by Lia Lee
“Here, let me help,” I said.
We worked together in silence. I unpacked the box I had packed for her, putting her frames the way I had found them. Rena filed most of her documents away in order. When the box was empty, I tucked one hand in my pocket.
“Are you pleased?” I asked.
Rena turned around and looked surprised. “I am,” she said. “And it flows much better now, don’t you think?”
I had to agree. She had envisioned something, and it had come to life perfectly. I watched Rena as she moved around her office. She was beautiful. I wanted to see her again. I wanted to get her alone.
“I want to see you,” I said, lowering my voice a little. “Tonight.”
Rena glanced at me before carrying on with the files she had in her hand. “You know where I live.”
I blinked at her. What was that? Had she just dismissed me? I wanted to say something, but I was caught off guard and I couldn’t think of anything to say. I stood there searching for words. Finally, I turned around and left the office, going back to my own.
When Rena and I had started out with this whole sex thing, I had been in charge. I made the rules, and she had been the little secretary who had begged to be fucked. Somehow, the tables had turned. I didn’t know how it had happened, but she was in charge now and I was the one asking for attention, asking to see her. I couldn’t let this happen.
I was the boss, for God’s sake. She wouldn’t play this game with me. I decided when it was over. Maybe it was a good time to call it quits.
It was easier said than done. That night, after work, I headed home and dressed into something a little fancier even though I hoped it would end up on the floor. I couldn’t stay away from Rena, no matter how much I told myself it had to be over. I buzzed her apartment and waited for her to buzz me in.
Chapter 21
Rena
My apartment buzzer went off, but I wasn’t in the mood to see anyone. I wasn’t expecting company, and whoever had decided to drop by unexpectedly could go away. I was in a bad mood. I had been feeling off all day, and it had gotten worse after work. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but recharging when I was alone often helped me to sort out my thoughts. Hopefully, I could put my finger on what was wrong.
A few minutes after the buzzer had gone off, someone knocked on my front door. Unless whoever it was had slipped in when someone else had gone out, no one was able to get into the building. I opened the door, irritated. I had taken a shower, and I was wearing my robe. It wasn’t clothes to receive anyone in, but I wasn’t planning on letting anyone stay.
Brent stood in front of me, and he was dashing. He wore a suit I hadn’t seen before, something that looked like it belonged at an important event. He had a bottle of wine with him, too.
“What are you doing here?” I sounded more pissed off than I meant to.
“I happen to know where you live,” Brent said and flashed me an arrogant smile. I couldn’t help myself; I couldn’t stay angry. Brent was a lot older than I was, but he flashed me that boyish smile and I melted every time. I stood to the side and let him in. I couldn’t kick him to the curb.
“I come bearing gifts.” Brent held out the bottle of wine.
“So I see,” I said.
Brent seemed set on staying, and I wondered if it wasn’t a good idea to fuck this frustration out of my system instead of turning Brent away. It was what he was here for, after all. Maybe it was exactly what we both needed.
The past week had been difficult. I had been adapting to my new role as office manager, and there was a lot still that needed to be done before I would feel comfortable. The change of pace had been difficult, and on top of everything, Brent had been distant from me. It had been a week of surviving. Maybe touching base wasn’t a bad thing.
“Let me get glasses for that,” I said and walked to my kitchen. I came back with two wineglasses and set them on the coffee table. I offered Brent a bottle opener, and he made quick work of opening the wine. He poured us each a glass, and I picked mine up, sipping it. Brent did the same and made eye contact with me over the rim of his glass. The way he looked at me made me feel good about myself—I knew he was crazy about my body.
I drank a bit more of the wine before putting the glass down on the table. I undid the sash on my robe and let the material slip off my shoulders and fall to the ground. I hadn’t worn anything underneath the robe, and I stood in front of Brent, naked. By the way he looked at me, he didn’t mind it one bit. His eyes slid over my body like a physical touch, and I shivered.
When Brent’s eyes found mine, they were filled with lust. I glanced down at his crotch where a thick bulge told me exactly what he thought about my body. I loved it when he looked at me like this. He made me feel like I was a goddess, and I had so much confidence when I was with him. I knew I looked good, but he only made me feel that much better about myself.
Brent didn’t come to me and jump my bones the way he had done before. He moved slowly toward me and kissed me. The kiss was soft and sensual. If I didn’t know any better, I would have said it was full of emotion. But that wasn’t possible. Brent and I were only fucking. It was no-strings-attached sex. There was nothing more to it, no matter if it was what I might have wanted.
I stopped thinking and gave myself over to Brent. He cupped my cheeks and kissed me, his tongue exploring my mouth, my teeth, sparring with my tongue. He ground his body against mine, the thick ridge in his pants rough on my bare skin through his jeans.
Brent was still dressed, and I needed to change that. I raised my hands and started undoing his shirt buttons one by one. I ran my hands up and down his naked torso, my fingers sliding through his chest hair before I pushed the shirt and the blazer off his shoulders together. It landed on the floor with a rustle.
My hands were still on Brent’s chest, but he leaned forward and I slid my arms around his body. Brent pressed his naked chest up against mine, and we were skin on skin. The sensation was amazing. It felt like forever since we’d been close, and I relished in the connection we made again.
