by Lord Byron
“Lady Caroline does not plead guilty to this most unkind charge, at least no further than is laudable, for that which is rare and is distinguished and singular ought to be more prized and sought after than what is commonplace and disagreeable. How can the other accusation, of being easily pleased, agree with this? The very circumstance of seeking out that which is of high value shows at least a mind not readily satisfied. But to attempt excuses for faults would be impossible with Lady Caroline. They have so long been rooted in a soil suited to their growth that a far less penetrating eye than Lord Byron’s might perceive them — even on the shortest acquaintance. There is not one, however, though long indulged, that shall not be instantly got rid of, if L’d Byron thinks it worth while to name them. The reproof and abuse of some, however severe and just, may be valued more than the easily gained encomiums of the rest of the world.
“Miss Mercer, were she here, would join with Lady Caroline in a last request during their absence, that, besides not forgetting his new acquaintances, he would eat and drink like an English man till their return. The lines upon the only dog ever loved by L’d Byron are beautiful. What wrong then, that, having such proof of the faith and friendship of this animal, L’d Byron should censure the whole race by the following unjust remarks:
“‘Perchance my dog will whine in vain
Till fed by stranger hands;
But long e’er I come back again,
He’d tear me where he stands.’
“March 27th, 1812, Good Friday.”
2. The following are the lines written by Lady Caroline when she burned Byron in effigy at Brocket Hall (endorsed, in Mrs. Leigh’s handwriting, “December, 1812”):
“Address Spoken by the Page at Brocket Hall, before the Bonfire.
“Is this Guy Faux you burn in effigy?
Why bring the Traitor here? What is Guy Faux to me?
Guy Faux betrayed his country, and his laws.
England revenged the wrong; his was a public cause.
But I have private cause to raise this flame.
Burn also those, and be their fate the same.
[Puts the Basket in the fire under the figure.]
See here are locks and braids of coloured hair
Worn oft by me, to make the people stare;
Rouge, feathers, flowers, and all those tawdry things,
Besides those Pictures, letters, chains, and rings —
All made to lure the mind and please the eye,
And fill the heart with pride and vanity —
Burn, fire, burn; these glittering toys destroy.
While thus we hail the blaze with throats of joy.
Burn, fire, burn, while wondering Boys exclaim,
And gold and trinkets glitter in the flame.
Ah! look not thus on me, so grave, so sad;
Shake not your heads, nor say the Lady’s mad.
Judge not of others, for there is but one
To whom the heart and feelings can be known.
Upon my youthful faults few censures cast.
Look to the future — and forgive the past.
London, farewell; vain world, vain life, adieu!
Take the last tears I e’er shall shed for you.
Young tho’ I seem, I leave the world for ever,
Never to enter it again — no, never — never!”
3. The following letter was apparently written in the summer of 1812:
“You have been very generous and kind if you have not betray’d me, and I do not think you have. My remaining in Town and seeing you thus is sacrificing the last chance I have left. I expose myself to every eye, to every unkind observation. You think me weak, and selfish; you think I do not struggle to withstand my own feelings, but indeed it is exacting more than human nature can bear, and when I came out last night, which was of itself an effort, and when I heard your name announced, the moment after I saw nothing more, but seemed in a dream. Miss Berry’s very loud laugh and penetrating eyes did not restore me. She, however, [was] good natur’d and remain’d near me, and Mr. Moor (sic), though he really does not approve one feeling I have, had kindness of heart to stay near me. Otherwise I felt so ill I could not have struggled longer. Lady Cahir said, ‘You are ill; shall we go away?’ which I [was] very glad to accept; but we could not get through, and so I fear it caus’d you pain to see me intrude again. I sent a groom to Holmes twice yesterday morning, to prevent his going to you, or giving you a letter full of flippant jokes, written in one moment of gaiety, which is quite gone since. I am so afraid he has been to you; if so, I entreat you to forgive it, and to do just what you think right about the Picture.
“I have been drawing you Mad. de Staël, as the last I sent was not like. If you do not approve this, give it Murray, and pray do not be angry with me.
