by Connie Mason
Meg's eyes blazed defiance. "You're my doctor, Jess Gentry, not God."
"That's right. I'm your doctor, you'll do as I say."
Tyrant, Meg thought sourly as Jess stalked from the room. Why didn't he understand she couldn't wallow in bed like a slacker? There was no money left; she needed to work. Winter was coming and they had to lay in supplies for those bleak months. Sometimes weeks passed before weather permitted her to use her skill as a bounty hunter. She never knew when a storm would blow in so she rarely ventured far from home during the winter months.
Meg's greatest fear was Zach's declining health. She was astute enough to know he was ill, though he tried to hide it from her. What if he needed expensive medicine to keep him alive? The money just wasn't there for an emergency. She had to make the most of what was left of the summer and fall to earn enough money to see them through the winter.
Meg was still ruminating on Zach's fragile state of health when Jess returned with a basin of water, soap, and towels.
Jess set the basin down on the nightstand. "Do you need help?"
"No, thank you." She flushed and looked away. "There's a chamber pot under the bed. Would you please pull it out for me?"
Jess brought out the chamber pot. "Are you sure you..."
"Very sure," Meg said through clenched teeth. "Just leave. I can manage just fine on my own."
Jess gave her a crooked smile and held up his hands. "I know when I'm not needed. I'll return later with your breakfast."
Meg waited until Jess closed the door before sliding out of bed, using the chamber pot, and pushing it back out of sight when she was finished. So far so good, she thought as she plunged a cloth into the basin of water and plied it with soap. Just being able to do these personal things for herself excited her. She was weak, true, but not helpless. She washed quickly, then cleaned her teeth, anxious to finish before Jess returned.
Jess.
She must have been dreaming last night when she felt him in bed beside her, holding her, chasing away her fears. Even in her dreams his arms had been comforting. She didn't remember her dreams often, but when she did, they were always the same. She knew Arlo couldn't hurt her anymore, but some part of her inner self still feared him and what he could do to her. Imagining Jess's presence beside her had been enough to chase away the dark fears plaguing her.
Meg frowned. She didn't like the way she'd become dependent on Jess in the short time she'd known him. She supposed it wasn't unusual, however, for patients to feel that way about their doctors.
"What's that frown all about?" Jess said as he stepped through the door with a tray balanced in his hands. "Are you hurting again?"
"No more than usual. And don't try to feed me laudanum. It makes my mind fuzzy."
Jess set the tray on the bed. "No need to worry, the laudanum's gone."
"There's a drug emporium in Cheyenne if you wish to replenish your supply for future use before you leave town."
Jess slanted her a wry grin. "Unfortunately I'm fresh out of money." He raised the tray to her lap and handed her the fork."
"Can you eat left-handed?"
"The pain in my right shoulder is somewhat diminished. I think I can manage with my right hand."
"Go ahead and try," Jess said, watching her closely as she lifted the fork and speared a wedge of flapjack.
Meg managed to get the food into her mouth without undue pain and flashed him a smile. I told you, her eyes seemed to say.
Instead of leaving, Jess settled down in the chair. "I'm thinking of hanging up my shingle in Cheyenne."
Meg couldn't have been more stunned. "You are? What made you decide that?"
Jess shrugged. "It's as good a place as any. I've heard the town is growing. Men are pouring in daily, bringing their families with them. There's a need for doctors here."
Meg mulled over Jess's words. She liked it better when she believed he'd ride off into the sunset one day. She didn't cotton to the idea of a man becoming important to her. Zach didn't count because he was a father figure and presented no danger to her independence. But Jess was different. Jess was a potent, thoroughly masculine man who could make her heart pound by just looking at him.
He was also dictatorial, tyrannical, and much too handsome for her peace of mind. There was something mysterious about Jess Gentry. He was hiding something, she was sure of it. Furthermore, with Jess living in Cheyenne, she'd be constantly reminded that a man existed with whom she had actually felt passionate stirrings.
