by Connie Mason
"I'm sure your brothers don't feel that way."
"Probably not Sam, he never took responsibility for anything, not even when he was at fault. As for Rafe, he might have accepted responsibility had he been in my shoes."
"You've got to quit blaming yourself, Jess," Meg urged. "And I don't think you should leave. Not yet, anyway. Maybe Sheriff Bufford won't ever get around to looking at those posters. Besides, I wedged yours so far to the back of the drawer he might never find it."
Jess grasped her hands. "Do you want me to stay, Meg?"
"I...want you to stay, but I don't want you to end up in jail."
"You mean you won't turn me in for the reward?" he teased.
"That's not funny," Meg chided crossly. "I wouldn't...I couldn't do that."
"Then come with me. We'll leave together. I've heard Oregon is a beautiful place. Have you ever seen the Pacific Ocean?"
Jess couldn't believe he'd just asked Meg to go away with him. Was he loco? He didn't deserve a woman like Meg, and Meg deserved better than he could give her.
Meg pulled his hands from his grasp. "I can't. I can't leave Zach."
"He can come along."
Now he knew he was crazy. How could he drag a sick old man over mountains and dangerous territory?
"Zach won't leave Mary, and I won't leave him. Don't ask it of me, Jess. I owe Zach my life."
"I see," Jess said evenly. "Perhaps I should leave Cheyenne before you and I become more involved than we already are. I didn't take precautions when we made love. I'll wait around long enough to make sure you're not carrying my child, then I'll leave."
A sob caught in Meg's throat. "I didn't mean... I'm sorry I hurt you, but you have to understand about me and Zach. He's not well, I'm all he has. He'd marry Mary if he could but..."
Jess's shoulders stiffened. "Oh, I understand. I understand very well. I'm all right to bed but you have no intention of hooking up with an outlaw. I wanted us to marry, Meg. I didn't intend to make you my mistress."
"You want to marry me?" Meg gasped, stunned.
"That was my intention."
"I don't need marriage to be happy."
Meg thought of Arlo, and how he'd changed into a beast after marriage. No, she wanted nothing to do with marriage.
Jess gave her a strange look. "All women desire marriage. Is it because I'm an outlaw?"
Panic rose up inside her. She'd had all she could take of marriage. After Arlo she'd vowed to remain unwed for the rest of her life. Even though she was fairly certain she loved Jess, she couldn't marry him. She couldn't take the chance of unleashing the beast inside him.
"I've made up my mind never to marry, Jess. You being an outlaw has nothing to do with my decision."
He gave her a heated look. "I can make you want to marry me."
"You can make me want your loving but you can never convince me to marry you."
"Does Arlo have anything to do with your fear of marriage?"
"He has everything to do with it!" Meg said fiercely. "God, I hate him. I hate what he did to me and what I've become because of his abuse. If not for you, I'd never know the gentle side of loving. All I would have known is pain and degradation. I'll always be grateful to you for that."
Jess pounded his fist on the table. "The bastard! Tell me where to find Arlo and I'll gladly wring his neck for hurting you." He searched her face? "What was Arlo to you?
She shook her head. "I don't want to talk about him."
"Why is it so difficult to tell me the truth? I thought...dammit, Meg, I thought you cared for me, but I see now I was mistaken."
"No, you weren't mistaken. If you stay in town I'll become your mistress, but I won't leave Zach. I'll be anything you want me to be, just don't ask me to marry you."
Jess pushed to his feet and held out his hand, his features hard as granite. "Very well, if that's the way you want it. Come upstairs. I want you again. This time I'll try to remember I'm your stud and you're my mistress."
"Jess! I didn't mean it like that and you know it."
"I know nothing of the sort. Are you coming?"
Meg stared at his hand but there was really no choice. She had probably just ruined the best thing since Zach that had ever happened to her, but that didn't change her feelings about marriage.
She wanted Jess. She'd always want him. Always love him.
