by Ava Frost
And finally, someone else knew my secret. A small weight was lifted off my shoulders just knowing that there was one other person in the world who knew about the baby. My baby.
And now I could tell Cole.
I phoned him right away when I got out of my appointment.
"Cole! I'm free tonight. Does that dinner offer still stand?"
He laughed. "Hello to you too. Yes, of course it stands. What are you in the mood for?"
We decided on a smoky little Chinese place near his house that was kind of seedy looking, but was something of a hidden gem when it came to the actual food. I wanted to meet him at his place though. The thought of telling him the news in a restaurant was not ideal. I wanted a bit of privacy, in case there were tears.
I white knuckled the steering wheel all the way there, imagining all the ways that the reveal could go down.
The first option was that he would be shocked and horrified. He would ask me to abort, and when I told him I didn't want to, he would abandon me, leaving me to a future of late child support payments and single motherhood.
The second option was that he would be shocked and supportive. He would come with me to the ultrasounds, we would continue to date, and co-parent as well as we could.
The third option would be that he was shocked and convinced that it is his moral duty to "make an honest woman of me," and marry me even though he really doesn't want to and leave me to either convince him not to marry me or end up in a weird, dutiful marriage to a stranger.
The fourth option was that he would be shocked and realize that he is in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me and his children.
Those were all the options I could think of, and I didn't really know which one I preferred. Either way, his reaction was out of my hands.
My heart thudded in my chest loudly as I knocked on his door. He looked a little harried when he answered, as if he had been rushing around tidying up in preparation for my arrival. Looking around, his place was as sparse as ever, though.
He grinned broadly at me. "Hey, stranger. You ready?"
"Actually, can I get a glass of water before we go? I'm really thirsty."
"Yeah, yeah, of course." He said. There was something strange about his voice. He seemed like he was in a hurry, or stressed out about something. I narrowed my eyes slightly at him but he didn't pick up on my confusion. Instead he excused himself to the bathroom while I got myself a glass of water from the kitchen. I followed down the hallway, pacing nervously, and noticed that the spare room was cracked open.
I didn't mean to snoop, really. I just walked by. Maybe I nudged the door open a tiny bit, but tt's not as if I went rummaging around through his house looking for dirt. What I saw shocked me. The room was packed with guns and boxes of God knows what. Big guns, small guns, hunting rifles. Rifles apparently not meant for hunting. It looked like enough firepower to arm a small army.
I just stood there, dumbly. Staring.
When he came out of the bathroom he rushed over to me and tried to close the door to the spare room, as if he could erase what I'd seen, but I pushed it open and walked in, my mouth hanging open.
"Cole…"
"I can explain."
"I thought you said you were barely involved?" Finally my gaze went from the room to his eyes.
"I'm not. Not really. Listen, it's complicated."
"Are you holding all this for a friend?" I asked in a sarcastic tone.
He sputtered and a silence that felt like it spanned centuries fell between us. I was absolutely dumbfounded. And terrified.
I felt my face grow hot from embarrassment. How could I have been so stupid? He was part of a gang. Goo goo eyes or not. He was a gun trafficker. These had probably been here when I spent the night. What if there had been a police raid when I was there? When he said he'd been working a lot and couldn't see me, what had he been doing? Deliveries?
I had let myself be blinded to the obvious. He'd shown me a side of himself that he knew I wanted to see. He'd led me on. I was some kind of forbidden fruit kink to him, nothing more.
He was dangerous.
"You aren't who I thought you were." I finally said.
"Annabeth..." He started, but I pushed past him and made for the door.
He followed me. At the front door he reached out to grab my wrist to stop me from leaving but I shook him off with force.
"Don't touch me. Leave me alone. I was stupid to think you were safe. I don't want any part of this."
Tears stung my eyes as I left. He didn't follow me. Some last gesture of kindness, I supposed. I cried all the way home, despair flooding me when I realized what a mess I had gotten myself in. I blamed it on being impulsive after a bad breakup. I'd hopped into bed with the nearest handsome stranger and now look where it had gotten me. Pregnant. Alone. The father of my baby some kind of crime lord. I couldn't tell him about the baby. He might try to...I don't know, sue for rights. I couldn't have my baby wrapped up in that life.
I cried all the way home. Not great heaving sobs, but just a steady stream of tears that kept coming and coming. I tried to think of something else, worried as I was about working myself up in “my state”, but it was useless. My whole life felt like it had been swallowed up by Cole. I couldn't find it in myself to be angry with him, although I did try. It would be easier to be angry. At least with anger there is a certain energy that comes with it. With despair like I was feeling on that drive home, I was left feeling completely drained. When I got home I crawled right into my bed, fully clothed, and willed myself to sleep.
