by Jacqui Rose
If it hadn’t been because of the puff laying him out cold, he might’ve gone to pay her a visit now. He knew that by having sex with her he wouldn’t be following the plan he and Milo had worked out, but since when did he take orders from some jumped-up Russian?
* * *
Bunny and Claudia sat on the sun-crisped grass, eating a 99 ice-cream and giggling like a couple of teenagers.
‘Star! Star don’t go far darlin’. Remember what I said the other day. Stay where I can see you.’
Star frowned, annoyed with her mother’s continual fussing. She’d been so embarrassed the other day when they’d seen her headmaster and her mum had turned into a worry pot, as her dad called it. She’d refused to speak to her mum that evening, until of course she’d curled up on the bed with her to read Star her favourite stories.
Her dad didn’t fuss so much, in fact some of the time she knew she could happily sneak off and he wouldn’t even notice she’d gone. But her mum was different; always worrying and getting upset if she went out of sight for just a moment, and now she was doing it again. Even Claudia wasn’t as bad.
Summoning up as much hostility as she could for a seven-year-old, Star snapped at Bunny. ‘I’m only here, Mum. I ain’t going nowhere.’
‘Well mind you don’t, babe. You don’t want to give me bleedin’ shockwaves.’
Star stood with her arms folded, but soon her face changed into a grin. Even though her mum treated her like a baby, she loved her, and try as she might she found it hard to stay mad at her for long.
Skipping towards the swings, Star took a quick look round to see if her mum was still looking. She wasn’t. She was nattering away with Claudia again. Walking backwards, checking to see her mum didn’t look up, Star edged towards the woods. There was only one time she’d ever been able to go into them and that was when her Dad had been with her. Each time she’d asked her mum to go in them, she’d had a hissy fit. She didn’t know why; they were only woods.
As Star approached them she smiled to herself, and not for the first time thought how exciting they looked. She decided now was the time to take the opportunity to explore.
* * *
Even though the weather was hot and sticky the shade of the woods cooled the air, giving it a refreshing feel. The trees were bent and twisted, straining under their own weight, and as Star walked deeper into them she imagined herself to be in a magical garden, rather than in the woods on the north side of Mill Hill.
Her small hands touched the tree bark, feeling the rough surface, exciting her with its smells and sounds. It was one thing living in a beautiful house in Soho, but the nearest she came to seeing a tree was on the odd occasion she and her dad had walked through Soho Square.
Studying the tree carefully, Star watched in fascination, mesmerised by the tiny insects burrowing under the peeling bark.
‘Clever, aren’t they? Sometimes I think they’ve got more sense than humans.’
Star jumped at the deep voice coming from behind her. She turned and looked at the man, creasing her forehead in thought. Slowly, feeling unsure, she took a small step backwards.
‘If you tear off this bark, you’ll see a lot more of them. You’re not squeamish are you?’
Star shook her head, not saying anything, only hearing the voice of her mother inside her head, telling her never to talk to strangers. She watched as the man winked, then proceeded to tear off the bark, uncovering a black mass of moving insects.
Star squealed then covered her mouth as the man laughed. He leant down towards her, leaning his face closer than she felt comfortable with. ‘I thought you said you weren’t squeamish.’
Indignantly, Star answered, her hands now firmly on her hips. ‘I ain’t. Just gave me a fright, that’s all. Anyway, I have to go. Me mum will wonder where I am and if she tells me dad, he’ll have me guts.’
The man gave a crooked smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
‘I’m sure he won’t do that.’
Star shrugged her shoulders. ‘You don’t know me dad.’
‘Well that’s where you’re wrong. I do know your dad.’
Puzzled, Star tipped her head to one side. She knew she shouldn’t be talking to this man, but she couldn’t help herself. She always did love games. ‘What’s his name then?’
‘That would be telling.’
Star curled her lip, imitating the way her mother sometimes did. ‘’Cos you don’t know, that’s why.’
The man spoke, crushing one of the insects between his finger and thumb as he did so. ‘Believe what you like, but I even know your name.’