But she had to be realistic. Jess was a wanted man whose fate rested in the sheriff's drawer. Waiting for her to make up her mind could be dangerous for him.
"Are you coming, Meg? Or do I have to toss you over my shoulder and carry you to bed?"
Meg could tell by his fierce expression that he'd do exactly as he said if she didn't go along with him peacefully. With a sad sigh of acquiescence, she placed her hand in his.
Chapter Nine
Jess's anger turned inward, upon himself. He couldn't believe how foolish he'd been. He had no business proposing marriage. As long as he was a fugitive he had no future. He might always be on the run. Nevertheless, it hurt to be turned down. Knowing that Meg cared so little for him was devastating.
They had reached the top of the stairs before Jess's rage began to cool, but it hadn't subsided enough to make him change his mind. If she wanted to be his mistress then he'd treat her like one.
Jess had reached his bedroom, had his hand on the doorknob, in fact, when Meg suddenly balked.
She glared at him. "I've changed my mind."
"About what?" Jess asked coolly. "I distinctly heard you say you would be my mistress."
"Yes, but..."
"Then act like one. Don't worry, I'll be on my way before long so you won't have to suffer my intentions too long."
"Dammit, Jess! Why are you acting like this? You don't really need a wife right now, any more than I need a husband."
"I've already come to that conclusion," Jess said harshly. "Unfortunately, I still want you."
Ignoring her squawk of protest, he swung her into his arms and carried her inside his room. Very slowly he let her slide down his body, until her feet touched the floor. He heard her release a shuddering breath as he unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it down her arms. She hadn't bothered donning her torn camisole and was naked beneath her shirt.
His eyes lingered on her breasts, then his hands came up to massage them, his fingers determinedly pebbling the tips. He heard her moan when his hands cupped her bottom, dragging her more solidly against him, and he grinned.
Suddenly Meg became aware that he was maneuvering her backward; until she felt the wall pressing against her back.
"Jess, what..."
Jess didn't answer, so intent was he upon removing her trousers. Finally he succeeded in dragging them down around her ankles. With one arm around her waist, he lifted her and swiftly removed her boots. Then he pulled her trousers all the way off. Still holding her, he slid his hand up between her thighs, teasing her, parting the tender folds of her flesh and stroking her.
Meg gasped. She was wet she realized, her body tense with desire. Their angry words hadn't diminished her desire for him. She could feel his hardness pressing against her and her body caught fire. His hard mouth came down on hers, plundering fiercely, ravishing her with his tongue.
Her fingers curled into the open neck of his shirt as he continued to stroke between her legs with one hand, while popping the buttons on his trousers with the other. The he was lifting her, his rigid length probing, finding entrance. She gazed into his face. His expression was fiercely possessive, impossibly demanding, fueled by urgency. He kissed her hard, his hands tightening on her bottom as he began to thrust wildly inside her. He raised her legs and wrapped them around his waist, pounding into her again and again.
She felt the tension building, escalating. Her body shook; breathing became nearly impossible as she soared toward an earth shattering release. Arms and legs curled tightly around him, she let the momentum carry her, and fell headlong into a yawning abyss of molten heat. Scant seconds later, Jess galloped to his
own release.
For long minutes there was only the sound of their harsh breathing. Then slowly he eased her legs from around his waist and set her gently on her feet. He turned away and straightened his clothing. Meg watched him warily. She'd never seen Jess like this. When he turned around to face her, his face held a wealth of regret.
"Go to bed, Meg. Tomorrow I'll take you home."
Meg edged away from the wall toward the bed. "What happened just now?"
"I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. No woman in her right mind would marry a fugitive. You deserve better. I don't get angry often. Did I hurt you?"
Meg felt an unbearable sadness. "No, but I fear I hurt you. I probably didn't explain myself well. I will never marry. I do lo...care for you, Jess, but I have this uncontrollable fear of marriage that has nothing to do with you."
"Someone hurt you. I've known that for a long time. No need to explain your refusal, Meg. I shouldn't have asked you to marry me while my future is uncertain. You were right to refuse. A woman would have to love a man a great deal to leave all she held dear and take up with a fugitive from the law."
