by M Helbig
“The one you can reach, obviously.” Olaf plunged his dagger into its elbow.
The screech of metal on metal made me cringe. “It doesn’t matter. They’re considered the same thing by the game.”
Alizia leaned down toward the arm on the ground, her face lined with pain as its opposite clamped harder onto her back, producing continual red damage numbers. Even without obvious eyes, the arm seemed to be able to sense its coming doom and scrunched as if trying to roll into a protective ball. Alizia had no trouble landing a perfect Shield Slam and confirmed my hypothesis when the one on her back immediately dropped off.
I considered telling the group to withdraw and let me finish them with my bow. Since our opponents were arms and not legs, I was almost positive they’d have no chance of catching us. However, they also only had 127 HPs left, and I was sure my group would have no trouble finishing them off before the twenty-second stun wore off.
I turned out to be wrong, as the group finished them off a few seconds late. The healing aftereffect of Yary’s punches countered the damage of the arms’ last-second scrape of Alizia’s shin.
You have gained 550 (500 +50 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 8,161/150,000 to next level.
You have received +5 Faction with Town of Grimrag! Total: -1,775 Town of Grimrag (Hated).
You have received -5 Faction with Followers of Gerinashu! Total: -1,010 Followers of Gerinashu (Hated).
“Nothing again.” Alizia gingerly rubbed the spot in her back onto which the arm had clamped. “You know, if these fantasy robots had discovered the concept of money, they might not have been so broken. Nobody’s going to give you a fresh coat of gravel or a brand-new metal knee if you can’t pay ’em.”
Olaf stared at the arms as they faded away into looted corpse land. “Hmpfh. As difficult as those pieces have been, it is a good thing they did not. I do not want to think about how much harder a complete construct would be.”
I flipped up Tracking and only “Broken Constructs” showed up on it. “True, but a full one would be a lot easier to spot, and every fight would at least use roughly the same tactics.”
Alizia patted my shoulder. “Well, then consider this a challenge and an opportunity to grow as our resident tactician, just like I’m going to use it as a way to level up as our resident fun-maker.”
“I’ve heard of the Leadership skill,” Yary said, “Is that what you mean by ‘tactician?’ And what do the Fun-Maker skills do?”
“Allow me to demonstrate.” Alizia smiled and ran off.
You Sacrifice Visitors to Your Evil God? Then We’re From Whatever This Place Is Called
Fortunately, she didn’t run too far. Unfortunately, she ran straight into a wide plaza that contained most of the hundred or so Broken Constructs displaying in Tracking. It appeared to have been and still be the central gathering place of the small city before it fell into ruin. The only building with more than one wall left was the roofless remnants of a small chapel at the opposite end of the plaza.
Though grass poked around every edge of the bricks making up the street where we stood, they were at least low enough for us to easily detect all but the shortest of the constructs. This also meant we could see how many there were and realize just how outnumbered we were. About twenty pairs of feet and legs circled behind us to cut off any chance of retreat. The less mobile body parts in front of us began to spread out and push forward. Well, at least when we swing we’ll always hit something.
“Ahh. So, the Fun-Maker skill is one of those opposite names, like how Little John in Robin Hood is actually rather large,” Yary said. “Very clever. Alizia must’ve gotten several skill ups from this.”
Alizia winked at her. “I maxed that one out long ago, not-new-Yary. Only use it to help ol’ Horusy level up his ‘Plan-to-Not-Let-Us-Die-Horribly-While-Screaming’ skill. Always thinking of the group, I am.”
“Hmm, I’ll have to find out how to unlock that one later,” Yary said. “Remind me to write down all of those skills when this fight’s over.”
“What happens when you resurrect in a town that now hates you?” Olaf asked as the constructs methodically moved forward from all directions.