*******
The next few weeks are a blur. The morning sickness did, eventually, hit me. And when it did it was with the force of a freight train. I was sick morning evening and night, despite the name. My employer was gracious enough to let me do a bit of work from home, so that I didn't have to cart my nauseated ass to work in the morning. I did a lot of work in my pajamas and, thinking back, I may have slipped into a bit of a depression. More than just normal pregnancy hormone-induced sadness. I barely left the house for a long time. Because of the nausea, I told myself, but I didn't make very much of an effort, to be honest. Sometimes I would go days without really getting dressed or washing my hair. I just kind of lazed around, trying not to think about my life too hard for too long.
Eventually, I did finally tell my mom and dad what had happened. They were predictably shocked, and I winced through their questions, but they recovered quickly. Mom went into comfort mode pretty fast, for which I was exceedingly grateful. Dad was a bit quiet on the whole matter at first but he seemed to warm up to the situation with time.
It was thanks to them that I perked up in my second trimester. When the nausea wore off it was much easier to go about my daily life. I continued to ignore the occasional calls from Cole, although each one of them rent my heart with guilt. I felt terrible for keeping it a secret from him that I was pregnant. A part of me, a big part, felt like he had the right to know. I could tell my dad felt the same, but he wouldn't say anything to me. I had made my decision though. It would be too complicated to have Cole involved in the child's life. I had to do what was best for the baby, not what was best for my conscience regarding the baby's adult father. Cole would be fine. He was fine before me and he would be fine after me.
It took a bit of convincing myself of these things every time I saw his number appear on my phone.
After a while he stopped calling altogether. He left one last voicemail, which I saved, against my better judgment.
“Annabeth. It's Cole. Obviously. Listen, I'm not happy about the way things ended with you and me. I should have been more honest with you. I see that now. I was trying to protect you, but I should have been more concerned with treating you like the adult you are and letting you make decisions about your life with all the information. I'm sorry. I hope you call me back sometime. Anyway. Yeah. That's all. I won't bother you anymore, but you have my number.”
I must have listened to tha
t message a hundred times. In the dark silence of the night as I lay in bed, with only the kicking in my belly for company, I played the message over and over. Wishing things were different. Wishing Cole was someone else. Someone stable, and safe.
Chapter 8
“I wish I could, honey. I'm so upset that I can't make it. You will tell me as soon as you know? You can call me at work, you know.”
“The big boss man won't get mad?” I asked my mom, taking a bite of one of her cookies as I leaned on her breakfast bar. It was the morning of the big twenty week ultrasound. The one that would tell me if I was having a son or a daughter.
“Oh no. He won't even notice. I considered sneaking away altogether so I could come with you but he does occasionally walk by my post in the shop.” She laughed.
“It's alright mom. I understand. It's just kind of sad, isn't it? I feel so weird going to these things all by myself. I can feel everyone wondering where the daddy is and why he's not there and why I'm such a tramp at my age.”
“Oh no, Honey. Not at all. No one thinks those things.” She reached across the counter and put her hand over mine. “No one thinks those things at all.”
I was reassured. If anyone knew what everyone in the town was thinking, it was my mom.
“Well. I gotta run. It's time.” I said, standing up.
“You call me the moment you're out!”
I promised and we hugged goodbye as I went out the door. The snow had long melted and flowers were in bloom, scenting the air with the delicate fragrance of lilac. I was in a bright mood, full of excitement to find out the sex of the baby. I stopped in at a convenience store to get myself a large tea and my mood changed in an instant.
There, standing in line to buy a pack of cigarettes, was Cole. Time stopped for a moment and I was planning my escape but in that split second, it was like he could sense me there, and his eyes met mine. Recognition flashed in his eyes and I saw them dart down to my swollen belly. He looked back up at my face, his lips parted.
In a panic I pushed the tea onto a shelf of peanuts and turned on my heel, practically running for the door.
“Annabeth!” I heard him call after me. His voice was stern and maybe a little frightened.
I squeezed my eyes shut and turned around slowly. There was no avoiding this now. He ran up to me and I kept my eyes on the ground, too ashamed to look up at him.
“You're pregnant.” He stated.
I shrugged
“How far along?”
“Twenty weeks.”
I listened to the silence in which he quickly did the math. “December. Is it...”
“Yes Cole, it's yours. How many men do you think I slept with in December?” I snapped. It wasn't fair to snap at him, I knew it even as the words came out of my mouth, but I couldn't help it.
“You didn't tell me.”
“You keep stating the obvious.”
He gripped my chin, not hard but firmly, and tilted it up to force me to look into his eyes. It was excruciating. Tears welled up in my own immediately. Here in the bright spring sunshine he looked just like I remembered him. Gentle. Kind. Concerned.
