by Lord Byron
That being about their average numeral;
Also the eighty “greatest living poets,”
As every paltry magazine can show its.
LV
In twice five years the “greatest living poet,”
Like to the champion in the fisty ring,
Is call’d on to support his claim, or show it,
Although ‘t is an imaginary thing.
Even I — albeit I’m sure I did not know it,
Nor sought of foolscap subjects to be king —
Was reckon’d a considerable time,
The grand Napoleon of the realms of rhyme.
LVI
But Juan was my Moscow, and Faliero
My Leipsic, and my Mount Saint Jean seems Cain:
“La Belle Alliance” of dunces down at zero,
Now that the Lion’s fall’n, may rise again:
But I will fall at least as fell my hero;
Nor reign at all, or as a monarch reign;
Or to some lonely isle of gaolers go,
With turncoat Southey for my turnkey Lowe.
LVII
Sir Walter reign’d before me; Moore and Campbell
Before and after; but now grown more holy,
The Muses upon Sion’s hill must ramble
With poets almost clergymen, or wholly;
And Pegasus hath a psalmodic amble
Beneath the very Reverend Rowley Powley,
Who shoes the glorious animal with stilts,
A modern Ancient Pistol — by the hilts?
LVIII
Still he excels that artificial hard
Labourer in the same vineyard, though the vine
Yields him but vinegar for his reward, —
That neutralised dull Dorus of the Nine;
That swarthy Sporus, neither man nor bard;
That ox of verse, who ploughs for every line: —
Cambyses’ roaring Romans beat at least
The howling Hebrews of Cybele’s priest. —
LIX
Then there’s my gentle Euphues, who, they say,
Sets up for being a sort of moral me;
He’ll find it rather difficult some day
To turn out both, or either, it may be.
Some persons think that Coleridge hath the sway;
And Wordsworth has supporters, two or three;
And that deep-mouth’d Boeotian “Savage Landor”
Has taken for a swan rogue Southey’s gander.
LX
John Keats, who was kill’d off by one critique,
Just as he really promised something great,
If not intelligible, without Greek
Contrived to talk about the gods of late,
Much as they might have been supposed to speak.
Poor fellow! His was an untoward fate;
‘T is strange the mind, that very fiery particle,
Should let itself be snuff’d out by an article.
LXI
The list grows long of live and dead pretenders
To that which none will gain — or none will know
The conqueror at least; who, ere Time renders
His last award, will have the long grass grow
Above his burnt-out brain, and sapless cinders.
If I might augur, I should rate but low
Their chances; they’re too numerous, like the thirty
Mock tyrants, when Rome’s annals wax’d but dirty.
LXII
This is the literary lower empire,
Where the prætorian bands take up the matter; —
A “dreadful trade,” like his who “gathers samphire,”
The insolent soldiery to soothe and flatter,
With the same feelings as you’d coax a vampire.
Now, were I once at home, and in good satire,
I’d try conclusions with those Janizaries,
And show them what an intellectual war is.
LXIII
I think I know a trick or two, would turn
Their flanks; — but it is hardly worth my while
With such small gear to give myself concern:
Indeed I’ve not the necessary bile;
My natural temper’s really aught but stern,
And even my Muse’s worst reproof’s a smile;
And then she drops a brief and modern curtsy,
And glides away, assured she never hurts ye.
LXIV
My Juan, whom I left in deadly peril
Amongst live poets and blue ladies, past
With some small profit through that field so sterile,
Being tired in time, and, neither least nor last,
Left it before he had been treated very ill;
And henceforth found himself more gaily class’d
Amongst the higher spirits of the day,
The sun’s true son, no vapour, but a ray.
LXV
His morns he pass’d in business — which, dissected,
Was like all business a laborious nothing
That leads to lassitude, the most infected
And Centaur Nessus garb of mortal clothing,
And on our sofas makes us lie dejected,
And talk in tender horrors of our loathing
All kinds of toil, save for our country’s good —
Which grows no better, though ‘t is time it should.
LXVI
His afternoons he pass’d in visits, luncheons,
Lounging and boxing; and the twilight hour
In riding round those vegetable puncheons
Call’d “Parks,” where there is neither fruit nor flower
Enough to gratify a bee’s slight munchings;
But after all it is the only “bower”
(In Moore’s phrase), where the fashionable fair
Can form a slight acquaintance with fresh air.
LXVII
Then dress, then dinner, then awakes the world!
Then glare the lamps, then whirl the wheels, then roar
Through street and square fast flashing chariots hurl’d
Like harness’d meteors; then along the floor
Chalk mimics painting; then festoons are twirl’d;
Then roll the brazen thunders of the door,
Which opens to the thousand happy few
An earthly paradise of “Or Molu.”
