Heart So Reckless

by K. C. Mills

  “Fine. We can talk about it when you get home.”

  “I am home. That’s why I asked where you were.”

  Shit!

  “I’m at my sister’s house. What do you mean you’re home?” At that moment, I was grateful that the two barely got along, so they hadn’t exchanged numbers.

  “I caught a flight first thing this morning. I just pulled up at our place and noticed that your car wasn’t here. I was about to call the authorities but thank goodness you finally answered.”

  Authorities! Why did that make me think about Red?

  “I told you I’m fine. I spent the night here because I didn’t want to be alone.”

  “You just said that you didn’t want to talk to anyone.”

  “Pree is not just anyone. She’s my sister.”

  My eyes landed on the bracelet again, and I felt a wave of guilt, but it left me just as quickly as it came.

  “And she hates me, so I’m sure you being there didn’t help.”

  “She doesn’t hate you. She’s just not happy about a lot of things that you do. Last night included.” My sister had no idea that he bailed on me, or she would have caught a flight to wherever the hell he was.

  “I get it, Peyson. Just come home. I know I messed up, and I want to make it up to you. I have to fly out in the morning, but I figured that we could celebrate tonight. Did you get the gift I left you?”

  Shit!

  “Yes, thank you.”

  “I know it wasn’t much, but it was the best that I could do over the phone. I have something better for you. Just hurry home, okay? I can’t wait to see you.”

  My eyes rolled unintentionally. “Give me an hour, and I’ll be there.”

  “Okay, great, I’m going to shower and wash this flight off me.”

  I really wanted to say, don’t waste your time. There is no way I could have sex with you even if I wanted to. Red made sure of that!

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” is what I chose to go with instead.

  “I love you, Pee.”

  “Love you too.”

  Did I love him? How could I after the night that I just had? Men do things like this all the time. They have affairs and then go home to their girlfriends, wives, and families like it never existed. Why should I be any different? It was simply one night.

  I ended the call and then tossed my phone on the bed. Lifting the bracelet from the box, I held it between my fingers and instantly felt sad. This was all I had left of him. He was gone.

  I climbed out of bed and slowly dragged myself to the bathroom to shower so that I could leave, but my heart felt heavy because I knew that leaving meant letting go. I wasn’t ready to do that. I wanted more of him.

  When I left the room and made it to the lobby, I was on my way out until I thought about the gift that Linus left me. I couldn’t return to him without it, so I doubled back to the customer service desk and waited patiently until I had the attention of the woman behind the desk.

  “Hi, how can I help you?”

  “I was here for the Valentine’s dinner you hosted last night. My boyfriend left a gift for me, but I left without it.” Lies, all lies. “I was wondering if you could check on it for me to see if anyone here has it.”

  She eyed me suspiciously before she plastered on a smile. “Absolutely. What’s your name?”

  “Peyson Cross. His name is Linus Adler.”

  With a nod, she flashed a smile again before lifting the phone and making a call. One call led to another, and then another before she had the information she needed. About fifteen minutes later, one of the hotel employees approached with what looked like a miniature drug store bear holding a single rose.

  You have got to be kidding me.

  Subconsciously, my fingers moved to my wrist where I twisted the Cartier bracelet that circled it.

  “Ms. Cross?”

  I nodded, and the guy smiled before handing over the bear. The smug grin on his face only annoyed me more.

  “Yes, thank you.” I received the bear and then offered them both a nod before walking away.

  As soon as I was outside, I tossed it in the trash with a heavy eye roll before handling the valet my ticket to receive my car.

  How could a man who knew nothing about me and had no obligation to me put more thought into a gift than the man who supposedly loved me?

  Pushing the thought to the back of my mind, I waited for my car. When it was pulled around, I slipped in the driver’s seat and handed over a twenty to the attendant before I buckled my seatbelt to leave. Just before I pulled away, a text came through.

  Red: I missed your call. Sorry. It’s kinda thick out here. I hope you liked your gift. It’s not much, but I wanted you to have something as beautiful as you are. If you ever need me, you have my number. I got you for whatever. No matter what it is. Even if it’s to beat that nigga’s ass for not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. That’s my word. Make him do better and stop settling!

  My finger hovered over the text to respond, and as if it sensed that it needed to stop me from making a huge mistake, a call came through from Linus.

  “I’m in the car now,” I stated as my chest swelled with disappointment.

  “Okay, good. Hurry, I really miss you, Pee.”

  “I miss you too.”

  I wasn’t sure how much truth there was to me really missing him, but it was my reality. The person that I wanted had made it clear that all he had to offer began and ended with the suite that I had just left.

  My eyes landed on the bracelet again before I sucked in a deep breath and made my decision. “I’ll be home soon.”

  Untold Truths are Still Just lies

  Peyson.

  I sucked in a deep breath as another contraction hit. This had to be death. I was dying. There was no way to explain it other than death. God was punishing me, and I deserved it. He was on Red’s side and making me suffer for keeping this from him. It wasn’t until now that I believed that, and with each contraction, I became more convinced.

  “Peys, you know I love you, but this is insane. Call him. He needs to be here. He deserves to be here, and you need him.”

