Our eternal curse II

by Simon Rumney

  Julii's smile beamed until she heard Robert's father's reply in an angry and fearful voice: "Have you lost your mind, son?"

  Robert's father was looking up and down the street for something that seemed to frighten him. Julii wondered if Robert's father was being literal. Was he looking anxiously up and down the street for Robert's lost mind? She looked, but all she could see were the gathering white people who stared angrily at her.

  Robert's father's words made no sense but she dare not ask Robert what he meant. The sting of his belittling expression after her last 'stupid' question still lingered.

  Robert's mother spoke in an urgent whisper. "For God's sake, get her off the street!"

  Robert's father said: "Take her around back!"

  Then Robert's mother spoke in a voice that overruled her husband. "Just get her off the street now!"

  Watching Robert's mother glance up and down the street, Julii realized that she wanted her out of sight of the staring eyes. 'Robert's mother was embarrassed to be seen with her.' 'How can she be embarrassed?' 'Robert's mother didn't know anything about her.' 'She hadn't spoken to her, not even a greeting.'

  Much to her relief, Robert placed his arm lovingly around Julii and escorted her gently and respectfully into the house. He was proud of her and Julii loved him for it. She just knew that her Robert was going to get her through this ordeal. He was going to support her no matter what, and it felt good and safe to be by his side.

  As Julii passed through the doorway into the most exquisitely decorated tipi, 'no, not tipi, this was a house', she became aware of a combination of smells that brought her a little glimpse of familiarity and calm. Many of the smells were new and strange, but the unmistakable aromas of cooking evoked old, familiar, safe feelings of entering her family’s tipi.

  Julii experienced brief feelings of security; a moment of 'coming home'. But all notions of safety were suddenly blown apart when a fat brown woman walked awkwardly down from the sky inside the house.

  It was not normal sky. There was no sun, no blue sky, no white clouds. It was vast and flat and white, and the thing the fat brown woman walked down was made up of little platforms, one set ahead of the last. Each of the platforms was covered in a bright red covering. 'No, not each one.' The beautiful vivid covering flowed magnificently from the top to the bottom in one long strip of red.

  Julii's brain searched desperately for any kind of understanding. She needed a reference point to make sense of what she was seeing. If she could just find something in her memory, a past experience, anything that could place what she was seeing in context. She needed to make this whole experience less terrifying. She searched and searched but the only recreation available to her was a waterfall. 'The fat brown woman was walking down a waterfall but the waterfall was not water, it was blood!'

  This thought was simply too confronting and had to be replaced, but what else could it be? Julii knew that the sky was where dead people go to be with their ancestors in the afterlife. This fat brown woman was returning from the sky. 'Was she returning from the afterlife?' 'Was she somehow connected with death?' 'Was she a medicine woman?' 'Was she a God?'

  Survival instincts told Julii to run for her life, but outside was filled with horrible staring people. Fighting back terror, she smiled at the fat brown woman in the hope that she would smile back.

  The brown people who Julii had helped deliver their baby had smiled back. 'Maybe all brown people smiled back?' She waited but the hoped-for smile did not come.

  The fat brown women simply ignored Julii and melted into Robert's embrace. It was clear that Robert and the fat brown woman loved each other very much. There were hugs and kisses followed by more hugs and kisses.

  When the fat brown woman bothered to look directly at Julii, her nasty words came as a terrible shock. They seemed to harbor more menace than all of the staring white people's eyes outside. "Why you wanna go upsetting your momma, Master Robert? What you bring that there red nigger back home for?"

  Julii stood frozen with fear at the base of her notional waterfall of blood cascading down from the afterlife. She looked from Robert to his father, to his mother, and to the fat brown woman who her Robert called “Nanny”.

  She wondered what kind of world she had entered. 'Had her Robert been sent by evil spirits?' 'Had his monstrous task been to lure her back to this dreadful place?' 'Had it all been simply to harm her?' 'What was going to become of her?'

