“From this day forward, I will never think about accountants in the same way,” said Bob. Denise laughed as he drove the car into the parking lot of the City Room.
“Oh, I love this restaurant. I’ve been here just twice, both times feeling like I’ve left River City behind in favor of a glamorous city like New York or San Francisco.”
Bob, who had been to both cities, said, “The restaurants there don’t get much better than this.” He got out of the car and jogged around the front to open Denise’s door.
“Have you been to a lot of big cities?” she asked, as he offered her his hand.
“I travel a lot for business.”
“The only traveling I do for business is to Office Depot.”
Bob laughed hard. “That’s the best one I’ve heard all day.”
They walked hand in hand into the restaurant and were seated at the table Bob requested. They drank wine and shared their meals, as well as more stories about their jobs, families, and dreams. Bob listened more than he talked. He was touched by, arguments about hair product aside, how close Denise was to her sisters, in spite of their age difference. He had lost touch with his older brothers, Jonathan and Mark, who were as committed to living in California as Bob was to living and working in Michigan. They had made their fortunes, several times over, yet were still too busy to come home. Not that Bob would see them if they did, since Tucker and Janet had moved from their family home to Florida. Had it been twelve years already? His parents spent their days on the golf course and playing bridge with a close group of friends. They sent checks for the children’s birthdays and at Christmas and received dutiful thank-you notes in return, and that seemed to be the extent of the relationship outside of Bob and his family’s annual trip in February. Karen had long ago stopped asking about holiday plans with Tucker and Janet.
Of course, Bob said nothing to Denise about his immediate family, about Rebecca, Robert, or Karen. He knew if he told her he was a married man with a family, she wouldn’t finish her dinner. What woman with any self-respect would? He would have to say something if they kept seeing each other, but he didn’t want to confess prematurely. If the evening didn’t go well, there would be no reason to say anything. If the evening did go well—and he had a feeling it would—he would eventually have to tell Denise about his family. He had recently considered separating from Karen; perhaps he would do it sooner rather than later. Then he could tell Denise that he was separated instead of married. She couldn’t fault him for that.
After dinner, they ordered coffee. Denise asked Bob about his job. She wanted to know all about how he had been able to achieve such success. Bob explained that he was an incredibly focused person at work. If he had a task to accomplish, he did little else until it was done. He put in long hours whenever necessary; he sacrificed his personal life for the good of Forester. And in return, he had been rewarded. It was his drive, his single focus. If Denise wanted to own and operate a Curves franchise, she had to want it more than anything else. Denise opened her mouth to speak.
“What?” asked Bob.
“I do want it.” She stirred a packet of Equal into her coffee. “But I want other things, too.”
Bob sipped his coffee. “What else do you want?”
Denise blushed. “It will sound silly to you.”
“I’m a businessman. Nothing sounds silly to me.”
“I want to be in love with someone,” she said, breaking eye contact for the first time since they had sat down. “I want to be successful in business, but I don’t want to spend my life alone.” Bob reached across the table and covered her hand with his. She looked up at him. “You work so hard. Do you ever feel lonely?”
Bob swallowed hard. “Not tonight. I haven’t felt this content in a long time.”
Bob took Denise home after dinner. She asked him in, which he declined. He was resolved not to cheapen the evening by ending it in bed. Denise opened the door with her key, then lingered. She turned to face Bob. “Thank you,” she said with her back to the door. “I had a wonderful evening.”
“So did I. I’ll call you in a couple of days.”
“That sounds good.” She put her hands on his shoulders, stood on her toes, and kissed his cheek. “You’re pretty nice, for a businessman.”
Bob put his hands on Denise’s cheeks, drew her face toward his, and gently kissed her lips.
“And you’re pretty nice period.”
He kissed her again before releasing her. She thanked him again, then went into her apartment and closed the door behind her. Bob walked down the hall and jogged down the steps to his car, humming as he went. When he got home, the house was dark and Karen was in bed. He didn’t know if she was asleep or pretending to be asleep, but he made no attempt to wake her. He had no interest, oddly, in having sex with her. The only one he wanted to touch at the moment was Denise, and he knew he couldn’t do that until he was free from Karen. He would tell her tomorrow, he thought as he undressed. He would tell her he wanted a separation. She would not argue. It would be amicable. It would be easy. And it would allow him to be with Denise.
Only he didn’t tell Karen the next day. He had a long day at the office and then had real clients to entertain for dinner. The last thing he wanted to do at ten at night when he was exhausted and cranky was start a discussion about the dissolution of their marriage. Plus, twenty-four hours after being sure he wanted to do it, he was less sure. He wanted to be with Denise, but he also knew divorcing Karen would not come without pain. After all, he had once loved her deeply. In college, she had either been by his side or on his mind. Sixteen years ago, she had been at the center of his individual universe, a human sun. Everything he did or thought revolved around her. And now he was going to swap universes, just like that?
