The ride was obviously old and possibly dangerous. There were spots of painted-over rust flaked off in great strips. Below the garish carnival music pumping over the speaker system, I could hear the cough and wheeze of the motor, as the wheel rattled along. No wonder she was terrified. Theirs was the last car loaded, so at least she did not have to suffer the constant stop and sway as others were loaded onto the ride.
Music played, long and loud as the wheel spun round and round. Isabel went quickly from ghostly white to a startling shade of green. I watched, fascinated, and waited for that magical moment when she would throw up on her date. My evening was looking up. There might be some entertainment, after all.
The ride slowed down as it ground to a stop and each couple returned to earth. As they were the last ones on, Isabel and the boy were the last ones let off. At the very top of the wheel, the boy leaned across to steal a kiss. It seemed to be happening in slow motion. His arm crept up behind Isabel’s shoulder and when she turned towards him, he leaned in with purpose.
I did not mean to do it. I certainly did not plan it. Yet, somehow I found myself replacing the boy. There was a split second of shock, and anger, so profound that it swallowed reason. I had never felt anything like it before, and well, I simply could not stop myself. One moment I was on the ground, watching the boy as he clumsily leaned in to steal a kiss at the top of the Ferris wheel, and in a breath I had replaced him.
The wind clawed at me as I settled into the hard, plastic seat next to the girl I wanted so badly. Isabel was only a breath away from me. Her eyelids had already fluttered closed. She smelled softly of vanilla and coconut, and that halo of dark hair was loose in the wind, tempting me beyond all measure. I could not stop myself. I wanted a taste of mortality. Come what may, and whatever devil there was to pay, I wanted her. For one brief, and shining moment, I wanted to hold her close to me, again. No matter the cost.
I gathered her into my arms, and she came willingly, even letting go of the death-grip she had on the ride’s safety bar. I lowered my lips to hers softly, carefully: I was almost afraid of hurting her. Her lips were soft against my own as she kissed me back. Shyly at first, then with growing passion, she melted into me. It was the sweetest thing I had never imagined. With a soft gasp, our kiss deepened. My heart raced, as my blood sang, and that bond that held us so closely, fused us closer, still. The monster inside of me smiled, then demanded more. And I was helpless to deny him, because I wanted more, too, and in the end, the monster and I are the same.
Isabel’s arms went around my neck and pulled me closer, with surprising strength. It was like she could not get close enough to me. She curled her delicate fingers into the hair at my nape, and deepened the kiss, even playfully biting at my lower lip. She lay half-way across my chest. If not for the safety bar digging into her hip, I would have dragged her onto my lap. I thought my heart would burst. Everything about this girl was made for me. She was perfect. She was mine.
And she thought she was kissing the boy. Such a cold, horrible sensation filled me, at the thought; like someone were digging my heart out with a dull knife. She thought she was kissing the boy. I caught her hands, and stilled them. This was wrong; it was all wrong. She sensed the moment I began to pull away from her. Not once had she opened her eyes. She rested her forehead against mine, breathed heavily, and groaned a little in frustration, or possibly, disappointment.
“What did you do with my date, Asher?” She said it so softly, and breathlessly, that I almost did not hear her.
I went still. “You knew it was me? The whole time?”
She opened her eyes slowly, to look at me, and they sparkled with emerald fire. In the depths of the emerald, glowing like banked coals, was the faintest glimmer of ruby red. Her eyes glowed like a Reaper’s. It was shocking, and exciting to see the way she reacted to me. “Of course, I knew it was you, the whole time. I’m not stupid.”
The Ferris wheel turned, creaking and groaning beneath the too-loud music. Another couple got off. We were no longer at the top of the wheel. She knew it was me. I pulled away from her a little, just to get a better look at her face. She pulled her hands from around my neck, but I caught them and kept them trapped in both of mine, held close to my racing heart. Her hands were small, and soft, and perfect. Like her.
“How did you know?” My mind whirled from one possibility to the next.
