He steps in front of me, and I’m trapped. I raise my eyes to him. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“I have been searching all over this continent for you for the last five days. I’ve wanted nothing more than the chance to explain. There’s no way in hell that I’m letting you walk away again.”
“You can’t fucking keep me against my will, Hogan. I know you’re some rich and snobby big shot who’s used to ordering people around, but I don’t give a flying fuck about your money or whatever power you think you have. If I want to leave, you’d better get the fuck out of my way!”
He smirks, and I’m even more pissed than I was before.
“All I heard out of that was Hogan.”
I sigh and tilt my head. “Get out of my fucking way.”
“You came here for answers. You came a long way for answers, and I want to give them to you.”
His phone beeps. “Mr. Kerrington?”
Pressing a button on his watch, he commands, “Stella, clear my schedule for the rest of the day. No interruptions please.”
“Yes, sir.”
I roll my eyes and he laughs his deep belly laugh.
Pointing to him, I ask, “Is that even your real laugh or is it fake, like the rest of you?”
“It’s real. Please sit down. Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
“You shouldn’t have cleared your schedule. I won’t be here long.”
“Please sit.”
Sighing in exasperation, I flop into the chair. Something in the reflection of a mirror behind his desk catches my eye. There’s a small bar in the back corner.
“And the alcohol? The toothpicks? Lies as well?”
Moving to stand in front of me, he crosses his arms.
“Liars cross their arms, you know. I’d think being the master, you’d be more careful. Are you getting ready to lie again?” I ask.
“Body movements are only significant if they’re unusual behavior. I’m more comfortable with my arms crossed. It means nothing.”
“Or it means every word you say is a lie. Maybe I should only believe you when your arms aren’t crossed.”
“It’s not accurate, but your perception has always been brilliant. To answer your question from the other night, it’s why you won. Your winning had nothing to do with my feelings. I don’t mix the two.”
“Fuck off. Your words mean nothing to me. You’re doing a great job at avoiding the question. Another clue you’re lying.”
He sighs heavily.
“You taught me well. Isn’t this what you wanted?”
He crouches in front of me and I immediately attempt to stand. He won’t let me. He has me pinned in. “Dammit, Hogan, get the fuck away from me.”
“What I wanted was to be with you and to tell you everything. I need you to know that every second of every moment I spent with you in New York was absolutely real. Every time I touched you or kissed you, even in the show, I meant it, felt it, and never lied about it.”
“I don’t believe you and never will again.” I give him a shove and he barely moves.
He stands, backs away, and leans on the desk. “When I lied about the drinking, I was playing the game. I couldn’t tell you the truth or I’d give myself away.”
“So the bar story?”
“Not true.”
“You never had a problem with alcohol?”
“No.”
“And the scar from the bar fight?”
“I fell off my motorbike when I was twelve and had nasty head injury.”
“Why couldn’t you just say that? How would that have been a clue?” I ask him, crawling out of the chair and standing with my hands on my hips.
“It was part of the setup. I chew toothpicks when I’m thinking. It’s a nervous habit, but I couldn’t tell you that. I made up a story because I’m quick on my feet. Just like you. We’re not that different, Sam.”
“The hell we aren’t.”
“I played my part up until the moment we kissed. Then everything changed. Let me go back to the beginning. I want you to know everything.”
I shrug as if I don’t care.
“Hear me out. It’s important to me that you understand. Please sit.”
I sigh and resume my spot in the chair, feigning irritation. I can tell he wants to smile, but he’s holding back.
“I wanted to create a reality show unlike anything ever before. My business is full of cons and con artists. I deal with liars and cheats every single day and I trust no one. Everyone tells me what they think I want to hear to my face, then lies behind my back. I have to stay three moves ahead in business in order to keep my head above water. It’s exhausting.”
I try not to meet his eyes, they pull me in like a tractor beam and I can’t look at the rest of him either because he’s too pretty. I focus on a picture behind him.
“Herman and I had done business in the past and I approached him with the idea. He agreed to use his connections at the network and I agreed to pay for everything as long as I made the final decisions.”
Although I’m really interested in what he has to say, I don’t want him to know that, so I yawn and gaze at my feet. His lip curls slightly as he moves to sit in the chair next to me. I scoot my chair away from him.
He huffs. “As I was saying, I wanted to be a part of the action, so I created the position for myself as cameraman so I could watch everything from unfiltered eyes. Herman, Lori, and I were the only ones who knew. Ron was an associate and wasn’t privy. The fewer people who knew the truth, the better. Being around the players all the time, I had to have an alternate persona, so I created the English voice from the shadows. I would disappear at times to view the diary room footage and record my boardroom speeches.”
“Cool,” I add sarcastically. “I’m not interviewing you. I don’t want to hear what crackers you sucked on when you were teething. The fact is you lied to me and continued to lie to me.”
“Yes. I did.” He appears apologetic. “Could you bear with me for a moment?”
I wave for him to go ahead. He’s getting frustrated and it gives me sick pleasure.
“I spotted you during the initial audition before you noticed me. When I was picking up the equipment, you mouthed ‘yeah, I’m staring at you.’ I thought you were one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen and your confidence caught me off guard.”
