It was only after she fell back against a wall that she realized the face was hers, reflecting off of a fun house mirror. The neon purple and green lights gave an eerie look to her reflection. A chill came over her body at the memory of it, causing her to shudder involuntarily. She wrapped her arms around her upper body.
“Well, if you’ve ever been in a fun house,” Phillip continued, “you know sometimes you can find things that aren’t so fun, and things that can often be a little scary; especially with the weird music and the sound of a laughing clown. At night, when they’ve got all the neon lights flashing, it can add to the overall goal of trying to deceive you. Now, let me ask you another question. Have any of you been inside a fun house during the day? Especially when the amusement park is closed?”
No one raised their hand this time.
“Here’s the funny thing.” Phillip chuckled. “During the day when everything is turned off, you can see the true facets of the house. The illusions are just that.”
Shelby nodded her head in agreement.
“Sometimes there are things in our life which might be having the same affect as the fun house does. Sometimes we mistake something for something else, or we have a misunderstanding about something that can be resolved, especially when a little light is shed on to it. Believe me, I know,” Phillip said. “But that’s another story.”
Shelby nodded her head a little more adamantly this time, making Charlotte wonder what kinds of problems she and Phillip could have had in their marriage.
“Now my example of the fun house is a little on the extreme side. But to put it very simply, the brain often distorts stuff. In many cases, a person’s perception will turn into their reality. And no matter what you say to that person, they will stand firm in their belief.
“There are many reasons the brain distorts stuff. One reason the brain might distort something may depend on a person’s value system. Or even references a person may think about, which apply to a certain situation.”
Phillip sat on the edge of his seat. “For instance, I remember one time when I was a little boy, I was visiting my grandparents. For some reason, my mom and dad had come to pick me up a few days early. My grandmother wasn’t home at the time, so I wanted to leave her a little note, to let her know I had to go.
“Well, the only pen I could find had red ink. I wrote the note and left it on the refrigerator under one of her favorite magnets.”
Phillip took in a deep breath and sighed. “Long story short, my grandmother ended up calling my mom, crying. She was upset because I had written her a nasty note. When my mom got on me about leaving a mean note to my grandmother, I was absolutely dumbfounded. My mother ended up getting to the bottom of it. It turns out my grandmother felt that because I had written the note with red ink, I was mad at her.”
Phillip laughed. “I laugh now, but believe me; it wasn’t funny at the time. It took months to convince my grandmother that I wasn’t mad. She had been taught that you only use the color red to write to someone if you were angry at them. And my leaving early supported the fact that I must have been angry with her—in her mind at least.
“To this day, I hesitate before using red ink to write anything. And to this day, if I receive something written in red ink, I think about how my grandmother would have interpreted it,” Phillip said. “You all may be able to think of some examples. So again, different value systems can cause our brains to distort stuff. There are times when we only hear what we want to hear. Like when a person says one thing but you hear another thing.”
“And times when a person’s emotions will cause them to misinterpret information, especially times when the person is experiencing anger or grief.”
Phillip sat back slightly in his chair. “With communication being so key in marriages, we must try to eliminate as much brain distortion as possible. So that’s why it is often important to listen to what the other person is saying, and for clarification, repeat what they’ve said to make sure you are getting a full understanding of what they actually meant.”
As Phillip continued talking about how the brain often distorts things, and how people can be mistaken, Charlotte, thought about her own situation, reflecting on each of the things she’d accused Xavier of doing and the concrete facts she had to prove his wrongdoings. In her mind, there was absolutely no way she had misconstrued anything.
Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard George’s voice interjecting.
“May I say something?” George asked.
“Sure, go right ahead,” Phillip said.
George addressed the group. “I often encourage couples to do just as Phillip is saying. And you’ll be surprised how much people do and don’t hear.” George directed his attention back to Phillip. “The other thing you’ll be surprised about is how much of their communication isn’t verbal.”
“Bingo,” Phillip said. He stood and gave George a high five. “You see, I love it when things fall into place. Like minds do think alike.” Phillip took his seat again. “Communication isn’t just about what you say, but also how you say it. The inflection in your voice can be a form of communication, as well as your tone and body language. So what you actually say is only a small percentage of effective communication.”
“Amen to that,” Beryl said. She looked directly at Travis. “Can you repeat that last part again?”
Phillip smiled as if feeling Beryl’s pain. Heck, Charlotte figured by now that everyone, except Travis, felt Beryl’s pain.
“It’s very important to make sure you know without a shadow of doubt what your spouse means. And it is also important to figure out what might be an actual brain distortion. Make sure you are communicating effectively via verbal communication, voice inflection, the tone of your voice, and body language,” Phillip said.
“And if the other person has done all of what you’ve said and is pretty sure the other person is telling the truth, what happens when they don’t deliver?” Beryl asked.
