Matilda nodded. “I’ve returned to some of the places my husband and I visited together. And you’re right. It’s not the same. It reminds me of that verse in the Bible. It must be in Proverbs. I can’t imagine anyone else saying it, unless it’s Solomon in Ecclesiastes. Anyway, it’s something like it being better to live in a corner of a housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”
Jane gasped. “Matilda. I’m trying to get some advice from you, and you’re changing this all around. Sounds to me like you’re saying that’s what Austin’s life would be like if I married him.”
“Well, it could very well be. My motherly advice is you must think of him, too. What kind of favor would you be doing him if you don’t love him?”
“But I do love him. Of course I love him.”
“I know, dear. But there are many kinds and degrees of love. You need to have a few butterflies in your tummy and hear the bells ring.”
❧
The bells had been ringing all day, every hour on the hour, reminding everyone of the race tomorrow, Hawaii’s biggest event of the year. Mak felt sick. For him it wasn’t just a race. It was his life. He’d been preparing himself and Panai for three years.
That night, unable to sleep, he walked out into the night several times, feeling like the edge of darkness was within.
He wouldn’t go to the stables and check on Panai, lest he awaken Chico. His jockey needed to sleep. He kept telling himself that Panai was in perfect condition to win. He couldn’t even pray about it. How could he ask God to help him get revenge on a horse?
He had arranged for Inez, Jane, and Austin to ride in Mak’s surrey driven by Mr. Buckley. Rev. Russell would take his mother, Leia, Pilar, and Matilda.
Mak needed to go alone. He would need that regardless of the outcome, but particularly if his horse lost. But when he arrived and went to the holding area, they were all there—his friends and well-wishers.
“I’d like to quote a verse and pray,” Rev. Russell said. “It’s from Philippians. It goes something like this. ‘This one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. I press toward the mark for the prize.’ ”
Then he prayed. Not for Mak’s horse to win, but that it might be a good race for all concerned. Good clean entertainment. And for the Lord’s will to be done in everything. He prayed for Chico.
Chico?
Mak didn’t know if the reverend said Amen or not, but he almost shouted, “Where’s Chico?” The loudspeaker was saying they should take their places. The others looked around.
“He’ll probably be here any minute,” Rev. Russell said.
“He should be here now.” Mak took off running toward the stables.
Thirty-three
Tomas was standing over Chico, who lay on the straw, curled up in a corner. His breath was ragged, his eyes squinted, and his face drenched with sweat.
“What’s going on?” Mak demanded.
“He needs a doctor.”
Mak motioned for a stable boy. “Son, run get a doctor.”
“No,” Chico got to his feet. “I’ll be all right.” His jaw was clenched, and Mak knew he was fighting pain. . .and losing.
A doctor rushed in from one of the ambulances always on hand at a race. He ordered them to move back. Tomas mentioned previous attacks. The doctor said, “It may be appendicitis.”
“Take his clothes off.”
Recognizing the voice, Mak turned and stared hard at Jane. The others stood around her, staring, too, as if she’d lost her mind.
“I’ll ride Panai.”
His laugh was short. “That doesn’t even deserve an answer.”
“Please. I can do it.”
“Mak,” Austin said, and for an instant, Mak thought he might have an ally. Instead, Austin affirmed, “If she says she can ride him, she can.”
Chico grunted as the doctor poked around his stomach. Between his gasps, he said, “Somebody has to, Mak. You know that. She may not be able to win, but she can ride him.”
Tomas confirmed that with a nod. “He’s right.”
And how would they know? He didn’t need to ask. Their sheepish looks told him they’d gone behind his back and let her ride alone. Realizing his hands were now fists, he unclasped them.
Why should he be so concerned about keeping Jane safe, when neither she nor those who claimed to love her, including her fiancé, didn’t? With a lift of his hands and a snort like a disgruntled horse, he stomped out.
He’d probably have ridden off if Leia hadn’t run after him and taken his hand. She looked up at him with pleading eyes. Her little lips trembled. “Daddy, Jesus will take care of Miss Jane. And Chico.”
Mak didn’t think he could stand it if God didn’t take care of them. And what would that do to his little girl, to a faith that had begun in her? Not long ago, she would have credited the Little People.
He led Leia to the seats reserved for racehorse owners. The others filed in behind him. Leia sat on one side of him and Austin on the other. A glance around revealed a full stadium and spectators crowded around the edges.
Mak felt like he had sea legs when he stood with the others for the singing of the national anthem. He didn’t attempt to join in.
After they were seated, the announcements began, followed by cheering. When he announced the black stallion Panai, son of the king’s horse Akim, ridden by a substitute jockey, Miss Jane Marie Buckley, Mak was shocked. Amid the applause and shouting, both Austin and Matilda stood and whistled through their teeth.
Leia looked, stuck her fingers in her mouth but the sound came out as “Ffffff fffffff.”
He couldn’t begin to cheer at a time like this. It could be dangerous for the best of jockeys. His gaze scanned the riders. They looked like what they were—winning jockeys. Jane sat erect in Chico’s jockey suit, looking like an equestrienne who might have her horse jump over a two-foot hurdle.
