“No, you can’t. You need to explore the feelings behind the words. Why can’t you talk to Travis? Why can’t you reach out to him? Why…?”
“Stop it, Meg. Don’t you see that I don’t have the answers? Solutions aren’t as easy as adding a column of numbers.”
“Have you honestly looked for the solution?”
A crow cawed. The quiet, which before had been restful, was now abrasive. Logan broke it. “If you have to ask that, then we really don’t know each other at all, and maybe that kiss and the passion behind it is all that will ever be between us. I don’t think this conversation is about me and Travis at all. I think it’s your way of pushing me away, making me too uncomfortable to want to stay around. You don’t have to push me away, Meg. If you don’t want me here, all you have to do is say it.”
She couldn’t tell him to go, yet she couldn’t ask him to stay. He was right. Nothing was simple anymore. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Neither do I, so maybe we’d better leave it at that. Tell Ned I’ll be over tomorrow morning to work on the roof.”
As Logan waited, she wanted to ask him to think about what she’d said and tell him she’d think about what he’d said. But she couldn’t, and maybe that was another way of pushing him away.
Logan just arched his brows and cocked his head expectantly.
All she could manage was “I’ll tell him to expect you.”
Logan frowned and nodded, then walked to his car. Right before he opened his door, he gazed at her again.
Meg felt as if he could see right through her. She turned and walked to the house. Dealing with Logan had become as dangerous, and she had to figure out why.
Chapter 7
The stones crunched under Meg’s feet as she jogged back to the house. Breathing fast but feeling better than she had after tossing and turning all night, she slowed her jog to a walk, absorbing the sunshine, letting the heat beat through her, trying to forget about her confrontation with Logan last night. Jogging always gave her a sense of well-being—muscles working, blood flowing, adrenaline rushing. Logan’s face appeared unbidden in front of her eyes. Yep, the adrenaline rushing. She remembered too well the thrill of it when Logan had kissed her…and touched her….
Lily had heard her roaming in the middle of the night when she’d finally gone to the kitchen for some milk, hoping it would make her sleepy. Her aunt had asked what was wrong. Meg had simply said, “I have too much time on my hands during the day, so I’m not sleepy at night.”
Lily hadn’t bought it. She’d smiled and said, “Maybe you have too much time on your hands at night.”
Meg’s shock must have shown.
Her aunt’s smile had spread into a grin, and she’d said gently, “I always sleep better when your uncle is holding me.” Then she’d disappeared down the hall without another word.
Meg did long for someone to hold her. Not just someone—Logan. She wished she could get the man off her mind. She wished she could forget his words. You don’t have to push me away, Meg. If you don’t want me here, all you have to do is say it.
She pushed away so she wouldn’t get hurt. It wasn’t his conclusion that had kept her awake most of the night; the truth of it had nudged her until it echoed too loudly to drown out.
Though Meg tried to rush inside and hurry up the stairs before Lily could continue their middle-of-the-night conversation, she only managed three steps when her aunt’s voice stopped her. “You had a phone call. Some office in Lynchburg. I put the number by the phone in the kitchen. The woman said she’d be there until noon.”
Anyone who needed to reach her had her aunt’s number. Meg had turned off her cell phone when she’d arrived in Willow Valley.
She glanced at the clock on the mantel. Ten. Logan would probably be here soon, and she’d rather not be anywhere around…at least not until she figured out a few things. But the call shouldn’t take long.
Lily stood at the sink, coring apples as Meg made the call.
A receptionist answered and put Meg through to Victoria Lee.
“Ms. Lee, this is Meg Dawson returning your call.”
“Miss Dawson, it is a pleasure to speak with you.”
Meg guessed the cultured voice testified to more than one language in the woman’s upbringing. “I’m sorry I don’t recognize your name. Have we met?”
“No, we have not. A friend of mine sent me the article that appeared in the Willow Valley Courier. I made some calls and discovered you were taking time off and living in Willow Valley. I have a position I’d like you to consider. I run the Lee adoption service here in Lynchburg. We are an international adoption agency and are looking for a liaison who is fluent in many languages and could communicate with the officials and personnel in the countries we deal with as well as with the couples who want to adopt.”
“You’re offering me a job?”
“I understand this is quite different from the work you are used to. But I’d like to set up an interview with you if possible so we can discuss it. Please give me the time to show you the value in the work we do. Would that be agreeable to you?”
The offer took Meg completely by surprise. “Can you give me some time to think about it?”
“I’d rather give you the time after you give me the opportunity to present my offer. We will need to fill the position by February and have started our search early to find someone with the qualifications we desire. Can you come in Wednesday morning so we can discuss it?”
Meg had to smile at Victoria Lee’s persistence. “All right, I can come in on Wednesday. What’s your address?”
After Meg wrote down the address of the agency and directions and ended the call, Lily studied her and asked, “Something to keep you busy?”
Meg told her aunt about Victoria Lee’s job offer.
“What do you think?” Lily asked.
“I don’t know. I’ve always loved my work.”
“But something’s keeping you from it.”