Phillip’s eyebrows rose in question. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Okay, I’ll use Travis and me as an example. What if we have talked and supposedly have an understanding. Like for instance, he knows he needs to look for a job and he says he is going to look for a job. His body language and tone are screaming that he will follow through on what he says he is going to do. But then days and weeks turn into months and he hasn’t looked for a job. What happens then? Am I supposed to sit back and continue to let him lie to me like I am Boo Boo the Fool?” Beryl asked.
Travis sat up. “Beryl, that’s not fair.” Travis looked around at everyone in the room. Charlotte saw his cheeks flush. “I have been looking for a job. It’s just hard out here for a black man,” Travis said.
“Oh really? What I hear you saying is that you’ve been looking for work,” Beryl said. “Is that true?”
“Yeah, you know I have.”
Beryl held up her hand and started ticking off fingers. “And I see you are sitting upright, looking directly at me, so your body language is suggesting that you are telling the truth.”
“I am, Beryl.” As Travis spoke to Beryl, he continued to glance at the others around the room. His embarrassed face continued to flush.
“Okay then maybe it is me. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe my background and value system is a little different from yours. Now if it were me looking for a job, I’d be doing something on a daily basis to find one. I’d put in applications on a daily basis at various places. I’d also be scowling the Internet and talking to friends and family to find out if they knew of anyone hiring.” Beryl shrugged her shoulders. “But I guess your value system is a little different.”
“I have put in applications, and I looked on the Internet for jobs. I even asked my sister if anyone was hiring where she worked,” Travis said. This time his face took on a smugness, as if trying to save face.
“Ha,” Beryl said so loud that Charlotte almost jumped out of her seat. “In the last six months you’ve only put in about
five applications. And you’ve been on the Internet even less times than that looking for anything, much less jobs. And I can’t believe you are sitting there looking at me with that little smug face of yours.”
Charlotte wished Xavier had only been on the Internet less than five times in the last six months. She was lucky if Xavier only got on to the Internet once a day.
Beryl continued. “Don’t think you’ve been fooling me for a moment circling the ads in the newspaper and conveniently leaving it out for me to see. You were too cheap to even buy a daily paper. Didn’t you think I’d notice the date on the paper hadn’t changed? I mean if you are going to pretend, then do it right, Travis.”
Ouch, Charlotte thought to herself. Why did men think they were so sneaky?
Phillip interrupted, directing his attention between Beryl and Travis. “Okay, okay. That is a good start. Why don’t you continue along those same lines when we break?” Changing his direction to the whole group, Phillip said, “I want you all to talk to your spouses, leaving no stone unturned. Use the notes I’ve given you during this week.” Talking directly to Charlotte, he said, “And any evidence you’ve gathered over the months, talk about it, ask questions, communicate.
“You all need to talk over the who, what, where, when, how, and even whys. Especially if there are things you think your spouse needs to know about. Be honest with one another so you can process the information and move on with your lives—prayerfully as a couple in a united front.”
Phillip looked at his watch. “It’s almost lunch time. Let’s take a break while Shelby finishes getting our lunch ready. After lunch you can spend the afternoon with your significant other, talking about whatever most concerns you.
“This evening we’ll gather back here in the living room to watch the movie Why Did I Get Married,” Phillip said. “Hopefully, by that time, you’ll be able to stop focusing on your own lives for a moment. You might even realize your problems are nothing compared to the couples in the movie.” Phillip smiled. “Any questions?”
Charlotte figured watching the movie must have been what Phillip had referred to as the fun part of the evening, and she truly hoped the movie was a comedy, because she didn’t anticipate any fun during the next few hours.
Chapter 32
Charlotte Knight
Friday: 1:34 P.M.
With each step Charlotte took, her legs felt as if they were laced with lead. She longed for the day to be over. Beside her, Xavier walked as they ventured on a narrow path just outside of the cabin. George and Nina had found seats on the wraparound porch to have their talk. Charlotte had seen Beryl and Travis heading in the other direction, walking alongside the lake.
Not wanting to stay in the cabin and possibly be heard by Phillip and Shelby, they’d gone in the only other direction in which they might have the privacy Phillip urged them to seek for their ultimate marriage saving discussion.
Charlotte viewed it as a waste of time. There was no doubt in her mind that her husband was up to no good. Just as Phillip had suggested, she brought along the folder with all the hard facts tucked within, even though she knew most of the information like the back of her hand. Just in case Xavier tried to dispute something, she’d whip it out and stop him dead in his tracks.
She’d been avoiding this discussion for months, scared to hear what the ugly truth really might be. Now somewhere deep inside she was actually glad they were going to finally talk. It was now or never. If they didn’t discuss their problems, then she’d just return home to continue the living nightmare. Once they talked, she could make some decisions.
“At some point we’re going to have to talk,” Xavier said.
They’d been walking along the path for almost five minutes without saying a word to each other. Charlotte didn’t say anything.
“Did you hear me?”
She could hear the frustration in Xavier’s voice. “I heard you,” she said and continued on without offering anything else.
They walked a few more steps, then Xavier stopped abruptly. Charlotte stopped also once she realized he wasn’t moving anymore.
Looking around, Xavier pointed to a tree, which had fallen. He walked toward it and sat down. “I am not walking another step. We’re going to talk. Now.”
