"What? What?"
Outside the door, a horrified Glenn dropped the pile of logs he was carrying and stumbled back. His scarred hands went across a face so plain even terror couldn't make a mark, and his saddle-stitched body jerked as he tried to move away from Billy.
"Don't hurt me," he called. "Don't. . ."
"Oh, man, I'm sorry. Sorry, man." Billy pulled back. He put the pottery on the floor and scrambled for the logs, apologizing as he scooped them up. "We didn't know who was out here. Sorry, man. We just didn't know."
"Isn't it just me? Isn't it time for the fires?"
"Yeah. I forgot. Come on in."
Billy held the door. Glenn came in looking as if he'd prefer to be going out. He nodded at Hannah, but still gave Billy the eye.
"You want me to do it? I can do it if you're not up to it?" Billy offered as Glenn let the wood roll off his arms and onto the floor near the stove.
"No. I have to do it," Glen said. "That's the way it is. That's the rule."
Billy gravitated back to Hannah's bed.
"Why can't he help you?" Hannah asked.
Glenn hunkered down and opened the grate as if he hadn't heard her.
"Dude?" Billy nudged him. "Why can't I help you make the fire if it would be easier all around?"
Glenn put the first log in and then the second, and still he didn't speak. Hannah and Billy exchanged a look. When the third log went in he swiveled on the balls of his feet and looked at them from behind the rise of his shoulder. His eyes glinted and in that second his face was one Hannah would never forget.
"Because that's how I got burned. Starting fires."
***
Duncan pulled his scarf up over his lips and his nose. The cold in the hidden room was almost beyond bearing, but he was in too much of a hurry to warm it. All he needed was light. Yes, he needed light to see the word of God so he could make some sense of this. . . this. . .blasphemy.
Never, not in all his life, not even the first time Pea had spoken, not even when he realized what his mother had done, not even when he had first understood his gift, not even when he had been entrusted with the first of his broken, battered, doomed flock had Duncan felt such horror. He had lived his whole life with a grace that allowed him to meet each test and trial calmly.
Until now.
Until Melody announced that Pea had spoken to her.
Until Melody looked at him as if she were his equal.
Which she was not.
Which she would never be.
Duncan was so upset that he started to upset everything in his ordered room. He banged his legs and his pen fell off the table. He lunged to get it and the table jolted. That caused the blessed book to fall to the floor, face down, pages bent and scored.
Duncan nearly wept when he picked it up and saw the damaged pages. He lifted the book and put it back on the table. He smoothed the pages knowing he could never look at it again without thinking of this night.
Damn Melody.
She must have done something to cause Pea to betray him or, perhaps, Melody was lying. But that made no sense either. Melody would not jeopardize her healing with such a grandiose lie; with any lie for that matter.
Duncan settled himself back in his chair. He pressed the scarf to his face. He must be calm. There could be no emotions as he put Melody's revelation to the test. He waited, and waited until he was as Within as he could make himself.
He was not, after all, Pea.
Just then, thinking about his sister and her gift, Duncan understood that there might be another explanation for what happened in that room: What if Pea were Without? What if Pea was becoming one of the flock? If that happened then he would be alone among them all and that thought was crushing.
His head fell forward the way a condemned man's will when the executioner tilts it to bare the neck.
How could he live if Pea were Without? How would God speak to him? How would he know when the time was right to heal them all? Did it follow that Pea would have to be healed? How oh how would he find the answers?
It was only when Duncan felt a tear run from the corner of his eye, when he heard it drop onto the book, when he opened his eyes and saw the spot it made on the blessed page, that Duncan righted himself. He was the brother and he was strong. If he had not been, none of them would have come this far.
Pulling the scarf from his face, Duncan wiped his tears. He needed to see clearly, think clearly, and act decisively. If the connection between Pea and God was broken, Duncan needed to know.
He opened the Bible.
He turned the pages.
He came to the passage Melody had so proudly – even arrogantly – announced to the stunned congregation.
Numbers 12:1
Duncan read the passage once.
He read the passage again.
He read it once more, using his finger to follow each word so that there would be no mistake. When he was finished, Duncan sat still for a very long time. He was warm despite the cold, filled with purpose, awed by the glorious simplicity of it all.
"Thank you," he murmured, and he had no doubt that God heard.
He closed the book. Pea was blessed and still Within. He was the brother who was Without. He was the man who interpreted God's design and Pea's words led him on the right path as always. Nothing had changed except one thing; this time Melody had received the message because the message was for him, Duncan.
The tears of despair he had shed were now tears of joy. They spilled from his lazy eyes and ran cold down his cheeks. He had been waiting so long for this. Now, no matter what, even long after the healing, he would not be alone. He would be blessed beyond his wildest dreams.
Everyone, including Duncan, would be at peace.
***
Josie sat cross-legged on her sleeping bag and Nell lay on the other side of the tent, her head cradled on her upturned palm, watching the tall woman pour over a map.
"You're not going to find anything else. You know that, don't you?"
"Maybe," Josie muttered. "Maybe not."