Meg continued to improve. Jess allowed her to move around a bit more each day and Meg took advantage of his directive to exercise in her room without his knowledge. Her right arm was still weak but was gaining strength, and her wound only hurt when she stretched, but it was nothing she couldn't bear. The day she dressed and walked outside for the first time, she found Jess mending a porch railing.
Meg's mouth went dry. His chest was bare, his skin glistening with sweat. Taut muscles rippled beneath the smooth surface of his flesh. She swallowed convulsively. Jess might not be the most attractive man in the world, but he could be rated right up there at the top. A shiver of awareness slid down her spine. The very air around him seemed to radiate energy.
Her heart skipped a beat when he turned toward her and smiled.
"I'm glad to see you looking so well." His gaze slid down her body, then back to her face. "You're wearing a dress. It's most becoming."
"I don't always wear trousers. Only when I'm...working. I feel very well, thanks to you. I'm back to where I was before I was shot. Where's Zach?"
"He rode into town to look for work."
"What! He knows he's not up to doing physical labor. We were doing fine until you came along."
Jess put down the hammer and glared at her. "Don't you mean until you got yourself wounded?"
"I...oh, never mind. Have you examined Zach yet?"
"I'm going to have to lasso him to get him to sit still for an examination."
Meg sat down on the porch steps. "I can't lose him, Jess."
Jess eased down beside her. It galled like hell to listen to Meg bemoan her lover's illness."
"I'll do my best," Jess said. "Zach has led a hard life. He didn't take care of himself in his early years. I'm not a miracle worker. I don't even know for sure what's wrong with him."
"But you will find out, won't you?"
"I can try."
"That's all I ask."
"Meg, I know Zach can't marry you now, but he can obtain a divorce and make it possible."
Meg gave him a horrified look. "I could never marry Zach."
"Funny, Zach said the same thing about you. What is it with you two? Do you enjoy flaunting society with your love affair?"
Meg closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She had to count to ten before she could speak coherently. "If I want to flaunt society, that's my business. You're nothing to me. Not my conscience, my father, nor a male relative."
Anger hardened Jess's features. "I may be nothing to you but you can't deny the way you responded to my kisses. You kissed me back, damn it! Your body turned to flame in my arms. Can you say the same about Zach's kisses?"
"I...no. You don't understand how it is between me and Zach."
"Why don't you tell me."
"Because you're so damn judgmental you probably wouldn't believe me. What about your own life, Jess Gentry? Is it so exemplary that you could pass judgment on another?"
Jess hissed out a breath, as if she'd struck him a mortal blow. "My own life is nothing to brag about. I've made some bad decisions in my lifetime. But we both know standards are different for men and women. Do people know you're living out here with Zach, without benefit of marriage?"
Her chin notched upward. "I don't care what people think. The only time I go into town is to check the wanted posters. The sheriff has been most accommodating in sharing them with me."
Jess searched her face. "Don't you want what other young women want? A husband, a home, children?"
&nbs
p; "I have a home. As for children, they would only get in the way of my profession. And I don't need a husband telling me what to do. Tell me, do you have a wife waiting for you somewhere?"
"No wife."
"Fiancée?"
"No."
"Parents?"
"No parents."
"Just brothers," Meg probed.
"The best. I'd do anything for Rafe and Sam."
But he hadn't, had he? He'd let his brothers become outlaws because he hadn't the gumption to admit that he might possibly have been the last man to bed Delia Wingate, and could very well be the father of her unborn child. God, it hurt to think about his cowardly act. During the war he'd risked his life countless times, remaining behind enemy lines to save wounded soldiers.
"Tell me about Rafe and Sam," Meg prodded.
Jess's mind turned inward, picturing his brothers as he'd last seen them. Frantic. Angry. Eager to escape the posse.
"Rafe is a year older than I. Sam a year younger. We're exceptionally close for brothers, being so close in age."
"Where are they now?"
"I wish I knew. We split up a few weeks ago. We lost the family farm and...well, Rafe rode West and Sam South. I decided to head North. We made plans to meet in Denver a year from the day we split."