Star’s eyes lit up. ‘What is it then?’
‘I don’t tell secrets.’
‘My name ain’t a secret.’
‘But being here is, isn’t it?’
Star looked down, feeling embarrassed that the man had guessed she wasn’t allowed into some poxy woods at the age of seven. All her friends were allowed to roam about but she was kept on a tighter lead than her next-door neighbour’s dog.
‘Maybe.’
The man crouched down. Star could smell the overpowering scent of aftershave on him. It didn’t smell anything like the stuff her dad wore. This made her want to cough, but she didn’t want to be rude. Her mum had always taught her never to be unkind to people.
‘So how about it stays your and my secret? I won’t tell anyone that you were here and you don’t tell anyone you saw me. What do you say … Star?’
Star Barker-Williams took a quick intake of breath. The man really did know her name. Though she didn’t know if this was a good thing or a bad thing because it meant he really did know her dad – which meant that if he found out she’d been in the woods on her own he’d probably not let her friends come and stay at the weekend when he and her mum went away.
‘Okay. Cross my heart.’ Star did a tiny cross on her chest. She felt the man clutch onto her hands tightly. He held them in his for a second, holding her stare with his. ‘I think you’ll find your heart is on the other side.’ He moved Star’s hand across her chest, then let go as suddenly as he’d taken hold of it. Star giggled and crossed her heart again as the man watched her closely. Taking a strand of her hair, he rubbed it, aware the squashed insect was still on his fingers.
‘You’ve got beautiful hair, Star. Has anyone ever told you that?’
Star stared into the man’s small narrowed eyes, holding his gaze for a few seconds. Slowly she pulled her hair away, touching it absent-mindedly. She wrinkled her nose.
‘Yeah, me mum says it all the time, but you should see hers, it’s longer than mine; nearly past her waist. Like Rapunzel.’
In the next few moments of silence, Star heard the birds singing, but she couldn’t see them. It was much darker in the woods than she’d ever imagined, though she wasn’t afraid of the dark like other kids, like her mum even. To her, darkness only made things seem more exciting; more like an adventure.
‘I understand your dad’s going on holiday.’
Star shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t know this man and she knew not to tell her business to anyone. She’d always known that, ever since she was little.
‘Are you going to go with him?’
Star frowned. She didn’t like all these questions but she also didn’t like the fact that she wasn’t going to go away with her parents, despite pleading with them again and again. She didn’t know why they were going to have all the fun and in the meantime she was going to be stuck at home with Claudia.
‘If you were my daughter, I’d take you with me. Maybe I could have a word with your dad. Would you like that?’
Star’s eyes gleamed. ‘Would you? Would you ask him? But you can’t say that I saw you.’
‘I won’t tell him. Like I say, it’ll be our little secret. Are you good at keeping secrets, Star?’
Star went to open her mouth but the sound coming from behind her left her words stuck in her throat.
‘Star! Star!’
It was her mother.
She felt the colour drain out of her face. She’d wanted to come into the woods without her mum noticing. Looking at the diamond-encrusted Rolex her Dad had got especially commissioned for her, Star saw what time it was. She didn’t realise she’d been that long. Now there would be no chance of her friends staying and even less chance of being able to go away at the weekend with her mum and dad.
‘Trouble?’ The man spoke with enough concern in his voice for Star to open up.
‘That’s me mum. If she finds me in here …’
The man put out his hand. ‘I tell you what. I know a different route out of the woods. Why don’t you come this way with me? Then your mum won’t know you’ve been here. It takes you out to the other side of the park so she’ll think you only went to the swings by the west entrance. It’ll stop you getting into trouble.’ The man smiled again and winked as Star looked at his outstretched hand. The high-pitched scream of her mother calling her name made the decision for her. Taking the man’s hand, Star grinned.
‘Come on, quickly.’ The man pulled Star as he spoke, then started to jog through the trees. This was more fun than she’d had in a long time. It was a real adventure. Like the movie she’d seen last night about the girl stuck on a desert island.
‘Star!’ Her mum’s voice shouted from behind, making Star pull on the man’s hand as she turned round.
