by Lord Byron
Which might defy a crotchet critic’s rigour.
Such classic pas — sans flaw — set off our hero,
He glanced like a personified Bolero;
XL
Or, like a flying Hour before Aurora,
In Guido’s famous fresco which alone
Is worth a tour to Rome, although no more a
Remnant were there of the old world’s sole throne.
The tout ensemble of his movements wore a
Grace of the soft ideal, seldom shown,
And ne’er to be described; for to the dolour
Of bards and prosers, words are void of colour.
XLI
No marvel then he was a favourite;
A full-grown Cupid, very much admired;
A little spoilt, but by no means so quite;
At least he kept his vanity retired.
Such was his tact, he could alike delight
The chaste, and those who are not so much inspired.
The Duchess of Fitz-Fulke, who loved tracasserie,
Began to treat him with some small agacerie.
XLII
She was a fine and somewhat full-blown blonde,
Desirable, distinguish’d, celebrated
For several winters in the grand, grand monde.
I’d rather not say what might be related
Of her exploits, for this were ticklish ground;
Besides there might be falsehood in what’s stated:
Her late performance had been a dead set
At Lord Augustus Fitz-Plantagenet.
XLIII
This noble personage began to look
A little black upon this new flirtation;
But such small licences must lovers brook,
Mere freedoms of the female corporation.
Woe to the man who ventures a rebuke!
’T will but precipitate a situation
Extremely disagreeable, but common
To calculators when they count on woman.
XLIV
The circle smiled, then whisper’d, and then sneer’d;
The Misses bridled, and the matrons frown’d;
Some hoped things might not turn out as they fear’d;
Some would not deem such women could be found;
Some ne’er believed one half of what they heard;
Some look’d perplex’d, and others look’d profound;
And several pitied with sincere regret
Poor Lord Augustus Fitz-Plantagenet.
XLV
But what is odd, none ever named the duke,
Who, one might think, was something in the affair;
True, he was absent, and, ‘t was rumour’d, took
But small concern about the when, or where,
Or what his consort did: if he could brook
Her gaieties, none had a right to stare:
Theirs was that best of unions, past all doubt,
Which never meets, and therefore can’t fall out.
XLVI
But, oh! that I should ever pen so sad a line!
Fired with an abstract love of virtue, she,
My Dian of the Ephesians, Lady Adeline,
Began to think the duchess’ conduct free;
Regretting much that she had chosen so bad a line,
And waxing chiller in her courtesy,
Look’d grave and pale to see her friend’s fragility,
For which most friends reserve their sensibility.
XLVII
There’s nought in this bad world like sympathy:
’T is so becoming to the soul and face,
Sets to soft music the harmonious sigh,
And robes sweet friendship in a Brussels lace.
Without a friend, what were humanity,
To hunt our errors up with a good grace?
Consoling us with — “Would you had thought twice!
Ah, if you had but follow’d my advice!”
XLVIII
O Job! you had two friends: one’s quite enough,
Especially when we are ill at ease;
They are but bad pilots when the weather’s rough,
Doctors less famous for their cures than fees.
Let no man grumble when his friends fall off,
As they will do like leaves at the first breeze:
When your affairs come round, one way or t’ other,
Go to the coffee-house, and take another.
XLIX
But this is not my maxim: had it been,
Some heart-aches had been spared me: yet I care not —
I would not be a tortoise in his screen
Of stubborn shell, which waves and weather wear not.
‘T is better on the whole to have felt and seen
That which humanity may bear, or bear not:
‘T will teach discernment to the sensitive,
And not to pour their ocean in a sieve.
L
Of all the horrid, hideous notes of woe,
Sadder than owl-songs or the midnight blast,
Is that portentous phrase, “I told you so,”
Utter’d by friends, those prophets of the past,
Who, ‘stead of saying what you now should do,
Own they foresaw that you would fall at last,
And solace your slight lapse ‘gainst bonos mores,
With a long memorandum of old stories.
LI
The Lady Adeline’s serene severity
Was not confined to feeling for her friend,
Whose fame she rather doubted with posterity,
Unless her habits should begin to mend:
But Juan also shared in her austerity,
But mix’d with pity, pure as e’er was penn’d:
His inexperience moved her gentle ruth,
And (as her junior by six weeks) his youth.
LII
These forty days’ advantage of her years —
And hers were those which can face calculation,
Boldly referring to the list of peers
And noble births, nor dread the enumeration —
Gave her a right to have maternal fears
For a young gentleman’s fit education,
Though she was far from that leap year, whose leap,
In female dates, strikes Time all of a heap.