  “I can’t.”

  I shook my head as I inhaled slowly while rubbing my stomach at the same time. Never in my life had I felt so much love and hate at the same time. I loved my daughter, but the pain that she was causing me right now had me hating her just as much. Well, I didn’t exactly hate her, but I hated this pain. I fucking hated this pain because it was kicking my ass.

  “I have you. You’re here, and that’s good enough.”

  My eyes closed as another contraction hit. I was on hour twenty-three, and she still wasn’t here. The doctors were threatening to take her if she didn’t come, but I was only four centimeters dilated and not getting any closer to her arrival. I was exhausted, in pain, and frustrated. I didn’t want them to take her. I wanted to do this naturally, the right way. I was afraid of anything else.

  “You can. You just don’t want to. That’s not just your baby. It’s his too. You kept her from him for nine months, sis. It’s not fair. Call him. I promise, I love you, but he needs to be the one here helping you through this. Not me. Mom and Dad still think that Linus is that baby’s father. You’re being unfair to a lot of people, and it’s time for that to change.”

  “No. He’s going to hate me. He doesn’t want a baby. He didn’t even want a relationship. How can I…” I shut my eyes again and grit my teeth as I growled through the contraction. “How can I tell him that I’m having his daughter after all this time?” I rubbed my stomach again, and she frowned at me.

  “You just fucking tell him. It’s not fair, and you shouldn’t be raising her all alone. She should have her mother and her father.”

  “I’m enough. She has me.”

  “She also has a father that you’re hiding her from.”

  “I’m not…”

  “Yes, you are. Does he know that you’re pregnant? Does he know th
at you’re here about to deliver his daughter? Have you even talked to him since that night? You’re hiding her from him, Peyson, and I don’t understand why.”

  She threw her hands up in frustration. For months since I confessed that it was not Linus’ baby, she had been on me to reach out to Red. I had considered it, but each time I tried, I couldn’t do it. He didn’t want me, so he damn sure didn’t want me and a baby. That’s what I kept telling myself. That was easier than having to face him and rejection. If he rejected me and our daughter, I didn’t think that I could handle it. So, I didn’t tell him.

  “You don’t have to understand it. She has me. We’re going to be fine.”

  Before she could yell at me again, the door opened, and in walked two nurses and my doctor.

  “How’s it going in here?”

  “Good.”

  My sister shot me the evilest look before she offered up the truth.

  “Not good. She’s in pain, and nothing is happening.”

  My sister narrowed her eyes at me. She knew that I didn’t want a cesarean, and she didn’t want that for me either, but at this hour, she was worried.

  “Let’s see how we’re doing.” Dr. Grace pulled on a pair of latex gloves then eased closer to me and lifted the blankets that covered my legs.

  I knew the drill, so I planted my feet flat and allowed my knees to fall to the side.

  Seconds later, he was pushing into me while I closed my eyes and tried to think about anything other than his probing.

  “We’re still at four.” He nodded at the nurses with him, and they shared a look before leaving the room. “It’s been twenty-four hours. I’m worried about both you and the baby. It’s time to talk about your other options.”

  My head was already shaking when my sister gripped my hand. “Peys, just listen to him.”

  Tears were already falling when my eyes left her and moved to my doctor. I was scared. I didn’t want to do this alone, but that was the fate that I had set in motion. I was alone. Red didn’t even know that his daughter existed, so I couldn’t expect him to be there for me, but still, I wanted him. I needed him. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option.

  “Okay. What’s next?”

  I sucked in a deep breath as Dr. Grace began to explain everything, but it was all a blur to me. My mind was focused on one thing. My daughter and getting her here safely. As the tears continued to fall, my mind drifted to him. Redmon!

  Red.

  I hit ignore on the call that came through. Not recognizing the number, I had no plans to pick up because being annoyed by anyone right now other than the person who was sitting across from me was a no fucking go. The call could wait, especially considering that it was my personal line and the number was unsaved. As soon as I placed my phone face down on the table, Sasha was grilling the fuck outta me but didn’t say a word.

  “Why the hell is your face all bent out of shape right now?”

  “Who was that?”

  I clenched my jaw before I lifted my glass. “I don’t fucking know. Did you not notice that I didn’t answer the damn call?”

  “Why didn’t you just answer? You scared to talk to your other hoes around me?” She rolled her damn eyes, and I was hoping them bitches got stuck.

  “Why wouldn’t I answer a call just because I’m with you? We’re just fucking. You know that, right? Ain’t shit with us but a few good nuts, and I’m starting to reconsider that.”

  I made sure I looked her right in her eyes when I said it. She knew the deal. Ever since that fuck ass move she pulled on Valentine’s Day, I hadn’t been dealing with Sasha on any level other than sexual gratification. After that night, I stayed true to my word and had her shit packed and waiting for her the next afternoon when she finally showed up. I cut off her cards, changed all the passcodes to my house, and took back the car I had just bought her. When I was done, I was fucking done.