‘Come on, you don’t want to get caught do you?’
Star listened again to her mother’s call.
‘Star … please. Where are you?’
Star looked at the man who was trying to speed her up again. She spoke, her voice sounding older than she was. ‘Mum sounds upset. She’s worried.’
The man’s voice had a firmness in it that hadn’t been there before. ‘Well hurry up then and once she sees you at the swings she won’t have to worry, will she?’
Star shook her head. She stopped walking. She didn’t like the idea of her mum being worried and the fear she heard in her voice was beginning to upset her. Before the man could stop her, Star shouted as loud as she could, ‘Mum! Mum! I’m here.’
The man’s face contorted with anger before panic gripped him. He quickly let go of Star’s hand before running down the bank towards the thicket, leaving Star standing in the shadowed trees.
A moment later, Bunny came running up, tears pouring down her face. She ran up to Star, hugged her then slapped her hard on her cheek. Immediately, Bunny regretted her action. She dropped to her knees and grabbed hold of Star who looked as shocked as Bunny did with what had just happened.
‘Star. I’m sorry … Bleedin’ hell I’m sorry, but you gave me a fright. What the hell did you think you were doing? I told you never to go into the woods on your own. Horrible things can happen, Star, don’t you understand that?’
Bunny shook Star, whose body was now racked with deep sobs. ‘Star, are you listening to me? Star?’ Bunny felt a soft touch on her shoulder. It was Claudia, panting and out of breath.
‘Leave her, Bun. She’s only a kid. She didn’t mean any harm by it.’
Bunny’s eyes were wide and fearful. ‘But what if something had happened to her, Claudia?’
Claudia’s voice was soft and caring. ‘But nothing did happen, did it, doll?’
Bunny looked from Claudia to her daughter who stood crying, though Bunny could sense an air of defiance exuding from her. She stood up and yanked on Star’s hand.
‘Come on young lady. Just wait till your dad hears about this. I don’t know what he’ll say, but I do know he’ll be blowing.’
Star said nothing, but as she was led away, she turned round to see the man standing behind the tree with his finger on his lips, signalling her not to say a word. She wouldn’t. It would be her secret.
As Star walked away, the man watched and smiled. It had been easier to gain the girl’s trust than he’d thought and once he got it fully, he’d put his plan into action.
‘You’ve got to do something about her.’ Bunny paced about in her bedroom, chewing her bottom lip. There was no answer, just a heavy sigh from Del. Bunny shot him a stare.
‘Is that all you’ve got for me? A blow of air? Ain’t you got anything to say?’
Del looked exasperated. He’d been sitting on the bed for the last forty-five minutes listening to Bunny going on about Star.
‘Problem is, I dunno what you want me to say, darlin’.’
‘Something would be nice. Anything. I don’t understand why you ain’t worried about it!’
Bunny held her gaze, looking at Del, who was now desperately searching for something to say that might placate Bunny. He rubbed the back of his neck, wishing his phone would ring so he could make an excuse to duck out.
‘Well, I’ll have a word with her.’
Bunny’s face flushed. ‘A word? We’ve been having a word with her since she began to walk and it ain’t ever done any good. It’s those books she reads, her head’s in the clouds. She thinks life’s one big adventure and the world’s hers to explore and roam about in.’
‘She’s just like me. When I was a nipper …’
Bunny didn’t let Del finish. ‘She’s not you though is she? She’s a little girl who only sees the good in everyone.’
‘That’s good ain’t it? There’s enough time for her when she’s older to realise what a shitty world we live in.’
‘It’d be okay if she didn’t think she was bleedin’ Marco Polo.’
‘Who?’
‘Never mind. Point is, she’s got to stop going off like that.’
‘It’s only natural, Bun. She’s a kid. Kids are forever wandering off.’
Bunny’s words were filled with fear and anger. ‘Don’t you listen to the news? Only last week they found that poor little girl murdered.’
‘Calm down, Bun. It’s tragic, I know, but these things don’t happen that often.’