Lily’s perception shouldn’t surprise Meg, but it did…often. “I’ve needed time to rest, to think.”
“What’s there to think about, honey? Unless you’re thinking about not going back.”
“Aunt Lily…”
Lily placed the apples on the cutting board, lined up in a row. “Would that be so terrible? Changing your mind about what you want to do?”
A loud meowing answered Lily before Meg could. Automatically Meg went to the screen door, opened it and picked up Leo. She cuddled the kitten in the crook of her arm. “It’s not that simple. I have a life in Washington, an excellent reputation. I get paid well and I’m self-sufficient. I don’t have to depend on anyone.”
Lily dried her hands on a towel and pulled the flour canister toward her. “And why do you think changing your job would bother all that?”
Meg rubbed Leo’s neck and heard him purr. “Maybe it wouldn’t.”
“Honey, there’s nothing wrong with depending on someone. I know you’re afraid to, I know Iris and Joe let you down over and over again. But that doesn’t mean everyone will.”
Meg went still. “This has nothing to do with Mother and Dad.”
Her aunt faced her, concern and compassion in her eyes. “I think it does. But that’s something you have to think about.”
Leo rubbed against Meg’s hand. Reflexively, she cuddled and stroked him. “I’m going upstairs to change. And then I’m driving into town.”
“Logan’s coming.”
“I know.”
Lily didn’t say a word, but Meg knew her aunt was thinking plenty. One tough decision at a time was enough.
“I really should get to work on the roof,” Logan said as Lily set the apple dumpling in front of him.
“You need some nourishment before you start. You said you didn’t have anything but coffee for breakfast.”
He smiled at the woman who was so good at taking care of everyone. “That’s the usual.”
She shook her head. “You and Meg.”<
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“Where is she?”
“Upstairs, taking a shower. She got an interesting call this morning. Some adoption agency offered her a job in Lynchburg.”
He couldn’t keep the question inside. “What did she say?”
“She’s meeting with the woman on Wednesday.”
Hope warming his heart, he dug into the apple dumpling. He shouldn’t care what Meg decided. She was obviously running from more than him.
A few minutes later, Meg came hurrying into the kitchen, a kitten nestled in the crook of her arm. “Aunt Lily, I’m going to duck out now before…”
“Before I get here?” Logan asked, raising his head. His body responded to her appearance in coral cuffed shorts and a rib-knit T-shirt with a lace-up neckline. What he would like to do to that ribbon… If he knew what was good for him, he’d let her duck out and he’d get the roof started without distraction.
Lily interrupted the tense silence. “I have laundry to gather.” With a knowing look at both of them, she headed for the stairs.
Meg’s reluctance to be around Logan irritated him. “I told you before, if you want me to leave, all you have to do is say so.”
Avoiding his gaze, she sat down in a chair across from him, the kitten on her lap. “I like you, Logan.”
He leaned forward. “Then stop running away from me.”
“I’m not running away from you any more than you’re running away from Travis.”
Anger erupted again, and he checked it. “Honest to God, Meg, don’t you ever let up?”
“If we can’t even talk about it…”
He pushed back his chair and stood. “Maybe that’s the problem. You want to talk. I want to do something else.” He couldn’t keep the edge from his voice, or the tension of unfulfilled desire. “When you’re ready to talk about that or, better yet, do something about it, I’ll be on the roof.”
The surprise on her face told him his bluntness had probably just ruined any chance he had. But his dreams were getting more vivid, his response to her more intense, every time he saw her. Maybe bluntness was what they both needed.
He left her sitting there, the kitten in her lap, her brown eyes wide and confused. He pulled in a deep breath and went into the backyard, looking forward to ripping off shingles.
Sweat dripped from Logan’s brow as he straightened and stood on the garage roof. Impatiently he swiped the perspiration with his wristband. The sun beat down on him from its high-noon position. He needed something to drink. He also needed to have his head examined. If Meg had been skittish around him before, now she’d probably ignore him completely.
It had been years since he’d wanted a woman the way he wanted her. In fact, he couldn’t ever remember a woman affecting him the way Meg did. He crossed to the ladder and climbed down. He needed a break from the sun and his thoughts. If he remembered correctly, a stream ran through Ned’s property. Without bothering to grab his shirt, Logan headed toward the water.
As soon as he stepped into the tree line, he heard the slight breeze ruffling the leaves, the whistles of chickadees and the ripple of water over rocks. All he could think about was splashing his face in the cool water and letting the peace surround him.
The peace vanished when he stepped closer to the stream and saw Meg. Oblivious to everything around her, she waded on a large rock in the middle of the stream, dangling her hand in the water. He walked toward her because he couldn’t walk away. Standing at the bank, he called her name.
She gazed up at him. Only about ten feet separated them, but he felt it was more like the width of the world. She gingerly stepped from rock to rock until she found her footing on the bank. “I come down here to think.”
He asked what was foremost on his mind, guessing it was foremost on hers. “Lily told me about your job offer. Are you considering staying here?”
She shook her head. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I wouldn’t respect myself. I can’t stay in Willow Valley because I’m afraid to go back.”
