…
Holy shit, I hadn’t been this nervous to lose my virginity.
I knocked four times on her glass door and slid it open when she waved me in.
“Sorry, I wanted to be comfortable,” she said dismissively from the bar, putting lemon into a glass of ice water and shrugging.
Translated: I didn’t dress up for you. I don’t care about impressing you.
No, she’d dressed down, and the result had my mouth watering. Her pajama pants were plaid, loose, and looked soft to the touch as they hung off her hips, showing a strip of smooth skin before her ribbed tank top started, hugging every lush line of her body to the bare skin of her shoulders. Her hair was up in a messy knot on the top of her head, the loose pieces ghosting the arch of her neck.
Instead of dressing up to look beautiful, she’d accidentally made herself fuckable.
It would be so easy to come up behind her, slip my fingers into the elastic of those pants, and slide them down to finally see that ass I couldn’t get out of my dreams. I’d spin her back to the bar, lift her to the counter, and settle myself between her soft thighs while I devoured her.
“Paxton?” she asked, interrupting my fantasy. “Did you want to sit down?”
“Absolutely,” I said, turning abruptly so she didn’t see my raging hard-on. Get yourself under control. What are you, fifteen?
Once we were settled, me in the armchair and Leah on the couch, she started. “Okay, so we’re dealing with the themes of love here, of how it changes you.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” I said, thumbing through my notes.
“You don’t think love changes you?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been in love,” I answered.
“Oh,” she said, blinking quickly. “Well, in my limited experience, it has the ability to change you, break you, for good or for worse, depending on the person you foolishly fall for.”
Warning bells went off in my head as we locked eyes. “You think all love is foolish?”
She blushed. “No, but maybe my choices have been in the past…or currently, I guess. But back to Gilgamesh—”
I ignored her subtle dig and went for the crack in her armor. “What about those choices is foolish?”
“We’re not talking about me.” She flipped open her laptop.
“I am.”
“Well, I need you to concentrate on Gilgamesh and his transformation from a tyrant.” She bit a pencil between her teeth.
“Sure, after you tell me what was foolish,” I dared.
The pencil fell to her lap. “Seriously? This isn’t tit for tat. I don’t need to study; I already know the thematic arcs in the book.”
Oh good, that wall she loved to hide behind was back up. Too late, Leah, I already know what’s behind it.
I put my books on the coffee table and leaned forward, resting my forearms on my knees. “Doesn’t matter what you know. Both of our trips depend on what I know.”
“You’d screw yourself to get in my head?” She crossed her arms under her breasts, pushing the creamy globes higher above the neckline of her tank top.
“I’d use every weapon in my arsenal to get in your head.” Landon was right. I was going to have to work for Leah like I did every single stunt, with a plan and a ton of balls. Half-assed got you hurt. It was all-in or watch from the sidelines.
I was all-in.
“Or maybe just my pants,” she said quietly.
My eyebrows shot to the ceiling. “Is that what you think this is? Me just trying to fuck you?”
“I—I don’t know.” If her blush deepened any more she’d match the throw pillows.
I swallowed the ball of rage that tried to climb up my throat. I had a shit reputation when it came to women, and that was all she’d seen when she’d researched me. But she should know better. I hadn’t touched another girl since we boarded. Since I met her. “If all I wanted was to get laid, I could walk downstairs to the lounge and bring at least one—if not two—girls back up with me. Problem solved.”
“And that’s supposed to make me think what?” she shot at me.
“That you’re not one of those girls!”
“Exactly!” She slammed her laptop closed, tossed her books on the floor, and stood up. “I’m not like that, and if that’s what you’re looking for, then you have the wrong woman.”
I stood, careful to keep the table between us since I was back to my urges from this afternoon, wanting to shake or kiss some sense into her. “Leah, you kissed me. Right? I didn’t put a move on you, didn’t push you for more, didn’t strip you naked on that beach.”
“Exactly,” she muttered.
