by Carter, Nick
I cut my calories by about 500 per day and exercised for an extra hour or two. I was lucky enough to work with a trainer and a nutritionist to achieve just the right balance to insure that I was burning calories and losing pounds, but there are many fine books and tapes out there that can guide you to do the same. Even with their help, the weight didn’t come off easily. For a while it seemed like the scale was stuck. But I kept setting small goals and slowly increasing them. I started out just trying to lose a pound a week. Achieving those attainable goals always gave me a little boost.
If you are like me and tend to eat when stressed, try to be conscious of that impulse. Instead of heading to the refrigerator or the pantry, go to the gym, watch a movie, or at least substitute healthier snacks for the junk food. I lost my belly fat by swapping fast food for healthier fare and by making sure I exercised at least five times a week.
I also visualized myself getting thinner, and I thought every day about how much better I would feel and look when I lost my gut and excess body fat. I’d look in the mirror and imagine myself in a whole new body with a slimmer waist and a thinner face. I’d see it and then I’d believe it was possible, and once it was imprinted on my subconscious, I made smarter food choices, I worked out consistently every day and my body responded in kind.
Soon, people were noticing and saying things, and within six months the excess weight was gone. Now, I know it won’t be that simple or easy for most people. I have a body type that lends itself to being thin. I was also fairly young, and my food choices before that had been so awful that any improvement was bound to garner results. But I know some people have thyroid challenges, metabolism problems, and other medical factors to deal with. If you do have any of these issues, your doctor or a nutritionist can help you deal with them. All you have to do is be willing to help yourself. It all begins with you.
A BETTER HIGH
The other half of the equation in losing weight is building muscle. The benefits to working out with weights and doing cardio are incredible, but getting into a regular routine can be a challenge if you weren’t an athlete at a young age.
I could spend hours on stage performing and dancing but going into a gym to work out was torture for me. Running on a treadmill, track, or on the street had no appeal whatsoever for me, and I thought only muscle heads lifted weights. Even when I worked out with the fitness trainers we hired to whip the guys in the group into shape for a tour, I dreaded it.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BE WILLING TO HELP YOURSELF.
You may feel the same way about exercise. Nobody can make you turn off the PlayStation and go to the Y to workout. You have to want to do it because there is a payback—something pleasurable, worthwhile or beneficial that outweighs the thrill of the joystick or the comfort of the couch.
“Not dying” was the incentive that finally ignited my enthusiasm for exercise. Radical, right? I also figured out that there are ways to build strength and stamina that aren’t mind-numbingly boring. Instead of running on a treadmill or jogging, I play basketball for a couple hours. Even weight training doesn’t suck if I do it listening to music or with friends who make it fun. Competition always psychs me up more than just working out by myself.
When it seemed like I couldn’t knock off the last twenty pounds or so, weight training made all the difference. You shouldn’t worry about how much you can lift. It’s more about repetitions and resistance. That’s what helps you lower body fat. Sure muscle weighs more than fat, but your body will be toned so you will look and feel much better too.
My trainer friends say that when you replace fat with muscle it also cranks up your metabolism so you burn more fat and calories even when you aren’t working out. They told me that for every pound of muscle added through lifting weights, I’d burn off as much as one hundred calories more per day.
If you’ve never worked out with a trainer before, I recommend that you schedule at least one session just so you can learn the proper techniques and be safe. You want to get the maximum rewards for your work, and there is a danger of hurting yourself if you don’t learn how to exercise muscle groups correctly. Most trainers will tell you, for example, that you should work your legs one day, then give them a couple of days to rest before working those big muscles again.
One thing that really surprised me was that lifting weights had a much bigger impact on my attitude and self-confidence than I’d anticipated. I’ve had friends who were big bodybuilders, and they carried themselves with a lot of self-assurance. Once I began to feel stronger and tighter in my arms, shoulder and chest, I understood where that confidence came from. It’s a great feeling.