"Jess, I..."
He placed a finger against her lips. "No, don't say anything you'll regret later."
She bit her lip. "Do you intend to leave right away?" God, how could she bear it?
"Perhaps not. You might be right about Bufford. Maybe you hid that wanted poster so far back in the drawer he'll never find it. I like Cheyenne. I have a thriving practice here. I won't leave unless I'm forced to."
"I meant what I said. I'll be your lover for as long as you want me."
"I wouldn't ask that of you. Go to bed, Meg." He started to leave.
"Wait! Don't go."
He swung around to face her, his expression fierce. "Don't tempt me. We both know nothing can come of this passion we share."
Meg knew but it made no difference. "Stay with me tonight."
The air between them crackled with charged energy. Meg could feel its powerful pull nudge them toward one another. "I need you," she whispered.
She heard him groan, saw his eyes turn murky with indecision. Then he was beside her, touching her face with a tenderness that brought tears to her eyes.
"One day I hope you'll trust me enough to tell me how Arlo hurt you, and how he turned you against marriage. I realize I'm not the right man for you, but someday a man will come along you'll truly love and wish to marry. Then what? Will you deny him because of what one man did to you?" His voice hardened. "Will you use Zach as an excuse to refuse him? Will you offer to become his mistress?"
Meg winced. How little Jess must think of her. "After you leave, if you must leave, there will be no other man."
Her words seemed to take the steam out of his sails.
She pulled back the covers, holding them open in blatant invitation. "Are you going to join me?"
Jess hesitated but a brief moment before he shed his clothing, snuffed out the lamp, and eased down beside her. "I don't have much willpower where you're concerned," he said, pulling her into his arms.
"Nor I where you're concerned," Meg whispered, snuggling against his chest. "Let's just take what we can while we can."
They came together again, all fire and passion, then slept deeply, until late the next morning. Unfortunately the problems they had swept aside during the night returned with daylight.
Meg washed and dressed in silence while Jess removed himself to his own room to clean up. They met later in the kitchen.
"There's coffee left from last night and a hunk of stale bread," Jess offered.
Meg shook her head. "I'm not hungry. I'm anxious to return home and let Zach know I'm all right."
"Zach, of course," Jess said with a hint of sarcasm. "We wouldn't want Zach to worry."
"Jess, let's not part like this. You have nothing to be jealous about. I told you, Zach is like a father to me."
"I know. I've come to grips with your feelings for Zach and I understand. I have no say on what you do with your life, nor can I claim any part of it. I'm an outlaw, Meg."
Meg shook her head in vigorous denial. "Don't say that! You're not an outlaw. Someday you'll prove your innocence.'
Jess gave a snort of disbelief. "If you say so. Come on, I'll take you home."
"I can see myself home."
"No, I promised Zach I'd see you safely home and I always keep my word."
They rode home in silence. Everything that needed to be said had been said. An unspoken agreement had been reached. Neither mentioned Jess's marriage proposal nor Meg's refusal. Jess tried not to show his hurt pride but it was difficult. He hadn't asked for the problems that made his life a living hell. He was not an outlaw, and Lord knows he wasn't cut out for that kind of life.
Always on the run.
Always looking over his shoulder, wondering when the law was going to catch up with him. Jess knew things weren't going to get better. That if he wanted a normal life he'd have to return to Dodge, face Wingate, and fight the false charges made against the Gentry brothers.
It was up to him. He was the responsible brother. He'd even marry Delia, if that's what it took.
They had slowed their horses to a walk and Meg brought her mare beside Jess's gelding.
"What are you thinking, Jess?" Meg asked into the tense silence.
"I was thinking that I should return to Dodge and fight those false charges. I'd even marry Delia if I thought it would help my brothers."
"You love your brothers very much, don't you?"
"We've always been close. Hotheaded Rafe, sensible Jess, and unruly Sam. That's how we were known. I was the one who tried to keep my brothers out of trouble. Now it's up to me to make things right again."
