Two seconds later he faintly heard the ref’s hand smack the mat, then the suffocating weight suddenly left him.
He had been pinned.
Ely laid there for a few moments, gasping for air, trying to regain enough strength to stand.
In the stands, Mary brought her hands to her mouth. “Oh my baby,” Mary cried. “He almost had him.”
“How embarrassing,” Bill muttered. “I can’t believe I even came to this.”
“Oh, Bill. Don’t say anything to him. He’ll be hurt enough for losing.”
“And he should be, god dammit; I’ll make that kid tougher if it’s the last thing I do. You can bet on that,” Bill said darkly, draining the last of the liquid in his cup.
Ely slowly got up, shook his opponent’s hand, and the coaches’, and moved dazedly toward his own bench, a malignant tumor of deep despair slowly consuming him. Mr. Seljin patted him on the back as he walked by. It was pretty obvious that Ely was more than upset, and no one attempted to talk with him right away, knowing full well that when you lost a match sometimes the first thing you needed was a little solitude. Jeff, Cisco, and a few others, attempted some encouraging words, but everyone else left him alone as he walked past them, head hanging down, toward the locker room.
As Ely neared the locker room door, Adam appeared before him, standing casually to the side in his varsity warm ups. Ely walked by without looking up, but he didn’t need to see Adam’s sneer, for he heard his snicker clearly enough. Laughing softly, Adam moved toward the mat to get ready for the varsity match.
Ely didn’t break stride, completely ignoring him, and walked into the locker room.
Jeff and Cisco watched him go as the varsity wrestlers started to prepare for their match.
“Damn it, he needed that win,” Jeff said under his breath.
“He sure did. Let’s go Jeff, we need to start thinking about our match,” Cisco said as he left to join the rest of the varsity squad who were now starting to congregate, getting ready for their team warm-ups.
Jeff stared at Ely’s departing figure a bit longer, shook his head sadly, and joined his team.
Ely sat on a bench in the locker room quietly sobbing with his head in his hands. He hated that he was crying, but he couldn’t control the flood of emotions that had come after losing this match, a match in which he had actually, for a while, been ahead. And it wasn’t just a loss, he had been pinned. Here he was again with another loss. He had seen other kids cry after they lost, so he knew it was pretty normal, but that understanding didn’t make him feel any better. Just once he wanted to win, to feel what it was like to have his hand raised in victory. Ely wiped the tears from his eyes, grabbed his head gear on the bench, and threw it hard against the lockers.
“Ely?”
It was Mr. Seljin.
“Yeah, I’m in here,” Ely murmured as his coach turned the corner into the locker room. Ely wiped the tears from his eyes as Sel sat next to him, putting his hand on his shoulder.
“Listen to me, Ely. You did good out there. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but trust me, you are getting better. That was the best match I’ve seen you wrestle so far.”
“What do you mean? I got pinned. I lost....... again.”
“I don’t care about that,” Sel continued.
“But I do!” Ely yelled, louder than he wanted to. He wasn’t mad at Sel, he was just mad at himself. “I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you.”
“I know. Don’t worry about it. Listen, you were beating that guy for most of the match and that arm drag was the best I’ve seen you do. It was textbook perfect. You’re getting better, Ely, and that’s what matters.”
“I don’t know,” Ely replied, shaking his head in resignation. “I don’t know if I can do this. I’ve never won a match. You don’t know what that’s like.”
“Maybe not,” Sel agreed. “But I do know what it’s like to lose. You hang in there. You’ll win. I guarantee it. Who knows, if you stick with it, maybe you could be a state champion.”
Ely looked incredulously at Seljin who was now smiling at him. “Now you’re a comedian,” Ely said, matching his smile.
“I’m not kidding. You have the potential. I believe it. Now it’s your turn to believe.”
“Now you sound like a preacher. You are a man of many faces.”
Mr. Seljin stood up and slapped Ely on the back. “You’re doing great, Ely. I’m proud of you. I gotta take a leak, then I’ll get the varsity guys warming up. Come out when you’re ready and watch us kick some butt.”
“Alright, Sel,” Ely said, beginning to smile. “Thanks.”
“No worries. See ya out there.” Mr. Seljin moved toward the bathrooms in the back of the locker room as Ely began to put his stuff away.
Just as Ely opened his locker to put his gear inside, his father walked around the corner.
“God dammit, son. You got your ass kicked again.” And without breaking stride Bill walked up behind Ely and smacked him hard on the back of the head.
Ely turned around to face his father. “I’m sorry, Dad. I tried really hard. I almost…”
“I don’ care what you almost did,” Bill said, his words beginning to slur. He was obviously drunk. Then he slapped Ely across the face with his open palm. “You lost. I’m wasting my time coming to these stupid matches.” Then he slapped him again.
Ely’s head jerked to the side as the sting of the slap echoed in the concrete room. But this time, his father had picked the wrong time and the wrong place. Ely was still stinging from the loss of his match and his dad was pouring fuel on the smoldering embers of humiliation and anger that had built up over years of abuse. This time Ely snapped as his anger boiled to the surface. He pushed out hard with both arms and sent his dad flying into the row of lockers behind him.
