He nodded. If there was one person that understood me, it was Harold. He wasn’t the kind of guy to push for details, either. “Okay. Well, you look after her. And look after yourself.”
“I will.”
“And go home a little earlier at least today.”
“Yeah, I’ll do that.”
I set out to work and tried not to think about Sloan sitting all day in my house. I wondered what she was doing all day. It was strange to think of her there and to know that I would be going home to see her again. I kept picturing her sitting outside on the balcony looking out onto the field and drinking coffee. I desperately tried not to think about her, but it wasn’t easy. Especially when I found myself in the barn. I kept looking at the floor to where we’d had sex, and the images kept flashing through my mind. I looked at Betty and shook my head.
“She’s a difficult one to stop thinking about, Betty. What am I going to do?”
I was cleaning the horses when my phone rang. I rummaged through my pocket to get it. I thought it might be Sloan in trouble, but I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that it was just Ryan.
“Oh hey, Ryan. What’s up? Phoning because you miss me so much?” I said.
He laughed. “Yeah, it’s very difficult for me here. Every day I wake up and wonder how I’m going to get through the day without you. It’s the first thought that I have in the morning and the last thought that I have at night.”
“I don’t doubt it. So, no training today?” I asked.
“Are you kidding? There’s training almost every day. I’m leaving in half an hour for a big training session. We have one of the top guys coming for our lesson today. It took a long time to schedule an appointment with him, but it’s finally here. I’m a little nervous, but at the same time I’m looking forward to it.”
“I will never understand how you can look forward to getting thrown around.”
He laughed. “I know, I can totally understand why people find it so strange, but it’s a very addictive thing, strangely enough. I can’t get enough of it. I’m sure that even when I’m too old to be an MMA fighter that I’ll still be involved in it somehow.”
“Yeah, I don’t doubt it. It’s your life now. I can’t even hear the words MMA fighting and not think of you. Oh, I saw that video of myself being thrown off that bull. It was so strange watching it and knowing that I went through that. It looked rough.”
He chuckled. “I’ve watched that video so many times. Have you been on the bull again since then?”
“I haven’t. But it won’t stop me from going on him again.”
“Yeah, you’re not a quitter. Hey, so seeing as though you were on the internet, you must’ve seen everything that they’ve been saying about Sloan. I mean—”
“No,” I said and stopped him before he could say anything more. “I haven’t seen anything. I didn’t look anything up, and I haven’t listened to what other people have been saying. Honestly, I don’t want to know.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. It’s her life. Not mine.”
“Okay, I guess you’re right. It’s probably better not to know, anyway. But just be careful if you ever see her again, okay?”
“Of course I will. You know me, I’m always careful.”
I decided not to tell Ryan that Sloan was staying with me. Nobody needed to know that. Right now, she needed as much time away from the world as possible.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Sloan
Once Brady left for work, I spent the day relaxing at his house. It felt strange not having something to do. I kept eyeing his old laptop and wondering if I should look to see what people were saying about me, but didn’t have the strength. Also, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to know. Sometimes it was simply better not knowing at all. Life was easy when you walked around in a happy bliss. Ever since being with Brady, I’d felt as if had taken some of those happy pills he was on when falling off the bull. But I felt more like someone whose happy pills were wearing off, because every now and again the sadness would creep in.
When Brady was gone, I spent a lot of time just walking around the house, wondering what to do with myself. I made a cup of coffee and sat outside, just looking out at the view. The view from my apartment in New York truly was spectacular, but it had nothing on the view at his house. I’d always thought of myself as a city girl, but now I wasn’t so sure. There was something about a view that seemed to go on forever that made me feel like I could breathe again. I could just about make out the ranch in the distance, and I wondered what Brady was up to. I could picture him working hard, the sweat pouring down his face. Harold was lucky to have someone like Brady working on the farm. It wasn’t easy being an actress, but it was nothing like the kind of work that Brady did. And yet, despite the hours that he put in, I knew that he would never be able to afford an apartment in New York. He didn’t earn much compared to me. Nobody in this small farming town earned all that much. And yet, I couldn’t help think that they were the happiest people that I’d ever met.
Every now and again I would think about what was going on in my life. How did an actress with a big loft apartment and almost too much money in the bank feel so comfortable in a place like Wyoming? I was starting to reconsider who I was as a person. My life had changed so much since I’d become an actress, and I thought that it was what I wanted. I’d fought hard to be that person. I had changed so much about myself in order to fit in with the right crowd. And I’d done well—I’d fooled them all. But was all that money really worth it? Never before had I felt so much pressure from the world around me to be someone I was not.