"Why did you split up? Was there nothing you could do to save the farm?"
Jess's expression hardened. "There was one thing we could have done, but it was unacceptable." His eyes turned bleak, and he looked away. "I could have...but I didn't. It's too late now. The damage has already been done."
Meg searched his face. What she saw puzzled her. A mixture of guilt and remorse dulled his expressive eyes. "I don't understand."
"No, I don't suppose you do. The fault is mine alone to bear." He gave her a brittle smile. "Enough of my problems. I think we can safely say you can resume light exercise. Riding is permitted, but only if you don't overdo."
Meg felt like jumping up and cheering. Instead, she said demurely, "Thank you, doctor."
"I mean it, Meg. No strenuous exercise for another couple of weeks."
"I'm fine, Jess, really."
"Let me be the judge of that."
Exasperated, Meg sighed and gazed off into the distance. "Oh, look, there's Zach."
Jess watched Zach approach with growing alarm. The closer he came the more aware Jess became that something was wrong. Zach's shoulders were slumped, his face was ashen. He sat his horse awkwardly, barely able to keep his seat. Jess rushed forward to help him dismount. Zach's lame leg caught in the stirrups and he would have fallen had Jess not steadied him.
"Thanks, Doc," Zach said.
Meg ran over to join them, her expression stark with concern. "Are you all right, Zach? You shouldn't have gone off without telling me. I would have gone with you."
"No, you wouldn't have," Jess said sternly.
"I'm fine, Meggie-girl. Didn't have much luck in town, though. Jobs were scarce for a cripple. The ones available were beyond my capability, and those I could do were already filled." He turned away in disgust. "I feel so damn useless. I'm half a man, with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel."
"Don't say that!" Meg cried fiercely. She turned to Jess, her eyes pleading. "Can't you give him something to make him better?"
"Not until I now what's wrong with him. I need to examine him."
"Then do it!" Meg demanded.
"What about it, Zach? Will you let me examine you? I'll be leaving in a day or two, now is as good a time as any."
Zach looked from Meg to Jess, as if trying to make up his mind. Then he nodded slowly. "Very well, you two have worn me down. Might as well get it over with."
"I'll wash up and fetch my bag," Jess said. "I'd prefer to do the examination in private."
"My bedroom, then," Zach said. "I'll wait for you there."
Jess's brows raised in surprise. He'd always assumed that Zach and Meg shared the same bedroom.
Zach limped away. Meg followed him as Jess went off to scrub his hands. When he entered Zach's room with his medical bag a short time later, Meg was there, fussing over him. She was reluctant to leave, but Jess was adamant. As soon as the door closed behind her, Jess opened his bag and removed his stethoscope.
"No need for that, Doc, I know what's wrong," Zach said. "I only agreed to this for Meggie's sake."
"Why don't you tell me your symptoms?"
"It's my heart. It just ain't right. Hasn't been for a long time."
"Let me be the judge of that. Have you experienced pain?"
Zach gave him a wry smile. "You could say that. Sometimes it's so bad I can't catch my breath. I try not to let on for Meggie's sake, but I know my days are numbered, Doc."
Jess's initial impression wasn't promising, but he wasn't about to make a diagnosis without evidence to back up Zach's complaints. He placed the stethoscope over Zach's heart. He listened, frowned, and listened some more. He moved the stethoscope to Zach's back, still frowning.
He put the stethoscope away and tested Zach's responses. Then he looked into his eyes, his ears, and his mouth. The examination was as thorough as Jess knew how to make it. When he finished, he sat back and stared at Zach.
Zach returned his perusal. "I was right, wasn't I, Doc? It's my heart, ain't it? I've lived a hard life. Drank too much, smoked and caroused like there was no tomorrow during my early years. Now I'm paying for it. I don't care for myself, it's Meggie I'm worried about."
"I'm not going to lie to you, Zach. You have angina, or progressive heart failure. There is medicine that will ease your pain but no cure."