A quick circuit of the constructs showed no gaps in their lines. We’d either have to fight our way out or barrel through them. The tallest of them weren’t even waist high, so making a run for it might have worked; however, if any of us got tripped or grabbed in our run, we’d have to leave them, and as Olaf had just reminded me, we were all bound in Grimrag. I wasn’t sure what that meant. They might kill us on sight when we reappeared there. If we all resurrected at the same time, we might have a chance of fighting our way out as a group, but if we appeared solo, they’d almost certainly be able to kill us, and then kill us again when we resurrected after that death—and so on until we ran out of money and were kicked from the game. For me, that’d mean being kicked from life since I didn’t have a body on Earth anymore.
“Any plan that ends with you dying is a bad plan,” as . . . well, not my dad but somebody’s dad probably said once. “We stay and fight. We’re a team. Let’s show these metal things what that term really means. You all know what to do.”
Alizia banged her scepter into her shield. “Yeah. Time for some quality shouting.”
“If they have flanks and vital spots, they will soon wish they did not.” Olaf twirled his dagger.
“And I’ll hit stuff really good.” Yary punched her bracer and healed Alizia for 0. “Oops.”
I dispelled my bow and readied my spells. “I’ll be primed just in case too.”
“A rousing speech indeed,” a small but surprisingly deep voice said from somewhere in front of Alizia. “If only all of my kin had the ability to hear it.”
When I pushed Alizia’s shield to the side, I pinpointed the voice to belong to a pair of stone lips. All the constructs had stopped moving. Several of them were shaking or hopping frantically as if the only thing holding them back was the word to attack.
“For what reason have you invaded the sacred city of Gerinashu?” the lips asked.
Alizia looked like she was about to speak, so I quickly reached up to cover her mouth. With our height difference, I only managed to block part of it, but miraculously she understood my sentiment and didn’t speak.
“We were not aware this was a city,” I said. “Everything’s so overgrown we didn’t notice it until now. You have our sincere apologies for accidentally intruding. If you let us leave in peace, we’ll be sure to never come back and let anyone we pass know not to intrude on your territory.” I bowed deeply and Alizia reluctantly followed my lead.
“A very well-spoken and respectful statement,” Lips said. “I am obliged to accept your suggestion; however, my more aggressive kin are not. It used to be that when we were still one, feet and hands would do anything I said, but now their natural predilections have taken over and they prefer to kick or punch anything that is not one with the stone and metal.”
“Woo-hoo!” Yary said in group chat. “There’s only one way out and it involves punching—my favorite plan.”
“Love the enthusiasm, not-new-Yary,” Alizia said in group chat. “A plan I’d normally get behind ninety-seven percent, but maybe we go a different route this time. You know, to mix it up and keep them guessing. Horus, what you got in miraculous plans that don’t involve the indignity of getting bludgeoned to death by ankles, nose hairs, pinkies, and messy eyebrows?”
As the array of over a hundred stone-shaped body parts advanced, panic flooded my mind. They were so numerous and packed so tight, there was no way through them beyond force or spontaneously sprouting wings.
I never tried to lead in any other games I’d played for a reason. Everyone’s always looking to you for the answer, but sometimes there just isn’t one. And when the inevitable defeat finally comes, the leader still gets the blame. I stared Olaf in the eyes, hoping against hope that just this one time he’d realize that helping me to save us was worth breaking his vow to
only let me learn the hard way.
Olaf slowly shook his head at me.
“So, do we need to go to Yary for ideas, then?” Alizia asked. “I’d be disappointed you skipped over me, but the best I could come up with is knock-knock jokes that’d insult everyone except the Chinese and sea anemones.”
Olaf kicked a pair of stone glasses back. “No, Yary is not in charge. Horus only needs a little more time to think, correct?”
“I would suggest you pray to whatever gods you believe in now.” The stone lips curled up into a smile. “Attack!”
I should’ve been readying my spells or at least giving the same order to my group, yet my mind wandered back to the name the lips had given to this place: the sacred city of Gerinashu. Sacred . . . “I’ll burn you all to dust in the name of Gerinashu!” I said.
Lips quivered and most of the constructs shifted slowly in uncertainty. “Wait,” Lips said. “We did not know that there were any organic followers of the great Gerinashu left. Perhaps we should not harm you after all.”
