by M Helbig
Marknafian paused from his relentless assault to look up. Fortunately, his damage didn’t seem to have gone down with the boss’s unexpected buff. “The blue hydrant fell in the hole. No more twenty-five percent reduction!”
Olaf suddenly activated Sprint and rushed toward the red one. He managed to barely keep it from falling in but wasn’t quite strong enough to pull it back. I tossed a quick Regrowth on Alizia and then joined him. Together we slid it a couple of feet away. Thankfully, it looked like no new holes were appearing, and all of the existing ones had stopped expanding.
Alizia yelped as yet another strike broke through her block. Even with the healing buff and my Regrowths, she was at 39%. The Shoveler’s HPs were steadily dropping, now at 8%, but even with my terrible math skills, I knew she wouldn’t make it. What we needed was a—
“Healing potions!” Alizia said. “I need lots of healing potions. Quickly, everyone, give me all of yours. The bigger and redder the better. Come on, don’t be stingy. We’re about to do something no other level tens and elevens have ever done before.” She waved her scepter excitedly at the group.
“Olaf and I are out of potions.” I cast another Regrowth. I only had enough mana for one more. “Mainly because you drank them.”
“Dumbus have twenty potion. He give all to pretty green lady for kiss.”
“Eww, pass.” Alizia stared up at the HP bar above her head. “On second thought—wait! You can’t give them to me. You’re dead.”
“Why stupid game always conspire against Dumbus? Why? Dumbus think world run by sadistic higher being who sit in cloud watching Dumbus fail at all of life’s trials and tribulations. Guy on cloud laughing at Dumbus now? Dumbus show you, Cloud Guy!”
“I don’t know if they’re ‘higher,’ more than likely just ‘high,’” Alizia said. “And those beings of yours are called ‘viewers of the S&S streaming channel.’” She wiggled her eyebrows at Marknafian.
“Sorry, toots,” Marknafian said. “Our group gives most of our potions to our front-line people. I used my last one when your gnome friend made the Zorro with my backside earlier.”
The Shoveler suddenly shifted his blow around Alizia’s shield and caught her in the shin. She stared up at the 4% on her HP bar and then looked to me. “Hope you got a plan for who’s going to try to keep this guy busy without me.”
Olaf raised his hands. “That would fall to me. We need Horus’s heals and Marknafian’s DPS.”
The healing buff ticked, taking her back to 21%, but even with that, I knew she was right. She wouldn’t last more than two hits if we were lucky. What we needed was a miracle—or a powerful special ability like the sub-boss had. Just think how easy the game would be if I could make big holes or knock things across rooms—
“Alizia, back up a bit!” I said.
Alizia blocked another blow and glanced back. “There’s a hole there. I’m already about to die. Why’re you trying to get me there earlier? Is this so I can hang out with Dumbus?”
“Jump over the hole, and then slowly backup,” I said. “Try to draw the sub-boss into it.”
“Nooo,” Marknafian said. “If he falls down a hole, we won’t be able to get to his corpse to loot it.”
“Victory is own reward,” Dumbus said. “Marknaf should be content to receive valuable life experience from fight with tough sub-boss. Make him better person. Apply lessons to future endeavors.”
“The holes aren’t big enough for someone his size to fall all the way down,” I said.
Marknafian looked at the hole and then at the sub-boss. “Well then, go for it.”
You have unlocked the Leadership skill!
This time Alizia was prepared for the Shoveler’s sudden shift in his swing. She quickly danced to the side and his blow hit nothing but ground. As he lifted his shovel back up, she hopped backward over the hole.
“What’s wrong, Tunnels?” Alizia asked. “Miss something? I’m over here, a shoutin’ at ya. Come here for your rematch.”
The Mad Shoveler growled, nearly tripping over himself in his fury to get to her. She was so pleased with her success that she almost forgot she needed to back up to get out of his huge range. Thankfully, Olaf reminded her and she hustled backward at the last second. While I’d been hoping he’d take smaller steps and get both feet caught, his right foot landed directly in the middle of the hole. He toppled over on his side, taking 52! as he hit the ground and lost his shovel, which skidded across the room.
