled to the side of the bed and reached for his jeans, finding the square package. It took her at least a minute to put the condom on him, and she dragged the process out. When she was finished, she cradled his testicles in her palm, testing their weight.
Making a strangled sound, he grabbed her by the upper arms and moved over her, parting her legs with his thigh. In the next breath, he was inside her.
April gasped, clinging to his shoulders. This time, her body accepted him easily. They were a perfect fit.
“You’re so wet,” he panted. “I’m not going to last.”
She writhed underneath him, restless. “Just do it.”
He did.
Withdrawing almost all the way, he surged forward, driving deep, filling her to the hilt. The bedsprings creaked under their combined weight and she cried out in pleasure, digging her nails into his skin.
“Quiet,” he reminded her, glancing at the door.
“More,” she moaned, wrapping her legs around his waist.
With a low groan, he changed positions, bringing her on top. Too enthralled to protest, she lifted herself up and slid back down his entire length, seating herself fully. The bedsprings made less noise, but the sensation was just as intense.
She impaled herself on him again and again, shivering with pleasure. He studied her motions through half-lidded eyes, tracing the curve of her bottom, squeezing her waist. When he pinched her stiff nipples, applying gentle pressure, her hips bucked forward.
“Oh, God,” she said.
Glancing down at the juncture of their bodies, he licked his thumb. Her slick, sensitive flesh was stretched around his thick base, her moisture making him wet. “Say something in Spanish.”
She blurted out the first phrase that came to mind, desperate for him to continue. The instant he placed his thumb over her clit, she started to come. Her inner muscles clenched around him and she sagged forward, biting back a scream of pleasure. He shoved his hand in her hair and brought her mouth down to his, smothering both their cries while his cock jerked and pulsed inside her.
Totally spent, she collapsed against his chest.
For several languid moments, he stroked her tangled hair, trailing his fingertips over her naked back. “So … you want me to fuck you a thousand times?”
She lifted her head. “What?”
“That’s what you said.”
Giggling helplessly, she said, “I didn’t know you understood Spanish.”
“Well, I do. And I’m holding you to it.”
She slid off him, still laughing, and rolled over to grab the wastebasket beside the bed. “Here,” she said, passing it to him so he could dispose of the condom. When that was done, he pulled her into his arms, spoon-style, and covered them both with the blanket.
“Tell me more about Cedar Glen,” she said, snuggling into him.
“It’s a typical small town in the mountains. Picturesque … boring.”
“Sounds nice.”
“I’ll take you there,” he promised.
“Really?”
“Sure. I always go back for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sometimes a week in the summer, too.”
“You’d introduce me to your parents?”
“Of course. But we could just see the sights, if you’d rather. The lake has a designated swimming area, and the ski slopes open when it snows.”
“I’ve never been skiing,” she mused.
“I have to warn you, my parents are very old-fashioned. They won’t let us stay in the same room.”
“How do you know?”
He didn’t answer right away.
“How many other girls have you brought home?”
“A few,” he admitted.
“What happened to them?”
“Nothing, really. They just … weren’t you.”
She tensed at the simple statement, glancing over her shoulder at him. As always, he was relaxed, sincere, completely unguarded. April wondered what it was like to be so fearless with affection. To leap without looking.
“You’ve had a lot of girlfriends,” she surmised, settling against him.
“Not that many.”
“Anyone serious?”
He deliberated for a minute. “I wanted to be serious with a couple of them. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve always been more focused on my career,” he said. “If a relationship didn’t work out, I’d feel disappointed, but I never … obsessed about it.” His arm tightened around her waist, as if he couldn’t bear the thought of letting her go.
She stroked the back of his hand, tracing his fingers absently. “You’re obsessed with me, is that it?”
“Mmm-hmm,” he said, kissing her bare shoulder.
“You wouldn’t be, if you knew me better,” she whispered.
He went still. “Try me.”
She fell silent, not wanting to ruin the moment. But she suspected that she had to come clean, in order to move forward.
“Hey,” he said, turning her toward him. “There’s nothing you could say that would change the way I feel about you.”
She shied away from him, wishing that were true.
“I’m a police officer, April. You can’t shock me.”
Rising from the bed, she wrapped the robe around her naked body. “I did drugs when I was pregnant.”
Noah didn’t recoil in disgust or cast aspersions on her. He sat up straight, waiting for her to continue.