Nell rolled onto her back and looked up at the dome of the tent. It was close quarters, but she didn't mind. What surprised her was that Josie Bates didn't seem to mind either.
"I wouldn't be able to make heads or tails of some lawyer thing so you'd probably tell me to give it up if I kept trying. I'm the expert here, and I promise you won't be able to tell anything by that map."
Josie picked the map up, folded it part way, and floated it toward Nell. The woman caught it and opened it up as Josie scooted over and got on her knees.
"Look over here." Josie poked the map. "What are these Xs? They have to represent something."
"Native summer camps. They stock up for the winter and then go back to their villages until the ice breaks up again and they can get back to the river."
"Do they do that every year?" Josie asked.
"Every year since the beginning of time. Now the government gives them all sort of paperwork, permits for subsistence harvesting. Stuff like that makes me mad. It used to be so easy, so natural. Boy, we screwed them up."
Josie took the map back and folded it in half. "It's the law. You've got to follow the law."
"So you say."
Josie laughed, "It's not me. People vote, politicians make the law, and there are courts to hear cases. There are cops to enforce laws. Look at Andre."
Nell barked a laugh, "I love to look at Andre."
"He is easy on the eyes," Josie admitted. "Still, he enforces the law."
"That he does. But the law he enforces can sometimes be a little different than what's on the books. So can justice, and politics, and religion, and the whole ball of wax." Nell turned on her side and cradled her head in her upturned hand. "Look, Alaska isn't California. We don't have the population you do for one thing. People aren't living on top of each the other. That alone creates a whole new dynamic. Frankly, we're all happy to get away from
people like you."
"How do you really feel about us?" Josie asked.
"Honest to God truth." Nell raised her fingers in the Girl Scout salute. "We do pretty good on our own. The only thing we get all hot and bothered about is when you all come in and tell us we've got to do something different when it's been working fine the way it is."
"Like looking for Hannah and Billy?"
"Yeah, like that. Want a drink?" Nell sat up and reached for her pack and took out a flask.
"What have you got?" Josie asked.
"Scotch."
Josie shook her head and Nell kept talking.
"It's not that we don't care, it's just we know the lay of our land. When you went over Andre's head, you might as well have just kicked him in the gut. So much for his expertise; so much for his authority. I'd like to see what you'd do if someone walked into your office, went to your boss, and said you didn't know what the hell you were doing."
"I don't have a boss," Josie pointed out.
"No one would hire you, huh?" Nell chuckled. "Can't blame 'em."
"They didn't know what they were missing," Josie answered. "But what about you? You didn't get all bent out of shape about helping me."
"Me?" Nell took a swig directly out of the flask since she wasn't sharing. "I'm a businesswoman. You're not wasting my time if you pay me, and if you're paying me, you can't hurt my feelings. Andre is a cop. He's a man. What he told you was the truth. You're not going to find your girl. You're not going to find her friend. Andre doesn't like to waste his time. He really doesn't like people to get their hopes up."
"If it was his daughter he'd be doing just what I'm doing," Josie said.
"Probably," she finished her drink. "But she's your daughter, and I think you'd be out here by yourself if no one else would go. I couldn't let you do that."
Nell screwed the top back on the flask and lay down. She threw the top of her sleeping bag over her body and zipped it up. Josie did the same, but she took the map to bed with her.
"Time to get some shut eye. Night," Nell said.
The lantern went off. They lay in the dark, zipped into bags, under the shelter of a small tent.
"She's not my daughter, you know," Josie said.
"Might as well be," Nell answered. "That's why I'm assuming you want to start again in the morning."
"I didn't think that was even a question," Josie said.
"Figured I'd be polite and ask. Now go to sleep." Nell turned over in her bag.
Josie just stared into the dark, her mind still working. "So, do you think the natives are still at those camps by the river?"
Nell sniffed, but that was all the answer Josie got. The other woman went to sleep knowing that tomorrow they'd be headed to the summer camps.
Josie arranged her backpack and used it as a pillow. She slid the map underneath it, closed her eyes, and listened to Nell's breathing. She also thought about how cold her nose was, and then drifted off to sleep aware that her last thoughts were to wonder what Hannah and Billy were doing at that very moment.
That was how great Josie Bates' faith was. That in the demonic darkness, wandering in the wilderness, lost and without direction, Josie Bates believed that Hannah Sheraton and Billy Zuni were alive and able to do anything at all.
CHAPTER 16
I should have known. There had to be a crazy in this group, but Glenn wasn't the one I would have figured on. I look at Billy, and he's looking at me. He's pale as a ghost. I feel like I might be, too. Every bit of blood feels like it drained from my face and all my stewing pot of genes isn't enough to leave my skin the color of toffee.
I check out Glenn. He doesn't even notice that I'm staring at him like he's the monster that just climbed out from under my bed.
He's happy with his logs and his fire.
He's really happy – with his logs – and his fire.
Hannah spoke up, and Billy thought it was cool that her voice didn't even shake because it should have.
"What kind of fire were you starting when you got burned? In your fireplace? In your house?"
