“My hopes are that at some time, either during this retreat or soon after, you’ll seriously look at keeping your marriages together. And hopefully the tips and notes I am giving you will be parts of the foundation you’ll use to assist in rebuilding or renovating your marital house.
“So I urge you to take legible notes. Feel free to reflect on them during your free time here and especially when you return to the hustle and bustle of your daily lives at home, away from these serene surroundings,” Phillip said.
Upon hearing the word serene, George saw Xavier shifting uncomfortably in his chair.
Phillip erased the board and wrote two words at the top. “Start over. The first step in trying to rebuild or renovate your marital home is to simply start over. There are many times when people have to start over, like trying to recover from a category five hurricane, for example. The old is gone, and the new has to come. Leave the old ways of the past, cast old thoughts into the sea of forgetfulness, and welcome your new life. Start from today and begin from right now.” He clasped his hands together in a large sounding clap. “Later, in your free time, I want you to read 2 Corinthians 5:16–18.”
Phillip wrote a second word and continued his lecture. “Forgive. Next, you need to forgive. Seven times if you need to, or even more, if necessary. In Matthew 18:21–35, you’ll find the parable of the unmerciful servant. One day Peter went to Jesus asking Him how many times he should forgive his brother when he sins against him. He asked if he should forgive up to seven times. The Lord told him not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
“Then Jesus went on to explain the parable of the unmerciful servant, saying the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wants to settle accounts with his servants. As the settlement began, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. The man was not able to pay and the master ordered that he, his wife, his children, as well as all that he had, be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell before the master, begging for patience, promising to pay back everything. And the servant’s master took pity on him, and he canceled the debt and let him go.”
Phillip shook his head. “Now listen to this part. The servant went back out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him money. He grabbed the man and began to choke him, telling him he’d better pay back what he owed. At this point, the fellow servant fell to his knees and begged for patience and promised to pay what he owed back. But the man refused and had the other servant thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.”
Phillip folded and then unfolded his arms. “When the other servants saw what was happening, they were upset and told the master what was going on. The master, in turn, called the servant back in and said the man was evil. He reminded the servant that he had canceled all of his debts because he begged. But he was unmerciful to his fellow servant. So the master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured until he paid all of the original debt he owed.”
Phillip looked around the table at everyone. “Now, how would you feel if our Heavenly Father treated us the same way when we don’t forgive our brothers and sisters in our hearts?”
This parable happened to be one of George’s favorites. He’d long ago lost track of how many times he’d counseled married couples on the need to forgive a spouse, and others who had loved ones, like parents or children, who needed to forgive one another for what they deemed as some wrongdoing.
In George’s eyes, many of the disputes were trifling, but not in the eyes of the persons seeking atonement. The discretions were rocking their world. The most trivial example he could remember was the time he counseled a man who was still holding a grudge against his fourth grade teacher for always making him last when it came to any and everything, like getting in line for lunch or presenting his items for show and tell.
The man’s last name was Wilson, or Wilkins, or something like that. He was the last to appear in alphabetical order on the class roster, and for whatever reason, the teacher strictly went alphabetically for any and every event. The man had held a grudge and often had flashbacks.
George helped him realize that the grudge he held was only affecting him. The teacher of over twenty-something odd years earlier had more than likely never given much thought to what she was doing and was probably just a very methodical person. As the man thought about the advice George was giving him, he realized George was probably correct. The teacher did other things in a certain order, in a very methodical way, and always wanted everything precise and neat when it came to her classroom as a whole.
In the end, the man forgave his teacher, thus releasing built up anguish and animosity he’d held for decades. Afterward, the man said he’d felt as if a weight he’d been dragging for years had finally fallen off, and he was grateful.
“Very simply put, you must forgive to be able to rebuild your marital home,” Phillip said.
Xavier looked over at Charlotte, but she sat stone-faced, staring at Phillip, giving no indication that she was going to heed to anything Phillip had said so far. Meanwhile, Travis placed his arm lovingly on his wife’s arm. Beryl acknowledged the touch by momentarily staring at her husband with an icy gaze. This caused him to slip his hand away.
Nina, who had been so perky and talkative earlier, was now gazing glassily at a nick in the wooden table. George gave her a slight nudge, and after a couple of seconds, she finally came out of her daydream.
“Justify,” Phillip said as he added the word to his list. “To be justified by faith. Treating the person just as if they’d never sinned and never sinned against you. Treat them just as if they’d never hurt you. And as it says in Romans 5:1, Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. The fourth step in building is for you to count the cost. Make sure you have everything you need to finish what you’ve started. Truly think about how much this thing will cost you. Take a step back and look at what the true cost would be,” Phillip said.
Both Charlotte and Beryl’s eyebrows rose in question as if they hadn’t understood.
Seeing this, Phillip continued. “Think about the problem, the thing. Let’s say the problem, the thing, is another person who has tried to come between you and your spouse. You know this person is up to no good. Do you let this other person, a foreign enemy, fester in your marriage to tear the foundation you’ve put together? Or do you recognize that three is a crowd and annihilate the existence of this foreign enemy in your marriage?