Even if he did, Karen would not go away, and neither would Rebecca and Robert, who would become divorce offspring and live out of suitcases. Every other weekend, they would pack their precious belongings (Nintendo DS for Robert, iPod and earbuds for Rebecca) along with their clothing into overnight bags, then ride from their home with Karen to Bob’s new home, where he would live alone for a while, and then, perhaps, with Denise. Rebecca and Robert would pretend to be happy to see him, at least Robert would. But, in time, they would resent their uprooting. They would want to spend their weekends at home, near their friends. Bob could entice them, of course, with gifts and trips to restaurants, movie theaters, and amusement parks. Often the best way to solve a problem, whether at home or at work, was to throw money at it. Did he care if his children were more interested in his money than his company, advice, or love? Bob ran his fingers through his hair. Maybe that’s what it was all about anyway.
Karen was in bed reading a magazine when Bob walked into their bedroom. She looked up at him briefly, then returned her gaze to the article.
“How was your night?” he asked.
Karen looked up again. “I can’t remember the last time you asked me that.”
Bob shrugged. “I think about asking it. I guess my thoughts don’t always work their way into words.”
Karen looked back at the magazine and flipped a page. “It was uneventful. Rebecca spent most of the night in her room. Robert and I worked on homework and then read together.”
Bob took off his suit coat and hung it on a hanger. “Should we be more worried about Rebecca?”
Karen put the magazine down next to her. “I don’t know. The doctor tells me her behavior is normal, that girls her age have a sudden and overwhelming need for privacy. It becomes a concern when she chooses it all the time, when she shuns her family, us, altogether.”
Bob hung his pants on another hanger. “We’re not there yet?”
Karen hesitated. “I don’t think so. Although on some days we’re close.”
Bob nodded his head. “Well, she looks better anyway, not as skinny.”
“You’re right about that. She has begun to take more of an interest in eating. I think she’s growing. And I am trying to gi
ve her what she wants. I’d rather have her eat take-out pizza than not eat at all.”
“Good thinking. And don’t worry about me. I’ll never get sick of pizza.”
Karen raised her eyebrows. Where had this conversation come from? Bob emerged from the closet in flannel pajama pants and a clean T-shirt. He got into bed beside Karen. “I am exhausted,” he said, kissing her on the forehead, then turning his back to her. “Sleep well.”
Karen looked at the back of his head, waiting for it to flip so she would be looking as his face, waiting for his eyebrows to rise in appeal. When nothing happened, she reached over and turned out her light.
As soon as Jeremy followed Robert to the basement playroom, and Britney and Rebecca disappeared up the stairs, Karen and Sarah settled in at the kitchen table. They made small talk while the water in the kettle slowly came to a boil. Karen set her new china mugs, milk, sugar, spoons, and a plate with four cookies on a tray, while Sarah placed four cookies each on two other plates and then carried them upstairs to the girls and downstairs to the boys. Now that the children were older and able to be careful, Karen allowed them to eat outside of the kitchen and living room. When Sarah returned to the kitchen, Karen was pouring the steaming tea into their mugs. Sarah continued with her list of what was wrong with the school system. Number one had been the administrators, and number two was the superintendent. Lousy leadership does not a good system make. It was disheartening because the people at the top were the hardest to get rid of, Sarah said, wrapping her hands around the mug Karen handed her. Plus, lately, she had been spending too much time at school in an effort to help the overworked teachers, and, consequently, had lost the sense of balance in her life that she had struggled for months to establish. She had less and less time to herself. Vincent wasn’t as understanding as he had been when she first started working. One of his favorite lines now was, Welcome to my world. She felt that she had fallen into this new pattern and didn’t know how to break it. “Blah, blah, blah,” she said. “I’m boring myself to death. Tell me about you. How’s your job going?”
Karen finished her tea and poured herself more. Telling Sarah was one of the reasons she’d invited her for tea. With part-time jobs and busy children, they hadn’t seen each other in more than a month. And the last couple of times, Karen had not talked about Nick, and Sarah had not asked. It had been three months since the day Karen had confided in Sarah, three months since Karen and Nick had gone out to dinner for the first time. Was that just ninety days ago? Had she fallen in love with another man, had sex with him, and decided to dissolve her thirteen-year marriage in ninety days? Impulsive was the first word that came to Karen’s mind. What would a marriage counselor say about a decision like that? Karen could feel her facial furnace kick in. She sipped her tea, silently convincing herself that time didn’t matter. What she had been feeling about Bob, about her marriage, had been building for years. It wasn’t a decision she made over three months; it had been coming since Rebecca was born.
“Do you want to tell me something?”
“Yes,” said Karen, pouring more tea into Sarah’s mug. “I’m just not sure how to do it.”
“It’s about Nick Fleming. Your relationship, I’m guessing, has progressed.”
Karen set her mug down on the table. “I want to leave my husband to be with him. I’m in love with him.”
Sarah reached for a cookie she was not hungry for. “Have you had sex with him?”
Karen looked down at her trembling hands. She couldn’t meet Sarah’s eyes. “Yes.”