“Come,” Brent said. He took my hand and led me to my bedroom. I climbed onto the bed and lay down, putting my naked body on display. Brent stared at me with lust in his eyes while he took off his shoes, his pants, and his underwear. When he was naked, he crawled onto the bed with me. He covered my body with his own, and I felt small and delicate. He kissed me again, his skin scalding hot on mine, but we didn’t do anything more than make out for a while.
Brent explored my body, sliding his hands over every inch of me. He cupped my breasts, ran his fingertips down my side so I shuddered, and stroked his palm over my thigh and calf before working his way up again. He looked me in the eyes while he did it. I could drown in his eyes forever if I didn’t check myself.
This was dangerous territory. I had no problem with meaningless sex—I didn’t feel the same as other women who said they couldn’t do things like this without getting attached. I had never gotten attached before.
But I was getting attached now. I had to admit it to myself because it was true. I was starting to like Brent. I was starting to think about other things with him, things that weren’t about sex. Like dinner and movies and hot chocolate at home with old records. I wanted to be with him. And that had never been part of the plan.
“Stop thinking,” Brent whispered as if he knew how much I was in my head. He proceeded to distract me as soon as he’d said it. He moved down my body, planting kisses as far as he went. He sucked my nipples, licked my ribs, blew on my lower stomach so I shivered, and brushed my pussy with his fingertips before returning to my mouth. When he kissed me again, it was another passionate kiss that blew my mind.
Brent stopped what he was doing long enough to roll a condom over his cock. He always did it so fast, it never took away from the mood.
I opened my legs for him, and Brent positioned himself at my entrance before he pushed into me. I cried out when he did, squirming beneath him. He felt so
much bigger today than usual. I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
Brent didn’t let me wonder about it for very long. He slid his dick out of me and pushed it back in again, bucking his hips as he pumped into me, harder and harder. It didn’t take long before I orgasmed, and when I did, the orgasm was more intense and more drawn out than ever before. I would have worried about it if I hadn’t been caught up in sexual bliss. Brent was so amazing in bed.
“Turn around,” Brent ordered, and I did what he said. I stood up on all fours, but Brent gently pushed me down so that I lay on my stomach. He spread my legs, and I tilted up my hips a little to give him access. When he pushed into me, he felt even bigger. From this angle, with me unable to open my legs all the way, I felt tighter. Maybe it had also to do with the orgasm I’d already had. It was incredible.
Brent lay on top of me, covering my body with his, and he started moving inside of me again. He held enough weight off me that he wasn’t crushing me, but being pinned down and unable to move like this made everything that much more intense. Brent pushed into me harder and faster, and I cried out as he rode me like this. He picked up speed. It wasn’t very long before he came, and I orgasmed at the same time. Brent shuddered on top of me, and I came undone at the seams. Neither of us had lasted very long.
Even though we had gone for a lot longer than this before, it had never been so sensual.
When Brent finally slipped out of me and rolled away from me to remove the condom, I felt amazing. I was satiated and calm. I felt like everything was right again with the world. This was exactly what I had needed.
After disposing of the condom, Brent pulled me against him and I lay on his chest. It was like it was made for me; my head fit perfectly into the space below his collarbone. Brent dropped a kiss on my hair when I curled into him, and he held me.
Cuddling was a lot more intimate than sex. Although, after the session we’d had, it might have been a tie. Brent ran his fingers up and down my arm, and I closed my eyes, listening to his heart beating inside his chest. Brent’s breathing slowed as we both calmed down after sex. I loved it like this, lying here with Brent, forgetting about the rest of the world.
My stomach turned, and I frowned. I had been feeling off earlier, but it was worse now. I sat up.
“What’s wrong?” Brent asked.
I wanted to answer him, but suddenly my throat closed and my stomach twisted viciously. I pressed my hand against my mouth and scrambled off the bed, running to the bathroom. I kneeled in front of the toilet and threw up, violently retching out the few sips of wine I’d had earlier and the supper I’d eaten before that. I threw up until there was nothing left in my stomach and I was dry heaving.
“Rena,” Brent said behind me.
“No, don’t,” I said in a strained voice. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Brent said and came farther into the bathroom. He found a face cloth and wet it in the sink, laying it on the back of my neck. It helped. The nausea died down a little. I sat back, my back against the cold tiles, and I was suddenly shivering. My teeth chattered, and I felt cold all over. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It had to have been something I ate. I never got sick like this.
I reached for the tissues on the toilet bowl and blew my nose.
“Here,” Brent said, offering me a glass of water and another face cloth. I wiped my face and drank the water.
“Let’s get you in bed,” Brent said after I’d had enough water. He helped me up and led me to the bedroom, taking care of me as if I were a sick child. I hadn’t been taken care of like this in years, and I had to admit it felt good just being able to let go.
Chapter 22
Brent
I spent the night at Rena’s place. I never spent the night. The moment I cuddled the woman I was sleeping with, she’d usually expect something more of me. I hadn’t spent the night when Rena and I had been in Boston. After we’d done the dirty, I had gone back to my own hotel room.