  Me dealing with Sasha was a choice and strictly on my terms. The only reason she was even sitting across from me now was that I had been hitting the streets so hard that I didn’t have time to secure new pussy. She would do anything to get my time in the hopes that I would let her back in. Wasn’t happening. The most we had now was me fucking her in a hotel or at her place. That was it. I wouldn’t even let her come to my house because I didn’t want her to confuse what this was.

  “I know that, Red, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to respect me. So, who the fuck was that?”

  “Yo, you’re on something and crazy as fuck if you believe the shit coming out your mouth right now. Respect for you died the night you played yourself by trying to play me.”

  “It’s been forever. Why are you still stuck on that? You basically cut me off, and so did he after you tried to kill him.”

  A slow smile peeked, and I shrugged. “I didn’t try to kill him. If I wanted to, I could have. I did exactly what I meant to do, and that was beat that nigga within inches of his life.”

  “You didn’t have to do that. It wasn’t about him—”

  My stare grew hard before I cut her off. “It was about him. It damn sure wasn’t about you. The fact that he disrespected me by touching what I considered mine is why he got his ass beat. It damn sure wasn’t because of your trifling ass. I don’t fight over pussy. I put my hands on that nigga to make sure he learned a valuable lesson. A nigga like me is not to be crossed.”

  “You act like I don’t mean anything to you. I’m not just sex.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. She was definitely on one.

  Sasha burned a hole through me, but I ignored the fuck outta her and snatched my phone up again then answered, sidetracked by her stupid ass.

  “What?” I barked into it, annoyed by the number that had called me back to back and the fact that Sasha had apparently lost her damn mind.

  “Good evening, is this Redmon Stokes?”

  “Yeah, who dis?”

  “My name is Alyssa, and I’m a nurse here at Northside Hospital.”

  At that point, she had all my attention. The only family I had was my grandmother, and if this was about her, I was gonna fucking lose it. It had been a few weeks since I had seen her, but I did talk to her just days ago, and she seemed fine.

  “Northside hospital?”

  “Yes, sir. I’m calling on behalf of Peyson Cross.”

  “Did you say, Peyson?”

  “Yes, sir. She has been in labor for over twenty-four hours now, and…”

  “Labor?” What the fuck?

  “Yes, labor, but at this stage, with no progression, we’re going to have to perform an emergency cesarean section. Ms. Cross is being prepped for surgery, and her sister gave us your number. You are the father, correct?”

  The entire time she was talking, I was doing the math in my head. It was November. Nine fucking months since I last saw her. Since we…

  “I’m on my way. She okay? Is my baby okay?” My baby?

  “Yes sir, for now, but you might want to get here as soon as you can. Mom and baby are both doing well as of now, but it would be a good idea to get here right away.”

  Without putting much thought into my actions, I tossed cash on the table and headed to the door. Sasha was on my heels screaming some shit about me having a baby, but I tuned her out. A fucking baby? Was I having a baby? There was no way Peyson was pregnant, and this was how I was finding out. I got that our worlds were different, and we likely had no business being together but was she really that fucking selfish to keep a kid from me? Nah, that wasn’t the Peyson I knew. There was no way she was that person… or was she?

  And Now, We are Here

  Peyson.

  “You should begin to feel a numbing sensation below your waist from the epidural. You won’t feel any pain, but you will be aware of pulling and pressure. You’ll be numb from the waist down. Is anyone going to be here with you?”

  “Yeah, me.”

  That voice. My heart literally stopped, and my body stilled. Not because of the anesthesia, but
simply because he was so close. I had no idea how he knew that I was here, but he knew, and he was here.

  “Wonderful.” Dr. Altman’s tone was enthusiastic. He had no idea of just how complicated my current situation was. “I assume this is dad?”

  Redmon scowled at me and waited.

  “Yes.” It came out weak, so I followed it up with a little more confidence. “Yes, this this is Redmon, my daughters’ father.”

  “Great. Okay Dad, so I was just explaining to Peyson that she’ll be numb from the waist down. She won’t feel any pain; however, she will be aware of pressure and pulling as we maneuver around to remove the baby. It’s a simple procedure, however, it’s still surgery. With that in mind, if we experience any issues, depending on the nature and severity, we may ask that you step out and let us take care of mom and baby.”

  “Issues? What type of issues? If this shit isn’t safe, then figure something else out.” I could feel the tension in Red’s voice. If I wasn’t mistaken, he was also concerned.

  “Nothing that we can’t handle. It’s simply our job to make sure that you’re informed. We want you to be aware that if we have any concerns while delivering your daughter, for either mom or baby’s wellbeing, it’s best for you to step out and allow us to do what we need to in order to make sure they are both safe.”

  “My daughter, she’s not at risk, though? You know, getting her out this way?”

  Red’s eyes darted toward me before he lifted them again to Dr. Altman.

  “No sir, like I explained, it’s a simple procedure. We do not anticipate any complications, but we need to get started right away. Are you okay with that?”

  “Yeah. I mean, she’s good too, right?” He looked down at me, and my chest felt tight again. He was angry, livid even, but at least he cared whether I would be okay. It wasn’t just about the baby.

  “Yes, sir. Our priority is to make sure both mom and baby are taken care of.”