‘Oh. I remembered,’ Finn suddenly frowned.
‘Remembered what?’
‘Why I’m scared of fuckin’ needles. All those years and it finally came back.’
His left hand rested on the rim of the bath. I curled the tips of my fingers around his and waited.
‘It was this fella. My ma’s shag. The one... that Christmas. I told you?’
I nodded. The one who had raped a boy whilst his mother slept drunk and oblivious in the next room.
‘Jimmy-Boy Dean. “Jus’ like the feckin’ actor,” he would say. Reckon I’d have been thirteen or so. Ma actually had some shitty weekend job for once, an office cleaner, so Jimmy said he’d look after me one Sunday afternoon. Took me down the arcades, gave me a handful of shrapnel for the machines and slipped me a couple of halves of lager on the sly. Said it was ‘cos it was his birthday. I won a couple of punt – thought I was the dog’s bollocks.’
Finn paused to cough; a wet, rattling hack that didn’t quite manage to leave his chest. ‘End of the afternoon, we didn’t go home. Bastard walked me for miles to some old wreck of a house, all boarded up, black walls from the damp. Filthy mattress, a bust-up sofa, and half a dozen of his mates waitin’ there like all their birthdays had come at once. I guessed fuckin’ sharpish why they were there so I tried to leg it. Never even got to the door. One of ‘em had this syringe ready and Jimmy held me down whilst the bastard whacked it into my arm, and that was it. Next thing I knew I was wandering back home, away with the fairies – newspaper hoardings giving Tuesday’s news and the blood still drippin’ down the leg of my jeans.’ He turned his head so he could look at me. ‘Mad, huh? All those years stuck at the back of my mind, then just when I think I’m about to snuff it, I get the whole thing back like a fuckin’ movie.’ He blinked. ‘Jesus, you look knackered.’
‘A little tired, maybe.’
‘You sleep at all?’
‘Didn’t dare.’
‘What did you do? Last of the phet?’
‘I found blind rage to be more effective.’ I trailed my fingertips across the surface of the water and watched the ripples circling out. Thought about nothing in his life ever changing except the decor.
Thought about Jimmy-Boy Dean’s birthday present to himself and the kind of party Blaine Albermarle would arrange for her own special day and finally managed to grab the gossamer threads of my idea. Now I had something to bring to our meeting.
Finn
‘Tell me about her party,’ Lilith said. ‘Please?’
‘Variation on a theme,’ I said, every word hurting. ‘She dresses it up as one of her fundraising events – getting her gang of inbred hangers-on to empty their pockets for the good of the starving peasants at her gate. But basically they take an E and a V, get hammered, and then I get fucked by the highest bidder, however they want me. She brings up one of her best girls from the London place as well, just in case I’m not to everyone’s taste.’
‘She auctions you off. I almost wish I were shocked.’
‘I fetched about six grand last year. Maxwell, the doctor. Doing his bit for charity and all that.’ I tried to laugh. ‘I’d be fuckin’ lucky to make thirty pence this year, huh? Shit.’ The laugh died in my throat and I had to clutch for her hand as the panic surged back.
She responded with a gentle, reassuring squeeze of my fingers. ‘What is it, Finn?’
It was the first time I’d ever let myself consider it. ‘It’s not a joke, is it Lili? I mean, it’s the reason I’m here, the only thing I’m fit for. If I can’t do this, and I mean really can’t, then what the fuck is she going to do with me?’
‘Do you really want to know?’
I nodded, not entirely sure that I did.
‘The woman’s addicted to hurting people – you, particularly, but not exclusively.’ Lilith glanced down at her right hand, where the bruises from that night still hadn’t faded. ‘It stopped being simple pleasure for her years ago. This isn’t just Blaine’s family business; it’s her entire existence, and it’s been going on for so long that the softer stuff isn’t doing it for her anymore.’
I knew this one. ‘She needs to get her hands on the nastier shit just to get the same rush.’
‘Exactly. Just look at what’s happened to you since I’ve been here. There’s no way you’d have survived three years of the kind of treatment I’ve witnessed in the last few weeks.’