“Another lie. Continue.” I wave in irritation.
He sighs again. “Not a lie. You’re not reading me well. Try again.” He’s so confident and cocky, I want to hate him.
“During your interview, I thought you were interesting. What made me like you was the way you talked about Carmen. I don’t often find loyalty in my line of work. You struck me as tough as nails, no bullshit, and loyal to a fault. I was smitten.”
“I believe most of it. You lost me at smitten.”
“I’ll take what I can get,” he says tersely.
Waving in the air I use his words. “Whatever happened to concise and to the point? You’re dragging this on far too long. Too much fucking fluff.”
He rotates his jaw and stiffens his posture before licking his lips. I glance up into his eyes and I see it. He’s staring at my lips and his eyes are dark and smoldering. He wants to kiss me. I know that look well. There’s something about arguing with him that lights a fire in both of us. Why do I have to let him make me feel? My muscles clench and think about his mouth. I want to punch myself for being attracted to him. Fucking hormones.
“You were saying?” I stand and cross to the window again to put distance between us. He moves between me and the door. I shake my head.
“I’m not going to run. Don’t try to block me in.”
“You are a known runner and it’s my office. I’ll stand wherever I choose.” He crosses his arms again. Damn him.
“As I was saying, the drama thing in exchange for Carmen was Herman’s idea, but I was fine with it because I wanted you on the show. What I didn’t expect was to like you
. I didn’t expect you to argue with me and challenge me. I didn’t expect you to call me out on flirtations that other girls ate up like candy. You fought me on everything. You got angry with me and stomped away. At first I thought you were just challenging, but then I found myself happy to be around you, requesting you, and mostly, wanting you.”
He steps closer. “Wanting you was the worst, because I knew it was wrong. I knew I could expose myself, but the more time I spent with you, the less important the show became. I started putting my camera down and taking you to places where I knew we weren’t filming, just to have a moment with you that belonged only to me. That night in the elevator? Fuck, Sam. You have to know that was real.”
Although he seems serious, I know it could be an act. I want to believe him, but it hurts.
“Every time you pushed me away, I needed to get you back. That day after the elevator, Herman warned me to stay away from you. I told him it was my show, and I’d do whatever I wanted. After the airplane…”
He pauses, and I blush.
“He started putting everything together. He was afraid I’d compromise the show. He used the fact that we’d get sued by our sponsors to make me realize I was being unprofessional. I’d never been in a situation where a woman came before business.”
He moves closer and gazes into my eyes. “I didn’t want to want you, but you became my weakness, and I couldn’t stay away. Herman used it against me. He told me he had elevator and plane footage. He had the sex toy and underwear footage. He told me he’d ruin you, and I couldn’t let him, especially after I got to know you, and I fell for you. Just so you know, I fell for you long before New York, Sam. Long before the bookstore and way before we danced.”
He’s so sincere I want to believe him, but… I quickly move away from him.
“I wanted to tell you so many times, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk you being exposed. The night before the results, I secured all the footage of us together. I might have illegally obtained his property, but I made sure there was nothing he could ever use against you. When he threatened you after the live show, he still believed he had enough to blackmail me. He hadn’t been home.”
Knowing he’s a master liar makes it hard. I want to believe him, I don’t know how.
Shaking his head I watch his eyes move up and to the left. He’s remembering something. His hands rummage through his hair and he turns away from me. If I want to bolt, now would be the time, but the walls I’ve built are slowly crumbling. The more I listen, the more I feel. Turning to the door, I realize I don’t want to leave. I want him to give me a reason to stay.
He sits in the chair with his back to me and leans forward on his elbows, head bowed down.
I can’t see his face, and I feel as if I need to. Moving in front of him, I watch as he slowly falls apart. He has tears in his eyes and it breaks my heart.
His eyes meet mine. There’s real pain there. Pain I’ve only seen glimpses of before. This time he’s showing me his soul.
“You wouldn’t come. You wouldn’t meet me. He kept me from you. Herman knew I was going to tell you everything and ruin the show. I didn’t care. And then your face when you knew I’d lied… When you saw me at the final show, I knew you were done. I hoped beyond hope you’d let me explain. But you said you didn’t know me. You walked away.
“Sam, you have to know, there is no one in this world who knows me better than you. You know the real me; the one I’ve never exposed. I knew I was risking everything by falling for you, but I didn’t care. Then you said you’d fallen in love with me and...”
He swallows hard and stands. He’s only a few inches from me and I can’t move. “I wanted to hear those words from you. I wanted to say those words to you, but I was afraid, if you knew how I felt, you’d have the power to destroy me. Knowing you felt that way, and then hated me, destroyed me anyway.”
A tear falls down his cheek and I want to make him stop hurting. I never want him to hurt.
His hand lifts up and recoils. He wants to touch me. I feel the tears in my eyes again.
“Please, Sam. Don’t cry.” He brushes away my tear and then cups my face. He breathes deeply as soon as his skin touches mine. I can’t deny how much his touch affects me. It always has.
“I know I blew it. I know you hate me and that you’ll never trust me again, but I need you to know I’ve never felt this way before and I know I never will again.”