Still standing, Bill slowly gathered himself, his expression of shock quickly replaced by one of fury. “So you think you’re tough? We’ll just see how tough you are.” He lunged toward his son swinging his right fist in a wide arc, smashing into Ely’s left cheek with tremendous force. The blow sounded like a firecracker in the tight confines of the lockers.
Ely’s head jerked hard to the right and slammed against the locker behind him, slumping limply to the floor. His father was now standing over him, having completely lost control, his face red with drunken fury.
“You fat piece of shit! I’ll teach you to never mess with me!” he stormed as he kicked Ely in the side. He had just stepped back again, ready for another kick, when Mr. Seljin came barreling around the corner from the bathrooms. “Hey!” he yelled as he moved in fast.
Bill turned around as Mr. Seljin rushed him. Like a striking adder Sel grabbed Bill by his throat with his right hand while he blocked Bill’s clumsy swing with his left. He then slammed him against the locker, held him there for a moment, then released his hold and stepped back. “Who the hell are you?”
Bill, still out of control, answered Mr. Seljin with another swing of his meaty fist. Sel ducked under the attack and in a blur slammed his fist into his stomach. Bill groaned, leaning over in pain, but this time his face met Sel’s fist as he followed his first strike with a vicious upper cut. Bill flew violently back, crashing again into the lockers, then collapsed to the floor completely unconscious.
Mr. Seljin reached down to help Ely to his feet. “Who is that, Ely? What’s going on?”
Ely slowly stood, regaining his footing on shaking legs. His emotions gained the best of him and he slumped into Mr. Seljin, sobbing onto his shoulder. “That’s......my dad,” he said through his tears. “Please help me.”
Sel held Ely in his arms. “It’s okay, son. I’m here. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Ely could barely hold himself up as he continued to cry on his shoulder, his head buried in shame. All of the emotions that he had suppressed for so many years finally erupted and Ely could not control the torrent of tears. The dam had broken and there was nothing he could do to stop it
“I’m
here. It’s okay, son. I will help you.”
Eight
It’s hard to explain how I felt about that incident. You are taught your whole life that your father is supposed to protect you, that no matter what happens you can always count on him to teach you to be a man, to help you get through life. When you’re a child, and none of the happy endings you read about in fairy tales, or hear about at school, come true, you start to question why. You think maybe it’s your fault. You think maybe you did something to deserve the things that happen to you. You can’t understand why the very person that is supposed to protect you actually does the opposite. He beats you and hurts you both physically and mentally. You pretend that it doesn’t affect you…that you can make it through your childhood with no scars, but you realize that is not true.
I tried real hard to believe that my father’s actions did not affect me. I didn’t want to give him that kind of power. But I was wrong. His actions, repeated year after year, reduced my self-esteem to dangerous levels. You can have all the skills and talents in the world, but none of it matters if you don’t believe in them. And I didn’t. Self-esteem, confidence, they are the glue that holds you together. Without them, you are just a shell, your unrecognized skills and talents floating around in limbo. You can’t build anything for your life if you lack self-esteem. You might have the tools, but they will be useless without confidence. And that is what my father took from me. He made me question my existence, he made me think that everything was my fault; he made me think that I had nothing to offer the world.
Luckily for me, there were others who showed me my father’s lies.
Ely Carter
——————————
The Burger King in Gig Harbor was slow for this time of the evening. Jeff and Ely sat together, more or less alone in the small fast food restaurant, eating a meal of burgers and fries. There was one other group, presumably a family, with two young kids, sitting in the far corner.
“So, it’s been a week. What’s going on with your dad?” Jeff asked.
Everyone of course had heard about that night. You can’t really hide police cars and sirens at a school event, but Mr. Seljin had no choice but to call them after the attack in the locker room. Word of the event spread like wildfire throughout the school and within days everyone knew what had happened to Ely and how Sel had saved him from his own father.
“He’s moving out,” Ely said casually as he ate some fries.
“Really?”
“I told him that I wouldn’t press charges if he moved out.”
“What about Sel, what is he doing?”
“He pressed assault charges. He didn’t really have a choice.”
“Yeah, I guess not. So will he spend some time in jail?”
“I think so. I don’t know. I just want him out of the house,” Ely said, looking up at Jeff.
“Did he agree to move out?”
“Yeah, but he pretty much had to.”
“That makes sense,” Jeff said, taking a bite from his burger.
Awkward silence followed as both boys ate their burgers. Finally Ely spoke. “My mother’s taking it hard though.”
As Jeff and Ely continued their meal and conversation, Mr. Seljin was just pulling his car up to Ely’s house. He got out and walked up the front steps of the trailer, knocking softly on the dirt smudged door. After a few moments, Mary Carter opened the door.
“Good evening, Mrs. Carter,” Mr. Seljin said. “I’m sorry to interrupt your evening, but may I have a brief word with you?”
“Of course, come in.”
“I won’t take much of your time,” Mr. Seljin said as he followed Mary inside. They both sat at the kitchen table near the door. Mary’s eyes were swollen and red from crying and the interior of the trailer looked unkempt, obviously a reflection of how she had been feeling.