LIII
This may be fix’d at somewhere before thirty —
Say seven-and-twenty; for I never knew
The strictest in chronology and virtue
Advance beyond, while they could pass for new.
O Time! why dost not pause? Thy scythe, so dirty
With rust, should surely cease to hack and hew.
Reset it; shave more smoothly, also slower,
If but to keep thy credit as a mower.
LIV
But Adeline was far from that ripe age,
Whose ripeness is but bitter at the best:
‘T was rather her experience made her sage,
For she had seen the world and stood its test,
As I have said in — I forget what page;
My Muse despises reference, as you have guess’d
By this time — but strike six from seven-and-twenty,
And you will find her sum of years in plenty.
LV
At sixteen she came out; presented, vaunted,
She put all coronets into commotion:
At seventeen, too, the world was still enchanted
With the new Venus of their brilliant ocean:
At eighteen, though below her feet still panted
A hecatomb of suitors with devotion,
She had consented to create again
That Adam, call’d “The happiest of men.”
LVI
Since then she had sparkled through three glowing winters,
Admired, adored; but als
o so correct,
That she had puzzled all the acutest hinters,
Without the apparel of being circumspect:
They could not even glean the slightest splinters
From off the marble, which had no defect.
She had also snatch’d a moment since her marriage
To bear a son and heir — and one miscarriage.
LVII
Fondly the wheeling fire-flies flew around her,
Those little glitterers of the London night;
But none of these possess’d a sting to wound her —
She was a pitch beyond a coxcomb’s flight.
Perhaps she wish’d an aspirant profounder;
But whatsoe’er she wish’d, she acted right;
And whether coldness, pride, or virtue dignify
A woman, so she’s good, what does it signify?
LVIII
I hate a motive, like a lingering bottle
Which with the landlord makes too long a stand,
Leaving all-claretless the unmoisten’d throttle,
Especially with politics on hand;
I hate it, as I hate a drove of cattle,
Who whirl the dust as simooms whirl the sand;
I hate it, as I hate an argument,
A laureate’s ode, or servile peer’s “content.”
LIX
‘T is sad to hack into the roots of things,
They are so much intertwisted with the earth;
So that the branch a goodly verdure flings,
I reck not if an acorn gave it birth.
To trace all actions to their secret springs
Would make indeed some melancholy mirth;
But this is not at present my concern,
And I refer you to wise Oxenstiern.
LX
With the kind view of saving an éclat,
Both to the duchess and diplomatist,
The Lady Adeline, as soon’s she saw
That Juan was unlikely to resist
(For foreigners don’t know that a faux pas
In England ranks quite on a different list
From those of other lands unblest with juries,
Whose verdict for such sin a certain cure is); —
LXI
The Lady Adeline resolved to take
Such measures as she thought might best impede
The farther progress of this sad mistake.
She thought with some simplicity indeed;
But innocence is bold even at the stake,
And simple in the world, and doth not need
Nor use those palisades by dames erected,
Whose virtue lies in never being detected.
LXII
It was not that she fear’d the very worst:
His Grace was an enduring, married man,
And was not likely all at once to burst
Into a scene, and swell the clients’ clan
Of Doctors’ Commons: but she dreaded first
The magic of her Grace’s talisman,
And next a quarrel (as he seem’d to fret)
With Lord Augustus Fitz-Plantagenet.
LXIII
Her Grace, too, pass’d for being an intrigante,
And somewhat méchante in her amorous sphere;
One of those pretty, precious plagues, which haunt
A lover with caprices soft and dear,
That like to make a quarrel, when they can’t
Find one, each day of the delightful year;
Bewitching, torturing, as they freeze or glow,
And — what is worst of all — won’t let you go:
LXIV
The sort of thing to turn a young man’s head,
Or make a Werter of him in the end.
No wonder then a purer soul should dread
This sort of chaste liaison for a friend;
It were much better to be wed or dead,
Than wear a heart a woman loves to rend.
‘T is best to pause, and think, ere you rush on,
If that a bonne fortune be really bonne.
LXV
And first, in the o’erflowing of her heart,
Which really knew or thought it knew no guile,
She call’d her husband now and then apart,
And bade him counsel Juan. With a smile
Lord Henry heard her plans of artless art
To wean Don Juan from the siren’s wile;
And answer’d, like a statesman or a prophet,
In such guise that she could make nothing of it.