He takes a deep breath. “I love you, Sam. And if you can somehow find it in your heart to give me another chance, I promise I’ll never lie to you again.”
My heart leaps out of my chest. He loves me? Is it real? Is it true? Digging down deep past my heart I focus on what my instincts tell me. My gut is screaming to me and it’s telling me I’ve been wrong.
“You can’t promise you’ll never lie. That would be another lie.” I move away from him and pace. I need to think.
“Sam, I…”
“It’s my turn to talk.”
He stiffens as if to prepare for a blow. A blow I’ll never deliver, because I think I might believe him.
“Carmen made me see not all lies are bad. You did it to protect me, right?”
“Yes.”
I watch his eyes. I listen for irregular voice patterns. And when every other tactic for determining a lie fails, I count his breaths to be sure. And then my head and my heart know beyond a doubt, he’s telling me the truth.
I gaze into his eyes. His dark, loving, perfect… no, not perfect eyes. He’s not perfect. He’s human. He’s going to fuck up and make bad decisions. “I used to think you were perfect. I was wrong,” I tell him.
His head falls and he nods as if he’s lost me. He straightens his posture in acceptance and fixes his tie on his chest.
“I’m not done,” I add. “Look at me.”
His eyes lift to mine and for the first time I see both Hogan and Kingston—the straight shooter and The Fabulist. I love them both.
“I used to think you were perfect, but what I realize is that you’re not perfect in general, you’re just perfect for me.”
His eyes search mine in hope.
“We both lie but not to hurt. We lie because we love. I believe you. I believe every word. But so help me, if you lie to me again, like this…” I say, waving around.
“This means nothing to me without you. I finally have someone I can trust and I’ll never take that for granted. I love you, Sam, and I always will.”
He steps toward me and I step toward him, closing the space between us. His arm wraps around my waist and his hand lifts to touch my face. I grab his face in my hands and stare into his eyes.
“I realize your life is a shit mess and I’m smack dab in the center,” I say, “but I’m still all in.”
He smiles and leans his forehead against mine. “All in, always.”
His lips meet mine and I know by the way he kisses me that no matter what lies around us, what lies between us is what matters most. Our love can never be denied, because it’s always been and always will be the absolute truth.
One year later
“COME ON, CARMEN. You’re making him wait.”
I gasp. She’s absolutely stunning and glowing. “He’s going to bust a nut when he sees you,” I tell her.
She winks. “That’s the idea.”
I place a kiss on her cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you too. Now let’s fucking go. I think I’ve waited long enough.”
I gape. “Did you just swear?”
She nods and covers her mouth. I laugh as I take my place. The music plays and I start my walk down the aisle.
Hogan is waiting for me by the priest. My engagement ring glistens as I walk toward him, holding my flowers. He’s dressed in a black tux that accentuates every muscle in his hard body. His eyes burn for me and even though I know he’s all mine and will be forever, every time I see him, I’m reminded how fortunate I am to have him in my life. He’s the most handsome, amazing, intelligent man I’ve
ever known and I can’t wait to marry him in six months.
The groom smiles in nervous anticipation. When he finally sees her, a tear slides down my cheek. The way Bryce stares at Carmen makes me so emotional. Now that I’ve experienced love, I cry all the time. Hogan nods reassuringly to me. He knows how happy I am even though I’m crying. He’s held my hand through a lot of tears. We both smile as Carmen’s mother lifts her veil and places her hand in Bryce’s.
That night at the live show, Bryce asked her if she might consider going out on a date with him. He liked her from the minute he met her too. They’ve been inseparable ever since.
Hogan and I discussed and fought over me working for him at great length. We’re really good at fighting but even better at making up. We compromised and I accepted the money but declined the job. When Tom was finally out of treatment, he accepted the position at Seamore Productions. I finally found out why Tom used so many confusing English words during the game. He’d picked up on a ton of phrases being around English people at his work. Kingston brought it out in him. From time to time, the two of them would banter back and forth in their best accents. It was quite amusing. Tom worked for Kingston Kerrington for a glorious six months, until he passed away. He became one of our closest friends. Hogan bought the building he’d worked in for so many years, renaming it Moore Center in honor of a great man.
After I finished touring the country, doing interviews for the show with Hogan, I moved to L.A. and used my winnings to put a down payment on a bookstore. I love books and being around them all day long makes me happy. What makes me happy, makes Hogan happy. He wanted to buy it for me, but he understood my desire to make it work on my own. He’s considered expanding his empire once we’re married. Books have become his newest interest, second only to me.
It took us a while to rebuild. Even though I left his office that day knowing I loved him, he had a lot of work to do to regain my trust. It didn’t take me long to figure out he was the exact same man I fell in love with, just with a different name.
He told me everything about himself. It was like a dam broke and I was flooded with every detail about his life. I met his parents and I adore them. My mother had to swallow her pride and admit she was wrong about him. Hogan was even so bold to tell her that keeping his mouth shut when she was so cruel to me was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. She had to bite her tongue. The Kerrington name opened a new social network for her. Telling her friends her daughter was going to marry a Kerrington was the highlight of her life.
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