“I—I knew Raul was into drugs when we met,” she said, backtracking a little. “He was also a few years older than me, but I didn’t ca
re. In some ways, he reminded me of my father—what I thought my father was like, anyway.”
“A gang member?”
She closed her eyes, ashamed of the family legacy. “Yes. He also had a lot of money, or it seemed that way. He bought me frivolous things. My mother hated him. I thought it was all very … edgy and glamorous.”
“Go on,” Noah said.
“About a month after we started dating, I moved in with him. He sold drugs, so there were always people coming and going. It was a nonstop party. I started using pretty heavily, and we argued about it. One day, when I yelled at him in front of his friends, he just … snapped.” She lifted a hand to her cheek, remembering the blow. “He said he was sorry later, and I forgave him. But he did it again, and again, and again. After a while I started to think I deserved it. That I asked for it. I often instigated the attacks.”
Noah’s mouth thinned with anger. “He should never have put his hands on you. No matter what.”
She paused, studying him. “The other night, when I slapped you … I guess I was looking for your breaking point.”
“I’d die before I hurt you. I told you that.”
She nodded, believing him this time. “It’s hard for me to trust you, because of what I’ve been through. Not just with Raul, either. My father was never there for my mother. And some of the men she dated …”
His eyes narrowed. “Did they touch you?”
“One of them tried to. I told my mom about it, and she kicked him out.”
“Motherfucker,” Noah swore, his face dark with fury. “What’s his name? I’ll run it as soon as I get to the station.”
April gave him the information and moved on, needing to finish the story. “When I found out I was pregnant with Jenny, I was horrified. I’d been high on crystal meth for days. I thought I’d already … screwed her up.” She pressed her fist to her lips, trying not to cry. “The only person I told was Eric. He went with me to the clinic. The moment I saw Jenny on the ultrasound screen, I felt this … connection. I knew I wanted her. I wanted to change.”
Noah swung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled her close, comforting her.
“I went home and packed my things,” she continued, feeling numb. “Raul caught me leaving and went crazy. Eric grabbed him by the arm, telling him to lay off because I was pregnant. He ignored Eric and slammed me against the wall, said I wasn’t going anywhere. When Eric tried to step in again, Raul pulled a gun on him. I ran away while they were arguing.” She met Noah’s steady gaze. “Eric saved my life.”
He lifted his hand to her cheek, stroking his thumb over her jaw. “I’m glad he was there for you. I wish I could have been.”
She took a deep breath, tears leaking out the corners of her eyes. “I’ve never talked about that. Not even with my mother.”
“Did you really believe I’d think less of you for it?”
She shrugged, looking away.
He held her chin, urging her to face him. “I don’t. I admire you for being able to turn your life around. I know how hard it is. Most teen mothers don’t even graduate high school, let alone go on to college. You’re a strong person. And a great mom.”
Her heart swelled at the words. After yesterday’s tragic events, she needed to hear that. With a muted cry, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her nose to his throat, sharing her emotions with him, letting him in.
He hugged her for a few moments, smoothing her hair while she cried. Then he cupped her face very gently and kissed the tears away. She kissed him back, moaning a little, and soon he was stretched out on top of her, slipping his hands inside her robe.
“Wait,” she said, tearing her mouth from his. “We can’t. Jenny will be up soon, and I don’t want her to see you.”
He groaned, resting his forehead on her collarbone. “Are you working tonight?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll try to stop by the club, make sure you get home safe.”
April didn’t have to ask why. It was Friday: time for another murder.
She knotted the belt around her waist, watching him get dressed. When he sat at the edge of the bed to put on his shoes, she stared at his handsome profile, stifling the urge to lace her arms around his neck and nibble his ear.
“So … are we going to do this?” he asked, glancing at her.
“Do what?”
“Be together.”
The straightforward question shouldn’t have surprised her. He was always catching her off guard, slipping past her defenses. “What about Eric?” she asked, wanting to know where they stood on that issue.
His mouth hardened. “I’m still not comfortable with you accepting his money.”
“I was going to stop doing that anyway,” she said, furrowing her fingers through her hair. “I asked him to get out of the gang.”
“What did he say?”
“That he’s trying to get you information. I’m scared for him.”
Scowling, he rose to his feet. “I can’t promise anything, April. I let him off the hook once, and that was against my better judgment. He’s involved in illegal activities.” There was a tic in his jaw. “I can’t bend the rules just because you love him.”
