“Thank you, Miss Jensen. You may go back to your lawyer now,” the judge said, gesturing towards the bailiff, who escorted me off the stand, and I walked back to my table.
It was now time for Kelsey to present the judge with all of my physical evidence- the photos, the texts, the emails. Hannah took the stand after me, and told the judge everything she knew- which wasn’t even the half of it. As she spoke, I felt a small knot of guilt forming in my stomach. I regretted breaking contact with her during our relationship, even if my hand had been forced. If I’d had Hannah by my side, I might have broken it off with Derek a lot sooner. Hannah finished testifying, then mouthed “I love you” to me as she passed by our table.
Derek was finally called to the stand when we were done testifying. He denied everything, of course, saying that I was an exaggerator and a liar. He said that I was the one that was obsessed with him and he was just trying to give me what I wanted. I almost threw a chair at him for his audacity, but Kelsey stopped me with a hand on my arm. With any luck, the judge would see right through this. Derek went on to tell everyone how I’d misconstrued everything and how I’d always been an attention seeker. He stood when he was done testifying, lips upturned smugly, and returned to his seat.
Waiting for the judge’s ruling was excruciating. I was sure that Derek would kill me if this order wasn’t granted. We didn’t have to wait long, however- the judge came back into the courtroom after five minutes of deliberation.
“All rise,” said the bailiff, and we stood.
“I have made my decision, and it is that this young man is a threat to this young woman. I am granting your request for a restraining order, which will be effective for twenty-four months. At that time, if you feel you still need it, you may reapply. That is all. I wish you luck, young lady.” With that, the judge stood back up and left.
Tears gathered in my eyes, and I swiped at them happily. I hugged Kelsey, then Hannah and Dylan, then, finally, Logan, who squeezed me tight and buried his face on the top of my head.
All that was left was filing the paperwork, which the courthouse clerk prepared for us in about ten minutes. The judge signed off on everything, and that was it. The end. I was done with this horrifying chapter of my life. I hoped I wouldn’t need it, but if I did, I could just keep reapplying for the orders. I was free.
After everything was filed and done, Kelsey turned to the group. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving. Let’s go get lunch.” I nodded, my stomach growling. I had been too nervous to eat anything this morning, but now that I was all done with the legal proceedings, I was hungry enough to devour a horse.
“I’m in,” said Hannah, who looked at Dylan and he nodded.
“I could eat.”
We all looked at Logan, who shook his head, avoiding looking at me. “No, I’ve already eaten. I need to get back and get some work done anyway.” He looked back at me. “I’m really happy for you, Jamie, and really proud too. I’ll see you at work when you get back on Friday.”
He pulled me into a brief hug that was over as quickly as it started. I cleared my throat and looked around. Everyone was staring at us curiously. Logan left and I ignored the elephant in the room. “Okay, Zag’s anyone? I need eggs and a Bloody Mary.” Everyone agreed and we walked to our cars. Hannah drove me in to the courthouse, so I got in the passenger side of her car.
“Dude, what the hell is going on with you and Logan?” Hannah asked as soon as I shut the door. I leaned my head back and groaned.
“Nothing,” I insisted. Hannah looked at me skeptically.
“Really, now. Tell me. You could cut that tension back there with a knife,” Hannah said. “And don’t act like you guys haven’t been all over each other since the moment you met.”
“Hannah, let it go. I have had a very emotionally trying day, and I just want everything to be normal,” I said wearily. Hannah’s look immediately turned contrite.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I am proud of you for today, I was just trying to distract you from the awfulness of today with the exciting stuff. I won’t bug you about it for at least another twelve hours.” She grinned and looked at me quickly. I rolled my eyes and told her to drive.
We found a parking spot right in front of Zag’s, a rarity at the oceanfront. “That’s clean living and a pure heart,” Hannah announced. I hate the saying, but it was one of her favorites, and she said it every time she got a particularly satisfying parking spot.
Dylan and Kelsey were already standing outside waiting for us when we got out of the car, and Dylan told it was a twenty minute wait. “But we can always grab drinks at the bar while we wait,” he pointed out helpfully.