“Either way, you count the cost. Ask yourself how the presence of this enemy will affect your marriage if it continues to be a party of three. Or how are you going to recover after you’ve decided to give it a go as a duet? And don’t forget to ask yourself what the residual will be?
“One way or the other, rest assured, there will be costs involved. And you must count them,” Phillip said. Once Phillip saw that both women plainly understood what he was trying to say, he continued. “Use knowledge to your benefit. Remember, you are rebuilding your marital house. You want this house to be bigger, better, and stronger than it was before, and knowledge is key. So by any means necessary, you use things that will help you strengthen your marriage.
“How do you do this? Make it your personal project to remember the things your spouse likes, and feed their ego. There are thousands of books on marriage and relationships. There are books on communication, budgeting, and making romantic meals. You name it, and there’s probably a book about it. Even our brother here, Pastor George, has books out there to help marriages in trouble.”
As eyes looked upon him, George felt undeserving of the stares of admiration. If he were such a great writer and knew so much, why hadn’t he been able to do his own self assessment and fix his and Nina’s problems?
Phillip continued. “And if you don’t know how to start looking, go on the Internet and search, using various key words of interest to you. You’ll find a slew of books you can check into. You don’t have to worry about buying a ton of books either. You can go to your local library a
nd find many books in the self-help section. Where there is a will, there is a way.
“This next step might be a little uncomfortable for some of you,” Phillip said.
“Honestly, most of what you’ve said so far is more than a little uncomfortable,” Charlotte told him.
“I agree. Except for what you’ve said about starting over, the rest seems a little farfetched,” Beryl said.
Travis looked hopefully at Beryl. “Starting over is a start, right?”
“I mean literally starting over,” Beryl said.
“Yeah, that’s what I said,” Travis said.
Beryl rolled her eyes. “You just don’t get it.”
“Get what?” Travis said.
“Nothing. Forget it, really,” Beryl said.
Travis put his hands out, palms open and again said, “What?”
“Phillip, can you please continue? I’m listening,” Beryl told him. Crossing her arms, she ignored Travis.
“As uncomfortable as it might be, you’ve got to change. Change, be it positive or negative, is always uncomfortable, and many times, hard. But once you adapt, it isn’t as bad as you think. So this is yet another step in building this refurbished home. You’ve got to adapt, stretch, and grow. Cut off the fat, if need be, in this metamorphosing process. This change may mean cutting off people and things that will bog you down or hinder you from nearing a final inspection date of your newly renovated marital home. It will be a sacrifice, but the sacrifice on both fronts can be well worth it.”
Blank faces stared at Phillip, none seeming eager to run out and try these steps.
“Nothing in life is ever easy. I’ve rattled off the first six steps to you all, and I won’t lie, it’s going to be hard. But you’ve both got to take part in these steps and incorporate the last step, which is to believe.
“Let me be totally frank with you all. Shelby and I heard these same steps you just heard. Our marriage had been in turmoil. When I talk about letting a foreign enemy fester in your marriage, I am not talking about anything I don’t know about.
“We decided to face the enemy together. We didn’t let it continue to destroy our marriage. We started over. My wife forgave me, and most importantly, I forgave myself. Shelby treats my deception as if it never happened. We counted the cost, and in some ways, we are still paying for it today.
“We used knowledge to our benefit, enhancing our marriage and making time for ourselves as a husband and wife. We cut the fat, and most of all, we believed that with guidance from God and His prophets, we would make it. We’ve prayed and applied the scriptures, believing God would stand behind His Word and He has.
“I implore you to all do the same. If the Lord could do it for Shelby and me, then He can do it for you too. But you both have to work at it and believe.” Phillip ended, placing the dry erase pen down flat on the table.
“Let’s take a break right here, and afterward, find a spot where you can talk with your spouse about these seven steps. Seriously look at each step and talk about what kinds of bricks, if you will, you’ll use to rebuild your marital house,” Phillip said.
With a visible lack of enthusiasm about talking with their spouses, Charlotte and Beryl excused themselves from the table. Shelby placed her hand on Phillip’s arm, squeezing it. George pushed his chair out to leave the table and saw that Nina wasn’t moving. Again, she was staring off in a dazed daydream. George nudged her. Realizing everyone was leaving, Nina pushed back from the table and stumbled toward their room.
Minute by minute, George was becoming more and more concerned with his wife’s behavior. With long strides, he tried to catch up with her. As he reached the bedroom, he saw Nina pulling out her bottle of vitamins. She took one out and popped it into her mouth, then walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
He heard the water faucet being turned on for a couple of seconds and then being turned back off. He walked over to the dresser and picked up the bottle of vitamins. He could have sworn Nina said she’d taken one just a few hours earlier, which would explain why she’d been so perky. But then she had gone into another one of her lows. Now she was in the bathroom taking another one of the vitamins. He slipped the bottle into his pants pocket. George didn’t know what was going on with his wife, but so help him God, he was going to get to the bottom of it.