You have unlocked the Diplomacy skill!
Alizia lowered her scepter and leaned on it casually. “Yup, totally love that Garnishment fellow. We’ve always been all ‘Woo-hoo, Garnishment. You’re the man . . . woman? Deity. Yeah, bestest deity around.’ When we heard about you constructs following Garny too, we just came a runnin’ to hang out with you cool guys, gals, and animate objects.”
“You’ll have to forgive her,” I said. “She meant ‘Gerinashu.’ Cleric Alizia has a bit of a speech impediment.”
Alizia’s head bobbed in enthusiasm. “My speech is totally impertinent. Rah, Gesundheit!”
“What is the plan now, Horus?” Olaf asked in group chat. “Lull them into a false sense of security and then strike when their guard is down?”
“Obviously, Laffy,” Alizia said. “Way to be three steps behind the rest of us. We get them to trust us and then we steal all their hair-care products and facial cleansers, so we can sell them for halberds and nunchuks; the exact same plan my first boyfriend used on me when I was fourteen.”
“Then we punch them!” Despite Yary saying that in group chat, the lead row of constructs still flinched back when she exuberantly finished her statement by raising her fists in the air.
Alizia slowly lowered Yary’s fists. The lead row inched forward and were now prepared for us to attack. I decided to diffuse the situation yet again both in group and out.
“No punching, stabbing, sceptering, or anything else aggressive,” I said in group chat. “I’m trying to get us out of here peacefully.” Alizia shook Yary’s fist at me. “So we can then pick them off one at a time.” Alizia raised Yary’s hand to salute me.
I turned toward the constructs. “We have come from a far-off land to perform a pilgrimage to Gerinashu’s most chosen constructs. If it’d be all right, we’d like to observe your most holy ceremonies to our beloved Gerinashu.” I pointed to the tall grass at the edge of the mass of constructs. “We’ll just go over there. Don’t want to get in your way or mess anything up with our crude, backward ways.”
Lips turned around and seemed to converse with his fellow constructs. I wasn’t sure if they had some sort of telepathic conversation or were communicating through gestures, but it got rather heated almost immediately. A hand behind Lips slapped a giant face several times before a pair of arms restrained him.
“Since you’ve travelled so far and we don’t get many visitors, we’d prefer if you stayed where you are in the center, so that you can get the best view,” Lips said. “I’d like to direct you to the Shrine of Punishment in front, so we can begin our services.”
A hand behind him pointed toward the roofless chapel barely bigger than my one-bedroom apartment back home.
“And we don’t want to catch the grass on fire when we sacrifice you,” a construct shaped like a beaverkin’s head squeaked out toward the back to raucous laughter.
“Now with the punchy?” Alizia shook Yary’s hands threateningly toward the constructs.
I performed a fast scan of the mob of constructs around us. Thirty feet full of aggressive stone limbs, heads, torsos, and other body parts stood between us and the tall grass on all sides. Our only chance seemed to be the small, dilapidated building. I was pretty sure Olaf was already going that way before I pointed. When I activated Sprint, Alizia and Yary immediately followed.
Between a Statue and an Equally Hard Thingy
“Head inside,” I said. “No way we can get by them.”
“Then what?” Alizia asked. “Pray to this Barney guy for deliverance, or are we just trying to provide a nice mausoleum for the new corpses we’re going to generate?”
“At the very least the walls will prevent too many of them from attacking at once,” I said as I made my way through the door. “Alizia, once you and Yary get inside, I want you in front of that door.”
“One of these days, there’s going to be a plan that involves me not being the one who gets pounded on mercilessly, right?” Alizia raised her eyebrow at me questioningly as she got into position at the doorway.
“The law of probability states that it’s bound to eventually happen by chance, but I am sure our brilliant leader will think of a way to still get you your daily dose of pain.” Olaf took position behind her.
“You guys sure do know how to treat a lady. Bestest friends ever!” Alizia braced herself and grimaced as the wave of constructs approached the opening.