I stood up and stretched and made my way back inside the house. I wondered if perhaps I should clean up, but the house was actually pretty clean already. Brady was not a messy guy, and he didn’t have much stuff to mess up, anyway. His house had everything he needed, but nothing more. He was definitely not a materialistic man. I walked around, looking at everything in the house. I saw a bookshelf and ran my fingers along the spines. I used to be a big reader, but I hadn’t made much time to read over the last few years. I decided to look for a book to read from his collection, but when I kneeled down to look at the books on the bottom shelf, I found a photo album instead. I pulled it out and made my way over to the sofa to look through it. I looked around with a feeling of guilt and hoped that Brady wouldn’t mind me looking through it. Most of all, I hoped he wouldn’t come home and see me snooping. It took me a while to actually look in the album. I put in on my lap and looked at its cover. Then I got up and walked around, trying to ignore it. Brady was such a closed-up man that I figured he hadn’t shown me the album for a reason. And yet, I couldn’t help but want to know more.
I opened the album. On the first page was a handwritten note.
Dear Brady,
I want you to know how much I love you. Let me start off by saying that. I’m sure you know how much I love you. I certainly haven’t made it a secret. I’m sure you’re sick and tired of me telling you. But I will never stop telling you while I’m alive. As you know, I’m very sick, and I probably won’t be there to see you grow up into the beautiful man I know you will be. I’m just glad that I got to meet you, and love you, even if the time wasn’t as long as I wanted it to be. You need to know how proud I am of you, and how supportive I am of everything that you will one day do. I have a lot of faith in who you are. I wanted to make you this album so that you would know how much I love you. You and your brothers mean the world to me. You mean the world to us. Your father loves you dearly, too. I’ve started this album, but I want you to add to it as you get older. And whenever you’re feeling sad, I want you to look through this and remember that you have a family that loves you.
I love you.
Mom.
I felt the tears streaming down my face. I knew that Brady’s mother wasn’t around anymore, but I didn’t know anything about her. She sounded lovely. How sad it must’ve been to know that you weren’t going to be around to se
e your children grow. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard that must’ve been for her. The letter was so personal that I immediately felt closer to Brady than I did before. I wondered how many times he had read through the letter over the years. Did he read it when he needed to feel her support again? Or did he leave the album on the shelf and never open it simply because it was too hard. I tried to imagine what I would’ve done in that situation, but I wasn’t sure.
I started paging through the album. His mother was beautiful. She was tall, and slim, with long black hair that curled ever so slightly at the end. But it wasn’t her hair, her body, or even her incredible dress sense that made me like her from the photos. It was her smile. Brady’s mother had the most beautiful smile that I’d ever seen. A kind smile. Brady’s smile. I felt sad that I never got a chance to meet her. Would she have liked me? Would she still be proud of her son for being with a woman like me? Or would she tell him that he deserved better?
The photos at the beginning of the album showed a very big but very happy family. The boys were always laughing, and the parents looked at each other with obvious love and affection. The brothers all looked similar to one another, but it was easy for me to spot Brady. He was just a smaller and happier version of who he was today. I wanted to crawl into the album and meet his younger self.
It was the first time that I was seeing a picture of his father, and I couldn’t believe how much Brady looked like him. He had a leather jacket on in almost all the photos, and his motorcycle seemed to always be in the photos too. I remembered Brady telling me about the motorcycle club and the obsession for anything bike-related. It was clear that he loved to ride and loved his bike. I had a feeling that all the Maxwell brothers had their own obsession. For Brady, it was the ranch. For Ryan, it was the MMA fighting. For their father, it was his bikes. What was their mother’s obsession? I smiled when I realized it was more than likely her children.
But then, the photos changed. It became clear when they were not photos from the initial album, but rather, photos that Brady had added himself. For a good few years, he’d kept his promise to his mother and filled the album up even after she had passed away. Although there were no recent photos, so something must have happened to make him stop. The photos showed the boys at various stages in their lives, but almost all the photos were of the brothers and not of their father. He appeared every once and a while, but never next to Brady. And as the photos got newer, and Brady got older, his smile seemed to disappear. He went from a happy little boy who laughed in every photo to a solemn man with sad eyes. What had happened? And why did I get a feeling that it had something to do with his father?
I had a sudden urge to see Brady. I put the album away and made my way to the ranch. I couldn’t drive, and I had no more driver to call whenever I needed. But there was something nice about getting to a place on my own, and the walk was just what I needed. When I got to the ranch, I saw Harold and rushed over to greet him.
“Sloan!” he said, and his eyes lit up. There was something about Harold that I liked so much. He was a kind man, with an open heart. I knew he was lonely, and there was something about that loneliness that I felt connected too. In our own separate ways, we were both just as lonely as one another.
“Harold, it’s so good to see you again,” I said and embraced him. “I hope you don’t mind me just showing up like this unannounced. I probably should’ve let you know.”
“Of course I don’t mind, and you don’t have to let me know. It’s great to see you again. I didn’t realize how much I missed your pretty face until I saw you again. How did you get here?” he said as he looked around.
“I walked.”
“You walked? Oh goodness, you young people. You and Brady are just the same. You should’ve called me! I would’ve come to get you in a heartbeat.”
I shrugged. “Nah, I wanted to walk. Thank you though; that’s nice of you. But the walk was very good for me. It’s such a great way to clear your head.”