As soon as the race started, he leaned over and held his face in his hands.
“Maybe I can catch a sunbeam and get this to shine in the eyes of the other horses,” Austin said.
Mak looked as Austin brought the ring out of his pocket. That was a good idea. Take off the rock. It would certainly decrease the weight. “Aren’t you afraid of what could happen?”
“Mak, I can’t control what happens.” Then he shoved the ring into his pocket. “I’ll be praying and cheering.”
Mak shook his head. “I don’t care about winning. I only care about her safety.” He gazed at the racetrack. It was no surprise that Akim was ahead from the beginning. Panai was midway. He stayed midway even when some horses passed him. He then passed another and eased to the outside.
Panai was easing on up. Mak knew his horse. A horse like Panai made racing look easy, and so could a jockey like Chico. Jane was doing well, even holding Panai back the way he’d done the day he let her ride with him.
Those around Mak were standing and cheering and yelling. “Come on, Jane! Come on, Jane!”
It dawned on him that nobody cheered for a jockey. They cheered for a horse, and usually one they’d bet on.
Austin said, “Look, she’s inching up.”
Mak got to his feet. He couldn’t yell. He heard his own pitiful whisper, “Jane.”
They were nose and nose, and the finish line was right ahead. Mother and son. Would one give in to the other? No, they were champions. The one who killed his wife. And the one who would have the revenge.
The crowd went wild.
He couldn’t tell which horse crossed the finish line first.
The announcer declared Panai the winner.
Mak sat down, put his hands over his face, and closed his eyes. This was the race that was to take away his grief and misery. Then why did he feel the way he did?
Austin sat down. “Hey, Mak. Did you see the finish?”
“Are they all right?”
“Look.”
Mak looked. Jane and Panai were in t
he winner’s circle. The announcement was still coming over the speaker. The princess was presenting her with the award. The king came from across the aisle, shook Mak’s hand and congratulated him.
“Shouldn’t we go down?” Austin asked.
“You go congratulate her,” Mak said.
“Not without you. It’s your horse and your jockey. And your Big Island Cup.”
Yes, Mak thought. And your fiancée.
Thirty-four
Jane watched Mak come into the winner’s circle, heard his name announced and the applause that followed. He came over to Panai while photos were being taken. Lifting his head slightly, he nodded toward Jane, as if in thanks. He stared at the camera but made no attempt to smile.
After the photos, he accepted congratulations with handshakes. He thanked everyone, then said he would go to the hospital and see about Chico. He would see them all later.
Maybe he wasn’t angry with her for riding, but he didn’t appear pleased about the win. Perhaps he was just concerned about Chico. Her displeasure with him turned to guilt when she realized she had not thought of Chico from the time she dressed in that jockey suit and began the ride of her life. . .again.
“Did I do wrong?” she asked her companions as they left the racetrack.
In unison, they answered no.
“You and Panai won the most important race of the island. And you did it against the king’s horse,” Rose said. “That’s what Mak has wanted for more than three years.”
Regardless of whether Mak was angry with her for riding Panai, he wasn’t thinking only of himself—he was concerned about Chico.
Much later, after returning home, bathing, and getting into comfortable clothes, Jane asked Austin if they could walk outside. They ambled out into the cool evening and went to the schoolyard, where Jane sat in a swing.
“Aren’t you exhausted, Jane?”
“I think I’m still excited,” she said. “But my emotions are so mixed. I’m elated, yet worried about Chico. I’m happy for Mak, but I’m not sure he is.”
“Jane,” Austin said, standing in front of her. “Let’s talk about. . .us.”
He took the diamond ring from his vest pocket. Jane looked down at her lap, where her right hand was folded over the left. She didn’t raise it. Neither did he.
The night breeze whispered in the coconut palms. The rope swing was still, but her heart was doing an unfamiliar dance. When she looked up at Austin’s disturbed expression, he said, “I have a confession to make.”
Jane waited.
“You know Rebecca,” he said.
“Rebecca?” Jane said. Rebecca. The one who got first place in equestrienne events. The twenty-four-year-old blond daughter of the president of Austin’s company. The girl who could never return to her carriage without Austin accompanying her. The one whose blue eyes seemed to turn green with envy when she saw Jane and Austin together. The one Jane didn’t want to get Austin—the top prize.
A sense of possessiveness rose in Jane, but if Austin confessed something, should she? This inner sense of honesty was getting to be a nuisance. “You wouldn’t be talking about the person you and I have discussed for the past few years, would you?”
Austin shook his head as he had other times when they simply let the subject of Rebecca go by the wayside. He stared into her eyes. “She said you don’t want to marry me; you just don’t want to let me go. That I deserved better than being strung along for years.”
It flashed through Jane’s mind that Matilda had said something similar. More than once. “Do you feel strung along, Austin?”
“Maybe. . .kept waiting. But I wanted you to be sure. I’d never thought of it quite the way Rebecca said it.” He paused, then blurted out, “She kissed me.”
It looked like the two of them might be in the same boat. She couldn’t help the ironic laugh that escaped her throat. “You kissed her back. I mean her lips?”