“It’s okay. Pardon the mess but I have not had much time to clean up,” Mary said as she cleared some bills and clutter off the table.
“I don’t mind. Is Ely here?”
“No, he went out with Jeff.”
“That’s good because I want to talk with you alone. I tried calling but no one answered.”
“I’m sorry, I was taking a nap. Can I get you something to drink?” Mary asked.
“No, I’m fine. I just wanted to tell you personally that I’m sorry for what happened, and that I’m here if you ever need anything. ”
Fresh tears formed in Mary’s eyes. She looked away briefly, trying to gain control of her emotions. Looking back at Mr. Seljin she said, “It’s not your fault. You were just protecting my boy. As I said that night, thank you again for helping him.”
“You’re welcome,” Sel said. “I care a lot about him. He’s a great kid.”
“I know,” she said, choking back a sob. She looked away again as tears slowly streaked down her face. “I love him very much.”
“I know you do.”
“No you don’t. You probably think I’m a sick woman for letting my husband beat us.”
“Not at all. Before my father retired he use to work as a psychologist at the state prison. He said the prison was filled with men who abused their girlfriends and spouses. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens more than you know,” Sel tried to reassure her.
“You don’t understand. I let it go on,” Mary continued, now crying openly. “I allowed it to continue. I don’t deserve a boy like him.”
“We all make mistakes, Mrs. Carter. The good thing is, you can rectify yours.”
“I thought he loved me. I convinced myself that he did,” Mary continued. “I wanted to believe so badly that he actually cared for me, even if he seldom showed it. Look at me, Mr. Seljin, what man will want me? I don’t want to be alone,” she sobbed.
“It’s okay…you don’t need a man like that. You have a great son who loves you. That’s more than a lot of people have.”
Mary wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m just scared. We have bills to pay. And now with this latest incident I’m worried that CPS could take my Ely.”
“I know you’re scared. Like I said, if there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to ask. I will vouch for you if you need me too. I know you love him. He needs you as much as you need him.”
“Thank you. I can see why Ely thinks so highly of you. You know he talks about you all the time. Thank you for taking care of my son. It’s meant a lot to both of us,” Mary said through sniffles.
“You’re welcome. As I said, I have a fondness for Ely. He’s a very bright, kind, and caring kid who deserves the best. Be strong for him. He’s going to need it.”
“I’ll try.”
“I better get going. Don’t worry, everything will work out. Remember, an amazing person raised Ely to be an incredible kid. And it certainly wasn’t his father,” Mr. Seljin said as he stood up from the table.
“Thank you for everything.”
Mr. Seljin moved toward the door and walked out onto the front porch. Mary followed him to the door.
“You have a lot to offer someone, Mrs. Carter. Just be patient and don’t give up on yourself,” Sel said with a smile as he turned and walked out toward his car.
Ely and Jeff were nearly done with their meals when the conversation turned in a different direction.
“How come you never told me about your father?” Jeff asked softly.
“I don’t know. It’s not something that you just bring up.”
“I know, but I’m your friend.”
“Come on Jeff. What was I supposed to say? Hey Jeff, my father beats me and my mom. Oh, and by the way, all my life I’ve been told I’m a fat, lazy, good for nothing loser. I just thought you should know because you’re my friend. Besides, we barely see each other anyway.”
Jeff didn’t say anything as he looked uncomfortably at his dwindling fries. Then he looked up again. “Ely, can I tell you something?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“You promise you won’t tell anyone?”
“Yes, I promise.”
“I’m serious, Ely. I’ve never told anyone this before,” Jeff said emphatically.
“Okay, I’m serious, I won’t tell anyone,” Ely said earnestly.
Jeff leaned in close as if he didn’t want anyone else to hear. “Okay, remember this is not to be repeated.”
“I know, I know, now get on with it.”
Jeff looked around one more time to make sure no one was near. “I’m adopted.”
“Really?” Ely looked at Jeff as if there must be something else. Jeff nodded his head. “I’m sorry, Jeff, but why is that such a big secret?”
“I have two moms.”
“What?” Ely asked.
“I have two moms. My parents are lesbians.”
“Wow! That is a big secret. I always wondered why I had never met your dad and why you never invited me over.”
“Well now you know.”
“When were you adopted?” Ely asked.
“When I was a baby. Remember, don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. As I see it, you don’t have anything to be ashamed about.”
“I’m not ashamed. I love my parents. It’s just that most people look down on that stuff. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Ely said looking down at his fries. “At least you have two parents that love you.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m lucky. But your mom loves you too, Ely, and that’s more than some people have.”
“I guess so. Hey, we have something in common. Neither of us has a dad,” Ely said with a smile.
“True. But I have to admit. Even after all these years, it kind of grosses me out.”
“You mean the whole sex thing?” Ely asked.
“Yeah.”
“Parents and sex is always gross,” Ely agreed.
“No shit. Then picture them being gay and it’s even worse.”
“Sorry, dude, but two women together is hot,” Ely said with a laugh.
The Life of Ely Page 11