Isabel arched a brow, incredulously. “Seriously? You just kidnapped Alex, stole a kiss from me, and don’t even get me started on the whole messing with my memories thing, but you want to know how I knew it was you?” She looked angry. It might not be the best time to ask, but I had to know.
“Please?”
“Fine.” She stared at me hard. “When you’re close to me, I can feel it, inside, somehow. It’s probably because of all the changes you’ve made to my genes. Also, I smelled you, if you must know; nobody smells like you.” She pursed her lips as she glanced towards the ground. “And if that wasn’t enough, you’re quite a bit bigger than Alex. The ride tipped when you took his place.” She glared at me, and I could feel the corners of my lips curl up into a smile. She knew it was me, and she had kissed me with a passion I had not dared to hope for. “You can stop looking so pleased with yourself. I’m pissed at you.”
She certainly looked like she might be angry. Color had returned to her cheeks, and bloomed into roses. Her eyes snapped with Reaper fire, and her lips were a little swollen from my kiss. I found her to be exquisite. I had an almost uncontrollable urge to pull her into my lap and do it again.
She flattened her palms against my chest and held me back from her. “Oh, no, you don’t. I’m not kissing you, again. I repeat; I’m pissed at you.”
“You taste like chocolate.” Her eyes grew large, and the roses in her cheeks spread as she blushed. “And your eyes glow red, like a Reaper’s.”
“Stop talking like that,” she bit out. Her fingers curled into my chest, almost subconsciously and she stared at my mouth for an incredibly long moment, before finally shoving me away.
“Kiss me, and I promise I will not say another word.”
Her eyes snapped up to mine. “Stop it,” she hissed. “You don’t get to flirt with me after the crap you put me through.” Maybe she really was angry with me? Was it wrong that I found her anger adorable? “We need to talk, but first, you’re going to put Alex back where you found him. Unharmed, mind you. I came here with him, and I’m going to finish my date.”
“No.”
She leaned away from me, and I let her go. Not far; there had been too much distance between us for too long, but I let her have a little space. “No? No?! What do you mean, no? Why the hell not?” Her voice rose an octave with each syllable she uttered.
“I cannot put him back.” Well, I could, but I would not. I was not so stupid that I would admit this to her, however. She was in a dangerous mood.
She drew in a deep, steadying breath, let it out, slowly. She may have counted to ten. “Why can’t you put Alex back? Did you do something to him? Did you hurt him?” Her voice grew louder and more strident, with every question. So much for calming herself down.
It was my turn to be annoyed. The boy was, as yet, unharmed. I guaranteed nothing, however, for his long-term health. “I did nothing to hurt the boy, but he is only human, after all. Moving him about on a whim could cause lasting harm. We would not want to damage him.” What a shame that would be.
Isabel did not look like she believed me, but since she had no way of proving me a liar, she took a different approach. “So, can I ask you something?”
“You may ask, but I may not answer.” There. Let her make of that what she would.
“What did you do with Alex?” The ride moved again; we were almost to the bottom.
“The boy is fine. He is home. Safely tucked into his bed, I am sure.” Truly, I neither knew, nor cared where he was, just as long as he was away from Isabel. I was tiring quickly of talking about that miserable boy. “Now, may I ask yo
u a question?”
She watched me, warily; clearly still unhappy with me. Her moods shifted faster than lighting in a storm. “What do you want to know?” I shrugged, and crossed my arms over my chest. If I did not, I was afraid I would pull her to me again, and though I would enjoy that very much, I preferred that she come to me willingly.
“If you knew that it was me, but you are so angry with me, then why did you kiss me?” She closed her eyes, and I think she may have even growled, a little.
She wet her lips, and I found that suddenly utterly fascinating. She had the loveliest mouth: pale pink lips, like the inside of a shell, and the lower one was just slightly fuller than the upper. I wanted to kiss her again. “Chalk it up to temporary insanity. Besides, you stole that kiss, and you know that you did.”
The Ferris wheel ratcheted down again, and it was our turn to be released. The look on the attendant’s face was priceless; he watched her with open amazement. All he saw was a girl having an argument with herself. Sometimes, it is the little things that I find the most amusing.