Kelsey looked unsure. “It’s one in the afternoon on a Wednesday,” she said. “Unorthodox time to be drinking, really.”
Hannah clapped her on the back bracingly. “Oh, come on, just get a mimosa. Sparkling wine barely counts as drinking. In fact, I think that’s what they give kids with kids meals in France. Besides, it’s not like anyone has to go back to work. Aren’t you done for the day?”
Kelsey nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. You’re a real pusher, you know that?”
Hannah chuckled. “A fun pusher.” She linked her arms through Kelsey’s and mine, and nodded at Dylan. “Lead the way, good sir.”
“Of course, milady,” he obliged, opening the door for us so we could head to the bar. Hannah blew him a kiss as we walked through the doors and I shook my head. Tease.
We barely had our drinks in our hands before we were told that our table was ready, so we cashed out and headed to our table. It was a beautiful day to sit outside on the patio. I soaked up the sun, smiling at everyone that passed us as I sipped my mimosa.
I felt on top of the world. I was really and truly a free woman now. I could do anything I wanted to without having to look over my shoulder. I smiled to myself, and the smile caught on. Everyone at the table smiled and we clinked our glasses together, toasting to how good today had been.
“So Jamie,” Kelsey said, leaning in conspiratorially. “You and Logan- is there anything going on there?”
“No,” I said vehemently. “Why is everyone asking that?”
“Oh, so you don’t mind if I take a crack at him, then? He is pretty fine.” Kelsey asked innocently. I felt an immediate flash of jealousy and Kelsey pointed a finger at my face. “Ha! I knew it. Liar.”
“Hey, lay off,” Hannah said. “She said nothing is going on, nothing is going on. She just got rid of one boyfriend, she doesn’t need another.” She winked at me.
“Don’t even compare the two,” Kelsey said. “That’s seriously insulting. What’s not to like about Logan- he’s sweet, he’s ridiculously good-looking, he’s rich, he loves dogs-”
“Sweet?” Hannah snorted. “Yeah, okay.”
“Wait, rich?” I asked. “He’s not rich. He’s not broke, for sure, but he’s definitely not rich.”
Dylan fidgeted uncomfortably. I turned to him. “Wait, is Logan rich?”
Dylan shook his head. “I’m not sure. He doesn’t act rich.”
“I agree,” I said. “Besides, Kelsey, why on Earth would Logan have bought our piece of crap bar if he were rich?”
Kelsey shrugged, dropping the subject, and dug into her omelet. “Ohmygod,” she moaned through a mouthful of eggs. “So good.”
We all ate in silence after this, sipping our drinks and watching passersby. I had two mimosas, and was ready for a nap. “I’m going to go home and take a cat nap,” I announced.
“Do you want a ride?” Hannah asked.
“No, I think I’ll walk,” I replied. “Here’s some money for my portion of the bill.” I put a twenty down on the table and blew everyone a kiss, then walked out onto the sidewalk.
I walked home, basking in the sunlight, and was greeted by an ecstatic Luke when I walked through the front door. There’s nothing on this earth quite as happy as a dog is when their human comes home, and I am firmly convinced that humans are not worthy of d
ogs. I bent down to give Luke a big hug and he showered my face with kisses, jumping around excitedly. I let him out through the back door to do his business, and tried to lay down for a nap. I couldn’t sleep though. I stayed awake, staring at the ceiling, until I gave up and decided to write instead.
I grabbed my laptop and sat out in my backyard, sitting under an umbrella to protect the computer from the sun’s rays. I sipped on some coffee and stared at the blank screen, trying to figure out how to start the next chapter. It took a while, but once it came to me, I was like a madwoman. I wrote and wrote, banging out two chapters in a haze. When I finally broke free from the haze, I looked back proudly at my work. It was going to require minimal editing, and I felt good enough to give myself a break.
I stood up, stretched, and called Luke over. Time to go for a walk. I clipped Luke’s leash on and we walked to the 64th street entrance to First Landing. First Landing is a beautiful state park, with wooded trails, beach trails, biking, hiking, a beach at the Narrows, fishing, boat rentals, you name it. I chose the biggest and longest trail, Cape Henry trail, and we started walking. Cape Henry Trail is about six miles long, and between the walk to First Landing and back, we were going to wear ourselves out today. I was glad for the water bottles that I’d packed in my backpack.