‘True enough.’ I lay there half-dead, staring at the ceiling. ‘I’d nearly stopped giving a shit before you arrived, you know that? Christ, she’d get so fucking frustrated with me, whack me half to death every night for a week, or pull in the roughest client in her address book so she could sit and watch, and all the time my head was slidin’ out of the door. The less I cared, the more furious she got.’
Lilith nodded. ‘So I was brought here to drag you back to life and extend the game for as long as possible, but that time’s just about up, and I think she’s already planning your replacement. You’re a snuff movie in waiting.’
‘Jesus.’ I’d got my answer and I couldn’t argue with a word of it. The water turned to ice around me.
‘Finn, listen to me.’ Lilith’s voice was faint against the roaring in my head. ‘You asked me what I thought, and that’s the truth.’ She knelt up against the side of the bath so that we were face to face. ‘But none of that will happen, because we’re going to get the bitch first.’
Lilith
The second tap on the door that morning was so soft that Finn, now clad in clean pyjamas and swaddled in my duvet, didn’t even hear it. But I did. ‘It’s all right Henry, you can come in.’
‘I was worried when you didn’t collect your breakf... Oh dear Lord!’ Henry caught his first glimpse of what was left of Finn. ‘I’ll go,’ he finally managed to splutter. He began to shut the door as he reversed.
‘No you will not,’ I ordered. ‘You’ll come here and take a good look at him, and see what happens when you play by Blaine’s rules.’
‘I can’t.’
I strode towards him. ‘Yes you can. You need to stop running away from the carnage that woman causes. Trust me, Henry.’
Henry placed a tentative foot over the threshold.
Finn glared at him from my bed. ‘You’re lucky I’m fucked, little man, otherwise you’d be dead.’
This time I was ready, and caught Henry by the wrist before he could go anywhere. ‘Trust me,’ I repeated.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ he finally asked, clearly praying for a negative response so he could bolt back to his shelter.
‘Actually there is. I’ve got to see Blaine in half an hour – you can stay with Finn.’
‘The fuck he can,’ Finn spat.
‘Non-negotiable. If you want a couple of my codeine on top of whatever else is flowing through your veins right now, you’re going to need a babysitter. No arguments.’
Finn didn’t even look at Henry. ‘In that case he sits in the corner and he doesn’t even attempt to speak to me. And if the little shit thinks that this lets him off any kind of hook, he can go and get fucked.’
Chapter Twenty Six
Lilith
I perched on a chair in the primrose-painted hell of Blaine’s study whilst she finished an email. I remained quiet until she addressed me; above all else, I needed her to observe my new-found obedience.
At quarter past eleven she looked away from her computer screen. ‘I must say I’m delighted that you finally feel you can be honest with me, Lilith. So, what is it that you need to discuss that’s so terribly private?’
I cleared my throat, suggesting my trepidation. ‘I have two requests.’
‘I’m listening.’
‘Firstly, I’d like you to allow me to spend some time with Finn again, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the completion of your portrait. He’s hardly in a condition to work at the moment, and I think you’ll agree that he’s sufficiently broken; much more and any damage might be irreparable.’ I forced the nex
t words out. ‘I’m sure that wouldn’t be good for business.’
‘Well, that certainly is an acknowledgement, coming from you.’
‘I’ve had quite some time to think, recently.’
Blaine appraised me for any sign of guile, but she would find none. This was my game now. ‘And the second request?’
I leant forward slightly, inviting her confidence, and she mirrored my move. ‘I wondered if we could discuss a... long-term arrangement regarding Finn.’
‘Oh, at last,’ Blaine smiled, as though this whole ordeal had been part of her matchmaking. ‘And what might that be?’
‘To be truthful, I don’t know yet – I didn’t even dare think about it until I’d discussed it with you. But I’m prepared to make certain compromises if I can be assured of regular, exclusive contact. I’m sure we can negotiate.’
‘That’s quite a request.’
‘I know.’