Chapter 22…Izzy
The moment I’d smelled spiced leather, I’d known exactly what had happened. Asher had found me. I’d been so happy to be back in his arms again, that for an insane moment, I’d forgotten all about Alex. And then he’d kissed me, and I lost all my good sense. Everything inside of me had welcomed him. Nothing had ever felt so right. Nothing had ever felt so wonderful. I was an idiot, but a happy one.
I’d gone all dizzy and tingly, the moment he’d touched me, but maybe that was because I’d forgotten how to breathe. Breathing is highly overrated, anyway. Asher was there, suddenly, and he was everything I wanted. I couldn’t get close enough to him. I’d even forgotten about the stupid Ferris wheel, and the fact that I was scared to death of heights. Asher would never let me fall.
And then, like being doused with cold water, reason had returned. He’d tried to take my memories from me. The jackass had left me alone. I’d been left defenseless, and exposed; depressed and missing him, and that whole time, he’d known exactly what he’d done to me. I could’ve killed him. Then I realized, that I probably really could, or at least hurt him.
I’d killed Mairya. There was satisfaction attached to that memory, and along with it, bone-deep shame. She would have killed me, given the chance, I had to remind myself, but something inside of me was glad that I had killed her. I was turning into a monster. The monster Asher had made of me.
I had seen and done incredible and terrible things since meeting him, and he’d tried to take all of that away from me. I was at war with myself. On the one hand, I wanted nothing more than to go on kissing him, and on the other, I wanted to boot his ass over the side of the Ferris wheel. How dare he make that kind of decision for me? Good or bad, I had a right to my memories.
Hell, he’d even taken the choice out of whether I kissed him, or not. I’d thought I’d been about to kiss Alex. Though, I hadn’t been super excited about the idea, come to think of it. The idea of kissing Alex seemed nice. Sweet. I just hoped that wherever he’d ended up, he was safe.
Asher followed me through the crowd after we got off the Ferris wheel, staying always just close enough to touch, but not quite. I kept walking blindly; barely avoiding being stepped on in the crowd. It’s always strange, watching the way people react when Asher is around. They look everywhere else, but never at him. Some of them were so busy avoiding him that they almost ran over me.
The longer I walked, the more pissed off I got. Which was stupid since I’d been so happy to see him just a few minutes before. I’d practically jumped in his lap, for God’s sake. But the heart wants what the heart wants, and right at that moment, my heart wanted me to kick his ass for abandoning me.
I kept my mouth shut, for fear of saying something in anger that I couldn’t take back, later. I had so much raw rage building up inside, that I was terrified of what I might do with it. I needed distance from him. Which was ironic, since I’d spent several days grieving for the loss of him. Again, that was his fault, not mine.
Maybe he really had gotten sick of babysitting me, just like he’d told Clotho? Maybe he’d thought it was a good way to ditch me? Maybe he was just a jack-ass who thought he could manipulate me however he saw fit, and it would be ok? Yeah, that was probably it.
Asher grabbed my arm and spun me around. We were just outside the gate to the funhouse. A wall of distorted mirrors threw our images back in all sorts of weird shapes and sizes. “What?” I bit the word off through clenched teeth. I sounded bitchy, but I felt bitchy. He’d made this mess, let him deal with it.
“Are you going to talk to me?”
“Nope.” I shook my head, even as I pulled my arm out of his grasp. “Talking to you is not a good idea, right now. Go away; you’re good at doing that.”
He just stared at me. Why not? He had nothing but time on his hands. “Isabel, I am sorry.”
Now it was my turn to be shocked. Seriously? He really thought that would get him off the hook? “For which thing are you sorry, Asher?” People turned to stare at me. Shit. I’d forgotten that most people refused to see him. I looked like an idiot who was having an argument with herself. Nothing new, there. I usually looked like an idiot whenever he was around.
There wasn’t a line for the funhouse. If we were doomed to have this conversation, at least we could get inside, and away from all of the curious stares. I walked up to the attendant and showed her the bracelet on my arm. It was just a piece of red string with a tab on the end, but it allowed me a free pass to all of the rides. Alex had bought us both bracelets, and now he wasn’t even getting to use his. Something else that was Asher’s fault.
