Phantom (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #5)

by Michelle Irwin

  “God, I want you,” she murmured as her mouth left mine, only to trail a path across my cheek and behind my ear. When she circled her tongue over that spot, a moan ripped from me. “I’ve never stopped wanting you,” she continued. “Tell me this isn’t just a dream.”

  Her words made me freeze. My body was alight like nothing I’d experienced since returning from the States.

  Despite the desperation I felt when I thought of Beau, there was an undercurrent of fear too. It was possible there would always be fear between us. His gender worked against him. It was my issue, but it was still his burden to bear. There was none of that with Angel. There was no fear of triggers or memory. She was gentle in ways even Beau couldn’t be.

  But did that mean I wanted to take it further?

  Rolling so that we were both on our sides on the couch—face to face this time—I gently pushed Angel away as the reality of what I’d initiated struck.

  My brows pinched, and my lips turned down. I’d started the kiss, but I also had to be the one to finish it. Even without the guilt that I was cheating on Beau, I wasn’t sure I was ready to take things to any other level with Angel. I’d missed her. So much. And I enjoyed kissing her—craved the closeness it offered—but the idea of taking it further settled over me like an unfamiliar and scratchy blanket.

  I rested my forehead against Angel’s, doing what I could to not send her away again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Yeah.” She sighed and held one hand over my cheek. “I probably shouldn’t have kissed you back either.”

  Lying as close as we were left me unable to focus on anything else but her shining eyes, full lips, and glowing cheeks.

  “I don’t regret it though,” I added as I met her gaze.

  Her lips tipped up. “Me either.” She planted a chaste kiss on my lips.

  The rush of emotions that I’d finally managed to stow as we’d caught our breaths overtook me again. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder. She held me in return. We clung to each other as if the world might stop the instant we let go.

  As our bodies broke apart, our lips found each other again. Even though I knew it was stupid, that I was risking Beau and everything I held dear with him, I couldn’t stop the yearning she’d inspired within me.

  I didn’t need to take it further, but I didn’t want to stop either.

  Angel straddled me, leaning over my body to kiss me breathless.

  The sound of the door opening sent her skittering away over the back of the sofa.

  “Fuck,” she whispered—as if only recalling Beau’s presence in my life at that moment. “I’m sorry, Pheebs. I’ve gotta go.”

  She wrapped her arms around herself and ran for the door, slipping out of it with barely a goodbye for Beau.

  Unable to think fast enough to shift positions, I was still breathless on my back on the sofa, my hair all over the place and my lips full from Angel’s assault. No doubt my face was flushed with need.

  One look at the confusion in Beau’s amber and chocolate eyes and the evening crashed around me like the Hindenburg. I rolled onto my side and curled into a ball as the thought I could keep Angel only to lose Beau hit my gut like a physical blow.

  “Darlin’?” Beau’s questioning tone only twisted my stomach.

  “I kissed Angel.” The confession was on my lips long before I could even question whether it was a good idea to tell him—it never occurred to me to lie. Not to him. Lying never ended well.

  He rounded the sofa and crouched in front of me. “What?”

  I closed my eyes because I couldn’t take the accusation I imagined in his gaze. “I kissed Angel. Tonight.”

  His brow pinched. “I heard ya, but I’m tryin’ ta figure out what you’re talkin’ about.”

  “It just happened. I don’t know why. I-I just needed to. I needed her. I needed to be us, but we’re not gonna be us because she kissed me before and now there’s this part of me that can’t forget that. I-I’m sorry.”

  “Slow down, darlin’. Let’s start from the beginnin’, shall we?” Instead of storming out, as I’d half expected him to, he took a seat at the other end of the couch.

  Without thinking through the reasons I shouldn’t, I sat up and curled into his hold. I didn’t know how to tell him everything. To admit that I’d cheated on him, and I’d been aware I was doing it the whole time. It wasn’t like I even had the excuse of drinking or anything else to explain my actions. My tears flowed without restraint.

