The voicemail ended and I let out a little sob. I covered my mouth, but it wasn’t enough to hide the fact that I’d started crying. Logan and Dylan rushed over to me and Hannah.
“Jamie,” Logan said, gripping my shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to explain my sordid past. I was sure that I would start bawling if I started talking about it now.
“Jamie?” Hannah said softly. “You should tell him.” Logan and Dylan were both staring at me.
“That was my ex-boyfriend,” I said, drawing in a shaky breath. “He was a little abusive.”
“A little?” Hannah interjected. “Try a lot. I listened to that voicemail, Jamie, he threatened you.”
Logan’s face darkened. “Someone threatened you?”
“I am so sorry, Logan. I promise I am never this dramatic. I don’t want this to reflect badly on my job,” I said, looking at him pleadingly.
Logan’s mouth was set in a harsh line, anger simmering just below the surface. “Dramatic? Are you fucking kidding me? This was not your fault. Don’t apologize for what that asshole just did. Tell me you at least have a restraining order against that guy?”
I shook my head. “I don’t need one. I have everything covered. I always manage to avoid him, and he’s stopped calling quite so frequently in the past two months. This could very well be the last I hear of him.”
Logan looked at me incredulously. “Someone has been stalking you for six months and you haven’t gotten a restraining order?”
“Hey, back off, man. She said she has it covered,” Hannah said, coming forward to pull me into a hug. I squeezed her gratefully, then pulled back, looking back at Logan.
“Let’s just drop this. I really need to go do my closing stuff and head home.”
Logan stood still, arms crossed, scanning my face. Finally, he nodded. “Okay. Fine. But you’re going to the courthouse tomorrow to get a restraining order and I won’t let you work again until you have one.”
Dylan cleared his throat, looking uncertain. “Probably not my place to butt in, but that’s a little domineering, dude. Besides, I think restraining orders take a couple of weeks to go through.”
Hannah smiled at Dylan. He blinked several times and looked away. Logan sighed. “Okay, so just the paperwork then. Not only am I concerned for your safety, but it wouldn’t be very good for business if a madman just barged in here and attacked you.”
“He’s never actually come here. He just calls me,” I said weakly.
“You’re getting a restraining order,” Logan said flatly. “Look at how shaken up you are right now.”
I didn’t have any intention of going to the court to get a restraining order. I didn’t want to have to face Derek in court or have my business all over town. I nodded halfheartedly to placate Logan and said, “Hannah, can you help me finish closing everything up?”
“Don’t worry about any of that, just let Hannah take you home,” Logan said, still looking angry. “Does that ass know where you live?”
I shook my head. “I doubt it. I’ve moved since we broke up and I don’t know anyone who would give him my address.”
Logan nodded. “If he keeps finding your number, I don’t see why he couldn’t find your address.” The color drained from my face and Logan sighed. “Okay, I didn’t mean that. But I’m serious. You need to take care of this.”
Hannah took me by the arm, maneuvering me out from behind the bar and to the cabinet where we keep our purses. Grabbing our stuff, she led me outside, unlocked her car door, and helped me into the passenger seat. She got into the car, buckled up, and sat still, not putting the keys in the ignition.
“You know Logan’s right, right?” She asked without looking at me. “Derek really could get dangerous if you don’t deal with this situation.”
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, not wanting to think about it. “I know, Hannah. I’ll go get the restraining order. I just thought that maybe my life was finally getting back to normal, that perhaps I was allowed to be happy and not be fearful every second of every day,” I choked out, my voice strangled. I was trying not to cry. I’d wasted enough tears on Derek. He didn’t get to dictate my emotions anymore. He didn’t control me- how dare he make me feel like this? Hunted? Small? It’s a terrible thing to not feel like you can be free and not have an ax hanging over your head constantly, waiting for you to be caught off guard one time before falling on you.