This time was different. This wasn’t about postcoital bliss. It was about taking care of Rena. After she’d been sick last night, she had looked so terrible I stayed to take care of her. I fetched water when she needed it and cuddled with her in bed. She had looked like she could use someone to look after her. She had a slight fever, and I was worried about her.
I asked her to get dressed. When she was sick, I didn’t want any kind of temptation. I tucked her into bed and stayed up until the early hours of the morning, making sure she was okay. Finally, I fell asleep next to her, our limbs tangled together.
The last time I had shared a bed with someone for the night where nothing R-rated had happened had been while I’d still been with Gina. Things had come full circle.
When I woke up the next morning, Rena wasn’t in bed with me. I sat up and listened for her. Retching sounds coming from the bathroom told me she was throwing up again. I had hoped that last night’s episode would be the only one, but food poisoning and stomach bugs often lasted forty-eight hours.
What could she have eaten that had upset her so much?
I climbed out of bed and walked to her in the bathroom. She hated me seeing her like this, but this was part of life. I couldn’t only see the good side of her and ignore anything that wasn’t sexy as hell. What kind of a man would that make me?
The kind of man I had been with every single woman I had met until now, I realized.
That didn’t matter right now. I wet a washcloth for her neck, filled her glass with water, and kneeled next to her, rubbing her back while she dry heaved.
“God, I hate throwing up,” Rena said, talking into the toilet bowl. Her voice echoed off the ceramic.
“Me too,” I said. “What can I get you?” I was willing to run to the pharmacy to get something to make her feel better.
“Bed,” I said.
“Coming right up.”
She wiped her face with the washcloth and sipped some water before I scooped her up and carried her to bed. Under any other circumstance, I didn’t think Rena would have let me do this for her, but she was vulnerable and her guard was down. I would take advantage of that and be the man I wanted to be for her while I could.
When she was tucked in, her eyes fluttering shut, I sat down next to her and watched her. Her eyelashes were long on her cheekbones, her lips naturally pouting, and she looked so much younger than she already was.
I tried to think what she could have eaten to be this sick, or where she could have picked up a stomach bug. I didn’t remember anyone at the office being sick lately.
Then it hit me. The broken condom. Was it possible she was pregnant?
I tried to calculate when we had done it last, and I anchored the date along with when we’d flown home from Boston. That had been ten days ago. It was enough time for her to get sick from it, wasn’t it? I didn’t know much about pregnancy, but I did understand morning sickness and I was starting to think that this was what was happening.
What was I going to do if Rena was pregnant? I waited for the panic to come. I waited to freak out and head for the hills, promising money but nothing else. I watched Rena and envisioned a life where everything had to change for the sake of a baby and waited for me to realize how much I hated it.
But it didn’t come. I wasn’t freaking out, and I didn’t hate the idea at all. Was I ready to be a father? Was I ready to commit being in this woman’s life in one way or another for the rest of my life? I had no idea. The thought had come up a few times since the condom had broken, but never so completely.
This was a whole different story, and I didn’t understand it. My whole life, I had run away from commitment, from women who wanted everything for me and didn’t care about what I felt. I had been married to my work so that I didn’t have to fill a void with something like a relationship. But now, everything was different. Rena was in a space where she might change my life forever. And I didn’t hate the idea of it. I didn’t hate it at all.
There
was a chance Rena wasn’t pregnant, of course. But I didn’t know if that was a chance I wanted to take. I wanted to know for sure. I wanted to find out what was real so I could figure out how I felt about it. And if I didn’t feel rotten about it, I wanted to know why.
I made sure Rena had everything she needed. I put a glass of water on the nightstand, along with her phone and a note that I was running to the store.
Before I left her apartment, I found her house keys so I could let myself back in again. I had never done something like this, but there was a first time for everything. I walked through the aisles until I found the baby aisle. Condoms, pregnancy tests, and diapers were all next to each other. How ironic. Either it was grouped that way for convenience, or it was a warning.
Why were there so many tests to choose from? They ranged in prices and ink color, and I had no idea what I was looking for. I wanted something that would work. I wanted something that would be accurate.
“Can I help you?” someone asked, and I turned to find a shop assistant behind me. I scratched my head, feeling a little out of place.
“I don’t know which one to take,” I said.
“These are pregnancy tests,” the shop assistant said.
“I know that. I’m not stupid. I just don’t know which one to get.”
She nodded slowly. “I find the red-ink tests aren’t so reliable. The blue ones are better, but it really depends on the brand. These over here are early-detection pregnancy tests.”
“Early detection?”
“They pick up the smallest levels of HCG in the mother’s blood. It gets stronger the further along the pregnancy is. At first, the pregnancy hormone is hard to detect.”
“So I need this one, then.”
The shop assistant shrugged. I would have been pissed off at her if my mind hadn’t been on Rena and what was going on with her. I had left her alone, and I wanted to get back as soon as possible.
I stood in line to pay. A few people glanced my way. The cashier looked at me strangely when I put the test down to pay for it. I didn’t give a shit. I was here for a reason, and it was my business. There were no laws against men buying pregnancy tests.