Sarah broke the cookie in half and bit into one of the pieces in her hands. Because it was unwelcome, its hard edges scraped the roof of her mouth. She chewed and forced a swallow, pushing down the gagging reflex brought on by Karen’s confession. She shifted her gaze from the plate of cookies to the heavy gray sky out the window; it looked as if it was just about to open and shower the earth with snow. Sarah sipped her tea, and then said, “You can still save your marriage. People survive affairs. Sometimes, they make marriages stronger.”
“I don’t want to save my marriage. I want to get out of my marriage.”
“How do you know? How do you know this isn’t just a passing thing and that six months from now, Nick Fleming will be a name you can barely remember.”
Karen shook her head. “I have more of a chance of forgetting Bob’s name than I do Nick’s name.”
Sarah’s eyebrows shot up. “Tell me. Tell me how you know this.”
It was a familiar story to Sarah, who had been confided in before. It was the story of attention and affection, when the two people involved have been searching for something, never thinking they would find it, and then miraculously doing just that. This new relationship, they believe, is like no other. No one can ever or will ever share love the way they do. The man is kind, gentle, and, uncharacteristically for his gender, unselfish. The woman is childlike in her devotion, euphoric. Their love for one another consumes and deludes them; quickly they are barely able to be without one another. Their love is stronger than any obstacle the world can present. There are no words to adequately describe their feelings for one another. And yet Sarah knew what Karen was feeling for Nick was not unlike what she had felt about Bob, or what Sarah had felt about Vincent many years ago. The idea that this love between Karen and Nick was any different from any other love, illicit or otherwise, was utterly foolish and equally undeniable. Sarah listened without interruption. When Karen was done explaining why she had no choice but to leave her husband, Sarah closed her eyes and shook her head. “There is always a choice, Karen. Love isn’t everything.”
Karen’s eyes widened. “Are you kidding me? Love is everything. If you don’t have love, what do you have that matters?”
Sarah refilled her mug. “You have security. You have familiarity. You have a past and a future. You have a family. Karen, have you considered what this will do to your children?”
Karen bit into a cookie. “Some,” she said. “Rebecca is going to be impossible. But she is impossible about everything anyway. Eventually, she will see the good in this arrangement. She knows how bad it’s been. And Robert will adjust quickly. And they’ll see Bob all the time. I know we can work out something that will work for everyone.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Yes.” Karen was resolved. “I know there will be some difficult times. But I will go through them with someone I love rather than with someone I no longer know. Bob and I have grown apart; he’ll readily admit that. In fact, it may very well be Bob who gives me the least trouble of the three. He’s out at these business dinners or on the other side of the world; who really knows what’s going on, Sarah. Maybe he’s in love with someone else, too.”
“And that wouldn’t make you the least bit sad?”
“I’ve been sad for a long time.” They were silent for a several moments. “Do you hate me for this?”
“No,” said Sarah. “Perhaps a small part of me is even envious. In some ways, you are right. If your marriage is no good and you don’t see it getting better, why not get out? I just don’t want you to regret your decision.”
Karen shook her head. “I won’t.”
“And you’ve considered counseling?”
“Counseling is for people who want to make their marriage work. I’m done working on mine.”
“And Nick is ready, too?”
Karen smiled shyly. “Yes. He loves me.”
CHAPTER 20
FEBRUARY 2005
Days passed, and Karen had still not discussed a separation with Bob, nor had Nick talked to Trisha. And yet Karen and Nick talked about talking about it, breaking the news they called it, all the time. They repeatedly reconfirmed their determination, yet admitted their reluctance about dissolving marriages and splitting families. When she was being truthful with herself, Karen was very concerned about the effect a breakup might have on her children. And, although she and Nick calculated that they would be okay financially, she was worried
about money. She had been comfortable for so long. She suspected Bob would be willing to throw money at the children, but she knew he would be stingy with her. And Nick’s money came from his wife, which meant he was facing the same prospect of financial setback. Their new life together would come at many costs.
After Bob and Denise’s third date, Bob accepted her invitation into her apartment. They drank port on the couch, kissing and fondling one another, and then had sex in her bedroom. Afterward, Bob told her he had an early meeting the next day and had to get home. They showered together before Bob left, promising the next time he would stay the entire night. On the way home, he thought about sex with Denise. Her body was so different from Karen’s. While Denise was far from what men would describe as fat, she was soft and fleshy. Women in an uncharitable mood might call her solid. Her body reminded Bob of the young secretary in the English pub—what was her name?—Angela, with her ample chest, full ass, and pudgy fingers. Denise was as ripe and ready as Angela had been outside her flat, where Bob had kissed her plump lips and held her breasts. And Denise was a good lover, naïve but willing. That was the biggest difference between having sex with his wife and having sex with someone new: Denise wanted him. Bob’s cock stiffened as he thought about having sex with her again. When he stayed the night, they would have sex that night and again in the morning. His hard-on softened when Bob realized his blunder. How could he spend the night with Denise? A minute later the answer came to him: He could simply tell Karen he was going out of town on business. He could tell her he had to entertain clients in another city. Dinner would go late, and it would be better if he stayed the night in a highway hotel and drove home the next day. She would understand. In fact, she would welcome his absence.
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