by Lia Lee
It was what I was hoping for. I had to sit down with Joe again and talk to him about how we were going to approach it, but that would happen in due time. For now, I forwarded the emails and my answers to him so he knew where we were headed and could prepare himself for the future in the same way I was.
The rest of the day was hard. I tried to focus, but Rena and the baby popped into my mind every now and then, distracting me. Rena was so different from any of the other women I had been with before. When I was with her, I wanted to stay. When I left her, I missed her. I had never felt the way about someone the way I felt about Rena. Not even Gina, I had to admit. And Gina had been the woman I had considered marrying, once upon a time.
Would I marry Rena? If it meant we would raise the baby together and we would build a life, I would do it in a heartbeat. Rena was the type of woman I could see myself creating a future with. I hadn’t ever felt this calm about the prospect of marriage.
And the baby. I wasn’t panicked about Rena being pregnant at all. I didn’t feel anything negative. I was curious. I had never thought about having kids, and the idea wasn’t one I hated now that it had come this far. It really surprised me that I wasn’t upset about getting Rena pregnant or that I was now tied to a woman where I had preferred to be a lone wolf all these years.
I tried a little longer to work, focusing on replying to emails, looking at the numbers for our surveys, and taking care of documents and filing. After a while, I gave up trying to work and walked to the tall windows. I looked out over Chicago’s skyline, thinking about the things I’d been trying to push away all today. I thought about making a commitment to Rena, about moving in with her and raising a child with her. If I had thought about all these things a month ago, I would have laughed and shrugged it off as improbable.
It was insane how things changed in such a short span of time. I had become a different person, a person I barely recognized. And with Rena, it’d been so easy.
What would I be like as a dad? Would I be a good dad? I didn’t know what a dad needed to do, or how I needed to be. My dad had been a distant kind of man, someone with a killer work ethic and no sense of familial obligation other than the money he offered to pay for everything we needed. I didn’t want to be like that. I wanted to be involved in my child’s life. Money wasn’t everything.
Maybe Joe would be able to answer my questions, I thought. Joe was happily married, and he had two children, a boy aged seven and a girl aged five. He loved his children, and he put his family first no matter what. I didn’t want Joe to know everything that was happening between me and Rena, but I wanted to ask him what it was like. Maybe I could talk to him without giving too much away.
Joe was in his office when I knocked on the door, typing on his laptop. When he saw me, he grinned.
“I was expecting you. A bunch of investors, huh?”
“It’s looking good for the company.”
“Hell yeah. We’re moving on up.”
I nodded. Joe frowned and closed his laptop.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked.
“Not much,” I lied. “How are your kids doing?”
“That’s a sudden topic change. They’re good.”
“What was it like having them?” I asked. “Did you ever think your life would turn out the way it has when you decided to have kids?”
Joe laughed. “Those are very deep questions. And very out of character for you. Why the sudden interest? Don’t tell me you broke one of your rules.”
I shrugged, not answering any of Joe’s questions. Joe waited only a short while before deciding I wasn’t going to give him an answer, and he carried on.
“Having kids is the best, man. It’s the hardest thing I’ve done, but it’s amazing. If I had to go back, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
I nodded slowly, turning it over in my head.
“The moment you have a baby, it’s like nothing you planned for your future matters anymore. A lot of people say they won’t let having kids change their lives, but you can’t help it. They become the center of your universe, and you watch this little miracle grow, becoming aware of the world. They look at shit differently. They teach you to look at the world differently, too. But I can’t explain to you what it’s like, not really. You can’t know until you have kids of your own.”
Joe made it sound like something I might like. When he spoke about his children, it wasn’t hard to see that they were his world. He loved them so much, and it was plain as day. I wanted that. But I didn’t know if I could do something like that. I didn’t know if I could be that dad. And if Rena didn’t want me in her life, there would be nothing I could do.
Or if she decided to give up the child. That was still an option, and I couldn’t stop her from doing that if it’s what she really wanted.
“Do you want to tell me what this is all about?” Joe asked.
I shook my head. “It’s nothing. I have to get back to work.”
I stood and left Joe’s office. He had a lot of questions, I knew. But I wasn’t going to answer them until I figured out exactly how I felt and what I wanted. I walked back to my office not feeling any calmer. I hadn’t gotten the answers I had needed. But to get those answers, I would have to ask the right questions. And I wasn’t ready to voice them yet.
Chapter 25
Rena
Today was the day. I was going to meet the sister I hadn’t even known I had until about two weeks ago. This was crazy. It was a stupid idea, a mistake. I should turn around and go home.
But it was too late now. I was headed to the bistro where I was going to meet Morgan and Zoe. Standing them up now wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t take away my curiosity about a life that could have run parallel to mine, about a woman who was related to me, whether I knew about her or not.
If I didn’t go now, I would never know the answers to all the questions I had, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to live without that knowledge.
