“Daniel was a drunk,” I confessed. It was the first time I’d ever said those words out loud to anyone. I hadn’t even said them to Will, and he knew all to well the extent of what Daniel had done to me. Then again, after that night we never talked about it again. He knew I needed space, and he’d given it without argument.
“Oh, sweetheart.” Gwen reached from her lounge chair to mine, grasping my hand in hers.
It was as if a floodgate opened with that confession, and the words just started pouring out. “He was a nasty drunk. He said the ugliest things when he’d been drinking. Everything was my fault. I wasn’t a good enough wife, I didn’t work hard enough, I didn’t bring in enough money to keep him in the lifestyle he felt he deserved, even though his worthless ass wouldn’t bother to find another job when he lost his. I couldn’t cook or clean to his liking. I couldn’t do anything right.”
“I had no idea,” Tate breathed, but I was too lost in my story to pay her any mind.
“It started small enough that I could ignore it or make excuses. I kept waiting for it to get better… but it didn’t,” I said on a whisper.
Corrine looked at me with sad eyes. “Shit, babe. I’m sorry.”
“I finally had enough. I’d packed my shit, set on leaving, when he came home and got so pissed he decided to put me in the hospital instead of just letting me go.”
My little group went silent, the air around us electric as tears built behind my sunglasses.
“He hit you?” Tatum said on a low growl.
“Tate.” Gina’s voice came out in a warning. “Calm down, honey.”
She knew. Without me having to say a word, Gina knew instinctively how much what I’d just shared had taken out of me, and she didn’t want to draw the guys’ attention.
“He didn’t just hit me. He beat me unconscious,” I confessed. “So you understand now. I can’t go there with Mace. No matter how I feel about him.”
“Mace would never hurt you, Ly,” Tate murmured. “I know you know that.”
“I do. Rationally, I do. In my heart I know I’d trust him with my life, but ever since Daniel….” I swallowed thickly. “Ever since he did what he did, there’s a disconnect between my brain and my heart. A drunk beat and broke me. Then another one decided to get in his car and drive the wrong way down a freeway, killing my brother in the process, and breaking me all over again. I can’t…” Closing my eyes, I pulled in a deep breath. “I can’t let myself be broken again. Mace is healing, but he hasn’t even been sober two months. I just can’t go there.”
“And you?” Corrine asked.
I looked at her, my brow creasing in confusion. “What?”
“You said Mace is healing, but what about you? Because I hate to say this, babe, but from where I’m sitting, it doesn’t look like you’re healing.”
“I…” didn’t know the first goddamn thing to say, because while most days I felt like I was moving on, all it took was one conversation like this for me to backslide into that dark, black pit of despair and fear.
Gina took my free hand, alerting me to the fact that Gwen had been holding and squeezing my other the whole time I spoke, and I’d been too damn numb to feel it.
“You’ve been concentrating so hard on taking care of him that you haven’t stopped to consider yourself. You talked him into AA, but have you thought of maybe finding something for you?”
“I’m not real big on therapy.”
“Then a support group,” Gwen recommended. “Find some women you can talk to who’ve been where you are now and can help get you through it.”
I quieted my mind and gave that suggestion some serious consideration. A support group. That might not be such a bad idea.
“I’ll think about it. I promise,” I said when they all looked on skeptically. “But I’d really love it if we could change the subject. I’ve had all the serious I can handle for one day.”
“Goldie!” We all turned toward the pool, and thankfully the conversation ended just like that. “Get your cute ass over here! Declan’s sayin’ he and Tate can beat us in a chicken fight. Let’s show him he’s full of shit.”
“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Liddy screeched while slapping at the water.
“I give up,” Gwen grumbled, collapsing back onto her lounger. “You guys are hopeless. But when she starts school and her teachers call wanting a conference because a five-year-old cusses worse than a sailor, you’re going alone!” she threatened, pointing at Garrett.
He blew his wife a kiss in response.