LXVIII
There stands the noble hostess, nor shall sink
With the three-thousandth curtsy; there the waltz,
The only dance which teaches girls to think,
Makes one in love even with its very faults.
Saloon, room, hall, o’erflow beyond their brink,
And long the latest of arrivals halts,
‘Midst royal dukes and dames condemn’d to climb,
And gain an inch of staircase at a time.
LXIX
Thrice happy he who, after a survey
Of the good company, can win a corner,
A door that’s in or boudoir out of the way,
Where he may fix himself like small “Jack Horner,”
And let the Babel round run as it may,
And look on as a mourner, or a scorner,
Or an approver, or a mere spectator,
Yawning a little as the night grows later.
LXX
But this won’t do, save by and by; and he
Who, like Don Juan, takes an active share,
Must steer with care through all that glittering sea
Of gems and plumes and pearls and silks, to where
He deems it is his proper place to be;
Dissolving in the waltz to some soft air,
Or proudlier prancing with mercurial skill
Where Science marshals forth her own quadrille.
LXXI
Or, if he dance not, but hath higher views
Upon an heiress or his neighbour’s bride,
Let him take care that that which he pursues
Is not at once too palpably descried.
Full many an eager gentleman oft rues
His haste: impatience is a blundering guide,
Amongst a people famous for reflection,
Who like to play the fool with circumspection.
LXXII
But, if you can contrive, get next at supper;
Or, if forestalled, get opposite and ogle: —
Oh, ye ambrosial moments! always upper
In mind, a sort of sentimental bogle,
Which sits for ever upon memory’s crupper,
The ghost of vanish’d pleasures once in vogue! Ill
Can tender souls relate the rise and fall
Of hopes and fears which shake a single ball.
LXXIII
But these precautionary hints can touch
Only the common run, who must pursue,
And watch, and ward; whose plans a word too much
Or little overturns; and not the few
Or many (for the number’s sometimes such)
Whom a good mien, especially if new,
Or fame, or name, for wit, war, sense, or nonsense,
Permits whate’er they please, or did not long since.
LXXIV
Our hero, as a hero, young and handsome,
Noble, rich, celebrated, and a stranger,
Like other slaves of course must pay his ransom,
Before he can escape from so much danger
As will environ a conspicuous man. Some
Talk about poetry, and “rack and manger,”
And ugliness, disease, as toil and trouble; —
I wish they knew the life of a young noble.
LXXV
They are young, but know not youth — it is anticipated;
Handsome but wasted, rich without a sou;
Their vigour in a thousand arms is dissipated;
Their cash comes from, their wealth goes to a Jew;
Both senates see their nightly votes participated
Between the tyrant’s and the tribunes’ crew;
And having voted, dined, drunk, gamed, and whored,
The family vault receives another lord.
LXXVI
“Where is the world?” cries Young, at eighty” — “Where
The world in which a man was born?” Alas!
Where is the world of eight years past? ‘T was there —
I look for it — ‘t is gone, a globe of glass!
Crack’d, shiver’d, vanish’d, scarcely gazed on, ere
A silent change dissolves the glittering mass.
Statesmen, chiefs, orators, queens, patriots, kings,
And dandies, all are gone on the wind’s wings.
LXXVII
Where is Napoleon the Grand? God knows.
Where little Castlereagh? The devil can tell:
Where Grattan, Curran, Sheridan, all those
Who bound the bar or senate in their spell?
Where is the unhappy Queen, with all her woes?
And where the Daughter, whom the Isles loved well?
Where are those martyr’d saints the Five per Cents?
And where — oh, where the devil are the rents?
LXXVIII
Where’s Brummel? Dish’d. Where’s Long Pole Wellesley? Diddled.
Where’s Whitbread? Romilly? Where’s George the Third?
Where is his will? (That’s not so soon unriddled.)
And where is “Fum” the Fourth, our “royal bird?”
Gone down, it seems, to Scotland to be fiddled
Unto by Sawney’s violin, we have heard:
“Caw me, caw thee” — for six months hath been hatching
This scene of royal itch and loyal scratching.
LXXIX
Where is Lord This? And where my Lady That?
The Honourable Mistresses and Misses?
Some laid aside like an old Opera hat,
Married, unmarried, and remarried (this is
An evolution oft performed of late).
Where are the Dublin shouts — and London hisses?
Where are the Grenvilles? Turn’d as usual. Where
My friends the Whigs? Exactly where they were.
