“Excellent input, Mel,” he snaps, morphing into ‘annoyed Jayce.’ “Thank you for wasting a few seconds of my time with your dropey-drivelling. What relevance did that have to the ethical discussion regarding the morality of trees? And now I’ve lost my trail of thought.”
Jayce slumps back in his chair and folds his arms. Tyra, who has already proven herself to be wasp-tongued and no-nonsense driven, decides Mel needs some help and leans over me to speak to him.
“I think what she means it that it’s a bit unnecessary dragging us all out here all the way from Elmview just to go to some party where we won’t know anyone. That’s all. No need to get your thongs in a twist.”
Jayce groans and rolls his eyes in an almost comic, cartoon fashion.
“To have a good time obviously! Free party, free beer, what more do you want? It’s not like you had anything better to do. Besides, you’re all here so you’re not going to be alone, are you?”
The others are still not convinced and all remain motionless and avoid eye contact.
“Look, Ryo and Sasha are my oldest friends. They did a lot for me. The most I can do to pay them back is show up at their crappy party.”
We’ve only been driving for fifteen minutes and it only takes another five before we arrive at what must be our destination. It’s a detached manor house just off the town centre, so it’s shielded with trees, allowing for privacy, but is not dislocated from life. It’s boastful and extravagant, with red tiles scaling the roof at the same pace as the ivy scaling the white walls. Arched windows keep watch over the house and through them glinting crystal chandeliers can be seen. It could be beautiful, if it were not littered with people.
They’re everywhere. Strewn across the mowed-to-perfection front garden, charging in herds through the blue front door with arms raised high, coupling under the trees outside the house… Everywhere.
I feel sick.
Jayce is already out of the car and by the time I have cautiously slipped out after Mel and Tyra, he is already halfway through the door, being greeted by a tall, thin, tanned guy with a mop of chestnut curls. He’s quite good looking actually, the guy who is currently throwing himself onto Jayce. He’s got those cheekbones and that playful smirk and that absent-minded look in his soft brown eyes that altogether create the sort of face that stares back from every tween girl’s bedroom wall. Seriously. If you smacked his face on a pair of boxers, they would sell in seconds.
Jory, Kaylie, Mel and Tyra approach him and I shuffle behind them, strongly contemplating whether to try and make a run for it. But that’s an impossible idea. I have nowhere to go and I don’t know where I am. I’m sure the town centre is nearby, but I can’t just go looking for it. If anything, I’m safest if I just stay here.
“Sash, you remember Kaylie and Jory right? When you came down to see me in July? And this is Mel and Tyra. And this is Alicia.” I am the last to be introduced, but this person, who I figure must be Sasha, the person who sent Jayce that message earlier, appears to have taken the most interest in me. He just stares at me, a strange tweaking in the corner of his lips.
I can’t describe it. It’s an almost comforting sort of stare. I usually burn up and look away when people look at me, but his stare feels… warm. I get the faint image of a crocodile. There’s that myth that crocodiles cry when luring their prey, right? I’m sure this must be the same kind of prickling feeling, the feeling of knowing it must be a trap and that you should look away, but something keeps you straying in the depths of his eyes anyway.
“I’m Sasha. I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s great to finally meet you.” His velvety voice is tinted with an accent. Russian, I think. But it’s so faint you can hardly notice it, and it’s left to simply sequin the occasional word.
An irritated bunch of partygoers behind us begin stampeding forwards. Someone slams into Sasha, colliding with his arm and causing him to drop his wine glass. It falls to the cream carpet and although doesn’t shatter, the wine floods out, leaving a pool of blood red beneath our feet. The girl says sorry about ten times, but Sasha assures her it’s all right and heads off to the room on the left to get something to clean it with.
No one else seems to care about this and they all just continue chatting, laughing and pushing through the crowds.
It’s only then that I see it. Sasha’s phone.