When I first felt and saw the difference in my body, my attitude changed. There is a high that comes with fitness, and it is addictive to a degree. Your body craves it, and that’s a good thing. Weight training and cardio exercise not only helps you look better, they also release those really cool endorphins and neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and dopamine, that are thought to block pain and cause feelings of euphoria. Building muscle also increases testosterone, and when you’ve been in a boy band as long as I have, you can never get enough of that!
“NOT DYING” WAS THE INCENTIVE THAT FINALLY IGNITED MY ENTHUSIASM FOR EXERCISE.
Don’t think of exercise as working out. Instead, think of it as replacing an unhealthy “high” with a healthy one. I drank and did drugs because I was stressed, angry or bored—all the usual reasons. But the truth is that getting wasted only creates more problems. The next morning I was still stressed, angry, or bored—and I also felt like ten miles of dirt road had been dumped down my throat.
Going to the gym, running, lifting weights, playing basketball, taking hikes, riding bicycles, and other forms of exercise trigger the body’s natural stimulants, giving you a healthy high that actually reduces stress and anger, alleviates boredom, and enhances your immune system, helping you sleep better, recover from injuries quicker, and live longer.
Even better: No dry mouth! No pounding headaches! No destroyed brain cells! What a deal!
A certified professional trainer can help you find the fitness regimen best for you. Your local health club, YMCA/YWCA, or area schools offer programs for every body type and budget. If you prefer to exercise at home, I used Bodybuilding.com to create a workout and to track my progress, and I found it really helped keep me on a schedule.
THERE IS A HIGH THAT COMES WITH FITNESS, AND IT IS ADDICTIVE TO A DEGREE.
Since I’ve committed to a healthier lifestyle, I’ve been struck by the insanity of my past behavior. I was a genius at coming up with rationalizations for my binge drinking, drug use, smoking, and junk-food habit. Why was it so easy to make excuses for self-destructive behavior but not easy to exercise and eat right? Why did I think doing Ecstasy was a better reward than listening to my favorite music while working out?
CHANGE FOR THE BETTER
Creating a healthier lifestyle is all about replacing what can weaken or even kill you with activities that extend your life and make it more enjoyable. This can include changing your diet and your activities as well as your attitude, your friends and your environment.
I’m about as stubborn as they come, as you’ve probably noticed. It took the threat of death before I finally made a real commitment to curbing my drinking and drug use, eating healthier, and getting fit. Therapy also helped change my way of thinking. Hopefully, it won’t take as much to get your life on a better path. Having a positive attitude is not a sure cure or the answer to all of life’s problems. But it is so much better than a negative, self-defeating, self-pitying attitude.
I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s worth repeating: the only way your life will change for the better is if you begin from the inside out. If you are unhappy and unfulfilled, look inside. Clear out the negative thinking, the old hurts, and resentments and bitterness that have led to bad decisions in the past. Make the choice to make a change in your attitude. Use whatever motivation is available to you, but use it to take
positive actions that make you feel better about yourself.
I’M ABOUT AS STUBBORN AS THEY COME.
Getting out of the Hollywood party environment was a major step in the right direction for me. I’ve stayed away from my old Tampa social circles, too. I mean no disrespect to those friends, but the old ways I engaged in were bad for me. I wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptations that came with those people, and the places where we hung out.
Cool Springs is a much healthier environment for me. Bad temptations aren’t nearly as prevalent. I don’t have to use all sorts of energy just to stay out of trouble. I can relax. My Tennessee friends are more about music and family and spiritual things. They make me want to be a better person. They are the type of friends I need at this point in my life, and probably for the rest of my life, too.