  Rendered motionless by an instinctive drive to save herself and the counteracting need to stay close to Robert, Julii stood and watched as two men barged their way into the house.

  Dressed in the same gray clothes as Robert, they just walked rudely through the opening in the front of the house, uninvited, right into Robert's parents' home.

  Even in her dismayed state, Julii was surprised. They had not even stopped outside and asked to be allowed in. Even at this moment of critical danger, a moment when she quite literally believed that she stood between the afterlife and nothing, a ridiculous thought went through her head. 'The people of her tribe would not have been so rude.' 'The people of her tribe would have respectfully waited outside another person's tipi and waited to be invited inside.'

  A fleeting idea heightened Julii's state of panic. 'Were these rude gray men part of Robert’s horrible plan?' 'Were they about to take her away?' 'No!'

  She could not stand the thought of being taken away from her Robert. Julii braced herself. 'She would fight!' ‘She must resist whatever these men were about to do to her!'

  No assimilation

  Much to Julii's astonishment, the two rude gray men who had walked uninvited into Robert's parents' house didn't even pause to look at her. Not even a glance with that white man's scorn as they passed.

  One of the gray men spoke in a harsh and deadly serious tone to her Robert. "Captain Robert Calhoun?"

  "You know full well who I am, John."

  Julii looked up at her Robert with pride. She liked the sound of his crisp and strong reply. He was not afraid. Even in this moment of mayhem he sounded defiant. 'What had she been thinking?' 'Her Robert was not evil.' 'Her Robert would not trick her.' 'Her Robert would save her from anything.'

  The second gray man spoke, and he sounded full of authority. "Captain Robert Calhoun. It is my duty to tell you that you are under arrest for leaving the field at Pittsburgh Landing on the morning of April 6th 1862 without permission from your commanding officer. You are to be court-martialed to answer the charge of desertion at the battle of Shiloh."

  Everything that had just been said was simply a confusion of different noises for Julii. She could tell that whatever was happening was deadly serious and it involved her Robert, but she could not predict what was going to happen next. She braced herself for Robert's reaction, but what actually happened was so strange and inappropriate, even she could feel how odd it was.

  Robert's mother shouted as she glanced frantically between the gray men's eyes and their moccasins. "Have you no idea how to behave in polite society? Do you even consider yourself gentlemen?"

  Looking down, Julii noticed the mud and dust on their long black moccasins, 'boots'. They were leaving marks on the wonderful red floor covering with each of their heavy steps.

  Even though this was not her father's tipi, the lack of respect irritated Julii too. It was so blatantly unthinking and rude. She empathized with Robert's mother's outrage.

  The two gray men were taken totally off guard. They looked down at their feet like naughty children. Until this moment, neither man had noticed or cared about the marks their boots made. Suddenly the mud and dust on the floor covering seemed to be the most important thing in their world.

  Julii watched the two strong men in gray take hesitant backward steps. She noticed that one of them, the man Robert had called “John”, was the man dressed in gray who had pulled away from the man on the street who waved at Robert.

  Just moments before he had been stiff with bravado and authority, but just a few sharp wor
ds from Robert's mother and he was crushed. He even stopped moving when he saw the added mess his steps were making. He and his partner were caught in the horns of a dilemma. When both men began to walk again, they tiptoed carefully backwards like scolded children until they both reached the bare wood boards just outside the house.

  Julii watched each man take turns to move the dusty souls of their tall black moccasin boots back and forth on a smaller floor covering. Their submissive behavior fascinated her. 'Was this pathetic shuffling movement a sign of subordination?' 'Was Robert's mother a powerful chief?'

  What happened next made it clear that it was Robert's father who carried the authority of a big chief. Without raising his voice, he spoke to the two humiliated gray men. "How dare you come to my home to arrest my son with no prior warning, Lieutenant? Do you know who I am?"

  It took all of the second man in gray's courage to look Robert's father in the eye and reply. "I am sorry, sir. But my orders are to take your son into custody to await military justice."