“Do not marry yet, or, if you do, let me know it first. I shall not suffer, if she you chuse be worth you, but she will never love you as I did. I am going to the Chapple Royal at St. James. Do you ever go there? It begins at 1/2 past 5, and lasts till six; it is the most beautiful singing I ever heard; the choristers sing ‘By the waters of Babylon.’
“The Peers sit below; the Women quite apart. But for the evening service very few go; I wonder that more do not, — it is really most beautiful, for those who like that style of music. If you never heard it, go there some day, but not when it is so cold as this. How very pale you are! What a contrast with Moore! ‘Mai io l’ho veduto piu bello che jeri, ma e la belta della morte,’ or a statue of white marble so colourless, and the dark brow and hair such a contrast. I never see you without wishing to cry; if any painter could paint me that face as it is, I would give them any thing I possess on earth, — not one has yet given the countenance and complexion as it is. I only could, if I knew how to draw and paint, because one must feel it to give it the real expression.”
4. The following letter was evidently written at the time when the separation of Lord and Lady Byron was first rumoured:
“Melbourne House, Thursday.
“When so many wiser and better surround you, it is not for me to presume to hope that anything I can say will find favour in your sight; but yet I must venture to intrude upon you, even though your displeasure against me be all I gain for so doing. All others may have some object or interest in their’s; I have none, but the wish to save you. Will you generously consent to what is for the peace of both parties? and will you act in a manner worthy of yourself? I am sure in the end you will consent. Even were everything now left to your own choice, you never could bring yourself to live with a person who felt desirous of being separated from you. I know you too well to believe this possible, and I am sure that a separation nobly and generously arranged by you will at once silence every report spread against either party. Believe me, Lord Byron, you will feel happier when you act thus, and all the world will approve your conduct, which I know is not a consideration with you, but still should in some measure be thought of. They tell me that you have accused me of having spread injurious reports against you. Had you the heart to say this? I do not greatly believe it; but it is affirmed and generally thought that you said so. You have often been unkind to me, but never as unkind as this.
“Those who are dear to you cannot feel more anxious for your happiness than I do. They may fear to offend you more than I ever will, but they cannot be more ready to serve you. I wish to God that I could see one so superior in mind and talents and every grace and power that can fascinate and delight, happier. You might still be so, Lord Byron, if you would believe what some day you will find true. Have you ever thought for one moment seriously? Do you wish to heap such misery upon yourself that you will no longer be able to endure it? Return to virtue and happiness, for God’s sake, whilst it is yet time. Oh, Lord Byron, let one who has loved you with a devotion almost profane find favour so far as to incline you to hear her. Sometimes from the mouth of a sinner advice may be received that a proud heart disdains to take from t
hose who are upon an equality with themselves. If this is so, may it now, even now, have some little weight with you. Do not drive things to desperate extremes. Do not, even though you may have the power, use it to ill. God bless and sooth you, and preserve you. I cannot see all that I once admired and loved so well ruining himself and others without feeling it deeply. If what I have said is unwise, at least believe the motive was a kind one; and would to God it might avail.
“I cannot believe that you will not act generously in this instance.
“Yours, unhappily as it has proved for me,
“Caroline.
“Those of my family who have seen Lady Byron have assured me that, whatever her sorrow, she is the last in the world to reproach or speak ill of you. She is most miserable. What regret will yours be evermore if false friends or resentment impel you to act harshly on this occasion? Whatever my feelings may be towards you or her, I have, with the most scrupulous care for both your sakes, avoided either calling, or sending, or interfering. To say that I have spread reports against either is, therefore, as unjust as it is utterly false. I fear no enquiry.”
5. The following letter probably refers to the publication of the lines, “Fare thee Well,” in April, 1816:
“At a moment of such deep agony, and I may add shame — when utterly disgraced, judge, Byron, what my feelings must be at Murray’s shewing me some beautiful verses of yours. I do implore you for God sake not to publish them. Could I have seen you one moment, I would explain why. I have only time to add that, however those who surround you may make you disbelieve it, you will draw ruin on your own head and hers if at this moment you shew these. I know not from what quarter the report originates. You accused me, and falsely; but if you could hear all that is said at this moment, you would believe one, who, though your enemy, though for ever alienated from you, though resolved never more, whilst she lives, to see or speak to or forgive you, yet would perhaps die to save you.