My stomach was bunched into a fist of nerves. I felt like I was going to throw up. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was nervous or if it was morning sickness. There was a possibility it was both.
I had thrown up again this morning. I hadn’t even gotten around to eating yet before my stomach had thrown all its contents out. I had only had a cup of coffee, and it had set everything off.
When I arrived at the bistro, Morgan and Zoe were already there. I walked up to them, recognizing them right away. Morgan’s face was familiar because I had seen her once before. Zoe’s face was familiar because it was the face I had been looking at in the mirror every day of my life. She looked almost exactly like me. It was unsettling.
No wonder Morgan had known who I was the moment I had stepped into Dunkin’ Donuts when we’d met last week.
When the two women spotted me, they both stood up. Morgan introduced Zoe to me. My sister held out her hand to me, and I took it. We sat down at the table. They each ordered coffee, but I was scared I wouldn’t be able to stomach it, so I asked for a glass of water.
“Thank you so much for agreeing to meet me,” Zoe said. “I know this must have come as quite a shock. I struggled to wrap my mind around it when I first found out, too.”
I nodded, studying Zoe. Her hair was also a light brown, but hers was long and she had bangs. Her nails were long and manicured, where I always wore mine short and sensible. She looked like she had stepped off the cover of a magazine. She looked like the “after” photo where I would be the “before” photo of a glamorous makeover. But I didn’t feel threatened by her. I was aware of how different we were, but the longer I studied her, watched her expressions and mannerisms and the way she talked, the more I realized how similar we were.
We hadn’t grown up side by side the way we should have, but despite our different upbringings, and most likely different beliefs, morals, routines, and all the rest of it, we were almost exactly the same. It was strange.
“What do you do?” I asked after we had made small talk for a w
hile. I didn’t know what to ask her. How did you go about getting to know someone from scratch? How did you make up for twenty-three years?
“I don’t have a career if that’s what you mean. My husband, Chris, is an inventor. He goes to the office every day, but I stay home and take care of local charities. I’m involved with the school, and I like to draw the other mothers into groups where we do activities to socialize.”
Zoe sounded like she belonged on those television shows where they follow the lives of the rich and famous. She explained how Chris had developed a simple household item that they had patented and made a lot of money from. It explained why she wasn’t working or anything.
She told me about her daughters. “They’re twins,” she said. “They’re only eight months now. It’s a handful. It was thanks to my pregnancy that all of this came about,” Zoe said. “We had to test for certain diseases, and my family history was a question. I had a difficult pregnancy, you see. So I did a little digging to find my birth parents, for the sake of my children. And then I found you. It made sense why I had twins, knowing that we were triplets.”
I nodded, understanding it now. It was bizarre that this had happened, but in a way it was exciting. It was like discovering a new world, getting to know my sister and the life she’d led.
“What about you?” Zoe asked. “Husband, kids?”
My stomach turned when she asked.
“No,” I said. “I was involved with someone for a short while, but I don’t see it working out. We’re in a rough patch.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
I shrugged. “What should happen, will. Look at us meeting as an example.”
Zoe nodded. I told her about my job at the office, my degree, where I’d started, and how it had turned out. I left out the part where I had slept with my boss, fallen pregnant, and how I was going to quit my job. No one needed to know that. Especially not Zoe, who was so polished and sophisticated.
“Tell me about your parents,” I said. “What was your life like, growing up?”
Zoe smiled. “My parents were both great to me, growing up. I grew up with two siblings. We’re all adopted. My parents were foster parents, but they decided to legally adopt us and get out of the system. My dad died of cancer a few years ago, but I’m still very close with my mom.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” I hesitated. “How did your mom feel about you finding your birth family and meeting me?”
Zoe shrugged. “She wasn’t very happy with the idea, but she understood why I needed to do it. And she’s curious about you. They all are. If we keep in contact, they would love to meet you.”
It was a bit much for me to take in. Zoe seemed to know how I was feeling.
“You don’t have to meet anyone if you don’t feel comfortable with it,” she said. “But I’m so glad you agreed to meet me.”
I nodded. “I’m happy, too.” And I was. I hadn’t known what to expect. I had wanted to turn around and run away. I had been terrified it was all a big mistake. But now that I was here, talking to my sister, getting to know her and sharing my life with her as well, I was glad I had pushed through and taken this step.
And I had done it all alone. Brent had been with me to meet Morgan. I had hoped I could ask him to come with me to meet Zoe, but after how I had kicked him out of my house, I doubted he would want to be there for me. I had treated him wrongly even though nothing that had happened had been his fault. He had only been trying to help.
But I had my reasons for pushing him away, which were still valid. So, I would go through this alone. I had been alone my whole life. I knew how to do it on my own.
A part of me was jealous that Zoe had grown up with siblings. Two of them. She had had the siblings we were supposed to have had, even though they weren’t her siblings by blood. I had grown up alone. I didn’t know how I felt about everything. I would need to think about it a bit more, but I knew I didn’t feel amazing about everything.