Bunny exploded. ‘What is wrong with you? You can’t think like that. Don’t you see? Don’t you understand, it could happen to Star like it happened to that girl; like it happened to …’
Bunny put her head in her hands. Del sat on the bed, not knowing quite what to do. He spoke gently. ‘Bun, what’s going on? It’s getting worse, babe.’
Through her tears Bunny spoke. ‘I know. I know, but I can’t help it.’
‘Maybe you should go and see the quack. It could be hormones and stuff …’ Del trailed off, realising that was the extent of his knowledge when it came to women’s problems.
‘It ain’t hormones.’
‘Then I’m stuck to know what it is, ’cos you weren’t ever as bad when Star was a baby. You worried, yeah. But this? This is crazy Bun. You’ve got to stop.’
Bunny wiped her tears away. ‘But when she was a baby she couldn’t wander off, could she?’
Del got up and placed his hand on Bunny’s arm.
‘Nothing’s going to happen to her. Trust me on that.’
Bunny scanned Del’s face with her big blue eyes. ‘How can I trust you on that? Because you don’t know. You don’t know what might happen.’
Del’s tone was quiet and warm. ‘Bun, this is doing me head in. It’s not good for you to worry so much, and it’s not good for Star either.’
‘Because you don’t understand.’
Del tried to keep the impatience out of his voice. There was nothing new about the conversation they were having. It seemed like a fortnightly event. ‘Then tell me. Help me to understand.’
‘I can’t … I’m sorry.’
Del raised his voice, wishing he hadn’t when he saw the hurt in Bunny’s eyes. ‘Can’t or won’t? Big-ass difference, Bun. You want me to understand – but you won’t tell me what you’re thinking. It’s all in your head, babe. There ain’t no bogeymen hiding under the bed.’
‘What’s going on?’
Del turned his head and saw Claudia standing at the door with her face pulled tight and her lips pursed. This was all he needed.
‘Nothing. It’s a private convo between me and Bun. So if you d
on’t mind …’
Ignoring Del’s gesturing hand, signalling her to turn and walk away, Claudia bustled into the exquisitely decorated room. Walking over to Bunny with a concerned look on her face, she turned on Del. ‘It don’t look like nothing to me.’
‘This has got nothing to do with you.’
Claudia saw the tears on Bunny’s face. Her voice was accusatory. ‘What have you done to her?’
Del opened his arms wide, taken aback. ‘I ain’t done nothing to her. Tell her, Bun. Tell her it ain’t me.’
Bunny attempted a smile. ‘It’s okay Claudia.’
Claudia narrowed her eyes. ‘Really?’
Bunny nodded. ‘Yeah, really.’
Del growled. ‘Happy now? Satisfied I ain’t the monster here? Why is it you lot always presume it’s us men who cause the problems? All we want is a peaceful life, but I can see there won’t be any chance of that here.’
With that, Del grabbed his phone and marched out. The room fell silent. A moment passed before Claudia looked at Bunny. ‘Was this about Star?’
Bunny nodded.
‘Maybe you should talk to him, Bun. Properly.’
‘No, I can’t.’
‘But if you don’t you might drive him away.’
Bunny shook her head and walked towards the door, where she paused. ‘Claudia, thank you. I appreciate you looking out for me, but let me worry about Del.’
Claudia stood looking out of the window, knowing there must be something she could do to help – whether Bunny liked it or not.
16
‘Do you want me to get me ear chewed off?’
Star lay on her bed and watched her dad wave his arms up in the air for what must have been the twentieth time whilst he paced up and down in her newly decorated bedroom.
‘I can’t stop blowing now. Every time I think of it I’m bleedin’ fuming, Star. What were you thinking, going into the woods without your mum? And what makes it worse is now I’ve got a truckload of grief from her. She’s even talking about not coming to Marbella with me.’
‘Yeah well, at least if she don’t go I won’t be left on me tod.’
Del stared hard at his daughter. It was times like this he wished he could swap her for a boy. Boys were much easier in his eyes. All he’d have to do was give them a clump and the problem would be sorted, but there was no way he was ever going to raise his hand to a girl.