Alizia stuck out her tongue at the squirming sub-boss. “Now who’s been demoted, you big jerk?”
“Still him,” I said. “But keep that up, so he stays focused on you.”
“Thank you for finally noting my subtle brilliance, Horus.” Alizia wiggled her butt at him.
Olaf tried to get in range to stab the boss, but the Shoveler’s long, flailing limbs made it impossible. “I should probably learn a ranged skill. My class does not get Throwing Knives until level twenty.”
“Speaking of which.” Alizia was not taking any more damage, so I summoned my bow and joined Marknafian. With the boss unable to dodge and us having an easy time hitting vital spots, Marknafian and I finished him off a couple minutes later. A draining sound came from the pool of blood before the Shoveler even stopped moving.
You have gained 43,750 (35,000 +8,750 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 192,811/200,000 to next level.
If You’re a Mole Person, You Might Want to Skip This Chapter
“Woo-hoo!” Alizia raised her arms in celebration as the glow of leveling surrounded her. “We’ll be famous. The first level tens to take down the Bad Shuffler!”
Both Marknafian and Olaf were glowing from leveling as well. I was shocked to see Dumbus’s corpse glow. I hadn’t known you got experience while dead, but looking back, I never had been dead while the group finished something. I later learned that you had to at least have been alive when the fight started to get credit.
Marknafian moved in front of the sub-boss. “It’s the Mad Shoveler, and the Trium beat him as level sevens decades ago. That was the full boss version too.”
“First level tens to take him down. Woo-hoo!”
Marknafian casually pointed his gun at Alizia and fired. “Woo-hoo, indeed.”
Blood poured out of Alizia’s cheek. If this had been the real world, I’d no doubt she would’ve died from the gory wound before she even felt it. Marknafian had positioned himself perfectly to get a Vital Strike/Flanking Attack from only a few feet away. He seemed as surprised as I was that she hadn’t died. The only thing that saved her was that his own healing hydrant had brought her back to full after the Shoveler had fallen. I’d been too busy celebrating our victory to remember to heal her.
I wasn’t too busy now. As my hand wove the spell, Olaf barreled into the pixy from behind. Alizia was in too much pain and shock to help. My Regrowth took her to 7% and the hydrant took her to 35% a second later.
As Marknafian’s gun slid past me, I realized my focus would be better spent elsewhere and turned back to the struggle. I had to stifle a laugh as I watched the four-foot-tall gnome wrestle with the two-foot-tall winged creature. Despite the size difference, the two seemed easily matched. For every punch and push the gnome gave, his smaller opponent gave back. If they’d been alone, I would’ve said it was too close to call. However, Olaf was not alone.
I hit Marknafian with Root, which distracted the pixie just enough for Olaf to get a solid hold on him. Olaf followed it with a hard shoulder and the pixie stumbled to the ground. He bounced directly into one of the holes, but the roots pulled him back. His foot dangled out of the hole for three more seconds before they snapped and he disappeared into the spikes below.
“Nooo!” Dumbus said. “Marknaf too young to die. Dumbus also too young, but came to accept own mortality through deep contemplation during fight with shovel guy.”
Alizia wiped the blood off her face as the healing hydrant finished bringing her back to full. “Why exactly did the Flying Redneck do
that? Way to not rise above your faction’s stereotype, by the way.”
“Like there was any way you jerks would just hand over that expensive loot,” Marknafian said in group chat. “I saw my chance, so I took it.”
“Ha. Well, the joke’s on you. Horus and Olaf would’ve made me hand it all over because they’re nice guys,” Alizia said. “After they pleaded with me and probably bribed me with a potion to shut me up, but we’d have eventually all agreed to give it to you.”
“Dumbus would have kicked in with bribe of poem me composed about your pretty fangs too. You not even have to shut up. Dumbus like your voice it sound like—”
“Well no one likes your voice, you stupid orc, so shut it,” Marknafian said. “As for the rest of you, I guess I owe you—well, I’m not very good at these so—”
Marknafian has left the group.
“Where Marknaf go?” Dumbus asked. “Oh there, message. Dumbus go too. Will be sure to use time apart to compose epic ballad. This time me hire editor to fix grammamatimical mistakes and find word that rhyme with feet.”