  Instead of pushing me away, Beau wrapped his arm around me and guided me to cry against his chest as I told him about the night.

  “Please don’t hate me,” I said as I finished.

  His fingers trailed through my hair. “I don’t hate ya, darlin’.”

  “Why not?” Would I hate him if he’d kissed someone else? Purposefully kissed—the same way I had and not as a case of drunken mistaken identity.

  “You and Angel . . .” He trailed off and stared at a spot on the wall beyond the TV. “Y’all have a special relationship. I’ve known that for a long time.”

  “How can you be so calm about this?” I demanded. If the situation was reversed, and I’d found out he’d been kissing someone else, I wouldn’t have been surprised to find myself throwing objects around the house.

  “I don’t know how to describe the things I saw when y’all were here before Abby passed. The two of you . . . there was chemistry there even if ya didn’t know it.” I was about to argue further—even though I had no idea why I was so intent on having him pissed off at me—when he continued. “She came over here when you were missin’ ’cause she couldn’t survive without knowin’ you were okay. She owned half o’ your heart long before ya gave the rest to me. These last few months have shown me just how true that was. Ya both lost a part of yourselves when ya weren’t talkin’. If havin’ ya both smile means I have to sit back and let ya share the occasional kiss, well, it’s a price I’m willin’ to pay.”

  Once more I wondered how the fuck he could be so reasonable about it.

  “It almost sounds like you’ve considered this possibility for a while,” I said.

  When he didn’t respond, I withdrew from his hold to assess his expression.

  His hand rubbed soothing circles against my back. “In a way, I guess I have. Angel and I talked before she left.”

  I nodded.

  “I knew she was gonna kiss ya then. How’s it any different now?”

  “I shouldn’t have done it without talking to you first.”

  He gave me a watery smile. “That woulda been nice, but did ya plan on it happenin’ when ya left the bonfire?”

  “Of course not. It just . . . happened.”

  “Then I ain’t mad.” He twisted to face me and caressed my face in his hands. “If ya ever feel the need to explore things with Angel, no matter how far that takes ya, ya have my support.” A tic ran over his features. “That ain’t an open invitation for ya to be with anyone else.” One of his slow smiles stretched across his lips as he met my gaze. “But ya know that, don’t ya?”

  He was giving me full permission to be with Angel? However far that took us?

  Could I do that?

  Did I want to?

  “So if Angel and I were to . . .” I let the thought hang unfinished as the notion settled over me.

  Intent on watching his reaction, I missed nothing. I didn’t miss the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard when I said the words. Neither did I miss the way he shifted in his seat. It all proved one thing to me. A grin stole my tears. “It turns you on, doesn’t it?”

  His eyes widened before his gaze found mine. “What?”

  “The thought of Angel and me together. It excites you.”

  Despite his innocent pretence, it was impossible to miss the way his breath sped.

  “Of us kissing.”

  A shiver raced through him. The sight was enough to ignite the barely quelled fires in my bod
y.

  I climbed onto his lap and shifted so my lips were next to his ear. “Of us fucking.”

  The groan that left him was almost inaudible, but it was enough. It was everything. The fires Angel had ignited were stoked with that sound. A grin twisted my mouth as I bucked my hips against his.

  His hands lifted and clutched at my hair as he pulled my lips to his. The move was too sudden—too unannounced—and I jerked away before I could stop myself. Hurt radiated deep in his eyes and an apology sprung to my lips. I didn’t want to be scared of him. I didn’t like the reactions my body took without my permission.

  Instead of drawing away from me, or letting me retreat any further, he took care to signal his next move and wrapped both his hands around my jaw, cupping my face.

  “I ain’t gonna lie, I’ve thought about the two of ya. I’ve pictured ya both in so many positions.” His voice was low and needy.

  “And it excites you?”

  He grinned to confirm the statement before shifting forward until his lips ghosted over mine. “But not nearly as much as this here does. Or as much as our wedding does.”

  My heart skipped at the thought of what the morning would bring. “You still want to marry me? Even with the kissing?”