He must have dropped it along with the glass and hasn’t noticed. I have to think fast, because a stream of people behind us are herding us into the room opposite. I need that phone. I need it. Can you imagine what it’s got on it? I bet he has all his texts from Jayce on there, and for all I know, Sasha may well be in on all this too. Maybe Sasha is the one pretending to be Becky.
I put my foot on the phone, shielding it from anyone’s view.
*****
We have fallen headfirst into an explosion. I can’t move a muscle because there are so many people. Forget moving, I can’t even breathe it’s so hot and stuffy. Altogether, it feels like we’re all being shaken about in a crisp packet.
What’s more, the music is at a volume even tree surgeons would find controversial.
I was feeling faint with worry before, but just being in this room is making me one step away from caving in.
This never-ending oval-shaped room appears to have been a living room once but all the furniture has been removed save for a couple of sofas and chairs that have all been conquered by couples trying to swallow each other’s mouths. Now it has been transformed into the main ‘party room’ fully equipped with a crammed buffet table running along the left-hand side and a DJ booth taking up the back of the room. Teenagers dressed in suits and balancing various forms of alcohol hurry from guest t o guest like bees t o flowers. It seems the memo all the others received for outfits was dressing with the intention of actually undressing. Hemlines seem to crawl higher and higher with every passing girl and shirts of many boys have already become invisible. Feeling even more self-conscious, I tug the bottom of my own dress down.
I’m sure it belongs to Kaylie. It reeks of her. Not literally, just in the way it looks and feels. It’s a very black colour, a very black one because it somehow seems even blacker than normal black, if that’s possible. It’s also incredibly short, the length that would make most nuns cry. It’s strapless too, which would make all the remaining nuns who weren’t fazed by the length break down. The top half shimmers when the light catches it and though it pulls in at my waist it puffs out a little to give me more of a figure before tightening again at the bottom, it fires my legs from their job of allowing me to walk. It’s ridiculously tight so I can’t breathe either. That’s why it could only be Kaylie’s. Only she strikes me as masochistic enough to happily wear this boa constrictor.
It even looks a little like the dress she is currently wearing, which is also black and strapless but instead of pulling in like me, it does the opposite, instead spilling outwards like a bushy tutu and is surprisingly long, cutting off just above her knee. Her electric blue ringlets have been pulled into a high ponytail, so now they twist down her back in spirals. All right, I’ll admit it. She looks good. If you’re into that whole gothic, zombie, “I-will-break- into-your-house-and-steal-your-pillow-so-you-will-wake-up-and-have-no-pillow” look, of course.
A glass of something yellow and fizzy is being pushed into my face. I look up and see it’s Jory, who is holding it out expectantly. I take it from his hands and he gives me a small smile. I know I probably shouldn’t take anything from anyone here, but it’s not like I have anything to lose. And it’s only Jory, it’s not like Ryo himself is giving me the drink. I’m sure it will be harmless.
I actually quite like Jory. He seems nice enough, or at least as nice as a friend of Jayce can get. Well, I wouldn’t say I like him, I just posses no opinion towards him yet, a neutral feeling, the same feeling I hope he has towards me. It’s not like Kaylie who I hated before I even met her. He’s okay.
I can’t say the same for this drink though. It’s strong
and bitter and clogs up my throat and gurgles against it, sending me spluttering. How can anyone drink this? It’s disgusting.
And yet when I look back down at the glass it’s already half-empty. Jory gawks at me: “You’re not supposed to drink it all straight away!” Wonderful.
So now he tells me.
I lower my glass and it suddenly hits me that I can’t see. There is a throbbing between my eyes and has cast a thick, buzzing fog inside my skull. Interesting.
His hand falls on my shoulder, steadying me.
“It’s all right, that will go away in a few seconds. It’s just because you’ve gulped it down so fast. Just drink slower next time, okay?”
I nod in agreement and he pats me on the head like a parent to a child and then makes way for the buffet table. It only takes a few seconds for him to be replaced by a tall, gangly figure clad head-to-toe in black and chains. The figure pushes through the crowds to hug Jayce and they scream at each other, both inaudible over the pulsating sound of the music. It’s only when Jayce lets go of him that I see who it is – Ryo. Jayce says something to him, slaps his shoulder in some strange male parting sequence and then disappears into the depths of the crowd, out of sight.