When I committed to making changes in my attitude, my health, my environment and my friendships, I discovered something that I’m pretty sure will happen to you too: totally unexpected good stuff begins to happen on a regular basis. And in a way it makes sense. If you binge drink, do drugs, hang with a partying crowd, and spend most of your time in bars and clubs, trouble is bound to find you. It sure found me. So, it stands to reason that if you take care of your body by not abusing drugs and alcohol, working out, hanging with positive and productive people in places like nice restaurants, health clubs, and at home, good things will find you.
I’ve been a lucky guy in many, many ways, but I’ve never had such a great run as I’ve experienced since I became more devoted to cleaning up my act. I still mess up at times. I’m not saying I’m perfect and that my life is all sunshine and roses. Still, in this next chapter, I’ll share with you some of the cool things that have come my way since I’ve worked on the new, improved, fat-free, and drug-free Nick.
I’VE BEEN A LUCKY GUY IN MANY, MANY WAYS…
PERSONAL NOTES
CHAPTER NINE
THE COMEBACK
I BEGAN THIS book by telling you how great it felt to be on stage during the Central Park concert that kicked off the Backstreet Boys 20th anniversary reunion tour. We were back in more ways than most people realized.
Although BSB never broke up or shut down operations completely, we did take a two-year hiatus from 2002 to 2004. Then in 2006, Kevin Richardson decided to focus on acting and other projects. When he rejoined us in 2012, it was a legitimate comeback and reunion because all of the original members were performing together again.
IN TRUTH, I’D BEEN THE WEAK LINK IN THE CHAIN FOR QUITE A WHILE.
At least that’s the way most outsiders saw it. However, the members of the group actually have a little different perspective on the situation. We saw the 2012 tour as a reunion in which not one but two members of the original group returned. There was Kevin, and then there was me: the real me, or actually, maybe the new, grown-up me.
After Kevin left in 2006, the rest of us continued touring and recording albums. We worked constantly to keep the BSB flame stoked. But I was sucking all the oxygen from the fire with my burnout behavior. The tabloids had it right: I was the lost boy in the Backstreet Boys.
In truth, I’d been the weak link in the chain for quite a while. There is no real way to prepare for the life of a pop star I suppose, but especially when you have no tools in the toolbox for dealing with the worst temptations and excesses served up by the celebrity life.
BUT I WAS SUCKING ALL THE OXYGEN FROM THE FIRE WITH MY BURNOUT BEHAVIOR.
Can you remember being 12 years old? Did you have your act together at that age? Was the way you saw the world then much different than the way you see it now? Imagine spending most of your teen years without any strong parental presence, and with just about anything you wanted within your reach. That life does not suck at all. I’m not saying that.
Traveling the world. Singing to thousands and thousands of people. Being part of an amazing group of talented guys. Always being treated like someone special. What an incredible, awesome life! I was blessed beyond belief, no doubt about it.
I just wish I’d handled myself better. Being the youngest in the group, I got away with a lot. The eldest, Kevin, who is nine years older than me, treated me like his wayward kid brother. All the guys were protective and patient with me. I loved performing and I worked hard alongside them during the first five years or so. Then, my joy and gratitude gave way to darker feelings.
THEN, MY JOY AND GRATITUDE GAVE WAY TO DARKER FEELINGS.
When I look back at the hours and hours we spent in studios recording, touring around the world, and maintaining our crazy lifestyle, I really don’t know how any of us kept our heads on straight. My teen years flew by so fast. I was living the dream, no doubt about it. I was well trained as a singer, dancer and stage performer. I just wasn’t very well grounded as a person.
There aren’t many teens who have life all figured out. We all need those years to decide who we are, where we fit in, and what sort of people we want to become. The teens who are luckiest are the ones whose parents try to guide them, provide boundaries, rein them in when needed, and of course encourage and support them, too.
For all of the wonderful things that came my way, I didn’t have that sort of backup. I don’t want to rehash all the stuff I’ve told you already about my challenges with my parents. The point I want to make here is that we all make mistakes and do stupid stuff, but it is possible to turn your life around. While I’m not all the way there yet, I’m much better than I was. And I’m working on it every day.