“So whatdaya say, baby,” Mace continued. “Think we can take ’em?”
I looked from a cocky Declan to a smirking Tate before turning back to Mace. “Oh yeah,” I replied with a grin. “We totally got this.”
“Fuckin’ worthless,” Daniel snarled. His teeth gnashed, the bright, straight whites all I could see in the darkness through my one good eye. The other was swollen shut from his attack. I’d lost count of how many times he’d hit me or how many places he’d landed a blow.
My entire body was one huge, throbbing, agonizing bruise thanks to my husband’s rage and fists.
“Please,” I panted weakly, unable to say much more. “Please. Stop.”
“Think you can leave me, you stupid bitch?” he hissed, landing a kick to my ribs. “Think you can leave me for that asshole? That I can’t stop you? Stupid, worthless slut!”
“Shh. I’m here, baby. I got you.” Mace’s voice broke through the blackness and pain.
“Please stop.”
Mace’s disembodied voice continued to call out to me. “Lyla, baby, wake up. I got you.”
“Think I can’t make you stay?” Daniel sneered as he stomped on my hand.
“No. Please stop!”
“Lyla! Wake up!”
I came awake with a sharp cry, my eyes taking a second to adjust to the bright light shining through Mace’s windshield.
“What happened?” I asked, sucking in a lungful of air.
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” he grunted, squeezing me tightly. It was then I realized at some point in my nightmare, Mace had unbuckled my seat belt and pulled me over the console into his lap. “Scared the shit outta me, baby. You were havin’ a nightmare. Sounded like you were dyin’.”
My body shivered violently as the dream flashed in my head. “I’m sorry.” My voice shook as I held on to his big, strong body for dear life.
I’d only had a handful of nightmares since the first one on Will’s birthday, and I hadn’t had one in weeks. I thought I’d finally gotten past them, but discussing Daniel at the barbeque must have stirred them back up.
But this time was different. Usually I woke up alone, in a sweat, trembling and crying until I finally got a hold of myself. This time I woke up in the security of Mace’s embrace, and while I was still plagued by the images, they were fading away much quicker than they had when it was just me.
“Don’t apologize, Goldie,” he said gently, his arms tightening. “Nothin’ to apologize for. You wanna talk about it?”
I didn’t. I really didn’t. “I don’t really remember it,” I lied, snuggling deeper into him. “I just know it, um, freaked me out.”
“Okay, baby. That’s okay. We don’t have to talk. Let’s just get you inside, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
He managed to get us both out of the car and into the house without my feet ever touching the ground, which was a pretty spectacular feat, if I said so myself.
I held on and enjoyed the ride as he carried me up the stairs and into my bedroom.
My feet finally hit the floor, but he still hadn’t let go, and for that I was grateful.
“You still tired?” he asked, his voice gentle.
I nodded and let him guide me to the side of the bed.
“Get some sleep, baby.”
When his arms dropped and he moved toward the door, my anxiety spiked. “Wait,” I yelped, grabbing his hand. Once I realized what I’d done, my cheeks burned with a furious blush of e
mbarrassment. The nightmare had been fading, but that didn’t mean its venomous claws had released me yet. And I didn’t want to be alone.
“Will you…?” I bit my bottom lip nervously. “Would you stay with me? I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want,” I quickly amended. “It’s just, with that nightmare—”
“Shh.” He silenced me by cupping my cheek and pressing his thumb against my lips. “You need me, I’m here. Simple as that.”
My whole body sagged against his in relief. “Really?”
“Absolutely.” He smiled down at me and my heart clenched. “Now go get changed. I’ll be here when you come back.”
I shot him a smile of my own and quickly moved to the dresser to pull out one of the only clean nighties I had, a soft, pale pink cotton with an ivory eyelet pattern at the hem and neckline. I went into the bathroom and changed, my body still begging for sleep in spite of the lingering fear. I’d spent all day in the sun with good food, good margaritas and even better friends. I was exhausted.