LXXX
Where are the Lady Carolines and Franceses?
Divorced or doing thereanent. Ye annals
So brilliant, where the list of routs and dances is, —
Thou Morning Post, sole record of the panels
Broken in carriages, and all the phantasies
Of fashion, — say what streams now fill those channels?
Some die, some fly, some languish on the Continent,
Because the times have hardly left them one tenant.
LXXXI
Some who once set their caps at cautious dukes,
Have taken up at length with younger brothers:
Some heiresses have bit at sharpers’ hooks:
Some maids have been made wives, some merely mothers;
Others have lost their fresh and fairy looks:
In short, the list of alterations bothers.
There’s little strange in this, but something strange is
The unusual quickness of these common changes.
LXXXII
Talk not of seventy years as age; in seven
I have seen more changes, down from monarchs to
The humblest individual under heaven,
Than might suffice a moderate century through.
I knew that nought was lasting, but now even
Change grows too changeable, without being new:
Nought’s permanent among the human race,
Except the Whigs not getting into place.
LXXXIII
I have seen Napoleon, who seem’d quite a Jupiter,
Shrink to a Saturn. I have seen a Duke
(No matter which) turn politician stupider,
If that can well be, than his wooden look.
But it is time that I should hoist my “blue Peter,”
And sail for a new theme: — I have seen — and shook
To see it — the king hiss’d, and then caress’d;
But don’t pretend to settle which was best.
LXXXIV
I have seen the Landholders without a rap —
I have seen Joanna Southcote — I have seen —
The House of Commons turn’d to a tax-trap —
I have seen that sad affair of the late Queen —
I have seen crowns worn instead of a fool’s cap —
I have seen a Congress doing all that’s mean —
I have seen some nations like o’erloaded asses
Kick off their burthens, meaning the high classes.
LXXXV
I have seen small poets, and great prosers, and
Interminable — not eternal — speakers —
I have seen the funds at war with house and land —
I have seen the country gentlemen turn squeakers —
I have seen the people ridden o’er like sand
By slaves on horseback — I have seen malt liquors
Exchanged for “thin potations” by John Bull —
I have seen john half detect himself a fool. —
LXXXVI
But “carpe diem,” Juan, “carpe, carpe!”
To-morrow sees another race as gay
And transient, and devour’d by the same harpy.
”Life’s a poor player,” — then “play out the play,
Ye villains!” above all keep a sharp eye
Much less on what you do than what you say:
Be hypocritical, be cautious, be
Not what you seem, but always what you see.
LXXXVII
But how sha
ll I relate in other cantos
Of what befell our hero in the land,
Which ‘t is the common cry and lie to vaunt as
A moral country? But I hold my hand —
For I disdain to write an Atalantis;
But ‘t is as well at once to understand,
You are not a moral people, and you know it
Without the aid of too sincere a poet.
LXXXVIII
What Juan saw and underwent shall be
My topic, with of course the due restriction
Which is required by proper courtesy;
And recollect the work is only fiction,
And that I sing of neither mine nor me,
Though every scribe, in some slight turn of diction,
Will hint allusions never meant. Ne’er doubt
This — when I speak, I don’t hint, but speak out.
LXXXIX
Whether he married with the third or fourth
Offspring of some sage husband-hunting countess,
Or whether with some virgin of more worth
(I mean in Fortune’s matrimonial bounties)
He took to regularly peopling Earth,
Of which your lawful awful wedlock fount is, —
Or whether he was taken in for damages,
For being too excursive in his homages, —
XC
Is yet within the unread events of time.
Thus far, go forth, thou lay, which I will back
Against the same given quantity of rhyme,
For being as much the subject of attack
As ever yet was any work sublime,
By those who love to say that white is black.
So much the better! — I may stand alone,
But would not change my free thoughts for a throne.
DON JUAN: CANTO THE TWELFTH
I
Of all the barbarous middle ages, that
Which is most barbarous is the middle age
Of man; it is — I really scarce know what;
But when we hover between fool and sage,
And don’t know justly what we would be at —
A period something like a printed page,
Black letter upon foolscap, while our hair
Grows grizzled, and we are not what we were; —
II
Too old for youth, — too young, at thirty-five,
To herd with boys, or hoard with good threescore, —
I wonder people should be left alive;
But since they are, that epoch is a bore:
Love lingers still, although ‘t were late to wive;
And as for other love, the illusion’s o’er;
And money, that most pure imagination,
Gleams only through the dawn of its creation.
III
O Gold! Why call we misers miserable?
Theirs is the pleasure that can never pall;
Theirs is the best bower anchor, the chain cable