In the dislike column, he noted the two things he didn’t like about his body. At only five feet six inches tall, he hated his height. The second thing he hated about his body was his teeth. Even though he had been blessed with beautiful skin, his teeth were what some people would call tore up. For many years, as a child, he was teased about his teeth. He had a gap in the top center of his mouth. But he also had gaps between many of his other teeth.
Then to add to this eyesore, some of his teeth jutted out and others were just plain crooked. His mother could never afford to get him braces, and when he got older, he’d never been able to afford them either. And now that he was grownup, he didn’t know if having braces would bring further scrutiny from adults. Adults weren’t as blatant as cruel children because they said things with their eyes or behind a person’s back.
“Okay, has everyone finished?” Phillip asked.
Nina shook her head. “I’m not. I could only think of one thing I don’t like about myself. Otherwise, I’m beautiful.” Nina spoke as if she invented the word beautiful. She sat with a straight back and stiff neck, poised like she was being tested in the proper etiquette of sitting.
Travis’s eyes widened. Beauty was truly in the eyes of the beholder, because from what he could see, Nina didn’t look all that great. And he’d bet a million dollars that if she took out some of her weave, popped off her fake nails, and if her face came anywhere close to a wet washcloth that would wipe off all the makeup she had caked on it, she’d be not only plain and ordinary—she might actually be knocking on ugly’s front door.
“That’s fine if you only have one thing. Not many people can say that,” Phillip said.
Travis glanced over at some of the other people’s sheets of paper. His wife’s paper had a long list of things she didn’t like about herself. He tried to read a few of them, but she slapped her hand over the paper before he could.
“Look at your lists and ask yourselves a few questions, and make some considerations. You don’t have to answer these questions out loud,” Phillip said. “For each thing you’ve written, ask yourself what can and cannot be changed. If there is something that is bothering you and it is in your power to change, then make efforts to change it. If there is something that cannot be changed no matter how much you dislike it, then you must allow yourself to accept what cannot be changed.”
Travis looked again at the two things he didn’t like about himself. He knew he could not change his height even though it bothered him to no end. But his teeth could be changed. He could get braces, but didn’t really know if he wanted to go through all the ridicule, the hassle, or the pain. Plus he knew he needed dental insurance to get the braces in the first place. Beryl’s insurance didn’t cover him since she opted for the employee only coverage.
“Would anybody like to share what they’ve written?” Phillip asked.
Mr. Pretty Boy X spoke up. “I’ll share. There are so many things I like about myself. First of all, my physique. I don’t have to work very hard at making it look pristine because I’ve got it like that ... naturally.”
No longer fascinated with the cobweb in the corner, Charlotte rolled her eyes in disgust with husband’s statement.
Ignoring his wife, Pretty Boy continued. “And I love the fact that my baritone voice can kick out a cappella songs like nobody’s business.”
Travis knew this to be true. Along with his good looks, the Pretty Boy often sang in his commercials, using this tactic to get people in to buy cars. But Travis couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, even if it were weighted down. He felt a twinge of envy toward this man. Xavier looked good, with his straight, white, pretty teeth, and his over six feet tall frame. The man seemed to have everything. Many of the things Travis wanted.
Xavier tapped his temple with his forefinger. “It’s hard to think of anything I don’t like about myself. But maybe the fact that if I wasn’t so darn pretty, I wouldn’t have to fight the women off so much.” He hunched his shoulders and glanced over at his wife. She sat with her arms crossed, taking deep controlled breaths.
Nina piped up next and said, “I’ll share.” She held her paper up, and with an enthusiasm that seemed to come out of nowhere, began to read. “Okay, some of the things I like the most about myself are my big, beautiful, hazel eyes, my plus size, and especially my well endowed ...” Her voice trailed off as she looked down toward the backside of her seat, and then up at her husband.
George smiled, saying, “Thanks.”
“My husband thinks I’m a little too vocal, but you all know what I mean.” Nina scooted from side to side in her seat. “And I had a hard time trying to figure out what I don’t like about my body. I guess I’d have to say my toes. My big toe is shorter than the toe next to it. It doesn’t look proportioned to me.”
Travis had to stop himself from looking under the table. As soon as they took a break, he’d look to see what she was talking about, hoping she might have on some open toe shoes.
Next, Beryl spoke. “I’d like to share.” She picked up her paper and read. “I don’t like my weight right now. I’ve gained at least forty pounds since I got married. Specifically the weight in my abdominal area, my cheeks, my big flabby arms.” She pulled at her dreads. “And lately I haven’t been liking my dreads or the way my face has been breaking out.”
Beryl stopped reading, putting her paper back down on the table. Travis wondered what Beryl was talking about. Sure she had put on a few pounds, but most women he knew put on a few pounds as they got older. He had noticed that her skin was a little dry and bumpy, but that hadn’t bothered him either.
Travis and everyone else at the table waited for Beryl to continue with the things she liked about herself. But her paper remained on the table as if she were finished.
Phillip said, “Beryl, tell us what you like about yourself.”