“Byron, hear me. My own misery I have scarce once thought of. What is the loss of one like me to the world? But when I see such as you are ruined for ever, and utterly insensible of it, I must [speak out]. Of course, I cannot say to Murray what I think of those verses, but to you, to you alone, I will say I think they will prove your ruin.”
6. In 1824, after the death of Byron, and after the publication of Captain Medwin’s Recollections of Lord Byron, Lady Caroline Lamb sent a letter to Mr. Henry Colburn, the publisher, enclosing one to be given to Medwin and published. Both are given here, and the latter should be read in substantiation or correction of what is stated in the notes. The letter is printed verbatim et literatim.
(1) Lady Caroline Lamb to Henry Colburn.
“[November (?), 1824.]
“My Dear Sir, — Walter who takes this will explain my wishes. Will you enable him to deliver my letter to Captain Medwin, and will you publish it? you are to give him ten pound for it; I will settle it with you. I am on my death bed, do not fail to obey my wishes. I send you my journals but do not publish them until I am dead.
“Yours,
“Caroline Lamb.”
(2) Lady Caroline Lamb to Captain Thomas Medwin.
[Endorsed, “This copy to be carefully preserved.” Hy. Cn. (Henry Colburn?).]
“[November (?), 1824.]
“Sir, — I hope you will excuse my intruding upon your time, with the most intense interest I have just finished your book which does you credit as to the manner in which it is executed and after the momentary pain in part which it excites in many a bosom, will live in despight of censure — and be gratefully accepted by the Public as long as Lord Byron’s name is remembered — yet as you have left to one who adored him a bitter legacy, and as I feel secure the lines ‘remember thee — thou false to him thou fiend to me’ — were his — and as I have been very ill & am not likely to trouble any one much longer — you will I am sure grant me one favour — let me to you at least confide the truth of the past — you owe it to me — you will not I know refuse me.
“It was when the first Child Harold came out upon Lord Byron’s return from Greece that I first had the misfortune to be acquainted with him — at that time I was the happiest and gayest of human beings I do believe without exception — I had married for love and love the most romantic and ardent — my husband and I were so fond of each other that false as I too soon proved he never would part with me. Devonshire House was at that time closed from my Uncle’s death for one year — at Melbourne House where I lived the Waltzes and Quadrilles were being daily practised, Lady Jersey, Lady Cowper, the Duke of Devonshire, Miss Milbanke and a number of foreigners coming there to learn — You may imagine what forty or fifty people dancing from 12 in the morning until near dinner time all young gay and noisy were — in the evenings we either had opposition suppers or went out to Balls and routs — such was the life I then led when Moore and Rogers introduced Lord Byron to me — What you say of his falling upstairs and of Miss Milbanke is all true. Lord Byron 3 days after this brought me a Rose and Carnation and used the very words I mentioned in Glenarvon — with a sort of half sarcastic smile — saying, ‘Your Ladyship I am told likes all that is new and rare for a moment’ — I have them still, and the woman who through many a trial has kept these relics with the romance of former ages — deserves not that you should speak of her as you do. Byron never never could say I had no heart. He never could say, either, that I had not loved my husband. In his letters to me he is perpetually telling me I love him the best of the two; and my only charm, believe me, in his eyes was, that I was innocent, affectionate, and enthusiastic.