When I exited the bathroom, true to his word, Mace was coming back into my room wearing nothing but a pair of drawstring pajama pants, that gorgeous chest of his on full display.
“Come on, baby,” he coaxed with a warm, sweet grin.
I climbed into the bed, him following suit on the other side. Once in, he rolled and hit the lamp on the bedside table, extinguishing the light in the room. He came back and instantly slung an arm around my waist, pulling me flush against him.
Mace was a full-contact sleeper. This was something I remembered from our one night together, and it was something I freaking loved.
I wouldn’t have thought it possible, not with the hurricane of feelings I had for him swirling around inside of me, but almost as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.
And it was the best night’s sleep I’d had in longer than I could remember.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Lyla
I’d taken the girls’ advice and looked up a support group in the area. It had taken two weeks for me to gain the courage to attend my first meeting, but by the time it ended, I was so glad I did.
I hadn’t felt comfortable enough to share my story just yet, but listening to those other women talk about what they went through and how they’d finally started to heal from their trauma moved me in a way I didn’t expect. I cried with them, held their hands, offered words of comfort. It was like we were all taking the steps together, and I hadn’t realized just how much I needed them until I finally had them.
The meeting had been an emotional roller coaster. I was totally drained, but in a good way.
I pulled the rental car I’d been driving for the past several weeks into Mace’s driveway and cut the engine. Sucking in a deep breath, I pushed the door open and climbed out.
“Hey, Goldie,” Mace called once I stepped into the house. I followed the sound of his voice into the kitchen, where he was sitting on a barstool at the island with his laptop open in front of him.
“Hey.”
He took his eyes from the computer screen and graced me with a smirk that was sexy without him even having to try. “You get anything good at the mall?”
“Oh, uh….” I stumbled over my words, feeling guilty for having lied to him about where I was, but I just wasn’t ready to tell him the whole truth yet. I would. One day. Just not today. “Nothing really caught my eye. So, what are you working on?” I asked in an effort to change the subject.
“Nothin’ really,” he answered, closing the lid of the laptop and giving me his full attention. “I was just checking out some job listings in the area.”
My brow furrowed. “Job listings? For what?”
Reaching around, he rubbed at the back of his neck in discomfort. “Well, uh, for you.”
“For me?”
“Yeah. I mean, it’s been great having you here, and I’d really like you to stay, but I figured if you were gonna do that, you’d want a purpose in your life other than just keepin’ me sober. You need something for you. I knew you got your degree in liberal studies, so I was just checkin’ around to see if there was anything you might like.”
Oh shit. I was going to cry. “I can’t….” I did my best to swallow down the lump forming in my throat. “That’s incredibly sweet,” I whispered, moved beyond words by the thoughtful gesture. “But, um, Mace… a liberal arts degree has a pretty broad spectrum of career possibilities.”
“No shit,” he grunted in frustration. “Started lookin’ and thought my head was gonna explode. If I’m gonna keep lookin’, you’re gonna have to narrow the parameters for me, baby.”
In a matter of minutes, Mace had shown he cared for me in a way Daniel hadn’t in our entire relationship. He wanted me to have something just for me, where Daniel believed I existed for the sole purpose of taking care of him.
Unable to control the riot of emotions swirling inside me, I moved closer, taking Mace’s face in my hands. My voice came out ragged and scratchy as I said, “Thank you.”
His hands hit my waist and his fingers pressed in deep as I drowned in those ocean eyes. “It was nothin’, sweetheart.”
“It was everything. Believe me, I know,” I said with conviction. We stayed just like that as seconds bled into minutes. Finally I forced myself to lower my hands and take a step back before I entered into territory I risked getting lost in forever. “I was actually thinking of taking some graduate classes. I don’t know what in yet, but I figured I have time to decide. No need to rush.”