“Honestly, I can’t think of anything,” she said.
“Okay, maybe after you think about it a little more, something will come to you,” Phillip said, not pressing Beryl to continue.
“Thank you all for sharing. Now look at all your dislikes and ask yourself if they are things you can change. If you can and want to change them, then make efforts to do so. But if there’s something you can’t change, then accept it and move on. And remember, before you can love anyone else, you’ve got to love yourself first.”
“Why don’t we take a short break before our next topic on the many languages of love.”
Travis was glad they were finally taking a breather. He was starting to get bored. When Nina stood and walked out of the room, Travis made sure to look down at her feet. To his dismay, she had on a pair of slip on shoes that covered her toes. He made a mental note to try to check them out later on.
Chapter 8
Phillip Tomlinson
Monday: 1:35 P.M.
While the others had taken their breaks to grab snacks and visit the restroom, Phillip retreated in to his bedroom to reflect on the morning’s events. Even though a couple of people were talking, he felt a heaviness floating around The Round Table during their first official session. Before letting the weight dishearten him, Phillip decided to go to his Father in heaven for strength and guidance.
Phillip knelt down beside his bed to say a quick prayer. “Dear Father in heaven, I come to you this afternoon to first thank you for this opportunity to impart into the lives of these couples in hopes to assist in saving their marriages. I know you don’t put more on us than we can bear, so I trust in you, knowing this is a task you feel I am worthy of accomplishing.
“Lord, I come to you in prayer, knowing when to seek guidance and not work within my own strength and minimal knowledge, which pales in comparison to your infinite wisdom. With that being said, Lord, I need your guidance right now on how I can break through the ice for some of these people. I know they’re hurting, and I know they’re seeking wisdom and advice from me. I pray you’ll give me the right words to help soothe their brokenness.
“I
trust in you, Lord. You’ve never led me astray, and I expect positive results for this retreat and for each of these couples. I thank you in advance for the miracles I am sure you will perform here on this lake. Just as you performed the miracle for me just a short time ago, giving me the gift of eternal life.
“I thank and praise you, Lord, right here and now. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Phillip stood with a renewed strength he hadn’t felt just moments before the prayer. It still amazed him how the presence of God, and having an undying trust in the Lord, gave him an unexplainable kind of spiritual euphoria. He took a deep breath and stretched the full length of his body, almost touching the ceiling of his quaint cabin bedroom.
Shelby entered after a brief tap on the door. “Hey.”
Phillip turned to face her, and with a mere step toward her, he pulled Shelby into his arms. Holding her tight, he gave her a kiss. Even after all their years of being married, the flame of love was still burning bright between them. Even through all the trials and tribulations he’d put her through, they were still as much in love as they had been when they met in college.
Shelby gave in to the kiss more than willingly, afterward saying, “What in the world was that for?”
“Do I really need a reason to kiss my wife?” Phillip asked.
“No, you don’t. I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” Then she eyed him. “What’s up? Were you having your own little personal revival in here?” She cupped his cheeks with the palm of her hands.
“You could say that. I had to come in here and talk to my Father above for a few minutes. I felt heaviness in the room and in my heart during that first session. I just wish they’d all loosen up some. I wanted to nip it before I let it get to me any more.”
“I think the prayer worked. I did notice a slight furrow of your eyebrows earlier, and it’s gone now,” Shelby said. “I felt that heaviness also. I stepped outside for a little fresh air and said a little prayer of my own, for all of us. Hopefully our combined prayers will affect the group in a positive way.”
“Whew, girl, how did I luck up and find you?” Phillip asked. “You are truly a godsend.”
“It was all in God’s time and planning, P.T.,” Shelby said.
P.T. had been Phillip’s nickname from college and back in the days when he was the star of the football team. It was an ongoing joke between them whenever she called Phillip by the nickname, because Shelby hadn’t met Phillip as ‘P.T.’ and knew nothing about his football star status. By the time she’d met him, he wasn’t playing anymore due to a football injury.
It wasn’t just the football fans that called Phillip by his nickname. Many of Phillip’s many women, or conquests as he usually referred to them, had also called him P.T. By the time Phillip had met Shelby, his days of running women had decreased to a slow crawl. One, because he was a senior about to graduate, and two, because most of the upper-class females knew about his reputation of being a ladies man. His two-timing of women had gotten him into more trouble than he cared to remember.
Luckily, Phillip had met Shelby in the beginning of her freshman year—his senior year. He had been captivated. She was beautiful, but her beauty wasn’t the thing that captivated him the most. It was the fact that Shelby hadn’t swooned over him like almost every girl he’d come in contact with.
And after getting to talk to her and know her, Phillip found she had inner beauty and was also intelligent. These qualities brought even more of an appeal to him. And after only a few short weeks of getting to know Shelby, Phillip found that for the first time in his life, P.T. was truly in love. This love made him leave his two timing ways and want to actually settle down.
“Are you trying to be funny by calling me P.T.? It doesn’t even sound right coming from you,” Phillip said.