"You're not thinking straight, Jess," Meg reasoned. "Your brothers are grown men. They don't need looking after, and they probably wouldn't want you to sacrifice yourself for them."
The longer Jess thought about it the more convinced he became that he should to return to Dodge and tell his story to the sheriff. The truth would free him...or would it? he wondered. Justice in Dodge City left much to be desired. And Meg's words did make sense. Neither of his brother would want him to sacrifice himself for them. Perhaps he'd think on it a tad longer before making a decision.
The house loomed ahead and they picked up their pace. They saw Zach out by the pump and Meg shouted his name, surging ahead to greet him. Jess hung back, not wanting to interfere. Zach and Meg shared a special relationship, and though he was jealous of it at times, he didn't want to ruin their reunion.
Meg and Zach were waiting for him when he rode into the yard. He dismounted and followed them inside the house.
"There's fresh coffee," Zach said, "would you like some?"
"Neither of us had any breakfast this morning," Jess allowed. "Coffee sounds great."
"Sit down, both of you. I'll have breakfast on the table in a jiffy."
"No, I'm not..." Meg began.
"Don't argue, Meggie," Zach said sternly, holding a chair out for her. "Sit down. You're looking a mite pale."
"I'm fine, Zach, really. Ask Dr. Gentry if you don't believe me."
"That true, Doc?"
"Meg is fine, Zach. Those bruises will fade in a few days."
Zach nodded, though he didn't appear all that convinced. "I'll whip up a batch of flapjacks. Meggie is partial to them."
He poured coffee, then busied himself at the stove. "You know this finishes you as a bounty hunter, Meggie," Zach said without turning around. "Look how I ended up. I'm a useless cripple because I was careless one time and I won't let the same thing happen to you."
Meg stared morosely into the contents of her coffee cup. "I came to the same conclusion on my own, Zach. But what will happen to us once the reward for Fremont runs out? We still have to eat."
"I've got a job now, Meggie, remember? Besides, five hundred dollars will last a long time if we're careful."
Jess listened to the conversation in silence. This was betwe
en Zach and Meg, he had no business horning in. But he felt like cheering Zach for putting his foot down.
"What am I going to do with myself while you're off working?" Meg argued. "You know how folks around here feel about me. I couldn't get a job even if one was available."
Zach frowned. "Do the things that keep women busy."
"Most women have husbands and children," Meg snapped.
Jess couldn't keep quiet a moment longer. "That's your choice, Meg," he said softly.
Zach must have picked up on something in Jess's voice for he turned away from the stove and searched Meg's face. "What's Doc talking about, Meggie?"
Meg leaped from her chair and pushed away from the table. "I'm going to my room to change."
"Hurry back, the flapjacks will be done soon," Zach called after her.
Jess stared at her departing back, wishing he hadn't said anything. The last thing he wanted was to upset Meg.
"What was that all about?" Zach asked gruffly. "Has something happened between you and Meggie?"
"You could say that."
"Want to tell me about it?"
"Believe it or not, I took your advice and asked Meg to marry me. I know it was wrong to even suggest such a thing when I'm a..." His sentence ended abruptly. Did Zach know he was wanted by the law?
"...when you're a wanted man," Zach finished for him. "I know all about it. Meggie told me."
"I should have known."
"Did you and your brothers really rob that bank?"
Jess sent him a disgusted look. "What do you think?"
"I don't think you're an outlaw, if that's what you're wondering."
"I explained everything to Meg and she understood."
"But she still wouldn't marry you," Zach guessed.
Jess's expression hardened. "She was right to refuse me. I'm not free to marry. There's no future for Meg and me as long as I'm a wanted man. In fact, I'm thinking about leaving town. There is no future for me and Meg."
"Meg doesn't want to marry," Zach confided. "It ain't you. she cares about you."
"Meg said as much but I don't believe her. Why wouldn't a woman want to marry and have children?"