Canadia: Need a change of subject?
Me: Yes, please.
We continued on with mindless texting, and I was thankful he hadn’t pushed me. I hadn’t made sense of any of the feelings I had, so I wasn’t ready to share them, either.
Friday night was my first day off all week, and I really wanted to go bowling, but no one was up for it.
Me: Hey you up for some bowling?
Canadia: I was just about to call you. I wish I could, but I’m actually in the middle of packing. I have to go home for a few days.
My stomach dropped at the thought of Tanner’s leaving even just for a few days.
Me: Oh okay. Is everything all right?
Canadia: My grandmother passed away today.
Me: I’m so sorry. Are you okay?
Canadia: Yeah, she’s been sick for a while, so we knew it was coming.
The need to wrap my arms around him and make him feel better was so strong.
Me: When do you leave?
Canadia: I was able to get a last-minute flight. It leaves in four hours, so I need to head to the airport as soon as I’m packed.
Me: Okay, I won’t keep you. Text me when you can. I’m really sorry for your loss, Tanner.
Canadia: Thank you.
Eighteen
Home Feels Wrong
Tanner
Staring out the window of the plane as we took off, I couldn’t help but think of leaving Easton behind again. I knew it was crazy since I’d be back in a few days, but being thousands of miles away was going to be harder this time around.
I tried to sleep on the plane, but it was no use. I was anxious about being home and the funeral as well as all the thoughts of Easton. I really wasn’t sure where we stood.
By the time the plane landed, it was nearly four in the morning pacific time. And although my parents were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I felt like death and needed sleep.
My mom held my face in her hands. “You look exhausted, honey; didn’t you get any sleep on the plane?”
“Not a wink. If it’s all right with you guys, would you mind if I crashed for a little bit?”
“Of course, sweetie.” She kissed my cheek. “It’s good to see you, though. The sun-kissed skin suits you.”
The moment I hit my pillow, I was out and slept like a baby for eight hours straight. When I finally woke, I could hear there were quite a few people here. I had tons of texts but none from the one person I was hoping to hear from. Knowing Easton, she probably didn’t want to bother me.
Me: Hey
Beaver Dammed: Hey. How are you?
I smiled when her text came through within seconds.
Me: I just woke up from the best nap ever, but I’m now dreading going downstairs. I can hear tons of voices, and I’m not feeling very peoply.
Beaver Dammed: Ah naps are my jam, people are not.
Me: Haha, we are meant to be.
Beaver Dammed: That’s all it takes for you, huh?
Me: Pretty much. We can nap and avoid people for the rest of our lives. Doesn’t that sound like the best shit ever?
Beaver Dammed: It actually does.
Me: Perfect
I hadn’t really spent much time texting with Easton. I was wondering if I could get her to open up a little more via text. That would be my mission while I was here.
Me: I better get showered and go face the family.
Beaver Dammed: Okay, text me later if you need me. I wish I was there for you.
“Why are you smiling like that, you big dork?” My sister’s voice interrupted my moment with Easton, and I wanted to kick her ass for it.
I hadn’t even noticed her come in. “Fuck off, Teagan.”
“Yeah, yeah, well, mom wants you downstairs. We have guests, dickhead.”
“So glad you missed me so much. I don’t know why people talk about a twin bond because I don’t see it.”
She jumped on top of me. “Take it back, Tanner.”
I pushed her off of me, and she landed on the floor. “I know you missed me, you little shit.” I missed her too, but I wasn’t about to admit it. “Now get out, I need to take a shower.”
“Whatever, stop texting your girlfriend and get ready.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Your face says you do.” She gestured between us. “It’s a twin thing.”
I threw a pillow at her, but she closed the door before it hit her.
Me: Thanks, Easton. That means a lot to me. I wish you were here, too.
Beaver Dammed: I mean, who wouldn’t want me around?
Me: Honestly, I don’t know.
Beaver Dammed: Haha. Go get ready. I’ll talk to you soon.
Me: Sounds good.
I took my time in the shower, but eventually, I had to make my way downstairs. I wasn’t good at this kind of thing; I never knew what to say. I loved my grandmother, but she had been suffering for so long that I knew she was in a better place now. And although I was sad that I wouldn’t see her anymore, it was comforting to know she wasn’t feeling any more pain.
The service was small and beautiful, but I was ready to go home. Thank God no one lingered long at the reception. As bad as it sounded, I was dying to text Easton before I went to bed. My phone was burning a hole in my pocket, and every time it buzzed, I checked it, but it wasn’t her.
Right now, I was grateful for the time difference, knowing that she had three more hours than me. No matter how late it got, she wouldn’t be sleeping before me.