LXVI
Firstly, he said, “he never interfered
In any body’s business but the king’s:”
Next, that “he never judged from what appear’d,
Without strong reason, of those sort of things:”
Thirdly, that “Juan had more brain than beard,
And was not to be held in leading strings;”
And fourthly, what need hardly be said twice,
“That good but rarely came from good advice.”
LXVII
And, therefore, doubtless to approve the truth
Of the last axiom, he advised his spouse
To leave the parties to themselves, forsooth —
At least as far as bienséance allows:
That time would temper Juan’s faults of youth;
That young men rarely made monastic vows;
That opposition only more attaches —
But here a messenger brought in despatches:
LXVIII
And being of the council call’d “the Privy,”
Lord Henry walk’d into his cabinet,
To furnish matter for some future Livy
To tell how he reduced the nation’s debt;
And if their full contents I do not give ye,
It is because I do not know them yet;
But I shall add them in a brief appendix,
To come between mine epic and its index.
LXIX
But ere he went, he added a slight hint,
Another gentle common-place or two,
Such as are coin’d in conversation’s mint,
And pass, for want of better, though not new:
Then broke his packet, to see what was in ‘t,
And having casually glanced it through,
Retired; and, as went out, calmly kiss’d her,
Less like a young wife than an agéd sister.
LXX
He was a cold, good, honourable man,
Proud of his birth, and proud of every thing;
A goodly spirit for a state divan,
A figure fit to walk before a king;
Tall, stately, form’d to lead the courtly van
On birthdays, glorious with a star and string;
The very model of a chamberlain —
And such I mean to make him when I reign.
LXXI
But there was something wanting on the whole —
I don’t know what, and therefore cannot tell —
Which pretty women — the sweet souls — call soul.
Certes it was not body; he was well
Proportion’d, as a poplar or a pole,
A handsome man, that human miracle;
And in each circumstance of love or war
Had still preserved his perpendicular.
LXXII
Still there was something wanting, as I ‘ve said —
That undefinable “Je ne sçais quoi,”
Which, for what I know, may of yore have led
To Homer’s Iliad, since it drew to Troy
The Greek Eve, Helen, from the Spartan’s bed;
Though on the whole, no doubt, the Dardan boy
Was much inferior to King Menelaüs: —
But thus it is some women will betray us.
LXXIII
There is an awkward thing which much perplexes,
Unless like wise Tiresias we had proved
By turns the difference of the several sexes;
Neither can show quite how they would be loved.
The sensual for a short time but connects us,
The sentimental boasts to be unmoved;
But both together form a kind of centaur,
Upon whose back ‘t is better not to venture.
LXXIV
A something all-sufficient for the heart
Is that for which the sex are always seeking:
But how to fill up that same vacant part?
There lies the rub — and this they are but weak in.
Frail mariners afloat without a chart,
They run before the wind through high seas breaking;
And when they have made the shore through every shock,
‘T is odd, or odds, it may turn out a rock.
LXXV
There is a flower call’d “Love in Idleness,”
For which see Shakspeare’s everblooming garden; —
I will not make his great description less,
And beg his British godship’s humble pardon,
If in my extremity of rhyme’s distress,
I touch a single leaf where he is warden; —
But though the flower is different, with the French
Or Swiss Rousseau, cry “Voilà la Pervenche!”
LXXVI
Eureka! I have found it! What I mean
To say is, not that love is idleness,
But that in love such idleness has been
An accessory, as I have cause to guess.
Hard labour’s an indifferent go-between;
Your men of business are not apt to express
Much passion, since the merchant-ship, the Argo,
Convey’d Medea as her supercargo.
LXXVII
“Beatus ille procul!” from “negotiis,”
Saith Horace; the great little poet’s wrong;
His other maxim, “Noscitur a sociis,”
Is much more to the purpose of his song;
Though even that were sometimes too ferocious,
Unless good company be kept too long;
But, in his teeth, whate’er their state or station,
Thrice happy they who have an occupation!
LXXVIII
Adam exchanged his Paradise for ploughing,
Eve made up millinery with fig leaves —
The earliest knowledge from the tree so knowing,
As far as I know, that the church receives:
And since that time it need not cost much showing,
That many of the ills o’er which man grieves,
And still more women, spring from not employing
Some hours to make the remnant worth enjoying.
LXXIX
And hence high life is oft a dreary void,
A rack of pleasures, where we must invent
A something wherewithal to be annoy’d.