Hannah turned to me with tears welling in her eyes, and gathered me in an all-enveloping hug. “I know, dude, and I’m sorry. I’m going to stay with you tonight so you don’t have to be alone.”
I nodded into her shoulder, and blew my nose into a napkin that I saw in the center console. “Yeah, that would be nice. I need to take my mind off things.” Hannah turned on the car and drove the half-mile to my apartment.
We sat there in silence, parked, without the engine running for two minutes, before I took a deep breath and got out of the car, grabbing my purse with me. I walked to my front door, which was in a dark corner because I had stupidly forgotten to turn the front light on when I’d left for work that day. Hannah was right behind me and grabbed my elbow and squeezed reassuringly. I looked back at her gratefully and quickly turned the key in the lock and the deadbolt.
Luke was asleep on the living room couch, and didn’t even stir when we walked in. What a lousy guard dog. Hannah walked around me to the kitchen, rummaging around, and produced two wine glasses. “Wanna watch a movie and pass out while drinking wine?”
“I do, but don’t you have school in the morning?” I asked. It was already half past ten at night and Hannah usually left for school at six in the morning.
She shrugged. “I’ll just have my first class do practice tests for the final, and then make them grade each other’s work. It’s the last week before finals anyway, they’re going to need all the help they can get.”
“Good enough for me,” I said, grabbing a wine glass and chugging my first sip. It did wonders to soothe my frayed nerves. I walked to the back door and held it open for Luke, who darted out to pee and darted right back in, anxious not to lose his spot on the couch.
My couch was a giant sectional that I’d gotten for a steal at an estate sale, and it was truly huge, dwarfing the living room space. It was perfect for two people and a dog to lounge on.
“Pick out something funny and happy,” I said to Hannah, who was kneeling next to the DVD display tower that was next to the DVD player. She held up a romantic comedy. I frowned and shook my head. “Nothing romantic, please.” She held up a raunchy comedy. I deliberated for a minute before nodding. Something brainless and amusing was perfect for tonight. Hannah popped it in and then flopped backwards onto the couch with a blanket.
We watched the movie and sipped our wine until Hannah fell asleep a half hour into the movie. I wasn’t so lucky. I stayed awake for an hour after the movie had finished, replaying the night’s events in my head. I had gone so long being afraid of Derek, with every aspect of my life controlled by him. I agonized over what to wear, not wanting him to fly into a rage over a short hem. I hung out with who he wanted me to, I spoke how he wanted me to, my whole life revolved around not making him angry.
Well, not anymore. I resolved to be brave this time. Derek had no control over me anymore and I would not let him intimidate me. I decided to go to the courthouse in the morning and get that restraining order.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I awoke with a start the next morning, blinking rapidly at the sunlight streaming in through the windows. Why hadn’t I shut my blackout curtains the night before? It all hit me like a brick wall- Derek finding my number again, coming home with Hannah, finally falling asleep in the living room after hours of listening to Hannah’s soft snoring.
I groaned, turned over, and pushed my face as far back into the couch cushions as I could go. I longed for those precious few seconds of blissful blankness to come back and erase this all-encompassing sense
of dread. Gone was the bravado and resolve of last night- instead, it was replaced with uncertainty and meekness. I couldn’t turn off the memories no matter how hard I closed my eyes- I had the same feeling you get after a night of drinking when all the embarrassing stuff you’d done the night before comes rushing back at you. I couldn’t get away from it, and even though I hadn’t done anything wrong, it had the same effect. I felt ashamed.
I pulled my face from the couch cushions and looked over at where Hannah had fallen asleep on the couch perpendicular to me. That spot was now empty, save for a pillow and a crumpled sheet covered in dog hair. I checked my cell phone- twelve percent battery- and saw that I had a text from Hannah. “Love you, I’ll come check on you after the school day.”