“What? For being the smartest person I know, you’re making zero sense.”
She rubbed her hands over her face, and I wanted to pull her hands away, to see those gorgeous, expressive eyes that never managed to hide whatever she was feeling no matter how hard she tried. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“For what?” I asked. This girl had me spinning circles and dodging landmines.
“For doing this to us,” she answered, her eyes wide and scared. “For ruining something that was so easy and so good by kissing you.”
“You’re sorry for kissing me?”
She tugged her lip between her teeth and nodded quickly. “I didn’t give you a choice, or a chance to think about what it could change between us.”
“It was a kiss, not a contract,” I said, trying to get a hint of where she was coming from. “Why do you think it changes things?”
“Because I took advantage of you,” she whispered.
Bullshit. I walked around the coffee table until we stood inches apart. “No. That’s not what happened on that beach.”
“It is. What were you supposed to do? When you didn’t kiss me back at first… God, I was mortified, and then when you did…” She sighed, looking anywhere but at me. “I’m your tutor, and I put you in a shitty position.”
“Did you ever stop to think that maybe I liked my position? That maybe I wanted to kiss you just as badly?”
She shook her head.
I tipped her chin so she’d meet my eyes. “There were cameras coming at us, and then my brother showed up. Trust me, if that moment had happened here, the outcome wouldn’t have left you wondering if I wanted to kiss you.”
“It was only a moment,” she whispered. “We can take it back.”
Not fucking happening. “Why would you want to?”
“Maybe we need to think about what we’re risking.”
I ordered my nerves to settle. She was skittish—one wrong move and I’d be back to square one, and now that I knew where I wanted to be…well, square one wasn’t it. “There’s no pressure. I’m not in a rush. If you need to think, that’s okay with me, but I already know what I want.”
“I need a minute,” she whispered, the plea desperate.
It went against every instinct I had, but I could do this.
“Okay,” I said, and backed away from her slowly. “This assignment isn’t due for a couple of days. Let’s pick this up tomorrow?”
“Paxton, I’m sorry,” she said, a slight note of panic slipping in.
I gave her my best smile. “I’m not. Not about any of it.”
Then I did something I’d never done—conceded the battle and walked away.
But the war would be worth it.
Chapter Ten
Leah
Barcelona
“Oh God, Rachel, I kissed him. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I kissed him!” I didn’t even say hello, just word vomited from another continent on my best friend.
“Leah?” Rachel’s voice came through the phone, and for a second, it felt like I was home, safe. “You kissed who? The hot guy you’re tutoring?”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “But we were on a beach, and we’d just gone parasailing, and he’s so beautiful and has this edge that makes me feel insane.”
“Back up. You went parasailing? Is this Eleanor Baxter
?”
“Right? He makes me do crazy things!”
“Well, I’m all for he-who-cannot-be-named,” she cheered.
“I’m so sorry that I can’t tell you his name.” Stupid NDA. All I wanted to do was spew my guts to my best friend, and I was legally bound to keep it all to myself.
“It’s okay. Makes it more of a mystery for when I get there.”
I laid my head on the back of the couch. “I can’t wait. Seriously. These people, the things they do—the things I do around them…” I trailed off, unable to explain what it was about Paxton that had me zip-lining, and parasailing, and kissing him on the beach. There were no words for the effect he had on me, the way my skin flushed the minute he walked into the room, every nerve waking up and coming to life.
“It’s not drugs, is it? Oh God. Leah, you’re not getting mixed up with that, are you?” Her worry was palpable from 3,600 miles away.
“What? No. Nothing like that.”
“Okay, well, then I say enjoy yourself. Kiss the guy!”
“But I’m his tutor! And I’ve only known him for a little over two weeks!”
She full-out laughed, and I rolled my eyes while I waited for her to stop.
“It took Romeo and Juliet one night,” she argued.
“Yeah, and look how that turned out.”
She sighed. “What made you go on this trip?”
“You, duh,” I scoffed.