  “It don’t change a thing for me.”

  “And if I went to Angel’s tomorrow, and saw where things went . . .”

  Instead of answering me, he kissed me hard. His hands found my hips, and he rocked me against him. My breath grew choppy as our lips crashed again.

  The fires ignited within me burned hot, and I wanted to give it all to Beau.

  He was my whole reason for being, but not the only one I wanted.

  THE NEXT MORNING, I was awake early and left a note for Beau to tell him that I was going for a walk. Despite the gifts that had been left, the area around the lake gave me a peace that left me willing to wander on my own. I needed some time away from Beau and Angel, and everyone else. Some time to sort through the mess in my head. As glad as I was for Angel’s return, it had thrown other things into disarray.

  I wandered down towards the pier, taking my time to walk through the forests and trace the paths that Beau and I had walked during my first visit.

  When I reached the pier, I wrapped my arms around myself and stared out at the lake. A shiver crept down my spine as I felt someone’s eyes on me. I took a slow circle around to see if I could see anyone, but I was alone. Turning back around, and trying to ignore the chill, I focused on the lake beyond.

  I was lost in my own little world when I heard squealing laughter behind me.

  Spinning on the spot, I saw a toddler running down towards me on unsteady legs. Her blonde curls bounced in time with her uneasy steps. The laughter and squeals continued as the little girl raced towards me at the end of the pier.

  Before she reached me, another person popped out of the forest. “Hope! Slow down, Hope.”

  Cassidee caught up to Hope at the end of the pier, scooping her up and holding her tight.

  “Oh, hi, Phoebe. How’re ya doin’ today?”

  I nodded in greeting. “I’m going okay. How about you? Sorry I didn’t stay for longer last night, I just needed a break.”

  “I understand. I know it ain’t easy bein’ over here.”

  I rubbed the back of my neck. “Yeah.”

  “You haven’t met Hope yet.” She tickled Hope’s side. “She’s the light of my life.”

  I tried to hide the sorrow in my smile. “She’s beautiful. I’ve been following your photos on Facebook.”

  From Cassidee’s hold, Hope reached out for me, stretching her arms out and pumping her fingers in and out of fists.

  “She likes ya.” Cassidee adjusted her hold to shift Hope to her other hip. “Did you want a hold her?”

  It wasn’t something I would have asked for, but I didn’t want to ignore the happy girl in Cassidee’s arms. “Sure.”

  Cassidee passed Hope to me. The little girl instantly reached for the bracelet around my wrist, wrapping her fingers around the links. Then her sparkling blue eyes looked up at me, and I was struck the same feeling enveloped me as when I held Georgia. It was impossible to describe the longing that echoed through my limbs. The desire for my own child—for a life impossible to imagine but equally hard to forget.

  Cassidee’s fingers traced over the curls on Hope’s head. “You look good with a baby in your arms. Have you and Beau considered—”

  “How are things between you and her daddy?” I asked, cutting off her question before she could ask it. Obviously, Beau hadn’t explained our loss or our circumstances, and I didn’t want to get into it.

  “Cash is—”

  My eyes widened. “Cash? He’s the father?”

  She blushed. “I thought Beau woulda let ya know.”

  I scoffed. “You should know Beau would never give up anyone’s secrets. No matter the reason.” It didn’t help that Beau and I had never discussed Cass or Hope in detail. He understood the trigger it was for me—and the pain it brought him too.

  “You’re right.”

  “So is Cash . . .?”

  “He’s . . . workin’ on things. It ain’t perfect, but it’s better than it was. At least he’s visitin’ from time to time, and he brings her clothes and things. Even if Joe don’t always like it.” She laughed.

  “Why would Joe—Oh!” All the little ways he’d acted around her and the look he’d given to someone around the campfire started to make sense. “You’re together?”

  She ducked her head and nodded. “He’s a good guy.”

  I was sure she was right. Both Mitch and Joe seemed like genuinely good guys each time I’d met them. Plus, Beau’s faith in them gave me faith. “Congratulations.”

