"He is also in Nathaniel's bed."
"Yeah, and he does everything with him, including things that Micah still can't quite wrap his head around."
"Micah has never had a male lover before, ma petite. It can take some adjustment."
"I know it does for me with the women." Then I realized that he might have said more than I'd understood, so I asked him, "You weren't always bisexual, were you?"
"There had been drunken explorations, but I believe that I would now call that heteroflexible."
"Did you cross the line with another man before you were taken to Belle Morte's court?"
"No, I did not."
I blinked at him. "Fuck, Asher was your first man, male lover, wasn't he?"
Jean-Claude nodded, then looked away so I couldn't see his face, which meant he didn't trust himself to be able to control his expression. It was incredibly rare for him to be unable to control himself like that.
"God, Jean-Claude, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
He spoke with his face still turned away. "Why should you be sorry, ma petite?"
"It explains a lot about why you were willing to put up with Asher's jealousy and temper tantrums over the centuries. It also explains . . . Your first lover gets a piece of your heart until you have enough therapy to take it back."
He laughed then. "Ah, ma petite, such a mix of romance and practicality--I value it a great deal that you do both equally well."
"I share enough of your memories to know that Belle was very good at both, too."
"But she was never in love with me, as you are. To find a second woman who could be everything I wished in the bedroom and in the boardroom was more than I thought I would ever find."
"I'm also better in an actual physical fight than Belle."
He turned and smiled at me; whatever emotion he'd been trying to hide, he'd managed. "Belle was powerful enough that she did not resort to fisticuffs."
"I'm a double threat. I'll kick your ass with metaphysics and then I'll just plain kick your ass."
He laughed, but it was his controlled laugh, the one that I'd thought was his real laugh for a long time. Now I knew that it was a sort of practiced laughter, one that showed joy, or humor, but he could trot it out at will, even if he didn't get the joke. To be part of Belle Morte's court he'd had to laugh at the jokes and not show disgust at other things.
"It is true: you are the first warrior I have ever fallen in love with, ma petite."
"I've seen you and Asher do sword practice. Doesn't that count?"
"He is good at the sort of practice one does to impress a lady, or a lad, but in a real fight he tends to let his emotions overwhelm his knowledge, and blade work is about precision and control."
"All fighting is about precision and control," I said.
He nodded. "I concede that is true of most fighting, but not all. I have seen battles won through sheer uncontrollable rage. At the right moment it can turn the tide of battle and renew the bravery of those around the warrior who can show strength when all around him have given up."
"Agreed, though actual battle, I don't think what I've done qualifies as actual battle yet."
"That is for you to define, ma petite, but Asher's temper always unmanned him in a fight. He was much better at being a lover than a fighter."
"He's great in bed, but he sucks at the relationship part."
"He does not suck, as you say, at all the relationship part, but I understand you have not seen the parts he is good at as much as I have."
"I've never been on a single date with him."
"You have been on dates with us both."
"Please, never take me to the opera again."
He laughed, but again it was that careful laugh, delightful to hear, but it was still camouflage.
"Asher does like what is now called highbrow culture more than you do."
"The complete Tchaikovsky Sleeping Beauty made me want to hurt myself, and I thought I liked ballet."
"Most people like selections of the well-known ballets but have no idea how much has been cut for time."
I might have had to admit I was totally uncultured, but a knock at the door saved me. I started to ask who it was, but just thinking about asking, I could feel Nicky on the other side of the door, and . . . Cynric.
"Why is Sin with him?" I asked out loud.
"I do not know," Jean-Claude said, and called, "Come in, Nicholas."
The door opened and Nicky's broad shoulders filled it as he walked through, but there were a few inches of dark hair over his head, because Sin was the taller of the two.
"I've told you before, Jean-Claude, it's just Nicky. It's not short for anything."
"I am sorry, Nicky, but it seems too little a name for the man you have become."
He shrugged as much as his shoulder muscles would allow. "My maternal grandfather's name was Nicholas, the bitch who called herself my mother was named Nicole after him, and I was named Nicky after both of them. Let me just say while we're on the topic that I know that Nathaniel wants to name a boy Nicholas, after his dead brother, but I'd rather not."
"What boy are we naming?" I asked.
"Now you've done it," Cynric said.
"Sin, it is always lovely to see you, but we have personal matters to discuss with Nicky," Jean-Claude said.
"Are you saying that Nathaniel is picking out baby names?" I asked.
"You know he has baby fever," Nicky said.
"Picking out names is a little more than baby fever," I said.
"Nathaniel wants a family, Anita--you know that," Sin said.
"Yeah, and if he could get pregnant we could talk about it, but since I'm the only womb in the relationship it's not happening."
"You aren't the only girl anymore," Sin said.
I looked at him, ready to be mad at Nathaniel for picking out names for a baby I hadn't agreed to have, but any target would do. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that when Nathaniel talked about wanting a baby, Fortune was there last time and said she might be willing."
"To have Nathaniel's baby?" I asked.
"It didn't get that far, but she's never had a baby, and if she and Echo feel safe enough she might consider it, that's all." Sin held his hands out in a little push-away gesture.