  The volume of Robert's father's voice rose only slightly, but for Julii, it conveyed the menace of a full volume scream. "My son will remain here on his own cognizance until your ridiculous court-martial takes place. I assume a date has been set for this court-martial, Lieutenant?"

  The first man in gray, the one called John, seemed to have recovered from Robert's mother's attack. Julii watched his face grow sterner. With every word spoken between Robert's father and the man called “Lieutenant”, his anger grew. He seemed close to bursting as the man called Lieutenant adopted a more respectful tone. "I understand your position, sir, but please understand mine. I have orders to arrest your son. I deeply respect your authority as Mayor of Atlanta, sir, but I have been ordered to arrest your son by General Hardee."

  Julii saw the exact moment the first man in gray gave up the fight for self-control, and his outburst, when it came, surprised everyone but her. "Thousands of good men died while this coward ran for his pathetic life!"

  The second gray man, the one called Lieutenant, took a shocked step away from the shouting man called John before shouting himself. His tone was a combination of fear, anger, indignation and surprise. "Hold your tongue, Sergeant!"

  The gray man called John did not hold his tongue. He shouted back: "Everyone in our unit but me and him were killed! And I never ran in the face of no Yankees!"

  Julii was pushed aside as Robert's father walked toward the opening in the front of his tipi, 'house'. His voice grew with every step. "Are you calling my son a coward, sir?"

  The man called Lieutenant took a fearful step backwards, but the man called Sergeant John held his ground as he shouted: "I am, sir!"

  Robert's father stopped walking. For a moment he seemed at a loss for words; the man called Sergeant John's reply had clearly taken him by surprise. Even Julii could see that the sergeant man called John was supposed to have been crushed by Robert's father's authority. His own status within the tribe was clearly not high enough to speak to Robert's father as he had.

  Still loud but with diminished authority, Robert's father spluttered: "Were I a younger man, I would demand satisfaction, sir."

  His tone made Julii sad. Even she could tell his threat sounded more pathetic than menacing.

  As though saving what was left of Robert's father's dignity, the embarrassed lieutenant stepped forward, stared directly into the man called Sergeant John's eyes, and shouted: "Attention!"

  Julii watched in amazement as the sergeant man called John's body became suddenly taller and stiffer. It looked as though something within the lieutenant had taking control of Sergeant John. The man called John's expression seemed angry with his own body for reacting as it had.

  The lieutenant was struggling to maintain control of his voice as he shouted, "Goddamn it, Sergeant! You are not the only man to have lost people at Shiloh! There are so many families on this very street grieving the loss of loved ones!"

  Even with the lieutenant's face just inches away from his own, the sergeant man called John did not back down. His voice cracked with deep-felt emotion. "But not because their yellow-belly commanding office chose to save his own skin and left his men to die!"

  The man called Sergeant left an angry pause before shouting the word: "Sir!"

  Julii could see the sergeant called John was afraid, but instead of backing down, he recklessly raised his anger to new heights. He pushed past the man called Lieutenant and started walking menacingly towards her Robert.

  The man called Lieutenant screamed at the top of his voice: "You are on a charge, Sergeant. You are on a charge for insubordination!"

  The lieutenant's threat did not stop the sergeant man called John. Julii was standing almost in his path, and the look in his eyes and the movement of his body was terrifying. 'Was he going to kill her Robert?'

  Deep pain sounded in his voice as he shouted at Robert: "My brother depended on you! You yeller coward!"

  Bolstering herself with every ounce of courage she could muster, Julii moved to stand directly in the sergeant called John's path. She believed that she understood enough of what was going on to be able to clear things up. Looking him in the eye, she spoke with authority. "My Robert did not run away! He was badly hurt at your battle of Shiloh. When I found him he was..."

  Incredibly, her words did not even slow the man called John down. He merely pushed past her as though she were a ghost. 'Was that it?' 'Was she already dead?' 'That would explain an awful lot of the strange goings on.' Julii looked up the waterfall of blood to the bright white sky. 'Was she supposed to go up into the afterlife?' 'Was it all that simple?'