Glenn shook his very ordinary head. He picked up a poker and the flames flared. His hand looked like melting wax in the gold/red light. Seemingly satisfied that it would burn well, he put the poker down, and started stacking the wood.
"Sort of. I mean it was at my house, but we didn't have a fireplace." He chuckled a little, and it was an almost merry sound. "I think about it now, and I realize how really terrible it was. I was mad at my wife and my children. I don't think any of them liked me very much. My wife, well, she really loved our house. So I thought, you know, I'd scare her a little, and so I burned the house down. But they were in it."
"You knew they were in there?" Billy asked.
Glenn took the small log off the stack and replaced it with a larger one.
"Isn't that what on purpose means? I didn't do it very well, but I guess you could tell that. I mean will you look at me?"
He did a mechanical quarter turn, paused, and did it again as he poked at his chest.
"Do you want to see?"
Hannah shook her head, "No. No."
"We're good," Billy agreed.
"It's pretty ugly, even if I do say so myself. It's amazing I survived at all. A real testament to medical science. They said I was nuts and sent me to a hospital instead of jail. I told them that I wasn't nuts." Glenn finished his stacking and brushed off his hands. "I was really honest about the whole thing. I told them I meant to do it, and it wasn't the first time. I've always thought fire is amazing. It just can get out of hand so fast. Still, there are so many things to really like about it."
His drum body rolled around. He picked up the poker and used it again. Cinders sparkled, flames flamed, wood blackened. Reluctantly, he closed the grate, struggled up, and trotted over to Duncan's chair.
"Can I stay here for a little? It's awful downstairs. Melody is so unhappy and Teresa just has her mouth all clamped shut. Robert's crying. The rest went to Hours, but I think they just don't want to be around when Duncan comes back. Nobody gets disturbed in Hours. Ever. I used to hate that. There are times I would just pray for someone to disturb me. Hours can be so long and lonely. I sure hope this doesn't interfere with the healing."
Glenn didn't seem to like the position of his chair so he got up again and carried it closer to the stove.
"Anyway, it would be sad if this screwed up the healing."
"What's with the healing thing?" Hannah asked. "Do you think Duncan is going to lay on hands or something? I mean, do you believe that he can make your scars go away or Melody's arm okay? Is that it?"
"Oh, okay. I guess nobody really had a chance to explain it to you, did they?"
"No. It would be good to know." Billy moved closer to Hannah.
"Well," Glenn answered, "It's really pretty simple. We believe that Pea speaks to God. She is perfect and Within. . . "
"What's that?" Billy asked.
"Oh, that just means there's nothing wrong with her. Duncan is close but she's perfect. When you're perfect, you live all alone inside yourself because you just don't need anything else. That's what we all strive for. Pea was born that way. That's what I hear. I've never seen her myself because Duncan is the only man who can see her. Melody told us how beautiful she is, though, and how Within is amazing. That's how it is when you're perfect. Anyway," Glenn waved his hand. "Pea's got nothing wrong with her, and she's so perfect that nothing in this world can touch her. She doesn't have to be with other people, or move, or look at anyone. She and God talk in their brains. Then Pea tells Duncan what God says, and he looks in the Bible, and he tells us all what it means. That's how we are guided, and that is how we will know when the healing time is on us. It's going to be pretty soon. Or at least it was supposed to be."
"Duncan interprets what she says? Like Bible study?" Hannah asked.
"He's more than a study person. He is blessed with the gift of interpretation."
"And the rest of you?" Billy asked.
"We're chosen. We're the people who God told Duncan could be healed. Not everyone can be, you know. It's not easy to earn it. When Duncan first told me what I had to do, I didn't think I could manage but here I am. I haven't set a fire since I've been with him. Except in a stove, of course."
"So, dude, I'm totally not getting it." Billy said. "What do you have to do?"
"Face our sins head on, of course. I burned down my house, so I tend the fires. That's how we prove we won't sin again. We are tempted and we resist. Melody tends Pea – and now Hannah – Teresa has to care for everyone like they're her own children, Robert has to help Teresa as if she's his mother."
"Do you mean everyone did something as bad as you?" Hannah asked.
"Oh yes." Glenn raised his hands and made a little box with them. "I set a fire and killed my wife and my kids and burned down my house. I did it once before with someone else's house. My sin is hurting people with fire." He made a box-like gesture in front of him. "Then I got arrested and sent to the hospital where I met Duncan while he was doing ministry. We talked about how to be healed and he said–” Glenn moved his deformed hands to another imaginary space to the other side of his body " – if I faced what I did, if I could resist temptation, if I lived by God's word, I would be healed and released from the pain of this world. That's what he said. Released from the pain of this world and be whole and happy."
"And so he makes you be the fire guy so that you have to resist temptation all the time?" Billy asked.
"Yep. Works good, don't you think?" Glenn said brightly. "If I can be responsible for the fires around here, God will see that I have conquered temptation and atoned for my sin. I will be released."
His hands came down on his thighs. He was smiling. Hannah wiped the sweat from her head. It was getting hot in the room. Clearly, Glenn was good at his job.
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