Charlotte was surprised by the command in his voice. He spoke in a business-like tone as if he were talking to one of his trainees. With only a slight moment of hesitation, she sat down next to him on the trunk.
Without hesitation, Xavier spoke. “I understand you’re upset and you’ve been harboring some appropriately warranted anger toward me, but at some point this has all got to stop.”
“I—” Charlotte started to speak.
Putting his hand up, Xavier cut her off. “You, you, you. I’ve heard from you, Charlotte. Now, you need to listen to me.
Charlotte folded her arms and looked away from him at the trees in front of her.
“I know you’ve gone to a great extent to find out as much as you could about what I was doing behind your back. You asked me time and time again to come clean with you, and I didn’t. I understand I should have.” He paused, tapping the folder on Charlotte’s lap. “I am sorry you had to pull all this stuff out in front of strangers to get me to fess up. So what’s done is done. I apologize for everything. And believe it or not, I have nothing else to hide. You were completely on point with the information you discovered. I honestly hadn’t realized I was talking to those women so much,” Xavier said.
“Did you realize how many times you slept with those women?” Charlotte asked, trying to catch him in a lie.
“I only slept with Yasmine—twice. That is the God’s honest truth.”
“Oh, now you want to bring God into this. And you expect me to believe you?”
“Yes, I do. Because I am telling the truth, and I’m so sorry this all happened.”
“Why, Xavier? Why did you do this to me? To us?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know. Most of it, like the Internet stuff, was just so ...” He looked around as if searching for the right word. “Addictive. It was like all I could think about was getting on the Internet, and once I was on there, time flew by. But I promise you, ever since you confronted me with the STD results, I’ve given it all up. I’m scared to even get on the Internet and check what the week’s weather forecast is anymore.”
“So what was it? What wasn’t I doing? What did those women have that I didn’t have?”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing. Like I said, I don’t know what was so addictive about all of it. I really thought I had conquered that part of my life during my first marriage.” Xavier looked down at his feet. “I am pretty sure I’ve conquered it this time.”
“Pretty sure?” Charlotte asked. “How am I supposed to live with pretty sure? Do you know what you’ve put me through? How in the heck do you think I felt getting a venereal disease from my husband, like some common street hooker or something?”
Xavier winced, but didn’t say anything. Charlotte was glad, she needed to let him know exactly what he’d put her through.
The volume of Charlotte’s voice increased. “And then to find out my husband has been soliciting women on the Internet. And talking to other women more than he talks to me. How do you think I felt?”
Xavier continued to look at the ground.
Charlotte took her hand and hit Xavier’s shoulder as hard as she could. He barely flinched. “Well, I’ll tell you how it made me feel. I felt sick to my stomach, and I almost turned into a mad woman going around like I was some sort of detective. I almost drove myself crazy. And if it weren’t for a good friend of mine, I probably would have gone completely mad. It took that friend to remind me that my actions were not what God could be pleased with. And that was the last thing I wanted to hear. But the more they talked to me and the more I thought about it, I realized, I couldn’t handle the situation in an eye for an eye manner.
“Just because you had done some ungodly things to defile our ma
rriage, I didn’t have to reciprocate or continue to sneak around finding out about your dirt. This person encouraged me to talk with you about the things I’d found and get it all out into the open. He was the one who gave me the information about this marriage retreat, hoping it might help us.”
Xavier’s eyebrows rose finally turning his attention to Charlotte in order to look squarely at her face. “He?”
“Yes, he,” Charlotte said.
“I know most of your friends, and what male friend do you have close enough to give you advice about our marriage?”
Charlotte could hear the defensiveness in Xavier’s voice.
“Shawn,” she said. She braced herself for his reaction.
“Shawn? You’ve got to be kidding me. That guy has been trying to talk to you ever since you two started working together.” Xavier paused, shaking his head. His male ego had been bruised. “So he’s been talking to you, huh? Probably filling your head with nonsense. He’s probably really trying to make it look like he’s the good guy and I am the bad guy so he can finally get a chance to be with you.”
“You have some nerve. For your information, Shawn is a true friend. And I really don’t know where you get the idea that he wants to be with me. He has a girlfriend. A very nice and understanding girlfriend, I might add.”
“Oh sure, have you ever seen this girlfriend? She’s probably just a figment of his imagination, just a part of his story to make you believe his nice guy routine. And how do you know she is so nice and understanding?”
“I met her once. She lives in New Jersey. She was very understanding when she found out I was staying at Shawn’s house,” Charlotte said, again waiting for Xavier’s reaction.
Xavier snapped his whole body around to her. “What do you mean when you stayed at Shawn’s house? When did you ...” His voice trailed off.
“You know when. And for your information, Shawn was nothing but a gentleman the entire time I was there. He gave up his bed for me and slept on the couch. And the only thing he tried to do the whole time I was there was convince me that I needed to go back home and talk to you about everything. So you can get all the crazy ideas out of your head that the man is trying to get with me.”
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