Zoe and I talked more. We talked about her dreams and goals and hobbies. We talked about what schools we had attended. We laughed about how things had been so similar for us, even though we had never known about each other. It was because we were twins, of course. Or rather, because we had been part of a trio.
When we spoke about the third sister that hadn’t made it, we both fell quiet for a moment. What would it have been like if we had had her here, too? How would it have been different? We would never know, but I didn’t want either of us to forget that there had been a third sister. Even if we had only known about her for a very short time.
“We should do this again,” Zoe said when it was time to leave. “I really enjoyed spending time with you.”
“I enjoyed it, too,” I agreed. We exchanged contact details and agreed that we would arrange something in the near future. It was still awkward between us. Despite the facts we had found out about each other, we were strangers. It would take a lot of time with Zoe before she would feel like a friend, a sister.
We finally left after hugging awkwardly. I thanked Morgan for setting up the meeting, and the PI smiled.
“It’s wonderful when things work out this way,” she said. “I very often have cases that don’t end well, and it’s so sad.”
We parted ways, and I headed home. I had so much on my mind. Zoe had been a great person to meet, but the whole thing was disconcerting. Meeting someone that I was so closely related to, finding out how our lives had been different and how we were exactly the same, it was all so much to swallow.
But I was glad I had done it. I liked that I knew Zoe now. I didn’t know if we would keep contact or if we would become friends at all. We hadn’t grown up together. We lived different lives. We could have been on either side of the world, for all we had known about each other until now.
Now that we knew about each other, though, we could test the waters and explore the idea of a relationship.
When I arrived home, I listened to the messages on my machine. Brent’s voice filled my apartment.
Call me when you get this. I’m not going to let you push me away. We’re in this together, and we’re obligated to talk about it, at least. Meet up with me. Anytime, anywhere.
That was it. Nothing romantic, nothing emotionally charged that would make me feel like I had made a mistake pushing him away. And he still thought he could tell me what to do.
I deleted the message, shaking my head. He was my boss, and we’d started this affair with a bunch of rules, but that was over now. It had ended the moment I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t a game anymore.
I texted Brent instead of phoning him back. I wasn’t going to let him try to persuade me.
I’ll see you at work tomorrow. We can talk there.
After getting the delivery notification, I opened my laptop. I had to start looking for a new job. I had to think about my future. I had considered adoption until now, but after meeting Zoe, I was painfully aware of what it could mean to give up my baby. And I realized I didn’t want to do that. Searching for a job meant I had to find something that would give me the kind of benefits I needed when I had a child. I needed to find something worth my while.
I had another life to consider above my own now.
Chapter 26
Brent
I waited for her in her office. I wasn’t going to let her slip by me again. I had asked her to phone me with a time we could meet, and she had texted me—not called—saying she would see me at work. She was being cocky. A part of me hated it. I was used to being in charge. A part of me loved it. She was so fucking sexy, and being defiant only pushed up her sex appeal.
But this wasn’t about how hot she was and how badly I wanted to fuck her. We had to talk about the baby and about where we were going to go from here. She couldn’t keep avoiding me, no matter how much she wanted to.
She arrived shortly after eight. When she saw me, I could see her bracing herself. Yeah, this was what it was going to be like. If she thought I was going to let
this slide and let her get away with dancing around the subject, she had another thing coming.
“Good morning,” I said, the first one to break the silence.
“Morning,” she answered stiffly. I hated that we were like this with each other. I preferred it when we were relaxed around each other, on the same page. But shit happened sometimes. We merely had to get through it.
“We need to talk,” I said.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” Rena answered. I was surprised at her audacity.
“I’m still your boss,” I said.
“And this has nothing to do with work. So your station means nothing.”
She was right. I had hoped I could push her into a corner, but right now, Rena was pushing back. It showed a hidden strength of character that only proved how much more I admired her. But this wasn’t the time to show I was attracted to the woman. We had to deal with this.
“You’re not going to walk away from this,” I said. “We need to take care of this.”
“I’m not interested in talking about it, Brent,” Rena said. She was getting upset. I didn’t like getting her upset, but I didn’t like it when she dismissed me, either. I was the owner of this company, dammit. I had so much money I didn’t what to do with it. No one dismissed me.
“We are going to talk about it. If you think I’m not going to make a scene, you’re wrong,” I said. “So, we can have it out here where everyone can hear it. I’ll take it all the way if we must. Or we can go to my office, lock the door, and deal with this privately the way we should.”
“I’m just about sick and tired of you telling me what to do,” Rena snapped. “And I’m not going to your office with you.”
“Fine,” I said. If she wanted to play it this way, I could do it, too. I was sure the other employees in the open-plan office would love a little drama around here. “We’ll have it out here, then.”