YOU CAN RECLAIM YOUR LIFE IF YOU ARE WILLING TO ADMIT YOUR MISTAKES.
So if there is one take-away from this chapter and this book, it is this: it’s never over. Not unless you are dead and buried. You can get sober. You can heal. You can reclaim your life if you are willing to admit your mistakes. You can make the necessary corrections, and repair the damage done to your relationships and your reputation.
TOUGH LOVE
My comeback wouldn’t have been possible if the other guys in Backstreet hadn’t been willing to forgive me. We all had our bad days. We all made mistakes that put strains on our relationship, but I was definitely the problem child for a long stretch. I was just off my rocker for a while.
You already know about the arrest in Tampa, the DUI in California, and my self-administered rehab in Tennessee. Those were the highlights— or the lowlights as the case may be—but there was plenty of other embarrassing crap in between. What I haven’t really described before is how my craziness affected Backstreet and my relationship with the guys. Most of it didn’t make headlines and none of it was super-terrible, just unnecessary and self-destructive.
Sometimes it was expensive, too. In January of 2004, we began recording our Never Gone album, the follow-up to our huge Black and Blue album. Actually the title Never Gone was inaccurate because I was way gone during much of the recording of it. One hint that something was missing was the fact that we cranked out the Black and Blue album after about three months of studio work, but it took a year to finish Never Gone. Even when I was there physically, I wasn’t at full strength mentally or emotionally due to all the partying, romantic ups and downs, and family issues in my life.
I was not the only one who missed studio sessions, or showed up late and in less than prime working condition, but I was definitely the worst repeat offender. I wasn’t into writing music and recording songs. I was into drinking in bars, partying, doing drugs and generally not caring about my life. This was around the time I broke up with Paris Hilton and I began my serious decline.
It wasn’t as though I thought Paris was the love of my life. As I said earlier, we had some good times, but all too often I felt like I’d been abducted by an alien life form and taken to a planet where money is no object and hard work and paying bills are somebody else’s problems.
THE CHALLENGE WAS: I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE I BELONGED.
Did I get sucked into that life for a while? Yes, guilty as charged. But I quickly realized I didn’t belong there. The challe
nge was: I didn’t know where I belonged. That’s what set me off in the downward spiral where it seemed I kept piling one mistake on after another.
I was constantly in a fog. I skipped rehearsals or showed up hours after our start time. Finally, when our manager Johnny Wright couldn’t get me to straighten up any other way he cracked down: “Nick, if you don’t show up or you’re late, it’s a thousand dollar fine every time.”
My slacker response was predictable: “Whatever.”
The bad news for the other guys was that Johnny had to enforce it for everyone in the group to make it seem fair, even though I was his primary offender. This was during a time when my financial affairs were just as messed up as the rest of my life. I’d been giving money away, wasting it, making bad investments and generally not paying enough attention.
So, when we finished the album and Johnny handed out the tabs for our fines, I was not exactly prepared to write a check. The total for all of the guys in the group was $80,000. My share was $60,000!
That got my attention. Johnny, who donated the money to a charity we selected, was giving me tough love, trying to shock me out of my negligence and irresponsibility. The message came through loud and clear and stuck with me, too. When word got out around the music business, I was embarrassed.
Johnny’s attack on my wallet finally got my attention. His one thousand dollar penalties worked on several levels. Aside from the humiliation, there was the impact on my finances. Every dollar of mine that went toward the fines was another reminder of my increasing irresponsibility and self-sabotaging behavior.
Fortunately, Backstreet has been a very resilient group. We know each other so well. We are loyal to each other. There is a great deal of patience and understanding among the guys, which is a good thing for me.
They never said they wanted to kick me out of the group, though there were many times I deserved it. They just kept hoping I’d figure it out because they knew that was the only way I’d change. We’ve allowed each other room to grow over the years. We’ve seen each other through some really hard times.