She heard the jealousy in his voice, saw it in his fierce expression. Noah envied her emotional connection with Eric. Which was pretty ironic, considering that she was head over heels in love with him.
April almost gasped aloud at the realization. This morning she’d bared herself to Noah, body and soul. She’d told him about her darkest hour, her deepest shame. There was nothing left to hide behind. No more walls between them.
Although she wanted to reveal her feelings, she hesitated. It seemed like such a huge, frightening step.
And Jenny could wake up any second.
“We’ll talk about this later,” she said, her mind reeling.
At the door, he leaned in to kiss her, his mouth lingering on her lips. When he raised his head, she saw the raw emotion in his eyes. She waited for him to utter the words she longed to hear, the words she longed to say.
Perhaps because he thought she didn’t share the sentiment, he said only, “Goodbye.”
Not sure if she should feel relieved or disappointed, she locked the door behind him. Her chest ached with longing and her throat felt tight, as if she might burst into tears. Falling in love was terrifying.
Drying her sweaty palms on her robe, April went to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. While she waited for it to brew, staring blankly at the upper cabinets, she remembered a box of photos she’d stashed in there one day.
Moving aside the flower and sugar tins, she found the box. She took it to the couch with her, bringing along a cup of coffee.
She’d barely opened it when she heard Jenny stir. “Mommy?”
April went to her room immediately. Jenny was wrapped up in the blankets, her hair adorably mussed. “Yes, pepa?”
“I need help getting up.”
Smiling, April held out her hand. When Jenny grabbed it and pulled her down on the bed, April tickled her until she screamed for mercy. Then she hugged her daughter tight, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.
“Why are you crying, Mama?”
She kissed the top of her sweet head. “Because I love you so much. It makes me mushy.” Wiping the tears away, she sat forward, gesturing for Jenny to climb on her back. “Piggyback,” she said, giving her a ride to the couch.
“What’s this?” she asked, seeing the box.
“Some old pictures.”
“Can I look?”
“Yes.”
April had brought the box with her when she left Raul, but she’d never gone through it. Not all of the photos were appropriate for Jenny’s eyes. The first showed April and a couple of girlfriends, their hair sprayed into stiff peaks, hands forming gang signs.
She put the picture back in the stack before Jenny recognized her.
April hadn’t been a true member of CVL. Raul had been adamant about her not
joining. Girls were either jumped in or “sexed” in—literally gangbanged. He had refused to allow it. April guessed she should be grateful for that small favor.
She handed Jenny another photo, pushing those memories aside.
“Who’s this?”
“Your grandfather,” she said, studying it with her. “My dad.” Mariano Ortiz was kneeling next to a blue El Camino, his arms crossed over his chest in a proud pose. He was only twenty when he died. Next, April gave Jenny a black-and-white photo of Josefa, gorgeous and lush at eighteen.
“Is that you, Mama?”
“No, it’s Abuelita. Does it look like me?”
“Uh-huh.”
There were many photos of Raul, and they caught Jenny’s full attention. She pored over each one, as if the secret to his short existence could be solved by her intense concentration. Many showed Raul in his typical state—surrounded by a rowdy crew of young men, a forty-ounce bottle of beer in his hand.
April watched Jenny look at them, trying to gauge her reactions.
“Was my daddy sick, like Abuelita?”
“Yes,” April said, her heart twisting. “But he never got better.”
“Will Abuelita get better?”
“I hope so, pepa,” she said, smoothing her hair. “I sure hope so.”
23
Eric spent most of the day handling Raul’s burial arrangements.
The cemetery plot cost a fortune. After spending most of his money on the least expensive spot available, he couldn’t afford a proper coffin or a fancy grave marker. For a fraction of the cost that the funeral home had quoted, he could get a simple pine box and a standard marble headstone in Tijuana.
He crossed the border to pay for the items and pick up his mother. They waited for two hours at San Ysidro, the sun beating down relentlessly, street vendors peddling paletas while his mother wept into an embroidered hankie.
When they were finally across the checkpoint, he stepped on the gas, picking up speed. With the coastal breeze drying the sweat from his T-shirt, Eric broke the other bad news to her. “Grandma has to go back with you,” he said in Spanish. “I can’t take care of her anymore.”
She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. “Why, m’ijo?”
The Edge of Night Page 26