“Yeah, I know we applied together, and I know that I was a huge factor in the choice when the acceptance came in—when the scholarship was offered—but what made you go when I couldn’t make it?”
“Besides the experience for grad school? I wanted to live.” Not just fake it like I had been since that night. Not in the routine monotony I’d used as my safety net, but to breathe free where my chest didn’t hurt when I took in too much air—too much light. The grief, the healing, the fear…it had ruled me for so long, and I was desperate for a change. Instead I got a complete revolution.
“Then live. Kiss the guy. Or kiss a different guy if you want. Go on a trip. Sleep in, or get up early and watch the sun rise. Stop thinking about what you should be doing and for once in your damned life do what you want to do.”
“When did you get so smart?” I asked, my eyes prickling.
“I’m not. I just know a thing or two about liking reckless boys. A lot of reckless boys.”
“I wish you were here,” I said, repeating myself because I couldn’t help it.
“Yeah, me too, but maybe this is good for you. I’ve let you hide for two years too long, missy.”
I rubbed my forehead. “I didn’t think about Brian. When I was kissing…him, I didn’t think about Brian. Is that good? Does it make me awful?”
She paused, and I knew she was thinking of what to say. Rachel was impulsive with everyone in her life except me, but that was because we’d had to put each other back together before. “That’s good. You deserve great things, new things, untainted feelings. Don’t feel guilty.”
Impossible.
A knock sounded at my door. “Hey, Rachel, I’ll call you at the next port, okay? There’s someone at the door. Oh God, what if it’s him? He never said what he wanted, just that he knew. What if he’s ditching me as his tutor?”
“Kiss the guy, Leah!” she shouted, smacking me a kiss through the phone line and disconnecting.
My stomach hung suspended as I opened the door. “Well, you’re not the Wilder I was expecting,” I said to Paxton’s brother. “Brandon, right?”
He nodded, his cursory sweep of my pajamas making me wish I’d put on a robe or something. “And you’re Paxton’s tutor. Mind if I come in?”
“My mother taught me never to invite strange men into my room after eleven p.m., Mr. Wilder.”
His eyebrows rose. “Fair enough.” He glanced down the hall toward Paxton’s room before handing me a card. “This is for when he fucks up.”
“I’m sorry?” I backed away from the card.
“Take it,” he urged. “Paxton fucks up. It’s what he does. He’s going to break a bone, break a law, or break you. When he needs to be bailed out, call me. I’ve been cleaning up after him his entire life.”
If I’d had hackles, they would have raised. “He might surprise you,” I said softly.
“He already did. You’re not the type of girl he usually pursues.”
Oh yeah, hackles up, and now my teeth were ready to bare. “And why is that?”
“Because you’re smart. Let’s hope that you’re smart enough not to get involved with my little brother. Only the strong survive in his little troop of lost boys. The weak ones leave mangled.” He shook the card at me. “Take it.”
“No.” I stepped back, ready to slam the door in his face, but he thrust his other arm out, holding the door open.
“Miss Baxter, one day something will happen that you won’t know how to handle. Maybe he’ll be in a Turkish jail, maybe his parachute won’t open, maybe someone will have gotten sick of his shit and pushed him before he was ready to jump. One day you will need this. Please take it. I don’t have anyone else with eyes on him.”
It was the plea in his eyes—so similar to Paxton’s—that made me finally reach for the card. “I won’t call you. He has an entire team of producers and a group of friends here with him.”
“Yes, you will,” he promised. “Because I’m telling you right now that there are few people who are loyal to Paxton. They’re there as long as the getting is good, but when the shit hits the fan, they’ll scatter in the fallout. And he may be a selfish, arrogant little shit, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. That’s why you’ll call me. Understand?”
I nodded slowly. “What will it cost him if I do?”
An ironic smile lifted the corner of his mouth. “That’s between us brothers. Always has been.”
“I’d like you to leave now,” I said, unable to mince words.