Dumbus has left the group.
Alizia wiped a tear from her face. “I’m going to not miss those guys.”
“I have a feeling we could have become great friends if they had given us time,” Olaf said.
“Would that be before or after the pixie murdered you in your sleep?” I asked.
“Before he murdered me in my sleep, but after Alizia did,” Olaf said.
Alizia pouted. “You and me are going to have words after this, Mustache, but first I need to have a little talk with my new mentor about what he did.”
I stared her in the eye. No more running. I owed it to her and myself to face my failure. “Sorry about missing that heal at the beginning. The fight started so suddenly and my nerves got the better of me.”
“No, I meant the part where you stepped on me an hour ago. That hurt, and I don’t much like being hurt. Also, you owe me the fifteen gold that I lost on death and a healing potion for mental anguish. No apology necessary for the other thing. Everyone’s nerves went bonkers at the beginning of this fight.”
I handed her the gold. “I’ll have to owe you the potion until I get another one. But freezing when you needed me most was still inexcusable.”
Alizia poured the coins over her head and danced. “It was one time, doofus. You got better after that. Really liked the inspirational messages about hot sauce and affordably priced mufflers in the middle. Why’d you stop that, by the way?”
Going back over the battle in my head, I realized she was right. As the battle had unfolded, I’d either become absorbed in the group’s silly banter or been too focused on the sudden wrinkles of the fight to think about what to do. And looking back over previous battles, it had been much the same. I’d only stumbled when I had the luxury of thinking through all the options. The more I thought, the more I faltered.
I’d been indecisive in the Gerinashu fight right up until I realized I really didn’t have anything to lose . . . but then, when I’d tried the same thing with Moe, I’d inadvertently crushed Alizia.
The lesson wasn’t to not care. I still very much had things and friends I cared about. The lesson was to do the best with information at hand and quickly make a decision—a decision for the whole group, not just me. Hesitation was death, but none could mean the death of the wrong person. I just had to consider my friends and then make a quick decision.
Which was worse, giving the group clear orders to engage the wrong mob or standing there like a lump when our tank desperately needed a heal to keep her alive? I’d proven multiple times that even when we made a mistake, I could usually adapt and figure out how to fix it. There was no fixing a dead tank. (OK, sure, she could run back from her bind point and I would eventually get the Resurrection spell, but for both, by the time she returned to the fight she’d have a really hard time getting aggro back and someone else would probably already be dead.)
“Thanks guys, I needed that,” I said.
“Don’t think anything of it. We all need a pep talk every now and again.” Olaf hopped on the stairs and turned on Sneak. “Now, onward. I will scout ahead. If there’s anything dangerous, I will let you know.”
Alizia slapped me playfully and turned around. “All this Horusy drama almost made me forget the most important part.”
Alizia has looted The Mad Shoveler.
You have received 75 gold and 2 silver as your share of the loot (out of 376 gold).
As group leader, Horus has been granted the loot: Cursed Shovel of Shzzzabelb, Deep Miner’s Helmet, Iron Ore (x 23), and Coal (x 17).
Cursed Shovel of Shzzzabelb
Restrictions: Level 20 required, Cursed (Cannot be unequipped)
Slot: Main Hand
Rarity: Mythical
Damage: 45-50
Speed Rating: 8
Bonus: -75 INT -75 WIS -50 AGI +30 END
Special Abilities: +15 Mining skill, Cannot do damage to Followers of Shzzzabelb faction, Must use Mining once every five minutes or take 300 damage (effect does not occur when sleeping)
Weight: 37 Pebbles
Description: Equipping a shovel possessed with the soul of an unholy demon lord, what could go wrong?
Deep Miner’s Helmet
Restrictions: Level 20 required
Slot: Head
Rarity: Rare
AC: 23
Bonus: +10 STA +15 END
Special Abilities: +5 Mining, Project light in a 90-degree angle in front of wearer
Weight: 15 Pebbles
Description: So, what was the plan for when we hit the center of the world again? I sure hope molefolk like cabbage.