Luke and I walked along the sanded trail, taking in our surroundings. I often took for granted how beautiful my city is, but hikes like this really put it into perspective for me. The heavily wooded trail was so serene, teeming with wildlife, housing an entire ecosystem within its limits. I gazed up at the sky as I walked, admiring the foliage. Luke got distracted by a group of squirrels, and one bold squirrel got close to chomping distance. I jerked Luke away, who looked at me with betrayal in his eyes, as if to say, “I almost had him, Mom!” I shook my head and nudged him further along the trail.
We stopped at a bench in a little clearing that overlooked the bay. I sat down and Luke laid in front of me, placing his head on his paws and looking up at me. I smiled, drinking in the serenity of the moment. A tear came to my eye and I wiped it away, feeling foolish. Today was the best day I’d had in a long time, and I was enormously happy.
I had spent the last nine months in varying states of anxiety. Sometimes the anxiety was slight and in the background, but it was always there, buzzing around in my head. Some days, the worst days, it was all-encompassing, surrounding me until my vision blackened and I couldn’t breathe. I would get nighttime anxiety, where panic attacks would wake me in the middle of the night. I laid awake for hours, panic setting in at every little creak the apartment building made, convinced it was Derek. Well, not anymore.
Today was the first day of a new chapter in my life- one of freedom, one of productivity, one of happiness, one of peace. I was no longer going to live in fear and anxiety due to a man. I was going to live life fully. And if that wasn’t possible for me, I would make it possible. I wasn’t naive- I knew that I needed a little help. I resolved to look up therapists when we got home. I clicked my tongue at Luke to wake him. We walked home back through the way we came, admiring every bit of beauty we passed in the state park. It wasn’t going to be quick, or easy. But I was going to be okay.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Joe was leaving for Florida with Linda on Friday, so Hannah organized a big surprise party for him Thursday night. Logan had agreed to close Bender’s for the night so that Joe could have his going-away party at the bar he’d built and managed for thirty years. Hannah, who is awful at keeping secrets, actually kept this secret pretty well. It was going to be a big shindig, filled with all the friends, employees, and bar regulars that Joe had amassed over the years. I got a little weepy as I curled my hair and plucked my eyebrows at home, trying not to think too hard about not working with Joe anymore. I dabbed my eyes and pinched my cheeks, trying to stop the flow of tears before they began.
I primped and plucked and curled for an hour, then stood in front of my closet for another half hour in my underwear. How on earth do I have a full closet of clothes, but hate every single thing I own?
I pulled out dress after dress, but nothing felt right. One dress was too long. One dress was too short. One dress made my boobs look weird. I finally settled on a black, flowered, backless dress that was short, but not clingy. I would have to forgo a bra, but the dress was supportive in that area. I debated about footwear, finally choosing wedges because they would add height without the torture of heels. I am, if anything, practical, and I am a klutz. Heels usually end up in bruised knees for me, and not for fun reasons.
Hannah texted me to let me know that she was outside, and I took the steps down two at a time. Hannah honked and shouted, “Hey, sexy! Turn around!” out the window. I did a little circle and ended in a curtsy while she approvingly gave me two thumbs up. I climbed into the passenger seat and flipped my long blonde hair behind my shoulders.
“Dude, you look smokin’,” Hannah said, looking me up and down appreciatively. “Are you actually wearing makeup?” I nodded. “Not that you aren’t beautiful when you don’t wear makeup, because you rock the natural look, but dayum, girl. You’re gonna be beating off the guys with a bat.”
I looked at Hannah, who looked glamorous as always. “Oh, shut up, you look like you were scientifically engineered in a lab that produces porn stars.” She grinned widely, flashing her perfect teeth.
“We can both be hot, doofus.” She started driving. We could’ve walked from my apartment, but Hannah didn’t want to walk in the five-inch stiletto heels she was wearing. She parked the car and teetered out of the driver’s seat. Watching her wobble around, I was grateful for my decision to wear wedges.