Ryo turns to inspect the rest of our group, his eyes falling on me. I am numbingly paralysed by what he does next.
He hugs me.
It’s so brief and he leaves so much distance between us, but it still chills me into motionlessness.
“It’s Alicia, right?” he shouts, but I only just hear it over the music. Ryo looks straight at me, something intimidating and laced in safety pins swallowing up his pupils. “What website did Jayce buy you from then? I might have to start dabbling in online shopping myself seeing as I’m obviously missing out on such good offers.”
I think he’s already had too much to drink. He’s leering over me like a giant goose. He pushes his face even closer, so now it looks like it’s just about hanging off the end of his long, reeled-out neck. His hot, acidic breath reeks of alcohol. If he wasn’t close enough already, he takes another step in. I can’t cope with this.
My hand, absent from all command and connection with the rest of my body, jerks out and strikes his cheek.
It’s a mad, automated moment, a moment of scarlet. I didn't think. It just... happened. I regret it immediately. I can’t believe what I’ve just done, the rift in time I’ve just made.
I’m wincing and scrambling backwards, slamming into the people behind me, sure he’s about to hit me back, or even worse.
When nothing strikes me back, I risk a quick glance and open my eyes.
Ryo’s leaning forwards holding his cheek and his eyes jitter all over me as though I’m made of light and so it stings too much to focus on one place. He’s clearly shocked, but there is also an amused, wonder-glazed look in his eyes.
A few seconds pass, and he still doesn’t retaliate. Finally, after exhaling a vacuum-packed breath, he suddenly bends backwards, throws his head back and laughs. It’s a sharp cackle caught right in the cages of his throat and I can’t decide whether it’s real or not, but it sends relief crashing right through me.
“That was… brilliant,” he breathes. “The most real thing I’ve felt in years!” he pauses, then looks at me directly, his voice suddenly sharp and cutting. “Hit me again. Go on, do it. Do it!”
I just stare at him blankly. He seems to realise I'm not going to hit him, so he then asks something that makes my head throb. “Mind if I borrow you for a bit?”
For a start, I’m not a toy for goodness’ sake! I’m not something to be passed around and borrowed! And secondly, I especially don’t want to be anywhere near that goose-faced… goose.
My answer is not considered important and Ryo links his arm around mine and drags me into the depths of the crowd anyway. I try to pull away, but the crowds on other sides of me just push me closer to him.
“These are the shlads,” he presents me to a jumble of unfamiliar and forgettable faces, all of which appear to light up at my arrival into their circle. They’re all boys, I notice, and suddenly have a hungry look in their faces the moment they see me. I suddenly feel like a rack of lamb being waved in front of hungry wolves. “Well don’t just gawk at her. Let’s do some shots Goddamit. Bring on the vodka!”
*****
Where’s Jayce? I can’t see him anywhere. Maybe if I crane my neck a little further…
Nope, nothing. Just loads of unfamiliar faces.
Where has he gone? I haven’t seen him for a while. Not since Ryo took me away.
“Done! That’s nine! You can’t beat that!” says the guy I’ve forgotten the name of sitting opposite me as he slams down his empty shot glass. The guys sitting around him all cheer and slap him. I’ve discovered that this slapping thing is the specimens named the 'shlads'' way of saying ‘well done’ without actually saying ‘well done.’ Genius.
It’s a dull game really and doesn’t deserve all this unnecessary excitement, all this noise. They’ve been at it for about an hour now, all hooting away and cheering, acting like they’re having the time of their lives. Give me a break.
Ryo has been holding my hand this whole time.
“My girl’s the best, though. She can double that if she wanted to, right Doll?” I have no choice but to nod. I’m up to four. I feel absolutely fine. If anything, I feel calm. I’m not worried, not scared, not even worried and scared at the same time. Just a bit fed up.
Right. Time to put an end to this.