Acceptance shone in the depths of Zach's eyes. "I ain't proud of my life. There are things I would do over were I given the chance. But meeting and caring for Meggie isn't one of them. I'll always be grateful for the time I had with her."
Jess didn't want to hear about Zach's relationship with Meg. "I'll give you some pills. Take them whenever you feel the pain come on. When they're gone, you can buy more from a druggist. It's a common enough remedy."
"How long do I have?"
"Only God knows that. My advise is to make the most of the time you have left. Try not to overdo and rest when you feel tired."
"Don't tell Meggie, Doc. I don't want her worrying about me."
"I doubt you can keep it from her. Meg's an astute woman. She's smart, strong, and independent. She has a right to know."
"She's all of those things, and more," Zach admitted, bursting with pride. "She wasn't always like that. You should have seen her when..." He paused, giving Jess a sheepish look. "Forgive my rambling."
"Tell me about Meg," Jess said. "I know so little about her."
Zach shook his head. "Ask Meg. It's not my place." He sent Jess a hard look. "You care for Meggie, don't you?"
Jess shrugged. "Of course, I care about all my patients."
"I don't mean those kind of feelings. I'm talking about feelings a man has for a woman."
"Look, Zach, you've nothing to be jealous about. Meg loves you."
"Hell, Doc, you don't need to tell me that. I've been watching you two since you arrived. Meggie is attracted to you. You're exactly the kind of man she needs. She'd make you a good wife."
Jess's mouth fell open. "You want me to marry Meg?"
"You could do a helluva lot worse. I know she's a mite strong minded but ain't that better than having a wife who's afraid of her own shadow?"
"You want me to marry Meg?" Jess repeated harshly.
"Well, hell, Jess, I know for a fact there's more passion in her little finger than most women have in their whole body."
"I'll bet you do," Jess said sarcastically. No matter how ill Zach was, it just wasn't right for him to offer his lover's hand in marriage to another man.
"I'd rest a whole lot easier in my grave if I knew Meggie was being taken care of after I'm gone."
"Why marriage?" Jess challenged. "Why not offer her to me as my mistress?"
Zach stiffened and his eyes narrowe
d with outrage. "Why would I do a thing like that? I want only the best for Meggie. Nothing but marriage will do for her. You're a damn fool to think she'd become your mistress after I'm gone."
"I don't think anything at all," Jess said, pretending a calm he didn't feel.
Jess was ready to blow. Only Zach's precarious state of health prevented him from doing so. How could Zach speak so casually about the woman he loved, a woman who loved him? This whole impossible conversation was beyond his understanding. There was only one answer he could give.
"Sorry, Zach. Taking a wife at this time isn't feasible. You'd be doing both yourself and Meg a favor if you divorced your wife and married Meg before your health deteriorates."
Zach sent him a puzzled look. "That wouldn't be right. Meg needs a young man, one who can do right by her."
"You should have realized that a long time ago," Jess chided in a voice ripe with disapproval. "I'm not changing my mind, Zach. A wife is the last thing I need right now."
"Why?" His eyes narrowed. "Meg thinks you're running from the law. Is she right? You don't look like an outlaw, but life taught me not to judge a book by its cover. Are you a wanted man, Jess?"
Jess's gaze slid away. "A man's privacy should be respected. Suffice it to say, taking a wife isn't in my plans at the present time. I suggest you quit trying to foist her off on the first young man who meets your requirements and marry her yourself."
"Damn young fool," Zach muttered beneath his breath.
Jess pretended not to hear. "I'll leave this bottle of pills with you. Take them whenever the pain comes on. You can live a long time if you take care of yourself. Keep that in mind."
Jess's angry steps carried him from Zach's room. The man was too ill to lay into but that's exactly what Jess felt like doing. This whole situation was abhorrent to him. He couldn't understand how Zach could casually hand his mistress over to another man. Demanding marriage, no less. Who did Zach think he was, Meg's father?
Jess stormed into the kitchen, disgruntled to find Meg waiting for him, her expression anxious. "What's wrong with him, Jess? He's going to be all right, isn't he?"