He scoffed. “Jane, how can you sit there and act like this is some child’s prank? This amounts to disrespect for you. I’ve struggled with this. And about telling you.” He paused. “Don’t you care?”
“Well, yes. Describe it.”
“Describe what?”
“The kiss.”
His poor Adam’s apple seemed to be getting a lot of exercise. “She is. . .was. . .very passionate.”
“Were you?”
He took a step away and gazed at the ground. “I. . .surprised myself.”
She could hardly believe it. “You were passionate?”
“Well, I was. . .tempted. Although I never told you details, I was honest about not living the way the Lord intended during my college years. But I’ve tried to since recommitting myself to the Lord. That’s why I have to tell you this. I—I did return the kiss, but then I broke away and I turned and marched right out of the office.”
“You left her standing there?”
“Yes, but she ran after me and made me talk. Or rather, listen.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that she and I were made for each other. That she’d been in love with me for years. She thought I should know it. She said that your leaving for Hawaii made her decide to speak up. She thinks you don’t love me the way she does.”
Jane stood from the swing, still holding onto the rope. She wasn’t really surprised, yet she felt jealous. She and Rebecca had been rivals since school days. She supposed that challenged them both to be their best. But this was not a game. Where was this leading?
Austin looked at the diamond ring he still held. He looked at Jane with a troubled expression. “Well,” he said. “Do you? Love me that way? You’ve never. . .kissed me.”
“What? Austin! I’ve kissed you all my life.”
“I mean not like that. With your heart in it.”
“Oh. You mean. . .that passionately.”
His face tilted slightly, and the lift of his eyebrows indicated that was it.
“Well, we weren’t supposed to.”
“Rebecca and I weren’t supposed to, either.”
She nodded.
“Jane. I don’t want some momentary indiscretion of mine to get in the way of what you and I mean to each other. But are you sure that you and I belong together. . .forever?”
She took a deep breath. All this needed to be faced, to be talked about, because what she had thought, she now said. “Austin, all of my life, I’ve believed that you and I were part of each other. Our families, even after my mother died, were like one family. I’ve always believed we were best friends, were going to be married, and live happily ever after.”
“It’s a beautiful dream,” he said. “But I think you may have a different one now.”
She grasped the rope tightly.
“Today, you risked your life for that man. You love his child. They’re in your heart.”
“So are you, Austin. You’ve always been there. You always will be. You’ve been my dearest friend.”
“Yes,” Austin said. “I made this trip because I knew we had to get this settled once and for all. Seeing that race, you on that horse, it was like seeing you as you really are for the first time. Riding toward another goal, away from me.” He looked at the ring. “Mak is your equal, not I.”
“He doesn’t want me.”
A wan smile touched Austin’s lips. “That’s for him to say.” He returned the ring to his pocket, and Jane didn’t know if she could stand it. “Oh, Austin. You’re wonderful. I’ve loved you as long as I can remember.” She rushed to him.
He lifted a hand to still her words. “I didn’t say he’s better than I. Just your equal in many ways.”
“You and I could have made a good life together.”
“Yes, I think we could have.”
Could have. Those words changed the thinking of a lifetime. With eyes that blurred, she fell against his chest. He held her tight. The sound coming from him sounded like the kind of sobs she felt in her own throat.
“I do love you, Jane,” h
e said, when they could let go.
She took the handkerchief he offered. “I’ve always loved you. Always will.”
Strange. This felt like. . .salt in a wound. It hurt. But it would heal.
Like the night, a calm seemed to settle over them.
“Jane, on the voyage over, I had a lot of time to think. I wonder. Maybe we’ve been more like a very close brother and sister.”
She was shaking her head. “No. More like cousins.”
He laughed, tears again forming in his eyes. “Kissing cousins.”
She nodded. “But not. . .passionately enough.”
He took his handkerchief from her and wiped her tears away, then swiped at his own. “You don’t have to tell me, but I wonder. Do you know what it means to kiss someone passionately?”
She thought of the teenage kiss she had given the boy behind the barn. That was as passionate as she could get at the time. She thought of the nearness of Mak, his face, his lips, just his nearness that sped up her heartbeat and made her long to be in his arms. “In my dreams and in my weak moments, yes, Austin. I do. I haven’t experienced it like you and Rebecca, but yes. I know.”
He took a deep breath. “I thought so.”
Thirty-five
After Mak walked away from his family and friends, he went to the area where the king and others stood with Akim. The king shook his hand. “Congratulations, Mak. I can imagine what this means to you. And if Akim had to be beaten, I’m glad it was by Panai.”
The king held his hand a moment longer than necessary, with a strong grip as his gaze held Mak’s. Yes, the king knew the story. All the island knew about the tragedy that had become front-page news. It had been repeated when the king bought Akim, and again during the following years when Akim had won the cup.
“Who would have thought that lovely lady I met at the party was a fine jockey?” He chuckled and let go of Mak’s hand.
Mak turned his lips into a polite smile. He didn’t need to respond to that rhetorical question. But he knew the answer. Jane’s fiancé knew.
Aloha Love Page 15