I gripped the phone in my hands as my parents wrapped everything up with the funeral director.
“Are you going to sit there and stare at your phone all night?” Teagan was smirking at me.
I stared at her blankly. “Not like there’s much else to do in this town.” I wouldn’t go anyway.
“The guys were asking if you wanted to go out tonight. Didn’t you talk to them?”
I shrugged. “Not much.”
“Did they text you the deets?”
I wasn’t really paying much attention to our conversation. “I don’t know.”
“You have checked your phone a million times today, and yet, you don’t know if they texted you?” She jutted out her hip with attitude.
“Get off my case. I don’t feel like going out, so I ignored them.”
“All right, that’s all you had to say. I’m heading out with Molly. I’ll see you later.” She walked out without waiting for a reply.
Jeez, I was cranky; we bickered a lot, but I wasn’t usually like this. I knew it wasn’t her; it was that I missed Easton. And if my parents had caught me texting at the funeral home, they’d beat my ass. We’d been texting since I had left on Friday, and I felt like we’d really gotten to know each other. She’d opened up a little more.
I jumped up the moment my mom said we were leaving; I couldn’t wait to get home and in bed to text her. We walked in the door, and I faked a yawn. “I’m really exhausted. Do you mind if I head to bed early?”
My dad lifted his wrist. “It’s only seven o’clock, son.”
“I know, but I’m beat.”
My mom kissed my cheek. “Of course, sweetie, get some rest.”
I’d get shit from my friends for not hanging out with them, but I really wasn’t in the mood, Easton aside. I stripped down to my boxers and got into bed before pulling out my phone.
Me: Hey
Beaver Dammed: Hey, how you doing?
Me: Better now that I’m talking to you.
Beaver Dammed: Same
Me: I can’t wait to see you.
Beaver Dammed: I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I kind of miss you.
I burst out laughing but quickly covered my mouth, not wanting my parents to hear me.
Me: Kind of? Because I miss you like crazy.
Beaver Dammed: All right, I really miss you.
My heart hammered in my chest; I was dying to see her. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.
Me: Can I se
e you tomorrow?
Beaver Dammed: What time does your flight land?
Me: Six. Why do you want to pick me up?
Beaver Dammed: Sure
I had to admit that I was shocked she said yes.
Me: Are you sure? I was just kidding.
Beaver Dammed: No, I want to.
Me: Awesome, thank you.
Beaver Dammed: No problem
We continued our conversation as we’d done the last couple nights until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was going to see her tomorrow, and I couldn’t freaking wait.
I woke with my phone still in bed with me and the cord wrapped around my arm. I quickly texted Easton to say good morning, even though she’d still be asleep. Then I got up to start the day. It was my last day with my family for a while, and although my parents were making us go apple picking like we did when we were kids, I was excited. I wasn’t sure my mom would ever be ready to let us grow up, so it was a small price to pay to make her happy.
And although I’d been an ass to Teagan, I made a conscious effort to have a great day with everyone, and we really did.
By the time they dropped me off at the airport, I was down that I was leaving, but of course, excited to get back to my new life in California. My mom sobbed; my sister made a smartass comment, and my dad slapped me on my shoulder and told me to have a good flight.
I boarded the plane and texted Easton not to forget about me before powering off my phone. I ran the scenarios through my head over and over as to how things would go when Easton picked me up at the airport. As much I would love her to run and jump into my arms, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. But maybe a hug would do for now. We had connected on a different level with all our texting while I was away, and I had high hopes for us when I got back.
Nineteen
How Do I Act?
Easton
Arriving early at the airport was a bad idea. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself for the next hour. These fuckers wouldn’t give me a drink, so comfort food was my next best choice. I had an hour to kill and a plate full of fatty, fried foods and a huge glass of Pepsi.
By the time eight o’clock rolled around, I felt like I was going to explode. But the food and playing games on my phone had helped to distract me.
I couldn’t wait to see Tanner, but I was nervous. We’d texted every day that he was gone, and I felt like we’d gotten a little closer. I didn’t seem to hold back as much. Maybe it was the distance between us or the fact that texting allowed me to say whatever without having to see or hear his reaction. If I needed a moment to think before I responded, then I could take it. I was getting a little better at this whole communication thing. I wasn’t quite ready to define anything, but I was getting there.
The moment I saw him walk through the gate, I wanted to squeal like a teenager. But I stomped down my inner schoolgirl and instead slowly walked toward him. I’d missed his smile, and the one on his face said he’d missed me, too. I didn’t hesitate before wrapping my arms around him, and he dropped his bags to hug me close.
“I missed you,” he whispered in my ear.
I pulled back and looked up at him. I couldn’t believe I was going to say this out loud. “I missed you, too.” I looked down, but he immediately pushed my chin back up.