I look directly at Ryo and raise my hand, outstretching my fingers. He furrows a moment in confusion, and then understands.
“Five! You want five? Are you sure, Doll?”
His degrading, pathetic pet name for me makes my toes curl. No, actually, on second thoughts, it’s not the name that does that to me, but Ryo himself.
“Brilliant! I knew you were something special. Well, you heard her! Five more!”
Some spotty, pear-faced kid almost spills the whole lot over me as he thunderously gallops to the table, and I’m pretty sure wearing the vodka doesn’t count.
“She can’t do that. She’s just a girl.”
I can do this. It’s just a bit of counting, that’s all. What I always do in my head anyway. It will get me away from this wretched table, and then I can find Jayce. He’s got to be around here somewhere. I’ll ask him to take me home, even if it means finally speaking. I have to get out of here, and winning this stupid game is my only chance.
Okay.
Taking a deep breath, I lift the first glass to my lips.
*****
“You’re brilliant, Alicia!”
I love hearing him say it. No one’s ever said that to me before. He keeps repeating it, again and again.
Brilliant. I’m brilliant. I am brilliant!
I close my eyes and throw my hands in the air, letting the word resuscitate me. All the bodies around me jump in unison. The heat closes in. I feel it inflating my ribs and consuming the place where my lungs should be. I can’t breathe. But this feeling is intoxicating.
My feet leave the ground and suddenly I’m jumping too, melding together with everyone in the room, all of us moving to the same tune.
For a minute I swear I’m flying.
There’s another glass in my hands, filled with something I can’t remember the name of. I pour it down my throat in one go with the thirst of the shipwrecked.
The music pulses on, the heartbeat of this airless room, the only thing fuelling it.
You’re going too far.
I drown out that granulated, nibbling voice with a wild shriek. I only remember I am supposed to be mute when it has already left my mouth. And then I realise I don’t care anymore.
I may be flying, but Ryo is my constant, my earth. His dark eyes greet me as I open mine. I must be in space. That’s the only word that can describe it. I’m flying in this vacuum suffocation and pressurised heat, and the people around me melt away into stars and cannon and crackle around the black d
rapery of the night sky, leaving sequined tails behind them. They keep soaring until they run out of energy, out of glitter, and settle into silver studs piercing the blackness.
And Ryo’s eyes are black, dilated moons, and they’re all I can see, all I want to see.
Chapter Nineteen
“Woah! Steady there. Are you all right?” “Is she okay?”
“She’s fine! Don’t touch her. I’ve got her. Alicia, just stay here for a moment okay? I’m going to get Sasha; he’ll know what to do. You just stay here. You’ll be fine.”
I need to get away from here.
I move away, stumbling through the crowds arms outstretched to push past people. I walk and walk, getting further and further away. That's when I hear a familiar voice and stop to listen.
“Where the Hell is he? Tell me where Jayce is!” Jayce.
“I already told you I don't know! He's just gone.” Now I remember.
“What do you mean, he’s just gone? He can’t have just dragged us to this stupid party just to leave!”
That’s who I was looking for.
“Jeez, there’s no point freaking out. He’ll be back soon. You know he does this all the time.”
I need to find him.
“Yeah, and I don’t understand why he has to do this right now! Right at the worst time possible! When we are miles away from home, we don’t know anyone here, and we can’t just bloody well leave without him!”
Wait.
“Alicia! Alicia! Where did she go?”
Think about what you’re doing, Alicia.
“But you know him, Kaylie. Just give him time. That’s the thing with Jayce; he always comes back.”
You’re not supposed to go looking for the criminal.
“Jesus! Watch where you’re going! You just stepped on my foot!”
That just doesn’t happen.
“Alicia! We were worried about you.”
Maybe there’s something wrong with you.
“Well, I for one was not worried about her. Actually, I was hoping she’d gone and drowned in her own sick somewhere. Jesus, you stink of alcohol. Stay away from me. Alcohol breath is contagious.”
The Mute and the Liar Page 15