I barely managed to pull Yary back before she hopped in front of Alizia. “Let Alizia take the brunt of their attacks,” I said. “Once she blocks one, I want you and Olaf to hit them with a quick counter, and then bounce back behind her.”
Yary frowned at me but reluctantly nodded when she caught Olaf’s enthusiastic agreement with my plan. Since there was no room to shoot past the others, and figuring that Alizia would need a ton of healing, I left my bow in my bag and readied myself to cast heals. I was surprised that the constructs hadn’t arrived at the opening yet. Still, the colossal danger approaching had probably made a few seconds seem like several minutes. That hypothesis was dashed when several actual minutes passed without an attack.
Alizia finally peeked over her shield before sticking out her tongue. “Are they—are they afraid of the dark?”
“It’s just as bright in here as out there,” I said. “There’s no roof on this thing.”
“Maybe they’re waiting for me to use Shout?” Alizia asked.
“Our goal is to not die,” Olaf said. “I do not see how using Shout will help us achieve that.”
“While punching as many of them in the face as possible!” Yary raised her fist threateningly. “Well, the ones that have faces, anyway.”
With my three friends crowding the entrance, I couldn’t see what was going on beyond the fact that no one was taking any damage. Curiosity finally got the better of me and I stuck out my head.
The constructs had piled up right on the edge of the doorway. My first guess was that there was some sort of spell or magic barrier, until one of them was pushed over it by the weight of his comrades. As the gasps of his colleagues filled the tiny room, the forearm quickly darted back.
“Their spokesman mentioned this place was holy to them,” Olaf said. “Perhaps entrance is forbidden.”
“So we’re safe until I do something stupid and get them to come charging in here to kill us all?” Alizia asked.
“Then we get to hit stuff?” Yary asked.
“Sorry, until Yary and I do something stupid.” Alizia winked at Yary.
I pulled Yary away from the door, while Olaf did the same to Alizia.
“Looks like we’re safe, but there’s no other way out,” I said.
Alizia shrugged. “Wait until they fall asleep, then tiptoe quietly out of here to safety. Classic cartoon ploy. So easy even I can do that.”
“Should you or I?” Olaf asked me.
I sighed. “First off, you’ve proven time and time again to be incapable of doing anythi
ng quietly.”
Alizia rubbed her chin. “True. Go on.”
“Second, those things are not truly alive,” Olaf said. “I am reasonably certain they do not sleep.”
“Third, you can’t punch quiet,” Yary said.
Alizia patted Yary on the head. “I knew there was a reason I liked you, not-new-Yary. Very convincing.” She turned to me. “So, what’s your brilliant, yet seemingly impossible plan that will save us in the end, O Leader of Me?”
“Olaf, you have any ideas?” I asked.
Olaf rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“Fine,” I growled. “Well, we obviously can’t fight our way through them, so that means we either have to go over them or under them.”
“Gnomeapult!” Alizia squealed and begun chasing Olaf.
I shook my head and stepped between them. “While I’m sure you can toss Olaf a decent distance, I doubt you can throw him far enough to get over all of them."
Olaf waved his dagger threateningly as Alizia tried to reach around me.
I slapped Alizia’s hand. “Even if you could, there’s no way you could throw Yary and me. And then, if you somehow managed that impossible feat, it’d still leave you here with no one to toss you.” Alizia raised her hand but I pushed it down. “No, Yary and I can’t toss you at the same time you toss us. That violates the laws of physics.”
Alizia raised her hand again and then lowered it before I could push it back down.
“So, since none of us have wings, we either have to dig our way out or hope there’s a secret passage. Olaf, could you try your Detective skill?” I asked.
Olaf dispelled his dagger to his backpack and began slowly scanning the walls and floors. “I do not see anything yet, but often you have to look over something several times before the skill picks it up.”
Alizia giggled at Olaf’s serious look as he got down on his hands and knees. “All those years and years and years and years of life experience, but you can’t figure out what I did in only a few seconds. Obviously, the secret passage is under that giant stone statue. Jeez, watch a movie once, guys.”