He smiled. “That’s true. And like I said, you’re young. You can do it. My legs wouldn’t let me walk so far anymore. So it’s good to make the most of it while you can. Shall I call Brady for you?”
“No, I’ll wait for him to finish. I thought it would take me longer to get here. But I don’t mind waiting for him. I know how much he hates stopping a job halfway.”
Harold laughed. “You know him well. Come on then, and let me make you a cup of tea.”
Harold’s tea was very different from the tea I was used to drinking. In New York, I was used to drinking my tea black with no sugar. But Harold made his with lots of milk, and lots of sugar. I would’ve detested it back home, but I somehow seemed to love it when I was in Wyoming. I took a sip and smiled at the sweetness.
“This is great, thank you,” I said as we both took a seat on the porch.
“My pleasure. I know you and Brady are more coffee drinkers. But I sometimes feel that a tea can solve a million problems.”
I looked at him and smiled. I had a feeling he was hinting at my own problems. I took a sip.
“Yeah, I think you’re right. This is delicious.”
“Thank you. I’m a bit of a tea snob you know. I have a certain way of making it. That’s why you’ll always see me saying no when someone offers me.”
“You’ll have to show me one day. I mean, I’d like to at least know how to make you a cup one day.”
He smiled. “I’d like that, Sloan.”
“So, are you happy to have the farm back to yourself?”
“Yes and no. It was nice having you guys over here. You were a fun bunch to be around, and I think it’s important to hang around people that are different from you every once and awhile. Although, I sometimes feel that we have more in common than we think we do. The farm was very quiet without you guys. I didn’t actually realize until the day you left. It felt like the life had been sucked out of it.”
“I can imagine. Roger and his crew are a rowdy bunch.”
Harold laughed. “They certainly are. Nothing wrong with a bit of noise sometimes. Makes me appreciate the quiet even more. And I liked Roger. He’s a good man, and I have a feeling he’s going to make a great movie. He has a good eye for things like that don’t you think?”
“He certainly does. And I agree, I think it’s going to be a great movie,” I said. Although I wondered for the first time what Roger would think of me being here again. It was best to think of it at all.
We spoke some more about life on the farm, and Harold didn’t once ask me why I was back. I had a feeling he knew, but I was glad that he didn’t ask me. I was glad that he still liked me despite the rumors.
“Sloan, I just want you to know something,” he said suddenly, and I thought he was going to talk to me about what he’d heard. I took a deep breath to prepare myself.
“Yeah?”
“I know that you have a good heart. No matter what. I can always tell when someone is a good person or not. And you’ve got a good heart.”
I gulped and I felt myself getting tearful. “Thank you for saying that. I can’t tell you how much that means to me right now.”
He nodded. He wasn’t trying to make me feel better; he was just giving me the facts. I liked that about him. “I know a good heart from a bad one. And Brady has a good one too. In fact, he’s got one of the best hearts I know. One day this ranch his going to be his. He’s like the son I never had. We might not have the kind of relationship where we talk about things, but that’s because we’re stubborn men who don’t like to show our feelings,” he said and smiled at me. “But he’s a good guy.”
We both looked out into the distance and saw Brady. He hadn’t seen us yet. I sighed.
“He’s a great guy.”
“Now, I know that there are things going on with you. I know that you came here to get away from it all for a while. And that’s fine by me. You can stay as long as you want and you don’t ever have to tell me anything. I don’t need to know.”
“Thank you, Harold.”
“But,” he continued, “Brady cares for you. Maybe more than you know and maybe more than he cares to admit. You don’t have to tell me the truth, but he deserves to hear it. And that’s all I’m going to say on that matter.”
I looked out again at Brady and sighed.
“You’re right.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Brady
I was surprised to see Sloan sitting with Harold when I finished work that afternoon. The two of them were sitting on the porch and drinking tea. They were laughing and talking like old friends, and I wondered if she had spoken to Harold about what was happening in her life. I didn’t think she would tell him and not me, but I couldn’t be too sure. Either way, it was good to see her.
“How did you get here?” I asked when I walked up to them. I was once again taken aback by how beautiful she looked. She didn’t seem to be wearing even a hint of makeup, and I wished that she knew how much she didn’t need it.
“I walked,” she said.
I grinned. “It’s the best walk.”
“It is,” she said. “But . . . how about a lift back? I’m feeling lazy suddenly.”
“Of course. Let me just wash up. I’ll meet you at the car. Harold, mind if I take off for the day?”
“Brady, the whole day has already gone, anyway. Of course you can leave. Besides, I need to get going myself, and I don’t want our pretty lady to have to sit all alone.”
“Sloan, how do you feel about this old man flirting with you all the time?”
“Oh, I love it,” she said, and we all laughed.
I washed up and met Sloan by the car. I thought about taking her for a drive around town, but I knew she wasn’t too keen on bumping into people. Instead, I took her home.
“So, what did you do all day?” I asked.
“Well, I thought about cleaning, but your place is already so clean.”
“Cleaning? Are you crazy? I would’ve been so mad.”
Dirty Roomie Page 84