"I guess I'll talk to her on the plane about babies," I said, and I was really angry and some other emotion was in there. I realized that the thought of Nathaniel having a baby with another woman bothered me, a lot. Damn it, I was not breeding!
"I didn't mean to start a fight, Anita. You made it sound like your objection to babies is getting pregnant. I thought knowing that one of the other women in our poly group was willing to get pregnant would solve things, not make you mad," Sin said.
"Well, it didn't solve things," I said, and I sounded pissed. Damn it.
"Ma petite, we do not have time for an argument if you are to feed before you get on the plane."
"Besides, the kid is right," Nicky said. "If your only objection was needing someone else to get pregnant, it would solve the problem." He was watching me, and something about the way he was doing it let me know that he was feeling exactly what I was feeling. I couldn't feel his emotions the way I could if I dropped my psychic shielding with Jean-Claude, or even Cynric, but I also couldn't keep Nicky from sensing my emotions the way I could the others. As my Bride, Nicky was compelled to keep me happy. It literally seemed to cause him discomfort if not pain to feel me unhappy. He never seemed to share what he sensed from me with any of the other people in our lives, but the look in his eyes said that he, of all of them, knew exactly why I was upset.
"It's really hard to get in the mood sometimes when this kind of topic comes up," I said, and my voice still held an edge of anger, but mostly I sounded peevish and whiny, and I hated hearing that in my own voice. I could do better than this. I had told Nathaniel that if he could get pregnant we could talk about babies more seriously. It had been my way of dropping the topic, but one thing I ha
dn't considered when we added other women to our poly group was that I wasn't the only one who could get pregnant now. I also hadn't expected how bad it made me feel to think of someone else carrying Nathaniel's child. I still didn't want to be pregnant, but I didn't want him to do it with anyone else, which made no sense at all. But one thing I'd learned in therapy was that just because a feeling made no sense didn't make you stop feeling it.
"I didn't mean to make things harder, or weirder," Cynric said.
Nicky gave him a look that said he doubted that last part. He didn't give Cynric looks like that much, so something was up. "Go ahead, kid. Tell them what you want that doesn't make things harder, or weirder."
"You make it sound like I'm wrong."
"I didn't say you were wrong. I just didn't say you were right."
"I have to be one or the other," Cynric said.
"No, you can be wrong and right at the same time."
"No, you can't," Cynric said.
"As much as I'd prefer the world to be black and white, yes or no, right or wrong, Nicky's right: Sometimes you can be both," I said.
"Ah, ma petite, you have grown in wisdom since first we met, for then you believed the world was black and white without gray in between."
"What's that mean?" Cynric asked.
"It means that once upon a time I would have agreed with you, that there was no way to be right and wrong at the same time."
"I still don't understand," he said.
"Tell them your plan and then they'll explain it to you," Nicky said.
Cynric got a stubborn look on his face. "It's logical," he said.
"I didn't argue logic with you, kid."
"Please, stop calling me kid. It doesn't really help me make my point."
"Not my job to help you make your point," Nicky said.
I frowned at both of them. "Why are you guys almost fighting?"
"The kid--oh, sorry, Sin--is trying to cockblock me."
Cynric rolled his eyes. "Thanks for that elegant introduction to the conversation, Nicky."
"You're welcome," he said with a smile that looked real, as if he didn't get the joke. I knew he got it, but I also knew he was a wonderful actor when he wanted or needed to be. A lot of sociopaths are.
"Enough conversation, Cynric," I said. "Just tell us what's going on."
"Anita, please use my name."
"That is your name."
"Then use the nickname I prefer."
I sighed and made it a big one, but finally said, "Fine, Sin. I wish you at least spelled it C-Y-N."
"You know that everyone mispronounced it that way."
"I know, I know. They kept calling you Cindy, Sidney, or Sid."
"Or Carol, Karen, Carl, or Candy--that was my favorite when I was spelling it C-Y-N."
"Fine. Sin, spelled just like it sounds. What's up?" I said, but didn't try to keep the crankiness out of my voice.
His expression went from stubborn to his own version of cranky. He was a very handsome guy, but not in this mood. A lot of men in my life, and women, would have given it up by now, but Cynric--sorry, Sin--had a streak of stubbornness and determination that gave mine a run for its money, which was saying something.
"Nicky is going with Anita to Ireland along with three vampires. If he donates blood to Jean-Claude now, he won't be able to donate again for a couple of days. The same for Anita and the ardeur, but I can feed her and donate blood to Jean-Claude now and leave Nicky fresh for later."
"You make Nicky sound like a tomato that'll spoil if we squeeze it too much," I said.
Sin shrugged. "Isn't that pretty accurate?"
Nicky chuckled low and deep in his chest.
I looked at him. "Is that how we make you feel, like an object?"
The smile was still showing in his face as he said, "No, but then we're in love with each other, and when you feed, the sex is part of our relationship."
Jean-Claude said, "And do I make you feel like a piece of food rather than a person?"
Nicky shook his head. "You make me feel like prey sometimes, but never just food."
"I do not see you as prey, Nicky."
"Maybe prey is the wrong word. What do you call someone that you're trying to seduce?"