Ugh. I’d slept until eleven, which I never do. Poor Luke was probably starving by now- and probably had a full bladder. Getting up and stretching, I unlocked the back door and let Luke out into the tiny backyard. Closing the door over, I walked to the kitchen and made myself a big pot of coffee.
I grabbed my laptop, messed around on Facebook for a bit and checked my email. I closed the internet browser and played a game of solitaire. Curiosity getting the best of me, I opened the internet browser again and typed “how to obtain a restraining order” into the search bar. There was a lot of intimidating and confusing language, but what I gathered is this- there are two different ways to get a restraining order. The first method takes a few weeks, because a court date has to be set, and then a judge will hear your case, just like Dylan had said last night. The second way was to apply for an emergency restraining order, which is used in cases in which you feel your life is in imminent danger. I sat back, overwhelmed by the enormity of what I was contemplating doing. I mean, what if I do this, and all Derek wanted to do was talk it out and apologize? Sure, he’d manipulated me before and knocked me around, but did I really think he’d threaten my life?
You idiot. Of course he would threaten your life. That’s why you got up the strength to get yourself out of that relationship in the first place, remember? Do you REALLY want to be one of those stupid girls that you make fun of in a Lifetime movie? THINK, GIRL!
I slammed my laptop shut, sinking fully into the couch cushions. This was a totally unfair situation. I didn’t want to think about it anymore, and I was damn sure going to ignore the hot tears that were welling up in my eyes and falling, unbidden, into my lap. Luke jumped up onto the couch and frantically kissed my face, trying to make me stop crying. I chuckled, wiped away my snot, and held Luke tight. I screwed up my eyes, stopped the flow of tears, and resolved to be strong today.
I opened my laptop again and tried to start writing again, going through an entire pot of coffee. I sipped my coffee slowly, staring at my blank screen. I read and re-read my outline, trying to visualize the opening scene, or at least a good opening line. Nada. Nothing was coming to me- I had a bad case of writer’s block.
I closed my laptop for the last time that morning, realizing that trying to write anything today was futile. The stress of everything going on in my life was too much right now. Would it really be so bad if I just ignored everything going on today and went to sleep for hours? I could wake up when it was time to go to work at five.
I wondered if Logan had been serious about me not working until I had a restraining order, but I dismissed the thought- he would just have to deal with it if he were being serious. Getting a restraining order wasn’t instantaneous, and it wasn’t nearly as easy as he thought it was. I also wasn’t about to torpedo someone’s life until I was positive I needed to, even if that someone were truly a dick. That wasn’t just the coward in me talking, right? Of course it is, you moron.
I thought about what Logan had said about Derek being able to find my address, and I double-checked that my front door was locked and dead-bolted. I left the comfort of the large, soft couch for the comfort of my large, soft bed. I didn’t even consider going outside today- I was going to sleep away my troubles until I absolutely had to face them. Luke snuggled up next to me, giving me a cursory lick on the face, and fell asleep promptly. I turned on the most boring documentary that I could find on a streaming service- a history of manufacturing plastic- and settled in to nap away the day. The documentary was inexplicably fascinating, though, and I found myself staying awake to watch it. I switched to something that was bound to be more boring than plastic- a documentary on the electoral college- and was fast asleep within minutes.
I awoke to a tapping on my shoulder, which I swatted away grumpily. The tapping became more insistent, and I sat up, rubbing my eyes. Hannah was sitting at the edge of the bed, looking very concerned.
“How are you doing, honey?” she murmured, rubbing my back gently. I pushed her hand off.
“I’m fine, and I will be more fine if no one treats me like a china doll,” I griped. I loved Hannah, but her motherly tendencies were in full force right now, and I didn’t want that- I wanted to feel like a strong, independent woman who wasn’t afraid of no man.
Hannah kept her hands in her lap, her eyebrows raised. “I take it you’re feeling better after last night? Perhaps good enough to get out of bed today and get your ass to the courthouse?”
I grabbed my phone off the charger and checked the time. It was already half past three. I searched the courthouse’s hours. They closed at four.