“It’s a damn good reason not to go back.”
“I don’t live my life that way. Just because I ignore a problem doesn’t mean it will go away. I have to confront it to settle it.”
Logan couldn’t resist the vulnerability on her face, the honest way she faced life. He caressed her cheek, admiring Meg’s strength and determination. Yet he wasn’t sure either would bring her happiness. “Maybe we have to confront what’s going on between us to settle it.”
“We’ve done that.”
Her breaths came faster, and he stroked her face again. “No, we haven’t. We’re resisting, pushing each other away so the sparks between us don’t blaze out of control. Maybe we shouldn’t be so afraid of the fire.”
“Logan…”
He slipped his arm around her and bent closer. “Kiss me, Meg. As if you aren’t afraid.”
He thought she might back away. He thought what he’d said in the kitchen might make her angry. But she didn’t look angry now. She looked as if she wanted to feel the fire as much as he did. His lips found hers, and the fire was the only thing that mattered.
Red-hot flames licked at him. As his tongue parted her lips, want and need rushed through him with such force and speed, he was hard and aching for satisfaction instantaneously. He’d always known runaway passion was dangerous. He’d never realized it would be so all consuming. Did Meg feel any of it? Could she deny it? Could she run from it?
Logan enclosed her tighter against him. She didn’t protest; rather, she pressed her breasts against his chest and moaned in approval. He lifted her knit top and spread his fingers across her midriff. Her skin fascinated him. The satin softness of it. Everything about Meg fascinated him—her intelligence, her warmth, her genuine loveliness. He plunged his tongue deeper into her mouth—needing, searching, burning as he’d never burned before.
Meg had never played with fire. Caution had always guided most of her decisions. She collected information until her mind and heart united in deciding the best course for her. But now…here…caution floated away with the whistles of the chickadees. Logan’s skin was hot, his chest hard, his scent intoxicating. And his touch created a longing inside her she couldn’t begin to understand.
He pulled away and, when she protested, he came back to her again. His initial hunger transformed into teasing play, stoking her desire, making the longing become a living entity. He nibbled her bottom lip. She wanted more. He touched her bottom lip with his tongue. She wanted more. He slid his hands along the sides of her breasts, and she wanted so much more she couldn’t comprehend the need.
Frustrated by her own need, not knowing what she wanted most—whether she wanted to touch him, or if she wanted him to touch her—she slid her hands up his chest, reveling in the texture of his skin, the curling hair between her fingers, the sheer masculine power of Logan. He groaned, and she kneaded his shoulders, loving the feel of him.
The tip of his tongue stroked against hers, then retreated. She chased him and found satisfaction in the deeper kiss. Logan knew what he was doing.
But did she?
She couldn’t let fear keep her from living. But she couldn’t let it keep her from working, either. If she didn’t go back to her career, she’d feel like a quitter. She’d feel as if she failed. All her life, she’d felt as if she’d failed some test in her parents’ eyes. She couldn’t fail herself. She had to think about her future.
And Logan? She wanted to make love with him. The need was more than physical. But their situation was complex enough.
And they were making it worse. She was making it worse by responding as if she was falling in love with him. Love. No. She couldn’t.
She braced her hands on his chest and pushed away. His skin burned her, and she stuffed her hands in the pockets of her shorts to keep them safe…to keep her safe. Desire rippled through her until she almost lost her balance. But she spread her feet apart and closed her eyes, hoping the need would diminish, praying
she was wrong about falling in love.
“Meg. Look at me.” The authority in his voice vied with the huskiness of unfulfilled desire.
With a deep breath, she opened her eyes.
“What stopped you? What made the fear come back?”
“You. Me. What I have to do.”
“You mean leaving Willow Valley.”
“I mean going back to work.”
He shook his head. “What drives you, Meg?” His gaze probed deep into her heart.
She reached inside for the reason she always confronted her fears. “It’s not easy for a child to go to strange places, meet strange people and learn strange customs. But I did it over and over again. When I did, fear eventually subsided.”
“Did your parents know you were afraid?”
“I hid it. I was afraid if they saw it, they wouldn’t let me go with them.”
“But you liked staying with Lily and Ned.”
“Yes, but, Logan, they weren’t my parents. I wanted to be with my parents. I wanted to make them proud.”
His dark brows drew together. “So why did you choose to stay with Lily and Ned when you were older?”
Her voice softened. “Because by then, I knew Lily and Ned loved me. I’d figured out I could never earn my parents’ love. I didn’t stay because I was afraid to go. I stayed because I wanted to.”
“So, if you’re afraid of something, you feel you have to do it not to be afraid anymore?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
He stood silent as the water rippled over the rocks and the leaves swished and the sun rose higher. “Are you afraid to make love with me?”
He’d caught her in a philosophical trap and he knew it. “That’s not the same.”
He grimaced. “Somehow I knew you’d say that.” Walking to the edge of the bank, he gazed into the water.
Meg took a few more deep breaths wondering what would come next…wondering what could come next.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said…about something holding me back from Travis.”
The Sheriff's Proposal (Men In Uniform) Page 9