Chapter 21
George Jones
Wednesday: 1:13 P.M.
“How are you feeling, baby?” George asked Nina. They were sitting next to each other in the rocking chairs on the wrap around porch.
It was their free session. The couples had been encouraged to further discuss specific steps in which they could strengthen their marriages.
“Fine, why are you asking?” Nina replied.
Nina’s roller coaster behavior was really weighing on him. But the way she answered, and the look on her face, reminded him of the Nina he’d first met almost nine years prior. The woman who had stolen his breath at a church conference he’d attended in Raleigh, North Carolina.
That night, he’d preached just as he had the three nights prior in two other cities. George had been exhausted after the sermon and just wanted to get back to his home in Greenville. As a normal custom, the host church fed the ministers after service. Even though his stomach growled for food, the rest of his body longed for his bed even more.
The smell of roast beef and potatoes tickled his nose as his heaping plate of food was served to him. George knew after he ate he’d immediately have to be ushered to his limousine, where he’d be sure to get some much needed Z’s.
Once he finished cleaning his plate, George sat back in his chair with an unexpected sweet tooth. Sleepy eyes weighed on him. When a hunk of chocolate was placed before him, his sleepy eyes were jolted open, not by the smell of chocolate, but by the sweet aroma of a fragrance he’d never had the pleasure of smelling before.
He turned abruptly to see who had served him, and was greeted by the radiant smile of a striking and voluptuous, chestnut brown woman. Noticing his abrupt turn, the woman asked if he needed anything else. He shook his head, speechless for the first time in a long time.
She turned and returned to the abyss of the kitchen. Unlike other women who normally fawned over him, this woman turned away, treating him as if he were an everyday Joe Blow.
He cut a piece of the chocolate cake with the edge of his fork. He forked in a piece, and his mouth was filled with what he was sure had to be chocolate from the heavens above. It wasn’t the normal Duncan Hines or one of the store bought slices he often received. This hunk of cake was homemade. Somebody had actually cracked some eggs and sifted some flour to make it. And who ever had made the cake had also had the presence of mind to make the frosting from scratch.
He’d devoured the cake and was staring at crumbs before he knew it. And just as he wiped his mouth with the napkin, the same woman from before was floating back toward him. This time he couldn’t let her leave again without saying a word. He decided to ask who made the cake. It was the only small talk he could think of.
She’d asked him if he liked it, and when he told her he did, she told him she’d made it. She then joked, saying that if he hadn’t liked it, she would have blamed it on someone else. She laughed an infectious laugh. He’d laughed also, thinking of more small talk. He asked her who taught her how to cook such a mean chocolate cake and wanted to know what other kinds of foods she could burn so well.
They talked and talked, and before George realized it, the rest of the church staff had finished cleaning up. Not wanting the conversation to end there, he asked the woman for her name and number.
George was used to women vying for his attention. He was what most would call a good guy. At thirty-seven years old, he had never been married and was a virgin, although he was sure most people wouldn’t believe it. Thus he didn’t have any children. He was a gem of a find; financially independent and a highly respected, up and coming pastor. George had to be very careful about who he let into his inne
r circle. And many times he was lonely in that circle, especially without the companionship of a good woman.
Something in his spirit told him this particular woman did have an interest in him, but she also had a classiness about her. She wasn’t the type to paw at him and make herself look like a fool. She was okay with giving him her phone number, but also acted like she’d be fine if he never spoke to her again.
He was so used to what he called skinny women, trying to talk to him. Since grade school, he’d never had an affinity toward thin girls. As a child he was a little on the heavier side, and at that time, only the heavier girls ever approached him. Now, as an adult, he still appreciated a woman with a little meat on her bones. Not too much meat, but a good, solid, healthy sized woman. And this woman carried herself in a way he could appreciate. She looked like his dream woman.
That night he’d left the church with a number and a name. The woman he’d had the pleasure of meeting was named Nina, and ever since that night, she’d been the only woman he thought about and dreamed of. Once he got to know her better, George knew she was the one for him. Their courtship had been brief, only six months. It was so brief that rumors started flying in the church by jealous women. Rumors that Nina was probably pregnant and they needed to marry quickly in order to escape a possible scandal. But as the months went by without producing a baby, the rumors finally ceased.
Even to date, there were still many jealous women who didn’t respect Nina’s status as the first lady. George saw firsthand how so many men of the cloth had been tempted, fallen to the desires of the flesh. It was a sad thing in his eyes. George was just glad he’d continued to stand firm in his vows to not forsake his wife.
Nina handled things like a trooper. She knew about the jealously, but didn’t entertain any of the women’s childish ways. Many people took her actions as being snobbish, like she was better than everyone else. But George knew better. There were many times Nina thought just the opposite about herself. Nina was a good woman; people just took her the wrong way.
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