‘Certainly more than any other guest has ever asked for.’
‘I imagined it might be,’ I concurred.
‘And what are you prepared to bring to the table if I agree?’
This was it. I looked her straight in the eye and said, ‘I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea whatsoever.’
‘Are you trying to be funny, Lilith? Because if you are, I’m afraid you’re failing miserably.’
‘No, not at all. But I needed to check that my requests were within the realms of possibility. Judging by your reaction, they might be, so now I’m going to have to go away and see what I can offer in return.’
‘If I discover that this is bluff...’
‘I’m not stupid enough to think that I have that luxury. Believe me.’ I needed a timescale that suggested I was serious, but unused to surrendering to anyone’s will. ‘If you give me... say, five days? I promise you, you’ll have a deal that proves my loyalty. And if my offer turns out to be inadequate, we’re at your mercy.’
We stared at each other across the desk. Silence filled the room and I welcomed it; wrapped it around me and relaxed in the knowledge that I was still in control.
Finally, Blaine responded. ‘Very well.’ She spoke with the good grace of the victorious. ‘I have to go away for the weekend – a meeting in Paris – so that gives you your five days. Naturally you and Finn will be confined to the island, and Coyle will be looking after the Hall in my absence, but I’ll make sure he understands that there are certain boundaries in place as long as you maintain this behaviour.’
‘Thank you.’ I stood and bowed my head in subtle deference.
She smiled her dismissal. ‘And Lilith? I expect your offer to be spectacular.’
*****
Finn was still asleep. He lay curled on his side with his back to Henry, who hadn’t moved an inch in his bedside vigil.
‘Was everything all right?’ he asked. ‘I mean, nothing’s all right, but...’
‘Everything was fine, Henry. Pretty much word-for-word how I’d expected it to be,’ I assured him. ‘What about here?’
‘He’s just slept, for the most part. He stirred about ten minutes ago – just long enough to tell me to eff off – then he went straight back over.’ He looked at Finn’s battered, sleeping form. ‘This was me, wasn’t it? The poor boy, ending up in this mess, and that dreadful business for you. If I’d have kept my mouth shut...’
I shook my head. ‘It would have happened anyway. Maybe not last night, but one night, and then another, until there was nothing of us left.’
‘Fuckin’ optimist,’ Finn mumbled from beneath the duvet. He emerged from its folds to speak to me, steadfastly ignoring Henry. ‘So. What the hell happens now?’
‘I don’t know about you, but I’m going to grab a blanket from under my bed, and sleep until I wake up. Probably in about three days’ time, judging by how I feel right now.’
Chapter Twenty Seven
Finn
Hands groped for me in the darkness and I yelled out and woke and hurt, all in one go. My sheet was wrapped around me, sweat-soaked and tight as a shroud.
Lilith’s dishevelled head appeared over the horizon of the bed. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and checked her watch. ‘One hour and forty-two minutes. We have a new record.’
‘Go me,’ I panted as I attempted to unravel myself. ‘What about you?’
Lilith looked at her watch again. ‘I dozed off about ten minutes after you. Let’s call it an hour and a half, give or take a minute.’
This had been the pattern for the last two days, since I had failed in my attempt to be dead. Lilith hadn’t moved from my side; she just bunked down on a camp bed that Henry had hauled into the room for her, and slept when I slept.
I swung my legs off the bed and stood to grab my hooded sweater from the nearest chair. The room started spinning like a merry-go-round and I slumped back down, trying to look nonchalant and hoping that Lilith wasn’t watching me. Fat chance. ‘So when are you going to share this amazing plan for the Great Escape?’ I asked in a sorry attempt at distraction.
‘When you decide to start eating again,’ Lilith replied.
‘Ah. That.’
‘Yes, that.’
‘I was kinda hoping you hadn’t noticed.’
‘What, that you’re existing on fresh air and tea?’ She sat down next to me. ‘When did you last eat, Finn?’
I tried to count backwards. ‘When did you get back from London?’
‘You’ve got to be joking. That’s twelve days, Finn.’