The attendant snapped her gum, and waved me on through the little gate. At least she pointed out the entrance to me, before going back to her magazine. I noticed that she, too, managed to look everywhere, but at Asher. Getting ignored must get old, after a while. I stopped that thought in its tracks. I would not feel sorry for him. He didn’t deserve my sympathy, and I was pretty sure that he wouldn’t want it, either.
I was acutely aware of Asher at my back. He gave off enough heat to keep even my cold-natured self, warm. Then again, I was mad at him, I reminded myself, so maybe that was just my rage, keeping me warm. We passed more mirrors. Warped and bent; they lined both sides of the hallway we passed through. I felt pretty warped and bent, too.
A dozen different versions of me were displayed; some were long and tall, some were short and round. A couple even had enormous, bulbous heads. And behind every image of me, was a deadly angel with a beautiful face, and fathomless eyes. He paid no attention to the mirrors. His eyes were only for me.
A lump formed in my throat, and the heat was suddenly suffocating. I watched in horror as the glass in front of me spider-webbed into a million little pieces. Had I done that? Or had he?
“Isabel. Stop.” His hand was on my shoulder, turning me, gently. He almost looked like he was afraid I might run.
I started to speak, then heard the catch in my throat, and hesitated. “How could you do that to me?” I’d meant that to come out loud, and angry, but it was more of a pitiful, little-girl whisper. “You took my choice. I trusted you, and you ditched me.”
“That, I never did. I have not left you. I did what I thought best for you.” Color crept into his face, and for the first time I saw something terrifying in his eyes: raw emotion. He was always so calm and cool, like ice. And now, the ice was melting. Had I pissed him off? Good. I probably should’ve been cowering at that point. You don’t piss off Death, and expect to get by with it.
“It doesn’t matter, anyway. It didn’t work. I remembered everything.” It came out dully; all the fire and anger had burned out of me. I went cold inside, did my best to pull away from him, emotionally. No matter what we did, we were doomed to hurt each other. It would be best to cut my losses and run, before I got really attached to him, and got really hurt.
“It matters, Isabel. You matter.” He ran his ha
nd through his blonde hair, impatiently. “I wanted only to protect you. Do you not see? If the Elders know what you are to me, if they suspect… they will take you from me.” His accent got thicker when he was distressed. His hands held my shoulders, gently pulled me closer. God help me, I wanted him to hold me, but I just couldn’t let him do it. I had to keep him at a distance. For his sake, if not for mine.
“What?” I looked into his eyes, and they glowed dull red, deep in the pupils, like embers. The stormy grey was darkened to almost charcoal. He really was upset. “Asher, they already know what I am, or at least, they’ve guessed.” My hands came up and covered his of their own volition. “I’m a freak of nature; an abomination, just like they said.” The lump in my throat got bigger, and I almost wished it would just go ahead and choke me.
“No. You are not. You are a new thing and I will not let them have you.” His hands gripped mine painfully, but I liked it. He knew I was strong enough that he wouldn’t break me. Still, he scared me, just a little. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but I’d never seen him lose his cool; not even when he’d put Halo through a wall at the Aerie.
“Just calm down, ok? They aren’t going to take me anywhere, yet.” I needed to tell him about Fate, and her insane little scheme, but this clearly wasn’t the time or the place. He was already upset, I didn’t need to add to it. “Everything will be alright. I promise.” I knew I was lying, but I wanted to believe it, if only for a little while.
***
I was too tired to sleep, if that makes any sense. A week of insomnia, plus one shock after another had finally taken its toll. My nerves were shot; I was thoroughly exhausted, and desperate for sleep. The only problem was, my brain just would not shut down and let me rest. I counted problems, instead of sheep, and grew more frustrated by the minute. After a couple of hours of staring at my alarm clock, counting down the time till dawn, I finally gave up, and went looking for relief.
Wings of Darkness: Book 1 of The Immortal Sorrows Series Page 24