“It doesn’t feel right saying it either,” Shelby agreed.
Phillip looked at his watch. It was already one forty-six. The ten-minute break was up.
“Come on. Let’s head back to The Round Table. I don’t want to keep the couples waiting.”
Phillip and Shelby returned to the table, and Phillip was pleased to see everyone assembled and ready to continue the next session.
“We all find ourselves at this table for different reasons. Yet there are many things we have in common, like the fact that we all fell in love and decided to get married. When you first got married you probably thought you’d found your soul mate, and we could only imagine a life filled with new beginnings and positive prospects. No one gets married thinking they’ll one day want to separate and/or get divorced. Sure we’ve heard of couples who’ve had problems in their marriages and didn’t stick it out until death parted them.
“I’m sure most of you have friends, cousins, an aunt or an uncle, or maybe even parents whose marriages ended in divorce. Sadly, just as marriages happen, so do divorces. My hope is that throughout this retreat, you’ll be able to remember more of those fond moments in the beginning of your marriages and be able to weigh the costs.”
Phillip looked around the table, making eye contact with each person. “I have a question for you. How many of you had some counseling before you got married?”
Nina and George raised their hands. The other two couples, Travis and Beryl Highgate and Xavier and Charlotte Knight did not.
“I ask this question mainly out of curiosity. I believe premarital counseling is an important and vital thing for marriage. My wife and I didn’t have counseling before we got married either, and I wish we had. As you can see, marriage counseling does not guarantee that there will not be any problems. But I’m sure George and Nina can attest to the value of the premarital counseling they received,” Phillip said.
George nodded his head. “Except for death and taxes, nothing else is certain. I will say the weeks of premarital counseling my wife and I received were very valuable. But without a crystal ball, no one knows what can and will happen in the future.
“Many of those basic teachings have helped my wife and me. But sometimes you need more. Sometimes life can throw you curve balls you never expected,” George said.
Nina tapped her fingernails on the table, lightly at first, then gradually louder, as if perturbed by her husband’s statements.
George took a deep breath. “Okay, let me stop before I start preaching in here.”
Nina’s tapping abruptly stopped.
Phillip held so much hope for the couples, and knew some of them were hanging on his every word, looking for sparks of hope that might help their marriage. But he also knew that in the end the decision to try to make their marriages work would be up to them. And he was going to try his best to give them all the reasons and as many angles as possible to try to make sure they thought about it multiple times before they decided to forever call it quits.
Phillip smiled at each of them with hope. “There are so many reasons marriages deteriorate. In general, most marriages are hit in one of three places: the pocket, the bedroom, or our spiritual walk. And sadly, some marriages are hit in two or all three of those areas.
“If you look at your own marriage, you should be able to pinpoint which area it has been hit. When the pocket is hit—in other words your finances—it can be very stressful; causing undue stress and tension between you and your spouse,” Phillip said.
Phillip made sincere eye contact with the couples and noticed the uncomfortable squirming Beryl was making in her seat. He also saw the downward cast of Travis’s eyes.
Phillip wanted to make a personal connection with each person, making sure they knew without a shadow of doubt he was there to help them and hopefully to get further insight on the specific problems each couple was having.
Phillip continued. “And likewise, when you’re hit in the bedroom, this will definitely cause emotional and physical stress.”
For the first time since she’d been at the cabin, Phillip watched as Charlotte nodded her head and made full eye contact with her husband. This time Xavier was the one to look
away with guilt.
“The next way your marriage can be hit is via Satan. Being the serpent he is, he’ll try to shake a marriage by preventing spiritual growth or making one question their spiritual soundness,” Phillip said.
George clasped his hand together tightly while closing his eyes and taking a deep cleansing breath. Nina sat ridged in her seat.
Phillip felt he was a pretty good judge of character, and this upcoming week would prove whether his feelings were warranted or not. He stood picking up a dry erase marker. “Love misunderstandings,” he said, then wrote the two words on the board. “What do you think this means?” He pointed to the words he’d written.
Travis spoke up. “I think it means, not understanding how much a person loves you.”
Phillip nodded his head and wrote Travis’s answer on the board in smaller letters with a green marker.
“I’d say in the sense of communication,” George said.
“That’s what I was gonna say. If there’s a problem with communication, it can cause a big misunderstanding,” Beryl said as she eyed her husband.
Phillip noticed the exchange but didn’t comment on it. Instead, he wrote down the statement about communication causing misunderstandings.
“What about real love misunderstandings?” Xavier said. “I mean the misunderstandings in the bedroom. Because I always thought that once a man and woman were married, they belonged to each other. I mean, it shouldn’t be like you are dating and hoping your wife will ... well, you know,” Xavier stammered. “Like you’ll have to hope your wife will perform her wifely duties.”
Again Phillip nodded his head with a straight face, glad to have more interaction than he’d had in the earlier session. “Misunderstandings in the bedroom, huh?” Phillip nodded to Xavier for confirmation. “Would anyone else like to add anything?”
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