Jean-Claude looked surprised, which could have been totally pretend, but I didn't think so, or maybe I didn't want to think so.
"I swear to you, Nicky, that I have not tried to seduce you when you allowed me to feed."
Nicky studied the vampire's face for a minute, then turned to me. "Has he been trying?"
"To seduce you?"
He nodded.
"No, I mean, not really. Jean-Claude is very sensual in almost everything he does, and he treats taking blood as important. He never makes it fast food, if you know what I mean."
"You donate your life's blood to keep me alive and well. How can I treat it as anything but a sacred sharing?"
"Sacred sharing, I like it," I said.
"Are you just going to ignore my suggestion?" Sin asked.
"I think we were hoping you'd rethink it," I said.
"Why?"
"I have never taken blood from you, neveu, and I would not start now."
"Why not?"
"You do not understand what you are asking of me."
"I've donated blood to Echo."
"You are her lover and her wife's lover. I call you neveu. It means 'nephew' and I use the word very deliberately, Sin."
Sin nodded. "I know, you use it to remind yourself that I am your beloved nephew, the prince to your king, not a romantic partner."
"If you know all that, then how can you offer yourself to me like this?"
"I'm not offering to have sex with you, Jean-Claude, just give blood."
"It's never just blood with Jean-Claude," I said, studying his face. I could have lowered my shields and understood what he was actually feeling, or even thinking, because I could share both with my animals to call, but I didn't try to get emotionally closer. Until I found out where this was going and why, I wasn't sure I wanted Sin inside my head that far.
"I know he can take blood without messing with my head; any vampire can."
"But then it is just pain," Jean-Claude said.
"I'm okay with that," Sin said.
"I am not."
Sin looked at the vampire then. "What do you mean?"
"I have worked long and hard to bring myself to a point where I have so many people in my life that I care for who willingly give their life's blood to me. I do not have to take blood where I can find it, Sin, but where I want it."
"I want to be seriously considered for the commitment ceremony."
"We are aware of that, neveu."
"I kept asking why I wasn't being seriously considered, and finally someone told me it was because you saw me as a beloved nephew and you don't marry your nephew."
Jean-Claude gave that wonderful Gallic shrug, though it's more graceful than that sounds. It was a gesture that meant everything and nothing, but he looked good doing it. It seemed a very French gesture.
"It's not just Jean-Claude, Sin," I said. "Micah doesn't know what to do with you either."
"But he sleeps in the bed with you, Nathaniel, and me. We've all had sex with you in bed at the same time."
"That's true, but he still doesn't call you a brother-husband."
"I asked Micah before he left town, and he said if everyone else agreed, he wouldn't fight it."
"You have been a busy bee, haven't you?" I said, and again the crankiness was back. I tried not to have issues with Sin, but I did.
"I am sorry, neveu, but I will not agree to putting a ring on your finger. That is not the relationship we have, or want."
"Nicky donates blood to you and he's not your lover."
"That is true, but you have already heard him accuse me of attempting to seduce him when I have not tried. I am of a line of vampires that takes power from sensual things, sexual things, and the emotions that such things engender in people
. I am proud of you as an uncle or even a father might be. I cannot think of you as that and then hold you in my arms while I sink fangs into your flesh and suck a little piece of your life away."
A moment of doubt crossed Sin's face, but he shook his head. "I value our relationship, Jean-Claude. I like being the young prince to your king, but I don't want to lose my place with Anita and the others."
"Nothing is threatening your place with us," I said.
He shook his head again. "You've already cut some of your other tigers out of your life as lovers and food for the ardeur, Anita."
"If I tried to sleep regularly with everyone I was connected to metaphysically, the people at the core of my life wouldn't see much of me."
"Am I a part of that core, Anita?"
I took a breath and wanted to say something else, but I said the truth. "Yes."
"Then why do you keep pulling away from me?"
"We talked about this, Sin."
"I can't change the fact that I'm only nineteen, or that you're twelve years older than I am."
"I know that," I said.
"Do you?"
"Yes, I do."
"Then why do you punish me for it?"
"I don't punish you for it."
"Even I'm going to agree with the kid on this one, Anita," Nicky said.
I glared at him. "I thought you were designed to keep me happy, especially with you. Just so we're clear, this is not me being happy with you."
He looked at me. "I'm supposed to help keep you happy."
"That would be my point."
"When you're not all weird about Sin, he's part of what keeps you happy. Do you know why he was with me when they gave me Jean-Claude's message?"
It felt like Nicky had changed topics, but I said, "Of course I don't know that. Are you changing topics?"
"Sin and I were talking about what he'll be making for dinner since Nathaniel will be in Ireland tonight and he's the main cook for our poly group. Sin thought that through and came to me with a plan."
I looked from one to the other of them. "That's great," I said.
"Sin and I sous chef for Nathaniel most of the time, or cook some of the dishes."
"I know that."
"Then why do you seem so surprised that we're talking about meal planning while Nathaniel is out of town?"
"I guess we're taking most of the people you cook for."
"It's our night at the Jefferson County house with Zeke, Gina, and Chance. They'll be expecting us and we always cook when we're there."
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