We were the first ones to get there, so we poured ourselves a couple of drinks and turned on the television while we waited for other people to show up. The next person to come in was Dylan, who stopped in his tracks at the sight of Hannah bending over the bar to get herself a new drink. He rubbed his neck nervously, then saw me looking at him. He shook his head sheepishly and approached us.
“Hey guys. Ready for a night of revelry?” he asked, avoiding my smirking gaze. “You guys look amazing.”
“Thanks,” Hannah said, hopping off her stool and giving him a hug, which he returned with a deep breath. Dylan hugged me next, and then went behind the bar to pour himself a beer. We hung out at the bar together, alternating between sitting and jumping up for hugs as more and more people filtered in. Linda came in, giggling, and announced that Joe would be here soon. I checked my phone for the time- Joe was supposed to get here at seven, and it was only six-thirty. He thought he was coming in to do some last-minute paperwork that Logan had “found.”
Speaking of Logan, he was being ultra moody tonight. He was standing in a corner, looking around and frowning. Maybe he was annoyed at the business we were losing tonight. Hannah had offered to pay him to rent out the bar, but he had refused, though he said this was the one and only time this would happen.
I tried to catch his eye a couple of times, but I got the impression that he was avoiding me. I gave up after the third try and swung my gaze towards the front door to watch for new people. The next person to walk through the door made my heart stop. It was my old friend Eric, who I’d callously thrown away as soon as my boyfriend told me to. My heart twisted in my chest, and I resisted the urge to go hide in the bathroom. Of course Eric would be here tonight. I had met Eric here, when he was a bartender for about six months before finishing his nursing degree.
I nudged Hannah and tilted my head towards Eric, and she tried her best to look innocent. “Oh, Eric came. I wasn’t sure if he would because he didn’t RSVP.”
“Why did you invite Eric?” I asked, slightly panicky.
“Well, he is an ex-employee. Maybe you guys can finally talk tonight and work things out!” Hannah said brightly. She took one look at my glare, slid off her stool, and said, “I’m gonna go mingle.”
Great. Now I’m drinking alone in a crowd. I didn’t have to wait long to be joined, though. A
great hulk of a man settled beside me, nursing a pink drink with cherries on top. “Hey, Bear,” I said, looking curiously at his drink. He nodded in acknowledgment. “What the hell are you drinking?”
He slurped his drink down. “Shirley Temple. I don’t drink alcohol that often.”
I stared at him incredulously and held back a giggle. The contrast between this big, burly man and his tiny frou-frou drink was a little ridiculous. I didn’t laugh, though, because Bear is much bigger than me and I value all my bones unbroken. Bear clapped me on the shoulder and gave me a quick squeeze.
“How are you doing, Jamie? You seem pretty stressed,” Bear asked, massaging my shoulder. I melted slightly and my jaw slackened. Bear was very good at giving a massage.
“I’m okay. You’re amazing at this,” I moaned, feeling everything in me loosen.
“Yeah, I used to be a massage therapist,” he said. “Quit because apparently some people find me intimidating.”
I looked him up and down. He was a great, hulking guy, with bulging muscles, an impressive beard, and to top it off, he was pretty tall. I could see how people would be intimidated by him, but didn’t tell him so because I never wanted the massage to end.
“Jamie, Bear,” came Logan’s terse voice behind us. “You guys may want to get up and hide, it’s two minutes to seven.”
Bear stopped massaging me and nodded. I pouted at the loss of Bear’s magic hands and Logan scowled. I ignored him and pushed past him to go hide with Hannah and Dylan, who were giggling together over something Dylan had said.
I passed by Eric on the way to Hannah and Dylan, and he kept his eyes firmly on the front door, refusing to acknowledge me. I rolled my eyes. Great, two moody men to deal with tonight. I was feeling the effects of the two vodka and sodas I’d drank so far, and was feeling a little feisty. I pursed my lips and angrily plopped down next to Hannah, banging my knee on the chair when I sat down. I yelped and hugged my knee to my chest. Hannah looked alarmed and tugged my dress down so that no one could see my unmentionables.
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