‘Is it? Jesus. Guess I’ll be back in that bikini by summer.’
‘It’s not bloody funny.’
‘I know. I know it’s not. And I’m not doing it to be awkward, I swear. But I had Coyle gobbin’ into everything he brought for me when I was banged up in the cellar, and to be honest with you, food’s never been up there on my list of priorities in the first place. Now I’ve got Henry throwing stuff together for me like he’s going for his next Michelin star, and I can’t stomach a mouthful from the traitorous little fucker.’
‘Well, this is the deal. You eat, I tell you the plan. Surely there’s something you could manage?’
‘Lili, my system’s fucked to all hell – Junkie’s legacy, probably. I couldn’t face the shite that Henry’s trying to force down my neck at the best of times, but right now I’m feeling sick just at the sight of food.’
‘I need you stronger than this, Finn. I know it’s hard for you, but there’s one hell of a fight to come. You’re going to have to think of it as fuel.’
So I thought about it. I could only conjure up one thing, from when I was a kid in Dublin with nothing in the cupboards but dust and mouse-shit, and two little sisters screeching for food. Then I imagined Henry having to prepare it, and I knew what I fancied for breakfast. I smiled for the first time in days.
‘Well, there might just be something.’
Lilith
Finn’s request for dinner broke Henry’s heart, and if that wasn’t the major reason for his choice, it certainly played a major part. It was like watching the final act of a condemned man as Henry spooned half an inch of condensed milk onto white bread and sprinkled it liberally with sugar. ‘This is disgusting,’ he said as he carried the tray into my room. ‘A travesty.’
‘Not half as disgusting as the shite you’ve been serving me for the last three years.’ Finn took the plate from Henry without even looking at him. ‘Like those fuckin’ eggs with bits of grass in ‘em that you did yesterday.’
‘That was an omelette aux fines herbes,’ Henry retorted.
‘No, it was shite.’
I tried not to hold my breath as Finn broke off a morsel of bread and placed it tentatively in his mouth. He swallowed. ‘Right, that’s my side of the bargain upheld. So, how the fuck do you intend to bring this empire of evil crashing down?’
‘I need to make a private phonecall.’
‘That’s impossible,’ Henry interjected, defeated before we had even begun. ‘Blaine has every telephone around here tappe
d. Even the public box in the resort, I think, for pure amusement – but there’s no way of using that one anyway: the boat’s kept on the mainland now, and I have to wait for Coyle to pick me up before I can do the shopping. ’
I shrugged. ‘I guessed as much.’
‘So I really don’t see how a private call would be possible.’ Henry explained gently.
‘She hasn’t tapped my mobile though, has she?’
‘No, I would assume she hasn’t,’ Finn said through a mouthful of condensed-milk sandwich. ‘But unless you came over here with a Motorola bunged up your arse, I would say that’s not especially helpful.’
‘Actually, I would hope that it’s still safely where I left it, in the glove compartment of my Jag.’
Finn smiled. ‘Oh, your Jag. Of course. That’ll be the Jag that’s on the other side of the bloody lake, is it?’
That’s the one.’
Finn shook his head. ‘And how the fuck do you intend to get hold of it? Fuckin’ swim?’
The three of us sat in complete silence. Floorboards creaked and expanded as they began to warm with the sparse heat of the day, the grandfather clock in the dining hall chimed a muffled half-hour, and Finn and Henry both stared at me as if I had lost my wits.
Finally, Finn spoke. ‘Jesus, you’re serious.’
Chapter Twenty Eight
Lilith
The day Blaine left for Paris, winter came to Albermarle. It launched its assault straight from Siberia, bringing a ferocious storm that uprooted a dozen ancient trees across the estate and scattered slate tiles and a chimney stack from the roof of the hall. Finn and I spent a sleepless night listening to the gale wreak its devastation, and the next day we emerged from our beds to ice on the insides of the windows and a chill that cut us both to the marrow. This new landscape was bleak and frost-blasted, but Blaine had left, and now at last I could act.
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