He kissed my lips softly before pulling back.
“You really shouldn’t leave your bags unattended like that. They repeat those words every forty-five seconds on the overhead speakers.”
He chuckled at my awkward change of subject.
Patting my stomach, I advised him, “I should warn you that I may puke on the car ride home. I got here over an hour ago and basically ate everything on the appetizer menu.”
“Good to know.” He picked up his bags, and we started to walk but then stopped, and he looked down at me. “Wait, why’d you get here so early?”
“Shut the fuck up.” I wasn’t admitting that I was that excited to see him.
He just nodded and allowed me the pass. That’s one thing I loved about him; he didn’t push. He just allowed me my moment.
Tanner turned to me as we drove. “So, I was thinking I need a new wardrobe. Feel up for some shopping?”
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. The shit you wear is atrocious.” I bit my lip trying to hide my amusement.
His clothes weren’t bad at all, but he looked like a tourist.
“Shut up, it’s not that bad but I do stick out and look like I don’t belong.” He shrugged.
“Let’s do it. I usually hate shopping, but this could be fun. I get off early on Tuesday. We could go after work. The mall is about thirty minutes away.”
“Works for me.”
I was looking forward to it.
“How are things going with you and that Tanner kid?”
I rolled my eyes at Joe and continued folding shirts.
“What? I was just making polite conversation. Don’t forget I was here when he left last time. I saw what that did to you. I was just checking in.” His voice was sincere, and I knew that Joe would never hurt me. He cared about me like I was his daughter, so I caved.
I sighed and turned toward him. “Honestly, I don’t know. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. I have all these foreign feelings and thoughts that run rampant in my head. I don’t know what I should do.”
“Follow your heart and get out of your head. It’s only foreign to you because you’ve never allowed yourself to open up to anyone. You’re always that rough and tumble badass, but you don’t have to be that all the time. Opening up to the possibility of more with someone is scary, but once you do, it’s amazing.”
“What if it doesn’t work out? I don’t think I could handle that.” I was scared to take the plunge and ruin everything.
“Then you bring that badass back to the forefront and move on. There are no guarantees in life, but you can’t live it without experiencing love, Easton. You just can’t.” He gripped my head and kissed the top of it before walking away.
Joe wasn’t one for talking—that’s why we worked—but when he did, it was profound, so I usually listened. He was probably right, but I needed to do this at my pace when I was ready.
By the time I pulled up to Tanner’s place, I was starving. We decided to get something for dinner before shopping. It was like a real date, but since I had no time to freak out about it, we had a great time. We talked and just enjoyed each other’s company.
“I probably shouldn’t have eaten so much. Now I’m not going to fit into any clothes.” He patted his belly.
“You sound like such a chick. Do guys even care about that shit?”
“Nah, I was just fucking around. I don’t get bloated.” He laughed as we walked into the mall. “Where to?” He looked at me.
“I got you.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him along to the first store.
Usually my instincts would be to pull my hand away once I had gotten him moving, but I liked the feel of my hand in his. We went from store to store, and by closing time, Tanner had a new California-worthy wardrobe.
As we were leaving, I heard my name called and turned to find Blaine. He nodded in my direction as he stared at our fingers entwined. I immediately dropped Tanner’s hand, and he looked at me questioningly. I didn’t want to give Blaine the impression I was dating after the last time we talked, but now I felt like an asshole because Tanner was going to think something was going on.
“What’s up, girl?” Blaine said as he started toward us.
“Nothing, we gotta go, though. Got somewhere to be. Nice seeing you.”
He stopped in his tracks with a scowl on his face, but he nodded. We turned and walked away. When we got back into the car, it was awkward. I tried to talk about bullshit, but Tanner’s mood was sullen. I could feel it.
I should’ve explained, but I didn’t know what to say. Somehow, hey, I fucked that guy and kicked him out of my bed. Sorry about that. Yeah, not happening, so instead, I kept my mouth shut, and we drove in silen
ce.
Pulling up to his apartment, my stomach was in knots. I didn’t like how this night had turned out, and I felt like a complete dick.
The sound of his shopping bags broke the silence, as he started to gather them he spoke. “Thanks for taking me tonight. I really appreciate it.” He didn’t look at me.
“Look—”
He put his hand up to halt my attempt at fixing this. “It’s cool, Easton. I get it. Have a good night.” And with that, he exited my car without so much as a second glance.
Twenty
Guys’ Night
Tanner
The silence of my apartment was deafening, I had expected this night to go a completely different way. It was perfect until that guy showed up. I wanted to ask her a million questions, like who he was and why she felt she needed to distance herself from me the moment he noticed our connection.
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