Recall those words, and let me not go down with your book as heartless. Tell the truth; it is bad enough; but not what is worse. It makes me so nervous to write that I must stop — will it tire you too much if I continue? I was not a woman of the world. Had I been one of that sort, why would he have devoted nine entire months almost entirely to my society; have written perhaps ten times in a day; and lastly have press’d me to leave all and go with him — and this at the very moment when he was made an Idol of, and when, as he and you justly observe, I had few personal attractions. Indeed, indeed I tell the truth. Byron did not affect — but he loved me as never woman was loved. I have had one of his letters copied in the stone press for you; one just before we parted. See if it looks like a mere lesson. Besides, he was then very good, to what he grew afterwards; &, his health being delicate, he liked to read with me & stay with me out of the crowd. Not but what we went about everywhere together, and were at last invited always as if we had been married — It was a strange scene — but it was not vanity misled me. I grew to love him better than virtue, Religion — all prospects here. He broke my heart, & still I love him — witness the agony I experienced at his death & the tears your book has cost me. Yet, sir, allow me to say, although you have unintentionally given me pain, I had rather have experienced it than not have read your book. Parts of it are beautiful; and I can vouch for the truth of much, as I read his own Memoirs before Murray burnt them. Keep Lord Byron’s letter to me (I have the original) & some day add a word or two to your work from his own words, not to let every one think I am heartless. The cause of my leaving Lord Byron was this; my dearest Mother, now dead, grew so terrified about us — that upon hearing a false report that we were gone off together she was taken dangerously ill & broke a blood vessel. Byron would not believe it, but it was true. When he was convinced, we parted. I went to Ireland, & remained there 3 months. He wrote, every day, long kind entertaining letters; it is these he asked Murray to look out, and extract from, when he published the journal; but I would not part with them — I have them now — they would only burn them, & nothing of his should be burnt. At Dublin, God knows why, he wrote me the cruel letter part of which he acknowledges in Glenarvon (the 9th of November, 1812) — He knew it would destroy my mind and all else — it did so — Lady Oxford was no doubt the instigator. What will not a woman do to get rid of a rival? She knew that he still loved me �
�� I need not tire you with every particular. I was brought to England a mere wreck; & in due time, Lady Melbourne & my mother being seriously alarmed for me, brought me to town, and allowed me to see Lord Byron. Our meeting was not what he insinuates — he asked me to forgive him; he looked sorry for me; he cried. I adored him still, but I felt as passionless as the dead may feel. — Would I had died there! — I should have died pitied, & still loved by him, & with the sympathy of all. I even should have pardoned myself — so deeply had I suffered. But, unhappily, we continued occasionally to meet. Lord Byron liked others, I only him — The scene at Lady Heathcote’s is nearly true — he had made me swear I was never to Waltz. Lady Heathcote said, Come, Lady Caroline, you must begin, & I bitterly answered — oh yes! I am in a merry humour. I did so — but whispered to Lord Byron ‘I conclude I may waltz now’ and he answered sarcastically, ‘with every body in turn — you always did it better than any one. I shall have a pleasure in seeing you.” — I did so you may judge with what feelings. After this, feeling ill, I went into a small inner room where supper was prepared; Lord Byron & Lady Rancliffe entered after; seeing me, he said, ‘I have been admiring your dexterity.’ I clasped a knife, not intending anything. ‘Do, my dear,’ he said. ‘But if you mean to act a Roman’s part, mind which way you strike with your knife — be it at your own heart, not mine — you have struck there already.’ ‘Byron,’ I said, and ran away with the knife. I never stabbed myself. It is false. Lady Rancliffe & Tankerville screamed and said I would; people pulled to get it from me; I was terrified; my hand got cut, & the blood came over my gown. I know not what happened after — but this is the very truth. After this, long after, Ld. Byron abused by every one, made the theme of every one’s horror, yet pitied me enough to come & see me; and still, in spight of every one, William Lamb had the generosity to retain me. I never held my head up after — never could. It was in all the papers, and put not truly. It is true I burnt Lord Byron in Effigy, & his book, ring & chain. It is true I went to see him as a Carman, after all that! But it is also true, that, the last time we parted for ever, as he pressed his lips on mine (it was in the Albany) he said ‘poor Caro, if every one hates me, you, I see, will never change — No, not with ill usage!’ & I said, ‘yes, I am changed, & shall come near you no more.’ — For then he showed me letters, & told me things I cannot repeat, & all my attachment went. This was our last parting scene — well I remember it. It had an effect upon me not to be conceived — 3 years I had worshipped him.