“You've been all alone this whole time?”
“My mom and dad are helping me.”
“You don't trust me.”
I tried to look away, but he used both hands on either side of my face to prevent it, and kissed me on the mouth.
“Annabeth, please.” He laid a hand on my belly. The baby surely felt my heart beating like a rabbit's and it responded with a swift kick against his hand. Cole pulled his hand away and swore under his breath before grinning and placing the hand back.
“It knows me.” He laughed.
“Cole.” I warned. This was what I didn't want.
“Annabeth.”
“Babies need parents who they can depend on. Parents who aren't going to wind up in jail at any moment. Parents whose houses are safe for babies to be toddling around in. I won't ask you to change your life for me. That's why I kept it secret. I know you think it was terrible and selfish of me. But I'm trying to spare you. You have your life. I don't think it's right, but it's not my place to have an opinion.”
His arms dropped to his sides. He was still looking at my belly, but slowly his eyes returned to mine.
“Why do you think I approached you in the first place?” He asked.
“Because Billy was getting fresh and you thought even I didn't deserve that.”
We both smiled a little, remembering how we met.
“That's part of it. But I was watching you before Billy was. As soon as you walked in. You looked so...normal. So average.”
“Gee thanks.” I said, shifting my weight.
He laughed. “No, really. The people I see every day, they are not normal. They're tough and damaged and strong in ways no person should have to be strong. You were like a breath of fresh air. I looked at you and thought 'this is the kind of girl who can save me.'”
“Save you? How can I save you?”
“I don't know that quite yet. But when I saw you I imagined myself with a job where I have to wear a suit to work, and a normal car, and a house with no secret rooms.”
“Cole. You don't have to promise me anything. I'm okay on my own.”
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
“I'm on my way to find out, actually.” I said, glancing at the time on my phone. I was almost late.
“Really? Right now?”
I nodded.
“Let me come. Let's not make any big decisions in the parking lot of a gas station. Okay? Just let me come and see. Can we take it one step at a time?”
I searched his face. My whole heart was leaping, wanting to gather him in my arms and take him home and believe unreservedly everything that he promised. My mind was still cautious though. Men don't change. Not on a dime like this.
The promise of one step at a time was attractive.
“Yes, you can come. But we have to leave now.”
He grinned widely and offered his arm to me as we hurried back to my car. We were definitely going to be late, but it would have to be okay.
*******
A few months later and my life had completely changed. I laid in the hospital bed watching Cole hold our newborn daughter, his face beaming. When Cole first told me that he was leaving the club, I was shocked. I didn’t really believe that he was prepared to change his whole life for me… for us. But he had kept his promise.
I found the engagement ring tucked away in one of his drawers weeks ago, but I managed to hide my excitement. I knew he was waiting for just the right time to pop the question, and I didn’t want to take that away from him.
My future was finally clear to me. They were my future… Cole and my beautiful baby girl.
THE END
Mail Order Bride Romance Collection
A Twist of Fate
Chapter 1
Steam filled the air as I stepped from the train carriage in Jackson Ridge, pulling a heavy tote bag behind me. It had only been a week earlier when I applied for the position as Nanny for Mr. Christian and already I was here. I scanned the people who were gathered on the platform, feeling relieved upon seeing Seth’s smiling face.
“Happy to see you Miss,” he greeted.
“Thank you Seth,” I answered politely.
Gathering my skirts I accepted his hand as he helped me into the trap, aware of everyone’s eyes upon us as he geed the horse forward. It was clear that the town knew of its new arrival as Seth steered through the dusty main street. Men, women and children stopping in their tracks to gawp as we passed.
Mr. Christian owned the largest ranch in town while his ancestors had helped to establish the town. So people’s curiosity didn’t surprise me, although their stares did cause me to shift slightly on the hard wooden seat.
Though it was still early in the day the sun’s rays had already grown warm so I welcomed the sight of the ranch ahead a short time later. My new employer and his two young sons stood o
n the porch ready to greet me.
Seth and I had ridden in silence throughout our short journey, me lost in thoughts of leaving my old life behind. Yet knowing that moving here was the only option to stop the shadows of my past from haunting me. Filled with nerves, I welcomed the slight nod that Seth gave while I took Mr. Christian’s hand with a curtsey.
“Welcome to my home. Paul, Andrew….what do you say to your Nanny?” he said strictly.
Both boys immediately stepped forward, each giving a bow before settling upon the wicker seat with their father. I took a chair opposite and welcomed the cool lemonade that was offered.
“Thank you Mr. Christian, for the opportunity to work here,” I said shyly as I took a sip from my drink.
I frowned slightly as he shooed his sons away, noting their solemn expression while heading back into the house.