  While questioning her state of being, Julii watched as the man called Sergeant John brought out a heavy thing from his trouser pocket. The heavy thing made a horrible clanking sound. 'Was it a weapon?' 'Was she about to watch her Robert die?' 'Could she do anything to prevent his death?' 'She had to try!'

  Julii made a desperate grab for the arm that held the clanking weapon. She felt the tense muscles moving within Sergeant John's arm and knew that she could not be a ghost. 'Surely a ghost would be unable to touch a living human being.'

  Julii pulled against his arm with every ounce of strength she had but, while she may be physically able to touch him, the man called John was made strong by anger. He simply shrugged her away without even stopping to look who had tried to restrain him.

  Julii screamed with frustration and fear for her Robert, but the sergeant man called John did not hit him with the clanking weapon. There was no blood and Robert did not fall to the floor. Instead, the sergeant man called John surprised Julii by effortlessly used the clanking thing to bind Robert's hands behind his back.

  Julii watched as Robert's father grabbed at the clanking thing around Robert's wrists. He was shouting: "You dare clamp my son in irons in my house? Before my wife?"

  Frustrated, Robert's father took a step past the man called Sergeant John towards the man called Lieutenant. "I do not know the full circumstances, sir, but I do know my son is neither a coward nor a deserter!"

  Robert's father grew redder and redder in the face as his voice rose louder and louder. "You will order your insubordinate sergeant to un-cuff my son and leave my home! Do I make myself clear, Lieutenant?"

  Julii watched Robert's father turn even redder then, as though something had burst within him. She watched him clutch at his chest and fall backwards into Robert's mother's arms.

  Robert's mother could not support Robert's father, so both tumbled backwards onto the red floor covering. Julii was closest to the downed couple but she was too shocked to do anything to help them. The young man called Lieutenant had to spring back into the house to help.

  He held Robert's mother's arm and helped her to kneel by her husband's side. The mess he made on the red floor covering was terrible but, this time, she paid absolutely no attention to his muddy boots.

  Robert's mother shouted: "Get Doctor Cable!"

  For a brief moment, Julii wondered if Robert's mother
was shouting at her. Robert's mother had not looked away from Robert's father, so Julii couldn't tell who she was shouting at. She was about to ask for clarification, when the large brown woman called Nanny ran out of the opening into the street moving at a surprisingly-fast pace for such a huge woman.

  Heart attack

  Robert fell to his knees by his father's side. Because his arms were fixed behind his back, he could not use his hands to slow his descent - so his knees hit the floor hard.

  Julii felt for her Robert. Where he landed was covered in the blood red floor covering, but that would not have provided much cushioning from the blow of his knees meeting the hard floor beneath. She walked towards her Robert. She wanted to comfort him but the angry sergeant called John beat her to him.

  Shoving her aside, once again, the sergeant called John lifted Robert to his feet and pushed him towards the opening in the front of the house.

  'Door!' 'It is called a door!' Even during this moment of complete madness, Julii berated herself. 'It was called a door, not an opening like on a tipi!' 'Do you want these people to think you a fool?'

  Julii now berated herself for berating herself. She was an intelligent woman but her head was spinning. 'And why wouldn't it be?' What was happening to her and to her Robert was impossible to comprehend. Nothing in her sheltered existence had prepared her for the illogical craziness of this white man's Atlanta.

  She was surrounded by confusion and smothered by the illogical actions of others. She must find a way to bring order to this chaos.

  'Surely the only thing that could possibly matter to these strange angry people is her Robert has survived his terrible wounds.' 'He has been nursed back to health from the very brink of death, and that should be cause for celebration, not this anger, abuse and confusion.'

  Julii alone had been responsible for returning Robert to these people. She should be thanked for saving their clearly loved son, yet everyone seemed to be worrying about unimportant things like leaving the battle. 'Why did they not understand?' 'Her Robert had no choice in the matter.'