  Toeing the dirt, she brushed her hair behind her ear. “Thank ya. He had a tough act to follow, but he won me over in the end. He’s . . . actually been better for me than anyone I can think of.”

  “Even Beau,” I teased.

  She leant against the rails. “Beau and me . . . well, we were good once, but we were never the same after you came onto the scene.”

  I grimaced. I already knew I’d ruined things between them, but the reminder didn’t help.

  “Please don’t get me wrong,” she said, turning to me with a smile. “It’s for the best. For both o’ us. I thought I was happy. I thought we were gonna be together forever, but then I woulda missed out on this li’l munchkin. I don’t think we woulda been as happy as we can be now.” She tickled Hope’s stomach. “And I never woulda found Joe. So how about you and Beau? Y’all seemed happy last night, and everythin’ is comin’ together for your weddin’.”

  “We’re happy. I mean, we wouldn’t be getting married if we weren’t.”

  “How’d that happen anyway? Last I spoke to Beau before he said ya were engaged, he said you weren’t ever gonna get married.”

  I placed Hope back onto the ground. “Some things changed.”

  “Really? Like what?”

  I rubbed my hand over my opposite shoulder. “It’s nothing.”

  Before I could question whether I should perhaps admit the truth about my health to Cassidee—Beau might need her if anything happened to me after all—Hope caught sight of some animal in the woods and raced off after it, leaving Cassidee chasing behind.

  “Hope, baby, stop!” Cassidee giggled as she ran. “It was nice catching up with you, Phoebe,” she threw out over her shoulder as she ran away.

  I made my way back up to the house to find Beau and Angel chatting together while waiting for me with a fresh fruit platter between them.

  “I thought ya might want some breakfast,” Beau said, indicating towards the chair.

  “It looks great. Thank you.”

  “How’d you sleep?” Angel asked.

  I joined the two of them at the table. I told them about my walk and meeting Cassidee before we made some plans for the rest of the day. We were going for a hike up to the waterfall so that Angel could get some new p
hotos and then we would play it by ear from there.

  When Beau left the table, Angel pulled me aside. “Did you tell him about the rose?”

  “No. I forgot to mention it with everything going on.”

  “I don’t want to worry you, but there was another dead rose on the patio when I got here this morning.”

  I frowned. Who could be leaving these things? It had obviously arrived sometime after I’d headed out for my walk. “Beau saw that one?”

  She shook her head. “I got rid of it before he answered the door. Just in case.”

  “What’re you two conspirin’ about?”

  Angel and I broke apart when Beau spoke.

  “I didn’t want to worry you,” I said, glancing between the two of them, “but there were more . . . gifts left on the patio. One last night and one this morning.”

  I’d barely finished the words when he was on the phone. “Joe is gonna check the security footage. We will find out who’s leavin’ these, darlin’. I promise.”

  “I’ve got you and Angel looking out for me, so I’m okay. Whoever is doing it is obviously a coward.” I was putting on a braver face than I actually felt in reality, but if I was going to live my life, I needed to learn how to fake it even when my heart raced. Even if Beau were in the ProV8, I would still be in the media spotlight because I was his wife and Dad’s daughter.

  After eating some of the fruit, I had a quick shower and dressed in some hiking clothes. I tucked my hair up into my hat and put on some sunscreen and lip gloss.

  “Cute,” Angel said, leaping closer to me and tucking a strand that had fallen loose of my hat. “Are you ready?”

  The three of us headed out on the path Angel and I had taken the previous year to head to the waterfall. Once every couple of metres, Angel would stop and get Beau and me to pose together. Each time, her lips would part, and she’d focus hard on the viewfinder.

  When we arrived at the waterfall, Beau wandered off, leaving Angel and me alone. She snapped a couple of candid shots.

  “So Beau and I were talking this morning,” she said after a moment. “And he told me what you guys talked about last night.”

  “About you and me, and our kiss?” I asked.