“I like you,” he said with a nod. “It’s a shame he’s not a one-girl kind of guy, because you’d be good for him.”
“Good-bye, Brandon,” I said, shutting the door as soon as he removed his hand.
The card was black with his name and phone number engraved with his title of Vice President of Operations at Wilder Enterprises. It felt heavy in my hand, but then again, it wasn’t just a piece of paper. It was a promise, a reassurance, a warning, and a threat all in one.
Maybe Paxton was a daredevil because he’d grown up swimming with sharks.
I tucked the card into my bedside table and debated sleeping, but I wasn’t tired enough. The suite felt empty without Penna, so I walked onto the back balcony. The railing was smooth under my hands as I looked out over the lights of Barcelona, careful not to look down.
Two weeks. I’d only been gone two weeks, and yet it felt like months—as if I was already changing. Even Hugo had noticed that I was stepping outside my shell when we met up for dinner with some of his friends. It had been nice, getting out with someone who wasn’t a part of the Renegades, who saw life outside Paxton’s vortex of chaos.
I knew why everyone got sucked in.
He was magnetic, hypnotizing. It wasn’t just the body, the face, or the tattoos. He made me feel anything was possible, like there was a whole shiny world waiting for me to step inside and explore.
He was everything I wasn’t, but he made me feel like I could be.
He was…standing on his balcony, too, staring up at the stars as if they held some kind of answer he was searching for. The same weight I saw him carrying that first day was back on his shoulders, and damn if that didn’t draw me to him even more, because now I knew some of the burdens he bore. The documentary, his grades, his Renegades…what more could he possibly hold together?
As if he could read my thoughts, he turned and saw me. The tension between us was palpable, holding us together from dozens of feet away.
But he crossed the distance, and the tension didn’t dissipate, just grew until I thought my chest migh
t burst.
“Leah.” He said my name like a prayer, a plea for something I didn’t know if I was capable of giving. And, after that exchange with his brother, I wasn’t sure I was even worthy of the tone, not when I’d accepted the card.
“Hey,” I answered, turning my back to the railing as he stood in front of me. “Look, I just had—”
“Wait,” he interrupted. “Can I go first? You got to talk last time.”
I nodded.
He stepped forward and caged me in his arms with one hand on either side of my body. “I told you that I know what I want, and that I’d let you think. But it’s not fair for you to make choices without knowing all the facts.”
“Okay,” I answered, my voice barely a whisper. God, did he have to smell so good? All saltwater and sand, and sandalwood and Paxton. They should bottle it and sell it. Scratch that. The female population would have been way too disadvantaged.
His eyes locked on mine, the moon reflecting in the blue depths, the intensity there as fierce as on the half-pipe, or when I’d seen him above me after I fell. “You said you took advantage of me, that you forced me into kissing you back because you’re my tutor, like that puts you in a position of power.”
“Maybe,” I answered, my cheeks heating.
“Well, I’m here on my own feet, chasing you, pursuing you. Not vice versa. I don’t know what’s happening between us, but I’m also not stupid enough to dismiss it without exploration.” One of his hands palmed my cheek, both soothing and electrifying me in one motion. “If we’d been alone on that beach when you kissed me, I wouldn’t have held back, wouldn’t have had to think about what you wouldn’t want in the public eye.”
He dragged his thumb across my lower lip, and I kissed it lightly, unable to stop myself.
He sucked in a breath. “I would have kissed you exactly as I’ve been fantasizing about since the first second I saw you standing on this balcony, all wide-eyed and beautiful.”
“Paxton,” I whispered, leaning in to him. His words melted me, made me want things like his mouth, his hands—things I couldn’t have, like his heart.
“I would have kissed you like this.” His mouth took mine, open and hungry, his tongue—sweet mercy, his tongue—slipping past my lips to stroke, explore, and savor, igniting a fire within me. I pressed at the same time he pulled, bringing our bodies flush against each other, and the fit was electrifying.
Wilder (The Renegades) Page 12