Alizia raised her hand and I pushed it down. “No one can use them, so by group rule we have to sell them. Which I’ll do as soon as we’re in town. I’ll split the proceeds with the two of you then.”
“Everyone down the steps, quick!” Olaf said. “You have to see this.”
Alizia led the way with her shield in front. As soon as she reached the bottom, her shield and scepter disappeared in a puff into her backpack as she fell to her knees in laughter.
I was about to yell at her to keep her weapons out when I took in the scene in front of us. The wide tunnel looked like it’d been dug by some sort of massive worm, but the ground below was littered with hundreds of smaller holes dug by man-sized creatures—man-sized creatures that were spread about the tunnel in various states of death.
“Is this some sort of molefolk genocide?” Olaf asked.
“Absolutely tragic,” Alizia said as she kicked over a corpse. “All these dead mole people and we don’t have the rights to loot any of them.”
“What could’ve possibly done this?” I checked several dead molefolk. The only commonality was that there wasn’t any, unless you counted ridiculous overkill. There were wounds from every imaginable attack I could think of and several things I didn’t even know were in the game. “And was the thing, or more likely things, that did this friend or foe?”
Alizia raised her hand excitedly. “Ohh. Ohh. I got this one. It’s foe.”
Olaf twisted the end of his mustache nervously. “What makes you say that?”
“Because in this game mysterious stuff is never a good thing,” she said. “I mean, c’mon. This place was made by a greedy corporation. You think they had one of their meetings and were like, ‘We should have this boss drop stuff worth several hundred thousand dollars just so we can see the players smile?’ Nope. The only good thing that ever happened around here was when I was created.”
“Ahem,” Olaf said.
“Sorry about that, Laffy. How could I forget how great it was when you and Horus first met me?”
“Much better,” Olaf deadpanned.
“Yup,” Alizia said. “So, my vote is we go in the opposite direction of whatever caused this mole-pocalypse.”
“I am going to wherever Clewd is,” Olaf said. “And that would be where the boss is.”
“
The only thing on Tracking besides us is forward,” I said.
Alizia looked to me hopefully. “And the opposite direction from the angry swarm of magic murder bees or whatever it is that committed this mass moleicide?”
“I’ll keep checking and let you know if anything new pops up, magic murder bees or otherwise,” I said.
Alizia moved down the tunnel slowly, with her shield held firmly in front of her, with her eyes darting to every small shadow in the oddly well-lit tunnel. Olaf activated Sneak and ranged ahead while I continued to flip Tracking on and off to update the list. We walked for over fifteen minutes when suddenly something caught my attention and I involuntarily let out a yelp. Alizia spun around and nearly knocked my head off my shoulders.
“Something new showed up on Tracking,” I said.
“Is it an apology for nearly scaring me to death?” she asked.
“It’s—”
“A raid,” Olaf said. “And it looks like a full one. Cedra is at their front.”
Alizia rushed forward, activating Sprint. “Which means my Yarykins is here!”
I ran after her. Mercifully, the raid was so tightly packed in the small, stone room at the end of the tunnel that Alizia couldn’t force her way through to get to Yary, whose distinct red braid we could just make out toward the front. I couldn’t hear anything besides Cedra’s loud, echoing voice as she gave instructions. Alizia must’ve sent Yary a message because she turned around and waved at us a few seconds later during one of the few brief pauses in Cedra’s overly detailed spiel.
“So remember, prospects, this fight is the culmination of everything you’ve learned in the previous sub-boss fights.” Cedra stared gravely at the raiders. “The Mad Shoveler will pause briefly and start glowing. He’s immune to Stunned, so don’t waste your time with that. When he glows red, all healers should chain-cast heals on the tank. Inventors and Druids should also drop any damage mitigation abilities they have on the tank using the rotation from earlier. Once he gets around 10%, he’ll hit the ceiling to make the stalactites fall. Run to the edge of the room, just like you did whenever The Great Batini flew to the top of the cave earlier. Noradine, Georgius, and I aren’t going to participate in this fight. We’re going to stand at the back and observe how you all do to see who we want to advance to the next stage in the process to become a full-blooded Bass Kicker!”