A hopefulness washed over his expression, and at the sight of it, that warmth I’d grown used to bloomed in my chest. “Does that mean you’re stayin’?”
“Yeah,” I replied with a smile. “I like Seattle. But I do need to go back. I’ve worn every article of clothing I have with me so many times they’re going threadbare, and I want my car. The rental is in better shape, but Will worked on that car for me, and I’d like it back. I need to talk to Stone also, work out transferring full ownership of the garage to him, and talk to the leasing office about dropping my apartment.”
He took my hand, pulling me back into the spot I’d vacated seconds ago. “You sure you wanna do all this, Goldie? It’s a pretty big decision.”
The fact that he cared enough to be about me to ask that question spoke volumes. It was more than I’d ever gotten in my relationship with Daniel, and if I hadn’t been sure before I would have been right then. “I’m sure. I feel like this could be good for me, kinda like a fresh start.”
There was no missing how happy my statement made him. “Then I’ll go with. We can drive the rental down and drop it there, then drive your car back. Take a couple days to hang with your folks.”
I was filled to the brim with excitement. “Road trip!” I squeaked, clapping giddily. “This is gonna be so much fun!”
I’d created the absolute perfect playlist for our road trip, and we were currently on hour three of Badass Classic Rock. I’d started our trip with an audiobook of my favorite romance novel, but when Mace asked me to stab him in the ear with the straw from my Big Gulp thirty minutes into that, I put him out of his misery and switched to music.
I was currently singing Journey’s, “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” at the top of my lungs, my feet bopping on the dash while I played air drums with a passion that would’ve made Garrett proud.
“Please, god, if you care for me at all, kill me now,” Mace grumbled over the music.
With a giggle, I reached for the volume knob and turned it down but not off. “Oh come on! It’s a classic.”
He gave me a look that spoke to how much he disagreed. “I’ll give you every penny in my bank account to never, ever play Journey with me in the car again.”
“Oh, you big baby,” I teased, but then I let him off the hook, grabbed my phone and switched to the next song, Blue Oyster Cult’s “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper.” “Better now?”
“I guess,” he answered with a crooked smirk as he watched the road. “It
coulda used a little more cowbell though.”
At that, I burst out laughing, nearly choking on the Red Vine I’d just taken a bite of.
“Oh my god,” I gasped once I was able to talk. “Please, please. You guys have to write a song with a cowbell. I’ll love you forever if you do that for me.”
“What, you sayin’ you don’t love me now?” He shot me a wink, and I knew he was just messing around, but I nearly choked again, because god, he was right. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, tried to convince myself it was wrong, I couldn’t help but fall for him all over again.
Alcoholic or not, heartbreaker or not, he was the sweetest, most thoughtful, caring man I’d ever met. He managed to show me a million different ways that he was better than Daniel simply by existing.
“Ooh! Pull over there,” I cried, not only because I wanted to change the subject but because we were on a road trip. And road trips required copious amounts of fatty food.
“Are you serious?” he asked in bewilderment, but he still slowed the car down and flipped the blinker. “You’ve eaten an attire thing of Red Vines, a pack of Twix, and a full-sized bag of crunchy Cheetos. Now you want a burger?”
“Hell yeah, I do,” I declared. “It’s the number one rule of the road, man. You have to binge on junk. It’s illegal not to.”
“Yeah?” he asked with a low, raspy chuckle as he drove through the fast food restaurant parking lot toward the drive-thru. “A real law, huh?”
“Yep. The laws of Lyla. Trust me, you don’t want to break them. Now quit your bitchin’. I want a double cheeseburger with bacon, and a large fry. No! Super-sized.”
“Christ, baby. You’re giving me a stomachache,” he quipped, but that didn’t stop him from placing my order and getting something for himself.
You’re a pig, you know that?”
I looked over at Mace with an exaggerated frown. “Am not,” I managed to say after shoving the last of the Snickers bar into my mouth and tossing the wrapper on the floorboard.
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