“Damn. They close in a half hour. Even if you drive me there right now, there’s no way that we can get there, get paperwork filled out, get ready for work, and get to work on time. Guess I’ll just have to get it done tomorrow.”
Hannah’s frown deepened. “I know you’re afraid of confrontation, but this needs to be done. In all likelihood, you won’t ever have to face him.”
I nodded, not really believing her, but wanting her to drop the subject. “I will get it done. Please, can everything go back to normal? Please?”
Hannah stared at me for a long moment. She sighed and said, “Okay. But I won’t stop bugging you until this is done. I love you and I want you to be safe.”
I nodded again. “Let’s get lunch.”
Hannah shook her head. “I would love to, but I’m freaking exhausted. Last night was killer on my neck- not that I wouldn’t spend the night here again in a heartbeat- and I just want a long nap to correct that before I go in for my bar shift tonight. Those little first period fuckers kept asking a bunch of questions about the final and wouldn’t leave me alone, and I just need to relax.” She smiled winningly. She loved her students, and I knew it. Still…
“Little fuckers?” I asked, grimacing a bit.
She smiled more widely. “Term of endearment, of course.” I couldn’t resist a smile of my own as she winked. I shook my head slightly, leaning forward to hug her.
“Thanks for coming over. You’re amazing, and I love you,” I said, my voice muffled by her shoulder. She nodded against my head and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
“All right, chica, I’m gonna head home and take a nap. TEXT ME if you need anything, anything at all, do you hear me?”
I nodded obediently, holding up my phone and waving at her. “I promise to text you if I need anything, and I’ll see you tonight, right?”
“Yep,” she said, ruffling Luke’s scruff. “Bye, girl,” she said, leaving in a whirlwind.
I had to work at five, so I grumpily got out of bed to get ready. I took extra care doing my makeup and hair, wanting to seem as in control and invulnerable as possible. I was not going to be the victim anymore, if I could help it. I was a strong, attractive woman, and even if I had to fake it until I made it, then so be it.
I took my time shaving in my shower, taking care to get all the tiny hairs above my knee. I shaved my pits, nicking myself slightly on an ingrown hair. I got behind my knees, where there was an unnaturally long hair growing that I had somehow missed shaving the past few weeks.
I got out of the shower, wiped away the condensation on the mirror, and plucked my eyebrows. I shaved my cheeks and sideburns, which I will never
admit to doing to another human being as long as I live, including Hannah. I put on makeup, blew-dry my hair, and put on my sexiest work uniform- a super low-cut tank top and teeny tiny shorts. I gave myself a once-over in the full-length mirror. I looked sexy.
I let Luke out one more time, then hopped on my bike and headed to work. I walked through the front doors, looking around for other people. Logan was behind the bar, standing on a footstool and installing a new television on the wall. I stood in the doorway for a second, uncertainty creeping in. Putting on a brave front and deciding to ignore the elephant in the room, I stepped forward and said, “About time we got some televisions in here. Damn boring when there aren’t any customers around.”
Logan turned slowly and looked at me incredulously, looking at me from head to toe. “What are you doing here right now? I thought Hannah was working alone tonight.”
I flinched, taken aback by the anger in his tone. “Um, I’m the opener tonight. Hannah doesn’t come in until six.”
Logan stared at me more, making me shift uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Well? Do you have that restraining order?”
I hesitated to tell him the truth. “Well, actually, I kind of slept a lot today, and by the time I was awake, it was far too late to get to the courthouse. Besides, I’m not really sure I’m going to go for the restraining order. It seems a bit extreme, to be honest.”
Logan’s stare turned icy. “You’re not really sure about the restraining order?” he asked disbelievingly. “What do you mean, you’re not really sure? Are you not really sure that you’d like to feel safe at your place of work? Or that you wouldn’t like to be followed back home and have unspeakable things happen?”
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